Crazy
by KissingFire
Summary: Clary never considered herself crazy. But when she finally gets shipped off to an asylum, full of psychos who want to kill her, Clary needs to learn how to survive, and how to avoid the gorgeous, yet insane, pyro. M for some violence and language. OOC&AU
1. Chapter 1

**So, new story. One that's been bugging me FOREVER. *eye twitch***

**Erm, I know it says 'Horror' but I didn't mean like, ya know, _zombie _horror, or anything. Mostly just really disturbing, occasionaly gory, scenes. **

**Um, WARNING: You may be a little pissy about it, but Simon's OOC. And it's rated M for a reason. Sexual harassment, language...And I'll tell you the chapters it happens.**

**Disclaimer: Cassie owns the characters. I just make 'em crazy. ;)**

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><p><strong>Clary<strong>

**The Fat Dude**

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><p>"You know, that man is probably cheating on his wife." Simon pointed at a short, frankly fat, rich-looking man. The idiot was wearing a <em>tuxedo <em>in a coffee house. Not even a business outfit. A green, velvet-looking tuxedo.

I took a sip from my black coffee. Straight up black. No cream, no sugar. It makes me feel more natural. Plus, I feel bad for cows when I drink cream. Nobody got permission to pull at the cows' titties, just for the greed of mankind.

Simon hates cows. He told me that hamburgers are made from cows.

I stopped eating hamburgers when I was five.

Simon poked my arm. "Hey, Clary."

I looked away from the rich/fat-dude. He was hitting on the barista. I don't like knowing when men are cheating on their wives. Ignorance is better.

Yeah. Ignorance is bliss.

"What?"

Simon grinned at me, looking a little evil. "You see that fat dude?"

I rolled my eyes. Boys. Love hearing themselves talk, I think. "We were just talking about the fat dude, Si."

Weird looks were shot my way, but I ignored them. _Ignorance is bliss. Scorn and pity is obnoxious._

"Well, you know what he just said to that hot chick?"

I shifted in my seat. I'd known Simon since I was four. He was like a big brother, best friend, and dad rolled into one. But when he got "freaky"...On more than one occasion my mother had found me hiding the broom closet.

"What did he say?" If it was something dirty, I didn't want to hear it. Dirty words, like "dick" and "fuck" made my skin crawl. It was some of the many things my daddy used to say.

Simon leaned forward. Silly boy. Nobody would hear him, anyway. "He asked her if she had a boyfriend."

I frowned over my mug. "And?"

"He said if she didn't, she could go. If she did..." He shrugged. "He wanted to take her into the backroom and-"

I clapped my hands over my ears. "La la la la la," I screamed at the top of my lungs. "I can't HEAR YOU."

"Excuse me." A man sitting in a booth behind me tapped my shoulder.

I turned around, and smiled at him. "Hello," I said, waving. He looked nice.

He edged away, a bit. I frowned, hurt. Was he scared of me? _Why was he scared of me?_

"Um..." he cleared his throat. "I was wondering where your parents are." He narrowed his eyes. "You look kind of young. And you aren't exactly acting...your age in a public place."

Simon scoffed. "Tell him to piss off, Clary." He sneered. "That little shit can't tell you what to do."

I scowled at him. "None of your business," I snapped. "So piss off." I turned back to Simon. "That was rude of me," I whispered. Then I turned back to tap the man's shoulder.

"What?" Simon slapped his forehead. "No! Don't apologize..."

_Don't apologize. They never do, so why should you?_

"What do you want?" The man, who I thought looked nice, was looking very ugly, at the moment. His nose was lumpy. His ears were lopsided. His mouth was thin-like fish lips. And I think his mole had a hair in it.

"Nothing." I turned back to look at Simon. "Why would he cheat on his wife like that?"

Simon sighed. "Because people are like that. You can't trust 'em." He pointed at the fat guy. "Him, for example. Rich, married, most likely has a kid, at his age. Yet he throws it away, for a few minutes of pleasure."

I looked at the fat guy, picturing him with devil horns, and a goatee. A sobbing woman, maybe a blonde lady, because blondes are pretty, behind him, wondering why she wasn't good enough. _Why wasn't she enough?_

"He's ugly."

Simon nodded. "Yeah. And the sad thing is, he's never going to stop."

I rolled my eyes. "Of course he will. People can change."

Simon shook his head. "I love how innocent you are. But, people like him never change."

I was careful not to scream "La la la" again, instead, I settled for drinking my black coffee.

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><p>Simon held my hand when we got up to leave the cafe, because I liked having my hand held. I liked to be touched, in a friendly way. I wonder what a hug would feel like. I closed my eyes, imagining coffee. With sugar and cream. It'd be sweet and warm. Hugs are like sweet coffee, I decided. Simon never hugged me. My mother never did. And I never asked my father for a hug.<p>

"Red." I looked over my shoulder, and felt disgust trickle through me. It was the fat guy. The fat, rich guy. The fat, rich guy, who cheated on his wife. Constantly.

"What do you want, cheater?" I snarled, giving him my best tiger glare; Lips curled to reveal my teeth, eyes squinched. Simon told me I looked terrifying, my dad slapped me and told me to stop sassing. My mom thought I looked pathetic.

The fat guy wasn't impressed by my tiger glare, either. He smiled at me, sweetly. "Can I get you a cup of coffee?"

I rolled my eyes. "I just had coffee."

His smile faded. "Well, do you want to go for a walk?"

I thought about it. Simon was shaking his head at me. "Don't do it, Clary," he warned. "This guy is bad news."

I looked at the fat guy. "Will you hug me?"

He looked at me. "I love that act you've got, going on," he purred, and I was worried for a second he may have had a hairball lodged in his throat. Yuck. I hated hairballs. "All innocent. Stupid. Like a little girl."

I frowned. I wasn't stupid. And I was _not _a little girl. "I'll have you know," I huffed. "That I am fifteen. Not a little girl."

He shrugged. "Have it your way. Now, about this walk..." He grabbed my arm, and pulled me out.

"Clary..." Simon crossed his arms. "If he does something inappropriate, I'm gonna say I told ya so."

I shrugged. The fat guy seemed harmless. A jerk, definitely. But I mean, what was the worse he could do?

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><p>"So, you're a virgin?"<p>

I blinked, and looked over at the fat guy, who was looking at me in a way that made me want to run and hide. Like I was food, or something like that.

And who asked something like that? Was it his business whether I was a virgin or not?

"Why do you care?" I asked, putting my hands in the pockets of the jacket I'd found in my daddy's closet the other night, when I'd been hiding in there. It was warm, and came down past my knees. It felt like a blanky, wrapped around me. Kind of like protection.

He looked at me, then pulled me over to stand in front of a brick wall, and stood in front of me.

It looked like he was _blocking _me, but I just figured I was being paranoid.

"I want to know." He scowled at me. "Now it's a simple question; Are you a virgin, or not?"

My back was pressed against the bricks. Ouch. I wanted to slap him, but I couldn't do that. I mean, why should I hit him over no reason?

He began talking some more, but my eyes slid over his shoulder, and I waved at the green elephant that was standing in the middle of the street. _I hope nobody crashes into him. _But who could hit an elephant? It waved back at me with it's trunk, and I giggled. It looked so silly.

"What the hell is your deal?" He shoved my shoulders. "What are you, crazy? Talking to yourself gets you enough attention, don't you think?"

I frowned at him. "Don't touch me like that." Only my daddy could hit me. And I didn't even like it when he did, either.

He sneered at me. "I can touch you however I want to." He slapped a hand on one of my boobs, and chuckled. "If I want to hit you here, I will."

I felt my hands beginning to sweat, and my breathing quickened. I decided that I did not enjoy being touched like that. It felt very violating, and I just didn't like it.

"Please don't touch me," I whispered, bringing my arms up to cover my chest. Even Daddy's jacket couldn't protect me from him. "I don't want you touching me."

He laughed. "You don't? Then I bet you won't like this-"

He reached down, and slapped me..._there._

I screamed, and slapped him, raking my nails down his cheek.

"You little bitch!" He hit me, his hand slapping my face. "I didn't say you could touch me, did I?"

I didn't answer, feeling myself trembling.

Simon was right. He wasn't going to stop. He wasn't going to change. Not even when I asked him to, he kept touching me. I slid my hand up Daddy's jacket, into one of his inside pockets.

Fat guy noticed. "You get off by being hit?" He shook his head. "You little slut. Should've known-"

I pulled my switchblade out, clicking the little button so that the blade popped out.

He scoffed. "Seriously? You think you can hurt me with that?"

I raised the knife with a shaky hand, and stared him, straight in the eyes. "Are you going to leave me alone?"

"I told you, I'll do whatever I want with you."

I felt disappointed. I'd honestly hoped he would apologize.

"I'm sorry you feel that way." I swung the knife at him, shoving it deep into his stomach. It jiggled as he bled, like it was shaking out the blood.

I stepped away, because there was _so much blood. _On my hands, my sneakers, the ripped cuffs of my jeans...I pulled the switchblade out, because I figured it'd be uncomfortable to have a knife sticking out of your bellybutton.

I wiped away the sweat on my face, leaving streaks of scarlet as I did.

Simon walked up to me, his expression a mix of pride and disgust. "Serves him right." He looked up at me. "You alright?"

I shrugged. The fat guy was dead. I should be heartbroken. I'd just killed a man.

Oddly enough, I just felt indifferent about it.

The elephant let out a triumphant trumpeting sound.

I giggled, painting a bloody smiley face on the fat guy's green velvet tuxedo. So pretty. I decided I would very much enjoy to have his jacket.

I tugged it off him, kicking his body off me when he flopped onto my toes.

I pulled of Daddy's jacket, and replaced it with the green velvet jacket.

It was a little damp with blood, but I felt beautiful, wearing something so luxurious. "How do I look?"

Simon grinned at me. Freaky Simon vanished, and replaced with Sweet Simon. "Absolutely gorgeous."

* * *

><p>"So you...killed Hodge Starkfeather?" The officer looked at me, his partner had her hand on her gun.<p>

I nodded, sticking the lollipop that the sweet secretary had given me when some hysterical woman found me with the dead body of, apparently, Hodge, into my mouth. Hodge. What a peculiar name.

"Er..." He looked over at his partner, who just shrugged. "Tell me, Miss..."

"Fray. Clary Fray." I smiled at me, showing all my teeth. "And sir, I have to say, I love that picture you have of your wife." I pointed at his desk, with the smiling blonde woman he was kissing. "She's ravishing. I always thought blondes were attractive, you know."

He cleared his throat. "She isn't my wife."

I glanced down at his hand. He had a wedding ring...

If Simon were in here, I'd have him slap that cheating jerk.

"You have issues, kid." The partner straightened from where she was leaning against the wall. "You killed a man. Do you feel any regret for that? Or do you just not care at all?"

I shrugged. "He was nice. But then he started touching me..." I leaned forward. "And touched my private parts. It was very rude of him, don't you think?"

The officer rubbed at his eyes. "Ms. Leigh tells us that you were...delirious on the way here. Were you sick before you attacked Starkfeather?"

I shook my head. "No." I looked down at the bloody smile, beginning to dry. The smile looked sad, from this angle. "Are my parents here?"

The officer took a deep breath. "Miss Fray...You aren't going home."

I blinked, and lifted my knees to my chest. To make myself seem smaller. "Why?" Did my parents not want me anymore? I mean, they've kicked me out, before. But they'd always taken me back in.

"We want to help you, Miss Fray. We know just the place that will do just the trick."

I frowned at him. "But I don't need any help."

"We believe, from the notes we've taken, that you're sick."

Sick? I was healthy. Aside from my poor diet, and more bruises and broken bones than I can remember, I haven't been sick in...A long time.

"I'm not sick," I informed him. "I have perfect health. I've never had to see a doctor, I'm that healthy."

He sighed. "Trust me, Miss Fray. You're lucky. If you weren't...ah, sick, you'd probably be in a heap of trouble."

They took my switchblade. So I couldn't leave. Not to mention, I started feeling kind of guilty about the whole thing.

"Where am I going?"

He stood up. "You'll see, Miss Fray."

I tiger-snarled at him.

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><p>I didn't like this place.<p>

Nope. Not a bit.

They let me keep the tux, saying that I probably needed a little color to cheer me up.

But the building they brought me to...It reminded me of scary movies. Like haunted mansions.

Or, in this case, a haunted asylum.

I climbed out, shoving my hands into the pockets of the jacket, and smiled gratefully at the driver who carried my little bag, which contained the small amount of things I owned; A teddy bear, the only thing I ever got close to hugging, a sketchpad, a pencil, and a hairbrush.

He flinched at my smile, and I frowned. He kept his distance as we walked up the steps to the building.

The door opened before I could knock, and a tall, skinny boy with glitter in his hair and makeup covering his face, swung open the door.

"You're the new kid," he told me, eyes narrowing.

The driver dropped my bag, and ran down the stairs.

"Thank you for letting me listen to the radio," I yelled after him. Seriously, what a nice guy. I never got to play with the radio.

Simon appeared next to me. "That dude looks freaky," he murmured.

I didn't care. "I like your glitter," I told him.

He grinned at me, looking like one of the stray cats I'd used to sneak food out to, until Daddy found out where all his beer and cheese was disappearing to, and shot all three of them. "I like my sparkles, too." He gave me a once over. "I love that tux," he said, nodding at my jacket. "What designer is it?"

I shrugged. "I dunno. I took it off a dead body."

He laughed. "Another killer, eh?" He reached his hand out, and I slid my hand into his. "Me and you will get along just fine, New Girl."

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><p>"Now," the boy, who told me his name was Magnus, said. "You need to be careful, in this place."<p>

"Because it's full of crazy people, right?"

He looked at me. "You're crazy, if you're here," he said. "But what I was saying is, we don't like newbies. Especially specific people." He shrugged his bony shoulders. "So if someone jumps out of a closet, or follows you into the bathroom, and snaps your neck, it's nothing new."

"Oh." I frowned. "But you're nice to me."

Magnus threw an arm around my shoulders. "Yeah. But that's because you complimented me."

Simon snickered. "I'll bet that doesn't happen often."

I shot him a dirty look. "Shh." I liked Magnus. And I liked Simon, too, but he could be a real meanie.

Magnus didn't give me a weird look when I shushed someone he couldn't see. The people here must really be crazy.

"So...Anybody got killed because they were new?"

Magnus snorted. "Of course. Especially the weirdos."

Huh. "Why are you here?"

He shook his head. "I can gurantee if you ask anybody that, they won't hesitate to murder you."

"Offensive question, huh? But don't they take weapons away when you first get here?"

He shrugged. "Well, when you've lived here long enough, you learn that you don't need weapons." He got a dark look in his eyes. "Strangled with the yo-yo string. Pushed down the stairs. Punched in the throat."

"That's awful."

"But, to answer your question..." He pulled me closer to him, and bent over, because he was more than twice my height. "I'm here for murder, too."

For some reason, I still wasn't scared of him. Probably because he reminded me of a kitten.

"When am I going to meet everyone?" Truthfully, I was more scared of how that was going to happen.

Magnus raised an eyebrow. "Right now."

Someone dropped-literally _dropped-_in front of me, landing neatly on the balls of their feet.

I jumped back, and stared at the tall, beautiful girl standing in front of me. Her inky hair was in two plaits, and she was looking at me with raised eyebrows. "Newbie?"

"I'm Clary." I held my hand out. "You're very pretty."

She blinked, and took my hand. "I'm Isabelle. You're very...Short?"

Well, that's nice of her to say. If it was a compliment...

Magnus wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "Clary, Isabelle. Isabelle, don't scare Clary." Isabelle snapped her head at Magnus. "She's my friend," he defended. "If you push her out a window, like last time, I'll have Jace go after you."

Isabelle paled at the name "Jace", and she shook her head. "Whatever." She looked down at me. "I'll see you later, I guess. Freak." She leaped away, crawling nimbly up the walls, and disappearing.

I clapped. "Wow, how did she-?"

Magnus gave a snort. "I think she's here because she thinks she's a spider, or some weird shit like that." He pulled me gently further down the hall.

"Hey, Magnus?"

"Yeah?"

"Who's Jace?"

Magnus stopped, and looked at me. "He's not someone you want to mess with, I'll tell you that."

"Oh." That wasn't very helpful. I touched his elbow. "Is he-is he not nice?"

He grinned. "Not nice? You could call him that."

I made a whining noise. "You're a hard nut to crack, you know it?"

Magnus sighed. "If I tell you, promise not to tell him I told you?"

"Why, are you friends?"

He shook his head. "Hell, no. We just have a mutual agreement."

"So...?"

"He's a pyro." Magnus shrugged. "He doesn't really make it a secret...He's blown up so many beds, it isn't even funny."

I giggled. "Did he blow up your bed?"

Magnus sighed. "No. He did blow up a newbie's bed once. With the newb in it."

I winced. "He doesn't sound very...welcoming."

Magnus nodded. "Which is why I'd appreciate if you stayed away from him, for now."

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><p>We ate dinner on the floor, in a circle with the other people who lived here.<p>

They ignored me. When I waved at Isabelle, she didn't look at me.

Magnus elbowed me. "People can't know she talked to you," he explained. "Otherwise she gets the same treatment."

I nodded. "Oh. So she's not trying to hurt my feelings."

"Of course not. I'd kick her ass if she was."

"Thanks, Magnus." I laid my head on his shoulder, and everyone in the circle froze, staring at me.

"You aren't supposed to touch anybody," he whispered from the corner of his mouth.

But he didn't shrug me off, so I didn't take my head off him, or remove my arm from around his waist. A half-hug. It was nice. Not as nice as a real hug, but it was a start.

"Finally got a girl, Magnus?" A silky voice broke through the silent room. "Alec not good enough for you?"

Magnus scowled. "Piss off, Wayland."

I frowned, and lifted my head, looking for whoever had spoken to Magnus like that.

Everyone avoided my gaze, except for a boy, who was staring straight at me, defiantly.

He was blonde.

His eyes were yellow, and while Magnus reminded me of a wild kitten, he reminded me of a lion.

He had a scar that cut across his right eyebrow, which was raised as he stared at me, his narrow mouth quirked at a private joke. I also noticed more scars, peeking out from beneath his shirt and long black sleeves.

"I don't blame you the least, Maggie," the boy, Wayland, chuckled. "She's cute. Even with that ugly jacket."

I scowled. "Excuse me?" I plucked at the hem of my tux. "But this is my absolute favorite jacket, and if you don't like it, shut up!"

Magnus face-palmed himself.

Wayland grinned, slowly. "Little girl, you think you can tell me what to do?"

I swallowed. He had a really, really attractive smile. He was really pretty, too. Kind of like an angel.

I lifted my chin. "What are you going to do about it if I do?"

The people surrounding us were murmuring, eyes glancing back-and-forth between us.

Wayland shrugged. "Whatever I think you deserve," he said, his voice dangerously soft. I wasn't scared of him, though. I think he was bluffing.

"What do I deserve?" I crossed my arms.

His eyes raked slowly, ever so slowly, up and down my body. "You deserve to be well and thoroughly-"

"Jace," Magnus cut in, his teeth gritted. "You will not touch her."

Oh. I turned red when I heard Wayland's first name come out of Magnus's mouth. This boy, this gorgeous boy, was the person Magnus wanted me to avoid.

Jace smirked, but his eyes didn't leave mine. "I never said I was going to touch her."

Magnus opened his mouth. "You just said that-"

"I said," Jace cut him off smoothly. "That she deserved to be well and thoroughly _burned. _Don't assume that every girl I see is automatically a victim of my charm."

Magnus's lips tightened. "You're a real douche. You know that?"

Jace just simply smiled at him, the way his eyes darted back to me, was predatorial.

I looked away from him. I didn't like being confused. I didn't like how fast my heart was beating. I felt nervous. What was wrong with me?

"_She _doesn't seem to think so," Jace pointed out, his golden eyes flickering over my face. I looked down at my lap, fingering the green velvet. Looking anywhere but at him.

"_She _doesn't know what you're capable of," Magnus said, his voice tight. "Stop looking at her."

Jace didn't look away from me. I don't even think I wanted him to stop looking at me, either.

Isabelle decided to interrupt, by making a fierce growling noise at Jace. She crawled over to where he was sitting, a little outside of the large circle, and bit his shoulder.

He swore, and detatched his arm from between her teeth, and shoved her roughly away. "Stop acting like a fucking animal, Izzy," he hissed.

She made a snarling noise, her expression by far more impressive than my tiger-snarl.

I looked at Magnus. "Is she alright?"

He shrugged. "She gets like this, sometimes." He looked at Isabelle, who slithered across the floor and towards a small, black, curvy girl. "You should've seen her when she thought she was a horse. I don't think I've ever seen someone flip her hair so much."

I frowned. "Why are you so mean to Jace? And who's Alec?"

Magnus sighed, and patted my hand. "Alec's my boyfriend," he said. "He's in the hospital wing. Took a nasty fall when Isabelle, who's actually his sister, thought she was a bird and he tried to stop her from trying to fly."

I looked at Jace. "Jace seems alright," I lied. He wasn't alright. He was making my stomach feel as if I'd swallowed a bucket full of butterfiles. And I wanted him to keep looking at me, but he wasn't, anymore. He was talking to some other guy, not even glancing my way.

Magnus wrinkled his nose. "Jace seems that way to girls. And that never turned out well."

"How did it turn out?"

Magnus leaned forward. "He blew them up."

My eyes widened. "Why isn't he in trouble? If he killed somebody, shouldn't he be in jail?"

Magnus laughed. "Verlac doesn't care as long as the police don't find out." He squeezed my shoulder. "And since I can't follow you everywhere-Alec might get jealous-do me a favor and sleep with one eye open."

I swallowed the lump in my throat, glancing around the circle. These people, some were little kids, some were teenagers like me; They were crazy. Crazier than me.

And according to Magnus, they wanted to kill me.

I looked at Jace. He turned, slightly, and winked slyly at me.

I blushed, before remembering Magnus's warning. I wrapped my jacket tighter around my torso, and turned my head pointedly away. I could sense his surprise at my rebuff, before his expression turned to one of determination.

_That couldn't be good._

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><p><strong>Sorry this chapter was so long. : I couldn't figure out where to end it, because I wanted Jace to be in there, a little.**

**-Yes, Jace is a pyromaniac.**

**-And yes, he has killed people. On purpose.**

**-I don't know if all chapters are going to be this long.**

**-Clary seems chilidish. She's crazy, and was beaten for the majority of her life; That's why she's immature-ish.**

**-Magnus is with Alec. He just feels protective over Clary.**

**-Review**


	2. Chapter 2

**I give you chapter two. *bows***

**And since the reviewer was anonymous, and I couldn't reply: Yes, Simon is just one of Clary's hallucinations.**

**This chapter's M for: Some language, and descriptive gore. Tsk tsk, Jace. *shakes head***

**Disclaimer: Cassie owns these characters. I just make 'em crazy. ;)**

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><p><strong>Clary<strong>

**Not Welcome**

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><p>Magnus looked unwilling to let me walk myself to my room, but a tall, handsome boy with dark hair and bright eyes, gave me the stink eye and pointedly looked away from Magnus, leading him to leave me and hurry over to the boy, who I'm guessing was Alec.<p>

Isabelle followed me.

She started out by crawling, her movements elegant and wild, like a cat's.

"Aren't you going to walk with me?" I asked, coming to a stop. "I don't know the way."

Isabelle sniffed my calf. Then gave my skin a quick nip.

"Ow." I sighed. "Where's your room at?"

She gave a tiny growl, and slid past me, her long nails making scratching noises against the wooden floor as she scrambled gracefully up the circular staircase.

Simon wrapped his arms around my waist. "She's pretty," he commented. "I wonder if she licks herself."

I didn't know if his comment meant to be nasty or genuine curiousity, so I shrugged. "You think she wants me to follow her?" Isabelle came to a stop on the twelfth stair, and turned to stare at me in a crouch.

"You should follow her, anyway." Simon squinted his eyes. "Better follow the hot weirdo than any of the other crazies here."

"Don't be mean," I chastised him, lifting my bag over my shoulder and starting up the staircase. "I'm a crazy, too, you know."

Simon shrugged noncommittally. "I don't see you blowing anybody up or licking your private parts."

I ignored him, and followed Isabelle up the never ending flights of stairs, until we finally reached the story she seemed content with. "Is this it?" I asked as she rubbed her head lovingly against one of the many doors, purring.

She batted her hands at the doorknob, until it swung open, and she frog-jumped inside.

The room was dingy looking. One bed sat in the corner, and it looked tiny, with metal bars running along the side, I guess to keep me from rolling off in my sleep. The bedsheet had holes in every stitch, and the pillow was no better. Moths had either eaten it beyond recognition, or it'd been shredded by fingernails.

I went with the moth idea, however unlikely it was.

I tossed my bag in the corner, and sat down on the bed, wincing at how it squeaked and popped under my weight. I hope it didn't up and collapse while I slept.

Isabelle frog-jumped over to the other side of the room, and curled into a little ball on the floor.

_I guess she didn't want a bed. _I fell back against the mattress, and closed my eyes. The bed was incredibly comfortable, even with the springs poking through the fabric and into my back, even though I felt incredibly itchy as soon as I'd laid back, and even though I heard the goosebump-raising noise of mice scampering across the floor.

I closed my eyes, and willed myself to fall asleep. I was terrified of the dark. It was unwelcoming, and anything could be lurking in those shadows, just waiting for the right moment-

Isabelle jumped to her feet, a feral shriek piercing the air.

I blinked and bolted up.

"Clary," Simon's voice was tight. "Don't move until I say so."

I couldn't see anything, only Isabelle, in her pearly white gown, her dark eyes darting around our dark room. _"Show yourself," _she hissed, her shoulderblades visibly raised through the thin lace.

Someone stepped out of the shadows, a knife poised threatningly. "Isabelle," the boy crooned, his voice thick with a Spanish accent. _"Hermosa chica, _I do not want to hurt you. Only the _intrusa perra." _

Isabelle jumped onto my bed, causing me to squeak and pull my legs back, hugging them to my chest.

"You will not touch her," Isabelle sneered, sounding more human than I'd seen her, aside from when I'd first met her. "You will not harm my friend."

_"Su amigo?" _The handsome boy chuckled. "Isabelle, this girl is not welcome here. You know that. We must get rid of any _amenazas_."

I shuddered, watching as the moonlight bouncing off the silver blade, making it look even more sharper and deadlier. _Why does he want to kill me? _I wondered. _What's so wrong with me that everyone wants to get rid of me?_

"I told you the people here were nutballs," Simon muttered. "Fuck. I can't believe this asshole didn't get killed off when _he _first came here."

"Raphael, put the knife down." Isabelle raised a hand, prepared to strike. "Or I will kill you."

The boy, Raphael shook his head. "My sweet little _chica._" He sighed. "I regret doing this, I assure you."

A scream tore out of my throat, watching as his knife plowed down, slicing down Isabelle's cheek.

She snarled, leaping up and attatched herself to his face, biting and scratching, raking her nails down his face and shirt, kicking against his stomach and groin.

_"Joder!" _Raphael yelled, tripping backwards, dropping his knife. Isabelle didn't stop her assault, and I gasped as her teeth tore at his neck, and watched in horror as a thick trail of blood trickled down his dark skin.

_"Joder, _get this _perra loca _off me! _Dios! Ayuda!"_

I slid out of my bed. Simon reached over, grabbing my wrist. "Don't, Clary," he whispered. "You'll get hurt if you try to stop them."

Ignoring his warning, I crept over to where Raphael had dropped his knife, and picked it up, sliding it in the pocket of my green tux. I wasn't worried about Isabelle; She seemed to be fine. And Raphael...I couldn't exactly feel sorry for someone who'd just tried to kill me, now, could I?

_"Suficiente!" _Raphael barked out, shoving Isabelle violently off him, and she dropped to the floor in a crouch, not fazed.

My eyes widened; He looked awful. His face was cut up and bleeding, his right eye swollen shut. And that nasty bite on his neck continued to bleed, and it looked as if he was missing a large chunk of skin, there.

"You look simply terrible," I told him. "Maybe you should go to the hospital wing. In case you have an infection."

Raphael's face stretched into a maniacal grin. "It is not I who will be in the _ala del hospital, chica." _His hand drifted to his pocket, and his eyes widened in surprise when he realized his knife was not there. "What-?"

I though of what he'd been planning on doing to me. Carving my face? Stabbing me until all was left of me was a bloodless sack, a human version of Swiss cheese?

Raphael scowled. "Where did you put my knife, _perra?" _He demanded in a hoarse voice. "Give it to me."

Isabelle threw her head back and howled.

I crossed by arms, scooting back in my bed till my back was pressed against the metal bars. "Finders keepers," I retorted, weakly. "It's mine, now."

Raphael barked out a laugh. "I think not, you little _puta-"_

The door to mine and Isabelle's bedroom swung open, and Jace walked in, his sleepy face exhausted and angry.

...He was also shirtless.

I turned bright red, looking away. I'd never seen a boy-Jace was no boy, obviously-much less a man half-naked before. It was...attractive, and a bunch of other words that made me feel disgusted at myself for even thinking them.

He truly was beautiful: The scars that marred his skin, cutting through his abdomen and chest, just made him even more handsome, more real.

He looked at Raphael, his face expressionless. "Are you here to tuck in the new girl, Santiago?" He asked, his voice flat and uninterested. But the muscles around his mouth and jaw were visibly tense, and I wondered what was upsetting him.

Raphael sneered. "You know what I'm here for, Wayland," he spat out. Or maybe he was just spitting out blood, from where Isabelle had scratched his gums and ripped out a tooth.

Jace raised an eyebrow, and nodded once. "You were going to kill her." It wasn't a question. Just knowing how obvious it was, how close I'd been to being killed, made me shudder.

He noticed. "Are you cold?"

I shook my head, shivering again, this time from the sound of his husky voice, directed at _me. _

Jace didn't look like he believed me. "Button up your fuckin' jacket, little girl," he ordered. "You'll freeze. This hellhole doesn't have a heater." He looked back at Raphael, sneering in disgust at his state. "You should know better than to come between Isabelle and her toys, Santiago."

Raphael glared at him. "Since when did you side with _novatos_, Wayland?" He demanded. "The last one...You had no problem carving a pretty little _foto _in the little _chica's _face. Or _quema_ her alive."

Jace shrugged. "Who said I wasn't going to burn this one, either?"

Simon made a disgusted noise at the back of his throat. "That Wayland dude has some issues," he murmured. "I agree with Magnus. Stay away from him."

I knew what he was saying. But I didn't want to leave Jace alone, even though he enjoyed blowing things up, or burning people alive. There was something about him...

I wondered what his hugs felt like. Maybe like his fire, burning. Warm. Violent and protective at the same time.

"In fact..." Jace smirked, and walked over to where I was curled up. He bent down, since he was maybe six feet tall, and trailed a long slender finger down my cheek, leaving a burning fire in its wake.

I felt my face turn red, and wondered if he could hear how loud and fast my heart was beating.

"I would really enjoy melting this pretty face," Jace whispered, his warm breath washing over my face. His scent was surrounding me, clouding my senses; He smelled like fire. Burning wood. Sunshine. Lemons. "Watching those freckles burn off. Those green eyes full of terror..." Jace backed away, laughing coldly. "What the fuck?" He shook his head. "Little girl, you don't belong here."

I blinked, dazed. How strange. I don't think that'd ever happened to me before. The effect he had on me...It was scary. But I craved it.

"I-I do," I said, my voice more timid than I'd planned it being. I wanted to show Jace that I wasn't scared of him. But I was. I was terrifed. "Everyone said so."

A purple cricket jumped on my lap, and I flinched, swatting it off. It made an annoyed noise, and jumped off, landing on Simon's face. He swore irratibly, and slapped at it. I giggled. He slapped his own face.

Ew. I made a face. The smooshed purple cricket started oozing black blood. Simon looked positively disgusting.

"What are you laughing at? Freak." Raphael was on his knees, scrabbling at the floor, looking for his missing tooth.

"Shut it, Santiago." Jace turned back to look at me, his lion eyes curious. "You don't belong here, little girl. You won't last a week."

"I will." I lifted my chin. "I won't die. Raphael just doesn't like me."

Jace raised an eyebrow. "Nobody likes you. Except for Magnus." Isabelle hissed. "And Isabelle." Jace squinted at me. "But they can't protect you forever, cutie. Who can save you, when your skin melts off your skin? When Raphael corners you in a room, and stabs you to death?"

I felt my hands beginning to shake, the images violently assaulting my mind. I could just see it...Jace, pinning me to the floor, soaking my hair and clothes with gasoline, and lighting me on fire.

_Who could save me then?_

"Are you threatening to kill me?" I asked.

Jace made a humming noise. "It isn't a threat if I plan on doing it, cutie."

I paled. "I'll live," I promised. "You can't kill me. You won't be able to do it. I don't care what they say."

He laughed. Disbelieving. "You don't believe that I'd kill you?"

"You aren't that horrible."

Jace shrugged. "I'll prove it to you, then."

I wanted to ask _how? _but I really didn't want to know the answer.

He looked away from me. "C'mon, Santiago. Get your ass off the floor. Leave these two alone."

Raphael looked up, indignantly. "What?" He muttered something in Spanish, too quickly and softly that I couldn't catch it. "But Wayland...When did you become soft?"

Jace snorted. "Please. I'm going to deal with her later."

Raphael shrugged, and stood up, and left.

"Hey...Jace?" I didn't mean to call after him, but I was dying from curiousity.

He stopped, and looked at me. "What do you want, little girl?"

"Uh..." I glanced down at my tuxedo. The green looked so much softer in the dark. So warm. "I was wondering...Can you give me a hug?"

He did a doubletake. "You want me to _hug _you?"

I nodded, my face red. I immediately regretted asking. Jace wasn't the type of man to hug any random girl. He'd killed people. He didn't like me, he'd even said it to my face. _Nobody likes you except Magnus and Isabelle._

"Please?"

Jace shook his head. "If you can survive a week here, I'll hug you." He turned back to the door. "Right now, you haven't done anything to deserve my respect enough to hug you."

Ouch. I watched him leave, holding back my tears long enough till he left, shutting the door softly behind him.

I curled back onto my bed, my lumpy pillow stifling my sobs.

Simon sighed. "Don't listen to him, Clary."

Isabelle made a whimpering noise, and crawled onto the bed, curling protectively at my feet, and licked my toes. It tickled, but I was too hurt to squirm.

What was I thinking, when I asked him that? How stupid am I?

* * *

><p>I woke up that morning, to a girl screaming.<p>

It wasn't Isabelle, because she was still curled at my feet, fast asleep, the morning sun shining on her greasy hair. I wondered if she ever showered.

Simon was gone. I didn't let it bother me, because he did that a lot.

I swung my legs off the bed, and straightened my jacket. I should probably find a laundry room, because the blood might cause unwanted attention. And Jace and Magnus had made it perfectly clear that attention was _not _helpful if I didn't want the people here to hurt me.

I hesitated before I opened the door. What if this was a trick? What if it was a test from Jace, to lure me out of here, and then blow me up?

I shook my head. I was just being paranoid. Maybe somebody really was hurt.

Opening the door, I glanced back and forth. _Yeah, I'm totally paranoid. _Nobody else was out of their room. The screaming stopped, then started again.

It wasn't a 'I'm-in-pain' scream. More like a scared scream. I stretched, hurrying down the stairs, following the scream.

I stopped outside the doorway to the Girl's Bathroom, and I frowned. Maybe she saw a spider in one of the showers? Or a cockroach in one of the bathroom stalls. I pushed open the door.

The bathroom was impressively large. A row of bathroom stalls on the left, a row of showers on the right. At the end of the room, were three big tubs.

If only the bedrooms were this well-taken care of.

Aside from the oddest smell of vomit, the bathroom was shiny and smelled like Febreeze.

A short, curvy black girl was standing in the middle of the bathroom, her eyes glued to one of the tubs. I instantly recognized her from last night, sitting next to a skinny, tall boy, who was nearly as cute as Jace.

"Are you okay?" I asked, my voice rough from just waking up. "I heard you screaming-"

She turned to look at me, her brown-hazel eye glittering with rage. "You," she snarled. "You did this. This is your fault."

I blinked. "What are you talking about?" _What did I do? _

"He never messed with us. Only the newbies." She shook her head. "This is all your fault."

"Why are you even here?" I asked, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I had no idea what she was talking about, and why on Earth she was in the bathrooms this early. Unless she was going to the bathroom...

Her arms instinctively went behind her back, but not fast enough; I saw fresh red lines, cut purposefully into her skin. I blinked. I'd heard of people cutting themselves out of depression, or numbness, because they needed to feel the pain or the need of control, but I never thought I'd actually see a girl with scars on her arms that she'd inflicted on herself.

It was disturbing, and I sort of pitied her. But that still didn't explain what she was blaming me for.

"What did I do?"

She didn't answer, just jerked her head back at the tub.

I shot her a confused look, and walked up to the edge of the tub and looked.

_Oh, my God._

I thought for a minute that I'd actually be sick.

It was Raphael.

What was left of him.

His leg was...chewed off. Teeth marks showed that the person who'd taken a bite out of him was, indeed, human. _How could a human do this?_

An eye, his left eye, was hanging out. Like, not in his eye socket anymore.

I gagged a little.

There were burn marks on every inch on his skin. His signature.

Jace had done this.

For what cause? Why would he just go right on and _kill _Raphael? I mean, not that I liked him, he'd tried to _kill me, _but I didn't want him to die...like this.

His hair looked like it'd been ripped off his scalp, dried blood crusting on his bald spots. His left eye, the one still in its socket, was wide open. Terrified.

His left arm was detatched from his body, on the floor. Blood was splattered along the sides of the marble tub, making it look as if Jace had purposefully tossed it there. His chest was cut open, his heart exposed.

I'd seen enough. My hand over my mouth, I turned away, the stench of death and bile and Febreeze heavy in the air.

She stared at me, arms crossed. "He wouldn't have done it if you had never come here," she accused, hate apparent on her face.

I shook my head. "I didn't know-"

"He left this." She violently thrust a scrap of paper to me and turned and ran out the bathroom, cursing me angrily under her breath.

I swallowed the fear in my throat, incredibly uncomfortable with being alone in the same room as a dead body. A body of someone who'd been violently murdered.

_-Little Girl,_

_Hope you like your gift. I know Isabelle enjoyed it thoroughly. She loves chew toys..._

_Here's your proof: Raphael has been a half-friend ever since I arrived here. Yet I experienced the greatest pleasure, torturing and killing him. I wish you were there, Little Girl, to experience his silent screams and fear. To watch as Isabelle tore and gnashed away his leg, and as the first flame was lit. His screams, the sound of his blood dripping against the bathtub was absolutely lovely. If you were there, I would've let you carve your initals into his back. But you were obviously exhausted, so you can join me next time. If you aren't dead, of course._

_Now that you know I have no problem killing my own friends, please do not doubt me again. It's annoying to have to prove myself like this. Such a waste of perfectly nice matches and knives..._

_Though, I should probably mention this: Raphael was quite popular with some of the girls here. Except Isabelle, she hated him. So...You've probably just made yourself even more enemies._

_-Jace_

I lowered the sheet, my thumb idly rubbing against the dried spots of blood staining the bottom right corner.

I couldn't believe he'd kill Raphael. To prove a point.

That girl was right; This really was my fault.

The nausea I'd been feeling since I'd smelled that dead odor came up with a force, and I ran to the first stall I saw.

Someone had already thrown up in there. And had forgotten to flush it down.

_That explained the smell._

That girl...She'd come in here to cut herself _and _throw up?

I backed out and ran into another one, emptying my stomach in there.

* * *

><p>I walked outside, after hiding in my bedroom for a few hours. I couldn't look at Isabelle, even when she bumped her head against my knee. She honestly thought she was an animal. She ate a leg. Of a human.<p>

It was hot out, but I kept my jacket on. It felt like the only normal thing here.

There were other people out there, of course. Walking around the yard. Sitting on the grass. Braiding crowns out of flowers. Climbing trees. Jumping out of trees.

I saw Jace.

He was standing, secluded and alone, as usual, playing with something in his hands.

His eyes snapped to mine as soon as the door shut behind me. Waiting for my reaction. Smugness on his face. As if he knew he disgusted me. Terrifed me.

I stared back; I wasn't going to let him know how freaked out I was. How scared I was.

Simon wasn't even there to comfort me, wasn't there for me to spill everything to him.

I was nervous around Isabelle. She was wild, feral. And untame.

And everyone else hated me. Except Magnus. But he was talking to Alec, while braiding him a crown of dandelions.

I walked over to an isolated little patch of grass, a ring of dandelions around it. I plopped down, and began copying what I'd seen Magnus doing. I remember when my mom would do this with me, when I was six. She'd thread a crown of violets and dandelions, and prop it on my head, calling me her sweet princess. But a year later, she got involved with heavy drinking, and we never made flower crowns ever again.

I sighed, and braided the stems together, head bent over.

I could see Jace, out of the corner of my eye, walking over towards me.

"Whatcha doing?" He asked, hands in the pockets of his darkwash jeans.

I looked up at him, shading my eyes. "Making a flower crown."

He sat down across from me. "I take it you liked your present?" He asked, his voice gleeful, his eyes scornful.

I nodded. "I appreciate the thought," I said, quietly. It was partly honest. I didn't appreciate how he did it, but I prefered to think that he'd done it to protect me. While it was doubtful, that thought made the butterflies in my belly speed up their flapping, and my too-fast heart to pump harder.

A quick flash of surprise flitted across his face, before he quickly composed himself. "I would hope so," he said, his voice arrogant. "I spent a lot of time on it."

I nodded, my focus on the crown. "Done." I held it up for him to see.

Jace looked at it. "It's a crown. Made out of weeds."

I frowned at him. "They're called dandelions," I sniffed. "Not _weeds." _Weed wasn't a pretty word like dandelion.

"What the fuck ever."

"Don't curse," I scolded, and reached up-He was still tall, even sitting down-placing the crown daintily on the top of his blonde curls, which glowed gold in the sunlight.

"How do I look?" Jace grinned a little, his grin lopsided. I could feel the butterflies beat harder. I wish he would stop looking at me like that. When he looked at me like that it was hard to remember that I was supposed to be wary of him. Scared of him.

"Very pretty," I told him honestly, causing him to laugh.

I smiled back and tossed my head back, enjoying the warmth of the sun. I opened one eye, and giggled. "Look, Jace!" I pointed a finger up at the sky. "The sky's pink!" And the sun was a jade green; Such a pretty color.

Jace raised an eyebrow, looking up. "So it is."

I felt an angry gaze on me, and turned to see Magnus glaring at me reprovingly. I felt another wave of guilt, because I'd promised him that I wouldn't hang out with Jace.

Jace pulled off his crown, flipping it in his hands. "Do you know what'll make this even prettier?" He asked, looking at me.

I shook my head. "What? More flowers?"

He smirked a little, shaking his head. "Nope." Jace reached in his pocket, pulling out a small black lighter. The object he'd been playing with in his hands.

"What are you-?"

He flicked the lighter, and a small flame appeared, flickering and swaying.

I wondered for a minute if he was going to carry out his threat, and burn me. Melt my face off.

Instead, he held the flame under one of the dandelions, and it caught on fire.

I held my breath, watching in amazement as the fire ran around the circle, eating away the dandelions, burning red, orange, and yellow. The smell of the dandelions burning was wonderful, and I felt a thrill shoot through me as I watched the flames lift higher, and higher, but Jace never made a noise when the flames licked at his skin. His eyes were closed in pleasure at being burned, and I felt ectastic, watching him look so peaceful.

I released the breath I'd been holding, and watched as the crown faded until it was nothing but ash, and drifted to the ground.

Jace opened his eyes and looked at me. "So?"

I smiled at him. "You're right." I looked down at the pile of ash, and it somehow looked so much more beautiful than the crown itself had. "That was lovely."

He smiled back; Not grinned, or smirked, but smiled.

And right then, I didn't care that he was a murderer, or a psychotic pyro.

He was just Jace.

"Excuse me?" A rude voice cut me out of my musings, and I blinked, looking up at the girl who'd appeared behind Jace. "But can I ask why you're staring at _my boyfriend _like that?"

* * *

><p><strong>Eh, sorry if you thought that Raphael bit was nasty. <strong>

**-Magnus's condition will be revealed later on. I already know what it is...**

**-Yes, I made Jace have a girlfriend. She's crazier than Clary.**

**-Yes, Isabelle ate a leg. Aren't animals adorable?**

**-I'll be out of town for a week. No electronics, no internet. It's gonna be hell for me.**

**-And that means no update for a little more than a week. :/**

**-Jace is a sicko. I am aware of that. And he was a douche to Clary. But he'll soften up...Eventually.**

**-If you're confused about anything, or want me to explain, please just ask. I'll explain it in the chapter, or reply. **

**-Review**


	3. Chapter 3

**This chapter's rated M for: Language and..I dunno if brief cannibalism counts as something that goes under M...Hmm...**

**As for Simon's disappearing and reappearing...Clary has no control over her ****hallucinations. I'm sure if she did, she wouldn't want her hallucinations at all. So, I have no idea where Simon goes off to. He simply isn't...there.**

**Also...None of ya could guess who Jace's "girlfriend" is. Heehee. And I put "" for a reason...;)**

**Something I thought was absolutely ironic: I was at a camp for a week. The camp was a few miles away from an asylum. For crazy-ass criminals. Some scary campfire stories about loonies running around the camp, too. No joke. I slept very little when I was informed. O_o**

**(And if you read my most recent oneshot, if you requested, I sent you one of the creepy stories-A true story, too. If you hadn't heard or recieved it, and you wish to, just PM me or drop a review.)**

**Disclaimer: Cassie owns the characters. I just make 'em crazy. ;)**

* * *

><p><strong>Clary<strong>

**Meeting Maggie**

* * *

><p>I blinked at Jace.<p>

_Girlfriend?_

He has a girlfriend?

I gasped, feeling a sharp pain in my chest. Like a hand had tore its way into my chest, and forcibly clenched at my heart.

Jace raised an eyebrow. "I'm sorry, babe." He sighed, and I noticed his eyes-His beautiful lion eyes-tighten with irritation. "I thought to you were hanging out with Alec."

I frowned. _Hanging out with Alec? _But the only person I'd seen talking to Alec was...

"Magnus?"

He was standing behind Jace, his rail-like height creating a looming shadow over us.

Something didn't look right about him, though...His eyes. They were usually happier. A lighter hazel.

I shrunk back, tightening my grip on my coat; My knuckles turning white. They seemed brown instead of a greenish-violet, darker. Angry. Kind of like Jace's, but I didn't feel scared when I stared into his.

"Magnus," I whispered, glancing between him and Jace. The green sun beginning to fade into a murky brown, with tints of gray. The whole yard seemed darker. "What's going on?"

He cocked his head, his eyes narrowing. "Who the _fuck _do you think you are?" He snarled, his lips curling over his teeth, like Isabelle's. I don't know which I prefered; Angry Magnus or angry Isabelle.

At least I knew Magnus wouldn't go all cannibal on me.

"I-I don't-" What was wrong with him? Magnus was so sweet. Like my teddy bear. I forgot to sleep with him last night...I wonder if Isabelle would consider Mr. Baron Hotschaft Von Hugenstein as a chew toy. If she did I would have to sew his poor self back together and if she _ate _the stuffing, then I would have a limp, empty teddy bear to snuggle with, and it wouldn't be the same, as comforting. I wonder if Jace had a teddy bear. Well, if he did, he probably already burned it over a fire. Or maybe stuck a bomb in the stuffing. I wonder if Jace makes bombs...

"You were gawking at my boyfriend like he was naked," Magnus sneered, crossing his arms so that his already tight shirt looked ready to rip off. "And I don't appreciate it. Especially when it's obvious he's _taken."_

Jace smirked. "Don't worry, Maggie." He reached up, rubbing a soothing hand on Magnus's arm. "I was just showing her a little fire trick. You know she isn't my type."

I bit my lip when he said that. It hurt. I had no idea what was going on, and I just wanted to scream at him to _stop! stop! stop! _because he was hurting my feelings, and he wasn't stopping. _Please stop._

I was lost, too. Why was Magnus acting...Not like himself? Why was Jace acting like I was one of those nasty roaches, the kind that skittered across your kitchen floor? Why did he suddenly hate me, all of the sudden?

And wasn't Magnus with Alec?

I shook my head.

It was starting to rain. The sky was full of thick gray clouds, bocking the muddy-colored sun. I frowned, catching one of the rain droplets. It was a clear topaz color; Like Jace's eyes.

Jace sighed. "Clary, I'd like you to meet my girlfriend. Maggie." He gestured to Magnus, his eyes perfectly serious and calm. I couldn't see a lie reflected in his eyes or face. Then again, I never knew what went on in his head. I wasn't sure if I wanted to.

I didn't know what to say. I'd met Magnus yesterday.

I looked at him, confused.

Jace just shook his head, his eyes urging me to just go along.

"Uh, hi, Maggie." I smiled, and held my hand out. "Nice to meet you."

Magnus-Maggie-gave me a grudging look, but took my hand. Instead of warm, like his hand usually was, it was disturbingly cold. As if he'd kept his hands shoved under a pile of snow for an hour.

"Who are you?" He didn't sound really interested, more like forced politeness. I wondered what his problem was...

"I'm Clary." I took my hand back, shoving it into my warm, velvety pockets. I was getting wet from the topaz-amberish rain, which sort of looked like pee, now that I thought about it...

Amazingly, though, Maggie and Jace stayed dry.

Maggie nodded. "Jace." He lifted his chin. "I thought we talked about your...Need to fraternize." He tossed a disgusted look my way, and I flinched. _Why? Why did he hate me? He's one of my only friends here...Maybe my only one. _"But must you sink down to _that?" _He not-so-subtly gestured towards me.

I blinked back the wetness I felt in my eyes, and glanced down. I wonder what colors my tears would be. Maybe a rainbow shower...

Jace sighed, and stood up. "Sorry, babe." He leaned forward, brushing his lips against Maggie's temple. I stared at them, and wondered what it'd feel like if his lips were on me like that.

Maggie grabbed Jace's hand and led him away, inside.

I sagged, feeling like an abandoned puppet.

Was this some sort of prank?

I breathed in, and closed my eyes. I stuck my tongue out, catching a topaz-colored raindrop. It tasted like lemons.

"Clary?" It was Alec. He looked pretty, his dark hair getting showered with yellow rain-droplets. His blue eyes, nearly exactly like Isabelle's, were sad. Except while hers were wild and fierce-looking, his were serious and calm. And upset.

I felt a flash of sympathy, remembering he'd just witnessed his boyfriend go off with another man. I scrambled up, and threw my arms around his waist. Wow. He was tall.

Alec stiffened, but I didn't let it bother me. I rubbed my cheek against his stomach. "I'm sorry," I whispered. "He wasn't very nice to me, either."

He nodded, and hesitantly patted my head. "It'll pass," he said, quietly. "In a couple of hours. Then he'll be Magnus again."

I pulled away, and tugged at his hand. "C'mon inside," I told him. "I'm getting soaked out here." And I was beginning to smell like lemons. _Like Jace._

Alec gave me a weird look, but let me drag him inside.

I pulled him around the ruby red dragon sleeping in the doorway-Who in their right mind purposefully wake up a dragon? Pfft-and to the...

I had no idea.

"Where's the cafataria?" If you could call an empty room with trays laid out on the floor a 'cafataria'. But I've only seen the real things on television, so who was I to judge?

I rubbed my belly. "I'm very hungry," I informed him. "My stomach is yelling at me."

Alec smiled and shook his head, the way I've seen parents do to their three-year-old children at the park. "Don't you mean growling at you?" He asked, pulling my hand slightly, and leading me down the halls I didn't think I'd ever memorize.

I wrinkled my nose, glancing at my stomach. "No," I mumbled. "I meant 'yelling'."

_"Clary?" _My tummy snarled, curling a little on the insides. _"Feed me. Feed me. Feedmefeedmefeedmefeedme-"_

"What's for lunch?" I asked, speaking loudly so that I could hear myself over the grumbling of my angry belly. "Carrots? Broccoli?"

We'd reached a large set of double doors, that looked like wood with iron slabbed on it. Alec pushed them open, holding them open for me. What a gentleman. "Carrots? Broccoli?" He chuckled. "Nah. I think we're having mac'n'cheese..."

I nodded, but really, I had no idea what the heck he was talking about. _Mac in cheese? What in the world is that?_

"You go find a spot to sit at," he told me, nodding his head in the direction I assumed was to the cafataria-I honestly couldn't remember from last night-and ran a hand through his dry hair. I frowned at my hair, which unlike his, was sopping wet and looked like wrinkly seaweed. Blech.

"I need to help the cooks prepare a...ah..._special _meal for some people." He patted my head-Like I was a good puppy, which by the way, are incredibly adorable-and walked off.

"I always thought there was something awfully queer about that pretty pyro freak," Simon muttered from behind me, causing me to jump. I turned at him and scowled. "You scared me!" I accused. Hadn't we discussed his appearing and disappearing? I ought to tie a cowbell around his neck. It would get my attention. Plus cows are just so cute...

"And don't say 'queer' like it's a bad thing." I gave him a stern look. Like Mommy always gave me when I was annoying her. Yeah. She looked at me like that a lot...

Simon shrugged, throwing an arm around my shoulders. "So, mac'n'cheese?" He wrinkled his nose. "Sounds gross."

I shrugged. "I'm hungry," I told him. "And if it's really nasty, I'll just give it to the pretty dragon. In case it gets hungry." _And then I won't have to worry about it wanting to eat me, _I thought to myself. But I wasn't going to say it out loud. It might've woken up and would hear...

We walked down the halls, which led us to the large room that Magnus had taken me last night. People were already here. Admittedly, less than last night, but still some people here. I frowned. There were only a small group outside. And only a little bit of people in here. I _knew _there were more people here...Where did they go?

I spotted Jace, sitting next to Maggie in a corner, once again away from everybody else.

He looked away from Maggie, who he'd been speaking to, and caught my gaze, as if he could feel me looking at him.

I realized that I should probably be mad at him. Very angry, in fact. But I liked him. Too much. Even if he was a meanie, sometimes. I waved eagerly at him, smiling widely.

Jace didn't wave back, but he gave me a tiny smile-As small as it was, it still sent my heart beating faster, and my face felt warmer than usual-before turning back to look at Maggie, who'd rested his hand on his shoulder, shaking him to grab his attention.

I walked over to the otherside of the room. Away from Jace. I plopped down, Simon sitting across from me.

"Hey, Simon?" He was making a disgusted face at a boy next to us, who was slurping up a yellow, lumpy food-thingy out of his bowl. It looked revolting.

"I'm glad I don't have to eat," he declared. "Because that shit just looks like awful."

I slapped his arm. "Language," I scolded. "Anyway. Enough about food."

Simon looked at me. "What?"

I swallowed, and glanced around, before leaning forward. "Have you noticed anybody missing in here?"

"That Hispanic dude. Raphael, something like that." Simon shrugged. "But I think that was kinda obvious. Ya know, 'cause your pyro killed him, and everything."

I shook my head. "I wasn't talking about Raphael." I sighed. "Dang. I hate being in the dark. Nobody else seems like it's a shocker that half of everybody's missing."

Simon rolled his eyes. "Or maybe they're asleep. Honestly, you should start worrying more about yourself. Especially in a loony-bin like this." He glanced over at Jace and Magnus. "I'd say that the only person you can trust is Magnus, but it seems that he isn't exactly who he seemed to be."

"Yeah. It's sad." I sniffled, and dragged the velvet over my eyes. I hated crying. It was so sticky and hard to stop. "He was so mean to me. Why does he think he's Jace's girlfriend?"

Simon shrugged, and poked a finger at my..."food". "It's your fault he was mean to you," he murmured. "You're too nice to everybody. People, crazy or not, take advantage of that."

I looked over at Jace. He was looking at me again, frowning. I wondered if he saw me crying. I flushed, and covered my face with my hands, looking away. Oh, how embarassing. I wanted to prove to him that I could be strong, that I could survive here. Not have a little breakdown over somebody being rude to me.

Simon made a weird noise at the back of his throat. "What the fuck is _that?" _

I tore my eyes away from Jace, and frowned at him. "Hey," I complained half-heartedly. "Watch the mouth, mister. What are you talking about?"

He pointed. "I know she's hot, but that's just _wrong."_

He was pointing at Isabelle. And a couple of other girls sitting with her. Alec-I waved at him when he looked over. He blushed and gave a small wave back-stopped where they were sitting, and placed a few plates on the floor, one in front of each of them.

Each plate held...meat?

It was raw. Uncooked. And was that..."A heart?" Simon shuddered. "A human heart. Jesus."

I think I threw up a little in my mouth.

On Isabelle's plate, was a hand. No fingernails. No jewelry. I imagined swallowing a watch or pink nail polish would be most umpleasant.

No head, thankfully. Though there seemed to be a different body part on each plate, and I pushed the revolting thought that they might be eating from the same person, away.

"If that wasn't so nasty, I'd see that as sexy," Simon commented, watching as Isabelle bent down, grabbing the hand, and tearing at the flesh remorselessly with her sharp teeth, blood trickling from her lips and down her fair chin. It was disgusting, but at the same time fascinating, and I found myself unable to look away.

The other girls did the same thing: Gnawing on the heart, a pretty Asian girl looked over at me, her brown eyes narrowing as she squished the red, mushy-looking organ harder against her mouth, violently sucking and biting.

_Where'd they get the body parts? _I wondered, goosebumps raising on my arms. _Why are they eating **people? **What's wrong with this place?_

"Hey, Clary." I looked up, and my mouth immediately fell open.

It was Magnus. He smiled at me, cheerfully, and plopped his bowl of mac'n'cheese down in front of him. "Looks nasty, doesn't it?" He winked and took a huge bite. "Tastes wonderful, though."

Simon sniggered.

I choked. What? Did he just-? I thought he hated me...

"Magnus?" I asked, cautiously. "Are you feeling alright?"

He looked at me strangely. "Quite alright," he said. "Why?"

Did he not remember how he nearly bit my head off? I cleared my throat, and looked over where he had previously been sitting. With Jace. Except Jace wasn't there anymore.

"You don't remember?"

Magnus cocked his head. "Remember what?"

"Outside...when you-"

"Oh." Magnus flapped his hand delicately. "I never go outside in the mornings. Dreadful people, other than my darling Alexander. I prefer morning showers, myself."

_Did he have amnesia? Short-term memory loss? **He** **was out there.**_

Pun intended...

"I don't know if I'll ever go to the bathrooms again," I told him. "Have you heard about the body they found?"

Magnus nodded. "'Course I did." He scooped up another spoonful of the mac'n'cheese, and shoved it in his mouth. "Jace bragged about it to Alec."

I looked over at Isabelle, who had snatched a finger from a hungry girl, and bit down, chomping noisily. I winced when I heard a bone crack. She raised her nose in the air, inhaling deeply. Then a wide, toothy grin formed on her face and her head snapped in my direction, still smiling. I swallowed the bile in my throat as I spotted the chunks of flesh stuck in her teeth.

"That's attractive." Magnus shook his head. "Anyway, I wanted to make sure you're alright."

I blinked, smiling back weakly at Isabelle, before looking at him. "Why wouldn't I be?" Sure, I was kind of freaked out when I'd found Raphael's body, but I wasn't scared. I knew Jace wouldn't hurt me. Actually, he was more than capable, but I believed he wouldn't. Or that's what I preffered to think.

Magnus leaned in closer. "Alec told me you two were talking with eachother, earlier."

I remembered, with a pang, that I'd promised to avoid Jace. And I'd broken it. Gladly.

"But you were there-" No, he wasn't. I shook my head. The man that had claimed himself Jace's girlfriend, and treated me something awful, wasn't Magnus. "He didn't threaten to hurt me. He didn't touch me. Have some faith in him. He's nice."

_...Nicer than some of the other people here, anyway._

Magnus gaped at me. "Oh, yeah," he snarked, sneering. "Real nice. So nice he kills people whenever he gets bored or pissed. A real keeper, Clary."

I crossed my arms and frowned at him. "At least he promised to hug me," I retorted, not realizing how weak the comeback was before I said it. "You nearly bit my head off for no reason earlier. At least he _pretends_ to be nice to me." It was almost as reassuring as him being genuinely nice. But I liked Jace. He'll come around, eventually, I'm sure.

Magnus shook his head. "Hug you? Jesus, how stupid are you?" He hissed. "He's a psycho. He sets fires. He's blown people up. He tortures innocent people for entertainment. Hanging out with freaks like that won't get you a friend. It'll get you killed."

"Well..." I was at loss for words. I didn't know how to explain that I truthfully enjoyed Jace's company, and found him intriguing, dangerousness and all.

"You heard her, _Maggie," _a familiar voice behind her sneered, and instead of jumping because he'd scared me, I instantly relaxed. A guy who gets his entertainment from torture and death, soothes me with his voice. Oh, the irony. "She thinks I'm nice. Now leave her alone."

Magnus bristled. _"Me?" _He scoffed. "You leave her alone, you self-righteous bastard. She doesn't know what you're capable of. _I do."_

I turned, and looked up at Jace, despite my better judgement.

His arms were crossed, and his expression was smug. As if he knew he'd win. What was the prize, though?

"Maybe if you were more honest with her," Jace said, his eyes darkening. "Then she wouldn't be so unwilling to believe what you tell her about me." He looked down at me. "Do you hate me, Clary?"

I knew what he was doing. He was manipulating me. And I liked it more than I should have. "No." The opposite of that, actually.

"Do you want to listen to Magnus? Avoid me?"

I bit my lip, fingering with the soft velvet. Why couldn't Jace be more like velvet? Softer. Warmer. Not prickly. "Y-yes."

Jace raised an eyebrow. "Liar." He shrugged. "Are you scared of me?"

"No." I probably should be, though. I should be terrified of him.

He grinned. "Then why the hell are you trying to protect her, Magnus?" He looked back at Magnus, who'd been watching us with a pained expression. "She's so reckless and ignorant. She won't last here."

"Yes, I will." I scowled at him. "And I'm getting that hug, too, you know."

Jace paused. "We'll see."

Magnus sighed. "Jace. Please don't do this. She's-"

"She's weak and idiotic," Jace cut him off sharply, and I flinched. Jeez, did he have to be so rude about it? I mean, God, I was right here. "And if she wants to gain my respect, then she'd better damn well prove it."

I blinked. "Prove it how?"

Jace lifted his chin. "Stand up and I'll show you."

Magnus and Simon both groaned in unison. "Clary-" Magnus began.

"What the hell are you trying to prove?" Simon demanded. "That you look better when you've been blown up inside out?"

I shook my head at him. "I'll be fine," I told him. Well, both of them. "He won't hurt me."

Jace smirked. "I won't." He turned. "Stay here, if you want," he said, his tone indicating he didn't care what she did. "But I'm leaving."

Maybe he knew I would follow him, either way. Maybe he was just that sure of himself. And as much as I didn't want him to find me predictable and a pushover, I got up and followed him anyway.

Something told me that this was a bad idea. And it was.

I reached out to take his hand when I caught up with him, and he jerked it away, glaring at me. "Don't touch me," he snapped.

"Why not?" I wanted to feel his skin. See if it looked as rough as it looked. Learn the textures of his scars.

Jace opened the front doors, shoving his hands lazily into his pockets as he began strolling down the steps. The dragon was gone, to my relief. Because with the ruthless way Jace had opened the doors, he would've ticked off the poor thing.

"I don't want you touching me. Is that really a huge shock?" He didn't look at me, but continued to walk off, through the field. I saw a little boy sitting with a book on his lap, large oven mitts on his hands.

I swallowed the hurt at his words, and ran up. "Where are we going?" Surely not away from the yard. Outside of the fence. I'm pretty sure there were rules against that.

He chuckled, not nicely. "We're going in the forest. And if you trust me enough to go in there with me, all alone, then you really are a naive moron."

I stopped, planting my hands on my hips. "Hey, now," I snapped, using the same tone I used with Simon whenever he swore. Jace paused, and turned around, looking bored. "What?"

"You might not like me, but you shouldn't be so mean to me. It's not nice. And stop killing people," I threw in, for good measure. "It's disturbing."

Jace's mouth lifted into a crooked, sarcastic grin. "And you're going to stand there and try to tell me what to do?"

I clasped my hands behind my back. "...Please?"

He rolled his eyes. "The fucker tried to kill you, Clary. You might as well appreciate that somebody was willing to stop him."

"Isabelle would've stopped him." I winced. Yeah, she did. Nevermind...

Jace shrugged. "Good. I wasn't planning on helping you again."

I frowned. "What do you mean, you weren't "planning"?" What'd he mean? Was something supposed to happen to me, or what?

He shook his head. "You'll find out soon enough." Then he began walking so more, and over the fence. Seriously. Just swung one leg over, then kept walking.

I had to climb.

He didn't even offer to help.

I chose not to take it personally. Afterall, he seemed to be in a weird mood lately.

I shouldn't have followed him.

I mean, I knew it wasn't, but I didn't think anything _extremely _bad would happen.

If I'd known there was somebody followed us, I might've gone back inside.

No, I'd have _definitely gone back inside._

But I didn't.

* * *

><p>"Jace?" I shivered as we began going deeper in the woods. "Can you, um, tell me what was up with M-Magnus earlier?" My teeth began chattering, and I scowled as it began growing very cold. If it started snowing...Well, Jace could always build a fire for us, out here, no problem.<p>

He looked over his shoulder. "Hurry up," he called back. "I want to get this over with."

I rolled my eyes. Well, wasn't he just a sweetheart? I jogged up, but still couldn't keep the right pace that his long legs had set. "Magnus?"

Jace shrugged. "Magnus...Maggie...You're lucky he didn't go Martha on your ass." He smiled ruefully. "Magnus has multiple personalities. Magnus is just...him. Maggie is..." he gave a short laugh, and I smiled too, because when you hear him laugh, you couldn't help but be happy. "Maggie's my girlfriend, I guess." He sighed. "Better to go along with it then piss her off."

I guess that's why he blew me off this morning. But I don't think I'd ever get used to hearing Magnus being called "her", though...

"Martha is..." He wrinkled his nose. "Well, I just hope you never have to meet her."

"Because you aren't protecting me anymore?" I asked, smiling through chattering teeth.

"Yeah." He blinked. "Right."

We came to a stop, somewhere in the middle of the forest. Nothing but trees and stuck-out roots and plants.

"So..." I rocked back and forth on my heels. "Why did you want to bring me here?"

He sighed. "Stand right there." He pointed.

I didn't understand the power he held over me, only that I wanted to please him.

I nodded, and moved to where he'd pointed. "Now...?" I spun in a small circle.

Jace cleared his throat, and backed up a little. "I need you to prove it."

I stared at him. His expression was suddenly blank, cool, as if he was about to experience something he didn't want to give away. I felt unease curl in my belly, and I scolded myself for eating that nasty, cheesy..._whatever _it was.

"Prove what?"

I think I knew.

Oh, God.

"Jace, what am I proving?" I was shaking, and I told myself it was from the cold. Yeah. Cold. Not scared. Jace didn't scare me.

"That you can survive."

I knew.

_My God. Somebody please help me-_

A small, spry body crashed into me and I fell immediately.

I heard a loud scream, and recognized it as my own. This...This, what I was feeling. This was true terror. Because Jace had done it. And he was still standing there, staying true to his word, and refusing to protect me.

I felt fingers pull at the roots of my hair, my head snapping up.

My eyes rolled back, and I realized it was the Asian girl.

...The one who'd been eating the heart.

She smiled at me, and even her smile looked scary. Disturbing.

She pulled harder at my hair, pulling me back as she sank her teeth into my shoulder.

I screamed again, this time in pain. _Owowowowowowowowow! _I felt my eyes tear. "Why?" I screeched, catching Jace's eyes. He was staring at me, emotionlessly. "Why are you doing this to me?"

He looked away. "Fight," he whispered. It almost sounded like he was begging me. "Fight back. Make it easier for yourself."

I couldn't. It hurt so much. Blood ran from where mouth was still latched tightly to my shoulder, once again staining my new jacket with scarlet. I was beginning to look like a Christmas decoration. Red and green...I closed my eyes, thinking about Christmas. Anything to distract me from the pain. It was what I used to do when Daddy was hurting me. One time, it worked so well I didn't notice when he'd broken my arm.

"What the hell?" I opened my eyes, smiling when I saw Simon. "Clary? What the fuck is going on?"

I opened my mouth, but I choked. Magnus was right. I should've avoided Jace. He didn't like me. He wasn't nice. I really should stop lying to myself...

Jace was also right.

I couldn't survive here. Not without somebody protecting me.

"Get up and fight back, you stupid idiot!" Simon snapped, and I heard the worry in his voice. He never snapped at me, unless he was scared or pissed. I think he was a little bit of both, at the moment.

"..Can't." I gasped the words out. She was raking her nails over my face, now. Her teeth were on my forehead.

"Clary! C'mon, Clary, please."

I squeezed my eyes shut; I ignored the gorgeous unicorn that had come up from behind Jace. Distraction wouldn't get me anywhere.

With a jolt, I remembered something.

I was wearing my clothes from last night.

When Raphael came into my room.

_He dropped his knife. And I'd picked it up, and put it in my pocket..._

I inwardly slapped myself for not remembering sooner.

My hand slid inside my jacket, groping for the inner pocket. I held my breath, slipping my fingers into the pouch, and let out a sigh of relief as I felt the cool blade.

Then I jerked it out, and stabbed the girl in her stomach.

* * *

><p><strong>Ehmahgahd!<strong>

**-This is _way _overdue. I'm so so so sorry. I'm not even going to blame camp. I missed a week, and then another week being lazy. Seriously. Stayed in my pj's for over three days. O_o **

**-But it's summer, cut me some slack. And I'll be on a family vacation/Fourth of July thing for another...**

**-Week.**

**-So, it's not completely my fault that I'm starving you hungry readers of updates-And wow, that was really cheesy. **

**-Anyway, I wanted to apologize (For Jace's behavior and updates) and thank you guys for sticking this out for me.**

**-Review**

**~KF**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey, sorry for the late update. Again. :(...It's late to me, anyway. I feel incredibly guilty if I don't update within three days. It's like I have writer's OCD or somethin'...**

**You forgive me, right? *holds up gun* **_**Right?**_

**Quick A/N: Ever heard the saying "hotter than Satan's crotch"? And I've picked up the most annoying habit of saying "balls" all the time...**

**Actually, what I _really _wanted to say was that I was thinking about continuing "Her Protector, His Angel". You know, got an idea for the second chapter and shit. But I'm still considering it. Whaddya guys think?**

**And as for all these crazy characters and their disorders...Magnus has MPD, as you already know. If you don't know what it is, you can wikipedia it if you're curious. Despite my teachers and their bitchings, I find wikipedia half-assedly reliable.**

**Isabelle has a condition that's triggered in her mind that she's an animal. I screwed with it, and so she has different animal traits. (I forgot what it's called, but it exists...)**

**Jace...Well. Don't some people get put in Institutes for doing crazy and cruel things?**

**Alec...You'll just have to find out. ;)**

**Maia is bulimic and a cutter-She has issues with her weight and abuse from her brother-so she was sent to an asylum by parents who wanted nothing to do with her.**

**Jordan is also in here...As is Sebastian and Jonathon.**

**This chapter's rated M for language and a teeny bit of violence. No gore. :(**

**Disclaimer: Cassie owns the characters. I just make 'em crazy. ;)**

* * *

><p><strong>His Fault<strong>

* * *

><p><em>Oh, my God.<em>

_Oh, sweet lord. Please forgive me. _I'd never been real religious, mainly because Mommy and Daddy never went, and I never had any real interest to get into any of that.

But those were the two thoughts that kept going through my head over and over, tortmenting me with guilt.

She fell off me, her almond-shaped eyes widening in surprise. Blood escaped her mouth, instead of it being from a human heart, it was her own.

The dagger had sunk in to the hilt, blood spreading along her stomach, and she clutched at her abdomen as she collapsed.

I forgot about Simon. I didn't even want to think about Jace...

"Oh my God!" I decided to let her almost killing me slide; She couldn't die. Please. _Don't let her die..._

My hands fluttered around her helplessly. The bleeding wasn't stopping. It continued to gush, out of the wound in her belly and out of her gasping mouth.

_Why did I do this? _I wondered, unsure if I should leave the knife or pull it out. Whichever I did, it'd be deadly. If the dagger was pulled out, the blood would just come out even faster. If I pulled it out, I'd be able to wrap something around her...

"Simon!" I glanced at him, but he was standing there, just standing there and staring at me, his mouth open. "Simon, I need your help! Please, help me stop her bleeding-"

He shook his head. "I'm sorry," he said. "I-I can't."

I looked over at Jace, who had his chin lifted, surveying me thoughtfully. "What the heck are you staring at?" I dang near screamed at him. "Help. She's going to die if we don't stop this bleeding..." I looked down at my bloody hands, where they rested on her stomach, around the blade. "I can't live with this. Not again." Two murders in two days.

_What was wrong with me?_

Jace sighed, and walked over, slowly. He crouched down next to me, but made no indication that he would help. "It's too late," he said, reaching a hand out and brushing his fingers over her pulse, and she continued to shake, her eyes watching him. "P-please," she whispered, choking on her own blood. "D-don't let me d-die."

I wiped my eyes with my sleeve. "Jace..." I whispered.

He shook his head. "She's going to die, Clary," he said, giving me a hard look. "Denying it doesn't change the fact that you killed her."

_He did not just say that. Please tell me he did not just say that. _

I swallowed, hard. "I-I didn't mean to," I whispered desperately. "It wasn't my fault. She-she wanted to kill me! I was defending myself. Oh, Jace." She stilled. But the bleeding didn't. "Please don't say that."

He looked away. "We need to hide the body," he said stonily, standing up. "Somewhere that won't have the smell reach the Institute. But we can't throw her body in water. Someone will find it, and blame me."

Of course, he was worried about saving his own butt. How predictable.

I wrinkled my nose. He seemed almost...too casual about my killing her. As if this was something he did everyday. Oh, God. I hope not. My chest started to tighten, as though Jace himself had tied a rope around me, and was trying to squeeze me to death. The thought of him taking another girl out here...I shook my head. He wasn't mine, he wasn't a toy, and he certainly didn't seem to like me, especially if he'd planned on letting me die. I had no say in what he did in his spare time with other girls.

"Alright." I looked down at her. "Shouldn't we, you know, say something?"

Jace looked at me like I was crazy.

...Okay, so maybe I was. But I regretted killing her, self-defense or not. I certainly cared a great deal more than with Starkfeather.

"Say something? You mean like an eulogy?"

Ooh. I had no idea what _eulogy _meant. But I really didn't want Jace to think I was stupid, or anything. Especially when he probably knew a lot more smarter, prettier girls than me.

I should probably stop thinking like that before I considered stabbing myself.

"Um, yeah. Like a..eulogy." _Hopefully we're talking about the same thing here._

Jace raised an eyebrow. _Holy...How'd he do that? _I'd have to practice that. Prefferably in front of a mirror.

"You can talk about her dead ass all you want," he said in a bored voice, turning around. "I'll go get a shovel, 'cause I'm not digging with my bare hands. And you aren't either."

"Why not?" I had no problem with digging or dirt. Worms, yes. I don't care how healthy they make the soil seem, their wriggly butts scared the crap out of me. Especially when I cut one in half, because scissors were the nearest weapon within reach, and it kept moving towards my foot. I'm pretty sure that's not natural. And don't get me started when you pour salt on snails...

Jace kept walking away. "Because it helps nobody if you get your hands filthy. And you'd probably take all day."

I scowled in his direction, and shifted, pulling the girl's head onto my lap. "Hey, Jace?"

_"What?" _He turned on his heel, and crossed his arms, looking irritated. _Excuse me, but if he hadn't dragged me out here in the first place, I wouldn't be aggravating him. _And just because I willingly followed him doesn't change that.

"I don't know her name." _I_ _can't really say anything about someone whose name I don't know,_ I added inwardly.

Jace sighed. "Aline."

I smiled. "That's such a pretty name." I felt something wet on my pants. I looked down, and winced when I realized some blood had gotten on me. _This outfit is ruined. _

Jace left, I could tell without seeing him leave. The air grew noticeably colder, instead of his angry warmth and chilling hate to fill the gaps everyone leaves out, making it harder to breathe. I grinned at that thought. Death really made me poetic, huh?

I lightly ran my fingers over Aline's face, stroking her eyelids shut. Wouldn't want any dirt getting caught in her eye. That'd be a pain to deal with for eternity under ground, dead or not.

"Alright." I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, and tried to think of something meaningful and deep to say about this person who, until about ten minutes ago, I had no idea about. And watching her eat a bloody heart didn't really count. "Aline was a very unique girl. She was strong, beautiful, and was always willing to help out a friend, no matter what the favor was," she _had _been willing to help Jace kill me. Hmm. I wonder if they'd ever had a thing..."And she was untamable. Aline, I admire you, and I'm extremely regretful that you've been taken so soon."

I bent down and kissed her cheek.

"If you're done vomiting bullshit, I'm ready to get this over with." I looked over my shoulder and saw Jace, relief shooting through me at the sight of him leaning against a shovel, his hair flopping in his eyes. I hadn't expected him to come back. Honestly, I wouldn't have been surprised if he'd decided to up and leave me all alone in the woods, with no idea how to get back, and Simon and a dead girl for companionship.

"Oh. Alright. Stop cussing. It isn't...gentlemanly." Well, I couldn't have said _ladylike. _I'm sure that would've offended him.

Jace rolled his eyes. "Give me the stiff." He held his hand out, the one that wasn't holding onto the shovel, indicating he wanted me to...hand him over Aline? That just sounded all kinds of wrong.

"The _stiff," _I spat it out like a swear word. "Is a human being. A human being who is _dead. _You could at least show a bit of respect, considering it's your fault she's dead."

Jace scoffed, bending over and lifting Aline in his arms carelessly, throwing her over his shoulder. "My fault? If I remember correctly, you're the one who knifed her, no?"

I reached for the shovel, which he'd dropped when he'd picked up Aline, but he batted my hands away with a free hand, supporting Aline with his hand on her butt. I scowled, beginning to feel a little warmer. Maybe if he kept ticking me off, I'd be dried off before it started to unexpectedly rain again.

"Ahem." Jace looked down at me after he straightened-Would it kill him to look up to me, for a change?-and did that raised-eyebrow thing. "Does "have respect for the dead" mean nothing to you?" I glared pointedly at where his hand rested, pushing away the thought of what it'd feel like to have him touch _me _like that. I immediately blushed at the thought.

Jace rolled his eyes, but moved and settled his hand on Aline's waist. "Better?" He asked, in a tone that indicated he wasn't very happy with me. Good. I wasn't in the best of moods with him, either.

Truthfully, nothing was better as long as he was still touching her. Maybe when she was six feet under, I'd feel better about it.

And I really was worried about where all this possessiveness and jealousy was coming from.

"Fine." I crossed my arms, sulking as I stumbled after him as we walked even farther into the woods, almost falling when I tripped over a nearly invisible rock, but Jace flicked his wrist, the shovel flying up and trapped in the crook of his elbow, and he grabbed my wrist, holding me up with surprising strength.

I didn't want him to let me go. His skin was blazing hot and rougher than I'd thought it be, with his scars on his palms and fingers marring the smoothness I knew would be there otherwise. But he did. When he released my arm, I felt like he'd taken a body part with him.

I wondered if following him out here had caused distrust and betrayal, or fuel the desire and need for him to touch me.

* * *

><p>"You aren't going to even put her in a bag?"<p>

Jace dumped dirt on top of Aline's motionless body. True to his word, I hadn't touched neither the body, dirt, nor shovel. Talk about sexist.

"She's dead, Clary." I shoved the shivers of delight I felt when he said my name. "I highly doubt it matters to her if her body becomes a lodge for bugs and worms."

"You aren't very considerate, are you?" I pulled my legs to my chest, glaring at him.

"Not considerate?" Jace sounded disbelieving as he patted the remaining dirt in a small pile, which he assure me would eventually get washed away with rain. "Who's doing all this work, and letting you sit and make more of those dumbass crowns?"

I glanced down at the half-finished crown laying in my lap. It wasn't dumb. It was pretty. Wasn't it? Admittedly, watching Jace light my other one on fire had been much more beautiful, but mostly because he'd done it, which made it kinda romantic.

And I couldn't believe I was thinking about Jace and romance in the same thought.

"You said I couldn't help was because I'd just slow you down," I pointed out. "You weren't being considerate for me. Only yourself."

Jace sighed. "Why'd you follow me if you think I'm inconsiderate?"

Might as well be honest. "Because I trusted you, even though Magnus and Simon told me not to."

Jace frowned. "Who the fuck is Simon?"

_God, must he always make me talk in circles? _"I'm her BFF, asshole," Simon said, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. "And I've seen her in the shower, which is more than you've ever seen of her."

I rolled my eyes. "I was four. And you're just making yourself sound like a nasty older man when you talk like that."

Jace crinkled his brow. "Um..."

I looked back at him. "Don't eavesdrop. It isn't polite." I've overheard some pretty nasty conversations about myself from my parents, who always took out their disgust with their lives on me, verbally and physically. So I stopped listening to conversations I wasn't a part of.

Jace opened his mouth. "I wasn't-"

"Anyway, I don't trust you anymore, just to let you know." I squinted at him, because he seemed to be glowing. Beautiful to look at. A mean person, though. "You shouldn't expect me to, especially after you tried to kill me."

"Okay." Jace shrugged, picking up the shovel. "Great. So you'll stop staring and being all sweet to me and shit?"

I blushed. "I do not _stare _at you!" I huffed. "And I'm not sweet. I'm ferocious." I bared my teeth at him. "Grr."

Jace grinned, and my heart thumped fast, too fast. _That is not good. That is not good at all._

"Ferocious, huh?" He shook his head, and began walking back the way we came. "Alright. Whatever you say."

I smiled, despite myself. I hated him. I hated him for trying to kill me. But I still loved it when he smiled. It cheered me up more than chocolate ever did.

"Hey, Jace?" He looked over at me, and I felt myself sadden when I saw the wooden fence, a sign that our little "adventure" was over. Which was weird. I should be relieved that it was over, and that I was still alive.

Was it wrong for me to enjoy such a person's company?

"I'll still get a hug, right?" He gave me a blank look. "Even...even if I'm not your friend anymore?"

"I was never your..." he sighed, looking exasperated. "Yes, whatever. You'll get your damn hug, if you aren't dead as Aline by the end of the week."

I squealed. "Thankyouthankyou!" I clapped my hands, not caring how demented I looked.

Jace climbed over the fence, as carelessly as the last time. Again, he didn't bother to offer helping me over. But, we weren't friends anymore, so I didn't let it bother me.

"Why me?" He asked, not looking at me as we made our way through the field, the shovel banging in a way that looked uncomfortable against his leg.

"What do you mean?"

"Why do you want me to give you a hug? Why not Magnus or Simon? Or Izzy?"

Because Isabelle...I didn't really think of her as a human, as awful as it sounded. I mean, I was flattered and found it incredibly sweet that she defended me against Raphael-Even though, so did Jace, and he didn't like me-and Jace even said that she liked me. She ate people, and she acted like an animal. Hugging her would be like hugging a kitten. Or untamed tiger, depending her mood.

Magnus was my friend. Sort of. Even if he was a real bully to me when he was...a different person, it was _Magnus _who was my friend, not Maggie or Martha.

I didn't want my first hug to be given from someone who belonged to somebody else.

Jace might not belong to me. But I belonged to him, whether I hated him or not.

_I really am crazy._

"None of your business," I said.

"Great. I really don't want to know." Jace never sounded interested, so I couldn't tell if he was lying or not.

I decided to pretend he was lying, and that he really wanted to know what I thought and felt.

The tension in my chest and stomach relaxed.

Scary. That's what it was. The hold he had on me, the effect his presense and approval-I got none-was terrifying. Not even Daddy could pull the strings to my puppet, and he even attempted to beat obedience into me.

It's not my fault I didn't agree on anybody else's method in life.

And what was really scary, I didn't want him to cut the strings. As long as I had Jace in my life, despite the fact he was a jerk, a murderer, a psycho, and hated me and tried to kill me, I was happy.

* * *

><p>We were climbing back up the steps, and I glanced over at Jace from the corner of my eye. His eyes were fixed straight ahead, his steps were elegant and perfect, no stumbling for him.<p>

I wondered what we were going to do now. Was he going to apologize? Scoff in my face if I asked him if he was sorry? I knew it was more likely he would just ignore me and go up to his room or talk to prettier girls, but I could just pretend he was sorry.

"Hey, Jace?" We stopped on the porch, and I fidgeted, looking at him. He looked at me, silent. "Um...What are we going to do?"

He shook his head. "I'm done with you, for now," he said bluntly. "It's Thursday. I'm going where nobody can find me, and if you were wise, you'd do the same."

"How come?" As I'd predicted, he ignored me, pulling a key from his necklace under his shirt. I frowned, wondering how he'd gotten it. Seeing my puzzled look, he smirked. "Stole it from the boss's kid," he said, smugly.

I smiled back, despite the fact I was against stealing.

His smirk faded when he saw my smile, and twisted the knob. "Good luck," was all he said, before he went in and vanished.

* * *

><p>Since the cafataria was empty when I got back, and Jace had disappeared as soon as we'd stepped inside, I wondered aimlessly around the first floor, until I decided to go up the stairs and investigate, prefferably to where all the people that were missing had gone.<p>

I went to the second story, where I heard some voices. Just Magnus and Alec, and a boy and girl who were sitting on a loveseat on the otherside of the room, whispering lovingly to eachother and stroking one another's face.

"How did your walk go?" Magnus asked as I sat down, his pretty eyes worried. "See anything interesting?"

I shrugged and sat down on the squishy pink armchair with pretty blue roses printed on it that sat in front of the couch Magnus and Alec were curled into eachother on. "Not much."

Simon sat on my armrest. "Not much?" He looked at Magnus and Alec. "That little shit tried to kill Clary, and ended up getting another girl killed. You know. Just your everyday walk in the woods."

I rolled my eyes at him. "Don't be such a downer. It was pretty out there, other than the rain."

Magnus raised an eyebrow. "I don't recall it raining today, love," he said.

Alec nodded, pulling away from Magnus. "Uh, yeah, it did," he argued.

"No it didn't. I'm pretty sure I'd remember if it rained, darling."

"And I'm pretty sure there's nobody signed into this damned place as "Maggie" or "Martha", either." Alec crossed his arms. "It rained."

"Yeah. And it was yellow. It looked like the clouds were peeing." I wrinkled my nose. Wouldn't it be so gross if the clouds actually did pee? I can only imagine that hurricanes would be known as the diarrhea of the clouds.

Oh, gross.

"What?" Alec frowned. "No. I distinctly remember it raining a lovely violet color."

_How much medication does this boy take a day? Violet-colored rain? As if!_

"Nope. I remember it looking like pee. But tasted like lemons."

Magnus sighed. "It didn't rain."

Alec crossed his arms. "It rained purple, you're both wrong, and I'm right!"

I stomped my foot. "Now, you don't yell at me, Al-"

_"Ouch!"_

I blinked and looked at the floor. "Pardon?"

A short, ugly blue _thing _that probably came up to around my knees was glaring up at me, its bright blue eyes-No pupils or irises, whatsoever, just blue-resentful. "Can you please watch where you step?"

I realized I must've stepped on the thing, a girl, from the sound of it, when I'd stomped my foot. "Oh, I'm so sorry," I apologized. "I didn't see you down there. Did I hurt you?"

The blue-girl made a hissing noise. "Yes," she spat. "Just because I'm short, doesn't mean you can just up and step on me. Have some dignity, you big bully."

I gasped, and felt myself start to tear up. "I-I'm not a bully," I whispered. _Had I really hurt her that much?_

"Well, go ask someone to step on you, and after that happens, see if you feel like calling them your new pal." She squinted her ugly face at me. "What's your name?"

"Clary. You?"

"Kaelie." She waved her hand in front of her face. "You may consider washing your feet, or getting new shoes, _Clary. _You reek."

"Really?" I grabbed my foot, lifting it up to my face, and sniffed.

_Whew. _Yep. They stank.

"Clary, you do and say the oddest things," Magnus commented, before pulling Alec back over to him. "I'm sorry, love," he cooed, running his nose along Alec's ear. "I didn't mean to upset you..."

I began biting my fingernail, and sighed. "Magnus?"

He looked at me, eyebrows arched. "Yes?"

"Where _is _everybody?"

Magnus stiffened, and swallowed. "What do you mean?"

I scratched my arm, a nervous habit. He looked a little...scared. "Um, there's hardly anybody here. Less than yesterday."

He pulled away from Alec, looking paler by the second. "Hear that, love?" Alec nodded, looking like he was about to be sick. "Do you know what today is, Alexander?"

Alec shook his head. "No."

Remembering what Jace had said, I told them, "I think it's Thursday. Right, Si?" I looked at Simon for confirmation. He nodded. "Yeah. It's Thursday."

"Shit." Magnus jumped up, Alec standing up with him. Alec was shaking his head. "It isn't Thursday," he protested. "It's Saturday. I'm sure of it..."

Magnus pressed a kiss to Alec's temple, shushing him.

He looked at the couple in the loveseat, the boy tall and skinny with brown skin, and curly brown hair and slate-gray eyes that were staring lovingly at the short, curvy black girl. "Do you two realize it's Thursday?" He demanded, fear in his voice.

I squinted, recognizing the curvy girl as the meanie from the bathroom. She sure looked a lot nicer when she was sitting on the lap of the cute guy.

They looked at Magnus. "Thursday?"

Their reactions were a lot similar to Alec and Magnus's.

They stood up, and walked out of the room quickly, hands clasped tightly together.

Magnus grabbed my hand and Alec's arm with the other, and quickly followed them, his breathing ragged.

"Magnus?" I tripped, but his strong grip held me up, so I remained at least a foot above the ground. "What-what's going on?" First Jace, then Magnus and Alec, and the couple? What the heck was happening, and why wouldn't anybody tell me?

"Shh," he hissed. "Alexander, you too. If we get caught..."

He hurried us down the halls, and pushed us into a random room, shutting the door softly behind us, sliding the deadbolt into place.

The room was unfamiliar, with nothing but a wooden chair in the center of the room, and a small window with thin white curtains.

I suddenly felt very claustrophobic. I knew it was silly to be scared, but I was trapped in here with Magnus, who had three different personas. What if Martha suddenly appeared, and she turned out to be crazy and violent? Jace _had _said he didn't want me meeting her...But it wasn't as if I could trust that jerk's opinion, anyway.

And Alec...But he seemed nice enough, even though he always seemed in denial.

The boy seemed alright, but that's because I've never seen anybody look so sweetly at their girlfriend...Who seemed furious at me this morning, so I would be wary of her.

"Can somebody please tell me what the heck is going on?" I demanded, crossing my arms after pulling free of Magnus's grip. "Why are we hiding? And what's the big deal with Thursday?"

The boy pulled his face from where it was buried in the girl's neck, and looked at me. "Newbie?" He asked Magnus and Alec.

They nodded. He turned back to me. "Every Thursday, the boss and some government assholes come to visit us, saying that they want to check on how the food is, how clean we're keeping it here, and how healthy everyone is."

Magnus cut in. "But whenever they come down here, they take people with them, saying they'll bring them back, that they just want to run a few tests, take them to a doctor to see if they'll get better."

I frowned. "But...?"

"Nobody that goes ever comes back," the girl muttered. "We all think they kill them. Torture them. Shit like that."

"Oh." I suddenly felt very nauseas, and at the same time grateful that Magnus had brought me in here.

"They probably took them to California," Alec said, suddenly. "And they're living in a large mansion...With a pool and statues..." He started walking towards the door. Magnus wrapped his arms around his waist, tutting. "I don't think so, love."

I walked over to the chair, and perched myself on it. "How long do we have to wait in here?" I asked, picking at my jacket. I would have to wash it, soon.

Magnus shrugged, pulling Alec away from the door, ignoring when he turned and sank his teeth into his shoulder, screaming.

"Shut your boyfriend up before he gets us caught," the girl hissed. The boy pressed his lips against hers. "Shh, Maia."

Magnus looked at me, ignoring them. "We've had to wait two days for them to leave, before." He sighed. "Hopefully that never happens again. Izzy got hungry and tried to attack-" His eyes widened and he trailed off. "Fuck. We forgot about Izzy."

* * *

><p>Alec shot for the door, shrieking his head off, and since Magnus made no movement to stop him, I hopped off the wooden chair and threw myself at him, tackling him to the floor with a thump.<p>

"Love, calm down," Magnus soother, crouching down beside us. "You really don't want to turn yourself in. Trust me."

I climbed off Alec's back, wincing. I felt really bad for doing that. I hope I hadn't hurt him to badly. "I'm sorry, Alec."

He sat up, and shook his head. "S'cool."

Magnus sighed. "God. I can't believe I forgot to get Izzy..."

I swallowed, thinking about what danger she might be in. "But Isabelle-she's like an animal, right? Won't she realize she's in danger, or that something bad's about to happen?"

Magnus shook his head. "She almost got caught last month. If she hadn't...killed the man who'd tried to take her, she wouldn't be here anymore."

I didn't feel any surprise at hearing Isabelle-Or Izzy, whichever-had killed yet another person. And it would be hypocrital of me to judge her, seeing I've killed a man and a girl my age. How horrible am I?

"So, basically she doesn't know when to hide, and she's going to be taken."

Magnus nodded, looking like he was going to cry, which made me want to cry. I hated seeing someone who was usually so happy look so sad...

"Why can't he just go find her?" Simon demanded from where he was leaning against the wall.

I looked at Magnus. "Why can't we just go get her?"

He shook his head. "We'll be caught," he said sadly.

I stared at him. "But...she's out there," I said, slowly. "Without anybody to protect her. She'll be taken." _And maybe killed, _I thought, sick to my stomach.

Magnus looked down.

I stood up. "Oh my God..." I shook my head. "Magnus, there has to be something we can _do..."_

"There's nothing," he said, stonily, "to do but wait."

Maia rolled her eyes. "Holy damn, you guys are so depressing to listen to." She looked at her boyfriend. "Jordan, can we leave? Go somewhere else? Just the two of us..."

He smiled, hugging her and trailing his lips down her cheek. I looked away, shoving away images of Jace, _who I hated very much, _holding me like that, kissing me like that-

"We can't leave, Maia. I don't want anything happening to you."

Of course, Jace would never say that. He wanted violent, horrible things happening to me. And it'd be smart if I stopped thinking about him like this...

"There they are..." Alec pointed out the teeny-tiny window, which he'd moved to stand near. "Assholes."

I stood up, walking over to stand next to Alec. Three black cars, and a large white truck were parked outside of the Institute, men in doctor outfits and men in professional-looking suits climbed out, and looked up, straight at us.

"Get down!" Alec dropped to the floor, pulling me down with him as soon as they looked at us.

"Jesus H. Christ, you idiots are going to get us caught," Maia said in disgust. Jordan hushed her, shooting us an apologetic look.

I looked at Alec. "Did they see us?"

He looked confident. "Of course not. No one can see us. I can turn invisible."

_Okay..._"Invisible?"

He nodded, and grabbed at the necklace that hung around his neck. "With this," he stated proudly. "Nobody but Magnus can see me."

"That's lovely." _I should get one of those...Then nobody would be able to see me either. _"Where'd you get it?"

Maia gaped at us. "I don't believe you guys."

I ignored her, not even looking at her direction. Jace would be proud, he treated me the same way. I hope it made her feel as small and worthless as it made me.

"There's Izzy," Alec whispered, tapping at the glass. "Sleeping in the field."

I stood up, peeking through the curtains. Izzy was, in fact, sprawled out on her back in the middle of the field, her eyes shut. It was the most human I've ever seen her look, since she wasn't asleep hanging upside down or curled in a protective ball.

The men saw her, too. How could they not? She was gorgeous.

"They're going to take her...And she's sleeping, so she won't be able to fight them off."

"Maybe this time they'll tranquilize her before she can hurt them," Magnus said bitterly.

I shuddered. "She's going to be taken," I whispered. "Alec-That's your sister. You can't let her be taken, can you?"

He swallowed, and looked away. "It's too late."

_Just like Jace had said about Aline._

I bit my lip, my eyes tearing up. Maybe if I stuck my head out the window, and screamed a warning for Izzy, waking her up and causing a distraction at the same time.

But then they might find us, and take me, Magnus, Maia, Alec, and Jordan, instead.

And then I saw Jace.

* * *

><p>He walked out of the Institute, looking as casual and beautiful as ever. He walked calmly around the group of men, towards Izzy's sleeping form.<p>

He bent down, and patted her cheek lightly, and I saw his lips move, barely.

_What are you doing Jace? _I wanted to scream, but fear for him and Izzy both muted me. _You'll get yourself killed!_

He straightened, Izzy opening her eyes and standing up.

Three of the men warily approached them, guns raised.

I felt myself beginning to shake. _Please don't take them, _I thought to myself. _Jace, do something..._

Jace's face, once expressionless, twisted into one that was furious, and stalked up to them, yelling something. The men stumbled back, holding up their guns threateningly.

Jace scoffed.

I squeezed my eyes shut. _Oh, my God._

I knew I was supposed to hate him but...If Jace died I might die a little, myself.

A shot rang out, and I sank to the floor, trembling.

* * *

><p><strong>*gasps innocently*<strong>

**Did I do that?**

***smirks* Yes. Yes I did.**

**Review...**


	5. Chapter 5

**HP, HA will be continued. But it might take a while, just sayin'...I have this, and a oneshot I'm working on.**

**Rated M for: Language (Duh!). And a little violence...;)**

**Once again, sorry for the wait. :/ Life hasn't exactly been very generous this month. **

**A/N: Someone said Clary's gotten a little more mature. I guess she has, but I think it's kinda natural; Going through traumatic experiences sometimes causes a person to grow up mentally a little, and y'all know Clary's been through a ton.**

**Disclaimer: Cassie owns the characters. I just make 'em crazy. ;)**

* * *

><p><strong>Clary<strong>

**Hide, Seek, Kill**

**...**

**..**

**.**

* * *

><p><em>One.<em>

_Twothreefour._

_Five._

_Six._

_Seveneightnineten._

I lost count of the heartbeats that everyone sat still, silent.

Magnus's eyes were wide, and he looked terrified. I swallowed; He and Alec had known Jace longer than I had. And if I was ready to fall apart, I could only imagine how they felt.

Alec squeezed his eyes shut, thumping his head back against the wall. "He isn't dead," he murmured. "They didn't shoot him. That was just the television some idiot forgot to turn off downstairs."

Magnus crawled over to him, nuzzling his face into the crook of his neck. "Whatever you say, love."

I dug my nails into the palm of my hand, wandering if I'd get some sort of demented relief from the sharp pain. I doubted it.

Maia sighed. "Thank God _he's_ gone," she muttered bitterly. "Now we don't have to worry about the arrogant douche sliding dynamite under our sheets-"

"Shut the fuck up, Roberts," Magnus snapped, his eyes flickering. "Just because you're the only one here without a mental disorder, doesn't make you the Queen of Shit Hill."

Jordan shrugged when she gave him an accusing look, as if expecting him to jump to her defense. "You do act all high and mighty, babe," he uttered in a low voice.

"Fine!" She huffed and stomped off to a corner, and sat there.

I took a shuddering breath. I wanted to go home. Where my life wasn't in constant danger. I'd rather have bruises and cuts rather than all these deaths and violent occurrences.

Alec sighed, and got up on his knees, peering through the window. "He's alive," he said quietly. "Like I said."

I was in no mood for his denial. "He was shot, Alec," I growled, not as viciously as Izzy, but it was the most intimidating I'd ever sounded. "We heard it. There's no way he's alive."

Magnus looked at me, mildly surprised. "You're being uncharacteristically negative today, Clary," he noted. "Did you eat lunch?"

I ignored him.

Alec cringed and made an 'ooh' noise. "Jace is gonna fuck that bastard _up," _he said gleefully. "Man, I've never seen the dude so pissed."

I sighed, and looked up at Alec, who had his nose pressed eagerly against the window, looking like a little boy. "Alec, what are you talking about?" When would he stop with 'Jace being alive'? It was only adding on to the pain in my head, stomach, and chest.

Alec looked over at me. "Come and see for yourself," he offered.

I slowly climbed to my feet, eyeing him warily. "He's not too bloody, is he?" I didn't want to look if his head was blown off. I might die a little if I saw _Jace _of all people look like a limp doll.

Alec rolled his eyes. "No."

I walked over, and glanced out the window.

Jace was laying eagle-spread on the ground, his eyes wide open and staring up at the sky, blood spreading in a circle over his chest-

"Clary?" Alec snapped his fingers in front of my face, and I flinched, blinking.

Jace was actually standing, Izzy crouched protectively in front of him, teeth bared threateningly. The men were still standing there, looking quite small compared to Jace's tall form.

The relief I felt was nearly crippling, briefly shadowing the worry at the men with guns wanting to take away Izzy and Jace.

"We have to help them," I said, looking over at Alec. "Unless you _want _your sister to be taken away, of course."

He shook his head. "No, I don't want her gone. But how the hell do we help them without getting shot?"

_What is with the people in this place and cussing? _Oh, well. It wasn't as if anything I could say would stop it, since Jace and Simon never listened anyway.

"I don't know..." I frowned.

Maia sighed heavily. "I'll help you dumbasses," she muttered, walking out of her corner. "Since you obviously lack strategy."

Jordan looked at his girlfriend in surprise. "No tricks, babe," he warned.

She ignored him. "If you get me caught, you'll all die violent deaths," she snapped warningly, before waving Clary and Alec over. Magnus looked up from where he was sitting on the floor. "Wait, wait," he murmured. "Alexander, darling, don't leave..."

Alec immediately walked back to him, much to my disappointment. "Alec?" I crossed my arms. "Don't you want to help your sister and Jace?" _Don't make me do this alone._

Maia rolled her eyes. "If you're done with the soap opera crap," she sneered. "I think the sooner we do this the better. Those assclowns aren't known for dragging out murder, if you catch my drift..."

Alec looked at me. "I'm sorry, Clary," he apologized. "Magnus needs me..."

Magnus pulled his face from where it was buried in the crook of Alec's neck. "I can't lose him, Clary," he whispered.

I understood. I would've been the same way if Jace had been shot.

"It's alright." _It really wasn't. _I looked over at Maia. "You sure about-"

"You doubtin' me, girl?" She cocked a hip, and raised an eyebrow. _I really need to learn how to do that! _Even though she was really short-about my height-her confidence and scorn made her seem so much taller. I straightened my back. I didn't want to make myself seem weaker than her. Jace wouldn't have liked it if I had.

"I don't know you. I don't exactly trust you, either. You aren't very nice to me."

Her eyebrow dropped, and she smirked. "Smart girl." She unlatched the door, and silently opened it. "Hurry up, and be quiet."

I nodded, and tip-toed quickly after her.

* * *

><p>Maia wrapped her fingers around my wrist, pulling me after her down the hall.<p>

"Hey, Maia?" I poked at her shoulder with my free hand. "Where are we-?" She froze, and whipped around, slapping a hand over my mouth, her pretty hazel eyes wide. _"Shh!"_

I blinked at her, unmoving and surprised. It seemed like forever since I'd had human contact, and being attacked by a half-crazed cannibal didn't really count.

Maia pressed a finger to her lips, her hand dropping from my mouth.

_What? _I mouthed at her. She shook her head, tilting it to the side.

She jerked me violently into a hall closet, shutting the door swiftly and silently behind her. She leaned forward, her mouth hovering above my ear. _"They were climbing up the stairs," _she breathed.

I stilled, squeezing my eyes shut and holding my breath.

I heard them now; Footsteps echoing through the silent building, seemingly empty with all the hidden residents.

_Creak._

The person was off the stairs and on the floor, now.

_Pause._

He or she had probably stopped to look around, trying to figure out where somebody might be hiding.

_Thump._

_Thump._

I felt Maia's heartbeat through her back, from where she'd wrapped a hand around my arm and was holding me against her.

_Thumpthumpthump._

_Creak._

I bit my lip, squinting my eyes against the dark and at the curvy girl in front of me. She was pretty, even though it looked like she down-played her looks. She was soft-looking, but she was so _hard _and mean. I didn't understand why she was throwing up earlier; She was gorgeous, like Izzy, except in a rough way instead of exotic and wild.

And I just thought of the weirdest things when I was panicking.

The footsteps were coming closer and closer...And then they stopped.

Right in front of the closet door.

I felt Maia stop breathing, and her grip on my arm tightened.

She slowly pushed me back, and I tip-toed backwards, wondering what she wanted me to do-

Then I tripped.

And fell.

_Too loud._

I looked up, my eyes wide and apologetic when I caught Maia's accusing and terrified gaze.

_I'm sorry, _I mouthed helplessly, doubting she could see me in the dark.

The doorknob jiggled. "Anybody in there?" A stiff-sounding lady came through the door, her voice gruff.

"Uh, no?"

Maia facepalmed herself.

The door swung open, and a professional-looking woman stood there, her gray eyes dubious. "You girls certainly aren't very good at hiding," she said in that same annoying voice that made me want to scratch at the walls. There wasn't a speck of anything on her suit, not even a wrinkle. I glanced down at my green velvet jacket. Wrinkles and bloodstains.

Dang her and her clean suit.

She sighed. "Girls, you're going to have to come with me."

Maia looked at her. "I don't think so," she said. "I'm not crazy, you stuck-up white ass."

"I'm white," I pointed out.

She ignored me. Shocker.

The woman raised her eyebrows. "Regardless of your sanity," she said disinterestedly, "You are here for a reason, and that reason is a danger to everyone around you, so I repeat: You're going to have to come with me."

_She's not very polite._

Maia opened her mouth to protest, but the woman reached a hand in a briefcase she'd placed at her feet before she'd opened the door, and pulled out small gun. A pistol, I think?

"Listen, it's really simple," she said in a slightly more stronger voice. "Either you girls do as I've asked, or I put you down like animals. Your choice."

"Excuse me? Ma'am?" She looked over at me. "You haven't really asked." Her face went blank. "To go with you...You just told us what to do. Which isn't very polite of you, by the way."

Her grayish-brown eyebrows drew together exasperatedly. "That has nothing-" Maia's small fist swung into her jaw, cutting her off and causing her to fall back and land on the floor.

Her gun fell out of her hand with a clatter, and Maia looked down at it, her hazel eyes indecisive. I knew what she was thinking. Should she run, or grab the gun and shoot the mean lady, getting rid of her so that she wouldn't try to take anybody else? I thought of the knife that was laying in one of my pockets, it suddenly seemed very heavy, carrying the guilt of two lives with it.

I decided I wouldn't let Maia put herself through that; She already had issues.

My hand shot out, snatching up the gun. The woman's eyes widened, and she began scooting back, a trembling hand raised. "N-no," she whispered in a desperate voice, sending a thrill of power through me, which I enjoyed much more than I probably should have. "Please."

I frowned down at the weapon in my hands. I had no idea how to use it. Knives were easier; Just strike a person in a area where they'll bleed to death quickly, preferably the stomach, back, or chest. Necks too, but I think that might be a bit messy and difficult.

Maia shot a sneer at the woman. "Shut up, you-" She then said a word that I had never heard of, but it did not sound very nice. It ended with 'unt'.

The woman's eyes widened. "Why you little-" She said a word I _had _heard before.

I gasped. "Are you racist?"

Maia looked at me. "Just kill her, girl."

"Don't..."

I swallowed at the unexpected hunger that clawed up my chest; I _wanted _to kill her. I wanted to make her scream in pain, to make her heart stop beating, to make blood run out of her mouth in streaks of crimson, to cut her breathing.

I raised the gun, straight at her head. She was shaking her head, whispering pleads and begging for me to let her live.

I pulled the trigger.

_Yes..._My eyes slid shut at the euphoria of her death. I hadn't been able to enjoy Mr. Starkfeather's or Aline's, cause I'd felt too much guilt to recognize the beauty and thrill. I'd ended this bully's life. While she'd been begging.

A smile stretched over my mouth, and I looked down at the woman laying there, the bullet wound in her forehead causing blood-_so much blood-_to trickle down her face and through her hair.

Maia was staring at me, fear clear on her face. "Girl..." She whispered. "Are you-are you alright?"

_Better than alright. _I nodded at her. "Now that she's taken care of," I said in disgust, looking down at the body. "Lets help Jace."

She looked stunned, and even I was shocked at my coldness and cruelty. What was I becoming? Taking pleasure at another's death?

_What kind of monster am I?_

Maia nodded, kicking aside the woman's body. "And, girl?" I looked at her. She looked troubled, but sympathetic. "You aren't going off the deep end. If you hadn't done that, she would've killed us."

I relaxed, and nodded. It might not have been true, but I appreciated it, all the same.

She began walking down the stairs, and I followed her, the gun still clutched tightly in both hands, pointed at the ground. I didn't want my finger to slip and accidently shoot Maia.

She led me to the front room, and stopped in front of the door, and turned to look at me. "You go out there," she said. "And you hide behind the bushes. Don't let anybody see you. I'll cause a distraction, give Jace and Isabelle a chance out. You take them to the room. Got it?"

I nodded. "Yeah. What about you?"

She smiled, bitterly. "I can take care of myself."

Cracking the door open, she slid out. "Hide," she hissed. And then she was running down the stairs.

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><p>...<p>

...

...

I crawled out, not as gracefully as Izzy would've done, but I was already small, so I don't think I was seen. I squeezed through the small wooden posts and fell unceremoniously off the porch and onto the dirt.

"You again." I scrambled onto my knees, exhaling in relief when I realized it was only Kaelie, sitting in front of me with her blue arms crossed.

"Shh." I pressed a finger to my lips, setting the gun next to a white daisy. I didn't want her getting me caught. "I'm hiding from those bad men." I jerked my head, wincing when I popped it. "Ow."

Kaelie rolled her eyes. "God, you're so weird."

I pouted at her. "Hey! I'm not the blue midget, here."

She stomped a foot. "If you're gonna be like that..." She threw back her head, and let out a sharp, piercing shriek.

My eyes widened, and I reached for her. "Hey! Shut up!" She dodged out of my grip, her screams getting louder and louder and oh my God she was gonna get me killed-

A booted foot kicked Kaelie, sending her flying at the building, where she landed with a soft _thump. _

I blinked and looked up; A tall, muscular boy with shaggy white hair and pale skin was glaring scornfully at Kaelie. "Fuckin' rat," he snapped. "Are you trying to get her killed?"

My mouth fell open; He was so handsome. Not as much as Jace, of course, nobody could top him, but was still gorgeous, anyway.

His hands-which were so large I'm sure they'd wrap around my waist no problem-shot out and grabbed Kaelie by her throat, and brought her down like a rag doll on his knee, and I heard the sickening crack of her neck snapping.

I winced.

"Why did you do that?" I whispered. "She was just-" He waved his hand at me. "Clary, Clary." He shook his head. "She could've gotten you caught. I couldn't let that happen."

_How does he know my name? _

He smiled sweetly at me. "You understand why I did it, don't you?"

I nodded. "Y-yes." I peered around the bushes; Maia had thrown herself on the ground, running her fingers through her buttery-brown hair and shrieking louder than Kaelie had. Her torso rose up from the ground, as if a puppeteer was yanking her up by the strings, writhing on the ground as if she was experiencing some sort of pain and torture.

"How did you know my name?" I asked, turning back to look at him.

He smirked, but didn't answer. Instead, he held a hand out. "Jonathon."

I didn't take his hand. Jace would've been proud of my rudeness. "Are you crazy?"

Jonathon shrugged. "Depends on what you consider crazy."

_Touche._

"My friend-" I almost said 'friends' but caught myself before I did. Jace was no friend of mine. Friends didn't try to kill eachother. "Is in trouble. And so is the one that's screaming." I pointed. "Can you help me?"

Jonathon relaxed back against the wall of the Institute, squinting his eyes at me. "And if I help, you'll do a little..._favor _for me?" His dark eyes ran up and down me in a way that made me feel very uncomfortable.

"Sure." What was the worst he could ask me to do?

His eyes closed, and he grinned. "So naive," he murmured. "Damn...I can't wait to fuck your innocent little mind up."

I scooted away from him warily. He wasn't looking so...friendly anymore. I looked down, frowning at his lap. Did he have a gun or knife stuck in there?

What a weird guy.

"So." Jonathon opened his eyes, and adjusted his weapon, or whatever the heck that was, and fixed me with a disturbing stare. Not disturbing like Jace, whose eyes were lighter and warmer, like the fire he tortured others with, but chilling and forbidding.

"What you need to do..." He leaned forward. "You still got that gun?"

_How'd he know about the gun? _I nodded. "Yeah."

He crossed his arms. "You need to shoot them."

I stiffened. What was with everyone at this place and getting me to kill people? Didn't I do enough of that already?

"I can't. Jonathon, that's not-" He shushed me, placing a cold finger over my mouth. I flinched away from his touch. Too cold. Too sudden. Too intrusive. Too _unwelcome._

"Killing these men will stop them, Clary. I promise." He raised his eyebrows. "And you'll save your friends."

I began nibbling on my lower lip. "I don't like killing people," I told him. "It'd make me a bad person. And I already told Jace not to, so it wouldn't be fair if I did."

Jonathon rolled his eyes. "Clary, that ass won't stop killing people. Denying it doesn't change anything."

I looked out. Maia had been grabbed by one of them, and she didn't seem to be taking it well. She was still screaming her head off, thrashing and trying to bite the man.

_She was going to get shot by one of them if she keeps doing that._

Jace was holding Izzy too his chest, his expression furious and Izzy mewling... I gasped, covering my mouth. Blood was staining the material of her shirt; She'd been shot.

Jonathon put his hand on my shoulder, but I didn't feel any comfort. A bit smothered, maybe. I wouldn't hold it against him. Nobody at this place was comforting. They were scary.

"You have to kill them." He took a deep breath. "Understand? You need to shoot. Every. Single. One. Of. Them."

I nodded. "Alright. I can do that."

_Maybe if I'm lucky, it'll impress Jace. _Dangerous train of thought. Not going there.

I picked the gun back up, curling my fingers tightly around it in case my sweaty hands caused my grip on the gun to slip. "I can do this."

Jonathon smiled, looking pleased. "Yes, you can."

I smiled weakly back.

Then I jumped from my crouch, and started firing.

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><p>...<p>

...

...

I had horrible aim. I'm pretty sure I hit a window or two, from the sound of the breaking glass when my aim went...off. But, miraculously, I shot some of the bad men.

And Jace.

"Oh, darn!" I slapped myself as I watched Jace swear-very vulgarly-and clap a hand over his shoulder, scarlet leaking through his fingertips. "Sorry!"

_Yeah, I don't think that impressed him._

I didn't hit Maia, luckily. Lord knows what she would've done to me if I had. She dropped to the ground, curling in a ball as soon as she'd seen me stand up, swearing more colorfully than Jace had.

"Okay!" Jace yelled, swinging his head to look at me. "You've made your point, Clary! Put the fuckin' gun down before you kill us."

Jonathon chuckled. "See? Told you you could do it."

I stepped out from behind the bushes, and ran over to Izzy, Jace, and Maia, who were the only three left. "Are you alright?" I asked Jace; Izzy seemed content with licking her bullet wound where it was nestled in her side. How she could manage to twist her body like a pretzel, I had no idea.

Jace looked at me, his expression was not a happy one. "Oh, you know." He gave a one-shouldered shrug. "Got shot in the shoulder. Just fucking peachy."

I winced. I'm pretty sure he was being sarcastic; Not even Jace enjoyed pain that much. "I'm so, so sorry." I widened my eyes at him. "But I would do it again, jerk. Consider it payback for trying to kill me. Yeah. I haven't forgotten."

Maia snorted. "And he let you live?" She shook her head. "Damn, Jace. You're going soft, fucker."

Jace bared his teeth as her and snarled, looking very much like Izzy. "You wish, cu-" Again with that word.

I cleared my throat. "When you two lovebirds are done," they snapped their heads at me, Jace looking smug and disgusted and Maia just looking disgusted, "I'd like to go inside before I get killed by these weirdos."

Jace nudged Izzy with the toe of his shoe, glaring at me. "Before you get killed? You weren't the one to get shot, if I recall." He bent and scooped Izzy up with one arm, and strode inside, his back straight and self-righteous.

"Wow. He's real whiny when he's in pain."

Maia rolled her eyes. "All men are. You should've seen Magnus when he got a splinter in his pinky finger. 'Bout had a stroke."

I giggled, and followed her back inside.

I didn't see Jonathon anywhere.

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><p>...<p>

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...

We found Jace standing at the foot of the stairs, a puddle of blood at his feet and looking utterly lost. For once.

Maia took Izzy from him, slapping her on the nose when she tried to take a bite out of her cheek. "Do that again and I'll skin your white ass and make a rug out of it," she threatened.

I looked at her. "Where's the hospital wing? Or infirmary?"

Maia and Jace both shook their heads, looking at me like I was an idiot.

"Nobody goes there, Clary," Jace said, his face looking a little gray. "Unless they want their bodies cut open for research."

_Oh. Dear. God. _

_This place is so messed up._

"So what? You're gonna die anyway." Call me cruel, but I didn't particulaarly enjoy watching someone who is supposed to be strong and fearless bleed out in front of me.

Jace sighed, looking like he was about to run out of patience. "I can take the bullet out and bandage it."

"Don't you need to sew it shut or something?"

"Alec will do it for me." His answers were getting shorter and flatter. "Where is he?"

I crossed my arms. "Like _heck _you're going up three flights," I hissed. "You are coming to the..." I looked at Maia.

"Bathroom. We keep first aid shit in there," she offered.

"Bathroom with me," I finished, turning back to him. "I'll clean you up."

"No." He lifted his chin stubbornly.

"Jace!" I stomped my foot, jutting my lower lip out. "I shot you, let me help you. Please?"

He sighed. "Christ, you're fuckin' hardheaded." He closed his eyes. "If I say yes, will you stop talking to me and looking at me?"

_Oh, ouch. _I knew I was supposed to hate him, despite me still wanting that hug, but...Dang. That hurt. I thought we shared something-Like, I don't know, when he burned my flower crown. Or asked me to fight back against Aline, looking like he was begging.

_I was _**way** _in over my head._

I bit down on my lip, wondering if that pain would distract me from the current one spreading through my chest.

"Sure. Whatever."

Maia sighed. "Dick." She looked down at Izzy, who was curled in her arms, whimpering and scratching at the bullet. "I'll take care of Izzy."

I blinked; "She likes you?"

Maia shrugged. "It doesn't matter if she does or doesn't. If she tries to eat me-Jace, get your head out of the gutter-then I'll burn her in a pot of boiling oil."

I gaped at her. Yeah, I didn't want to get on her bad side, anytime soon.

Jace opened his mouth to say something, but crumpled to the floor, looking very much like the burning flowers; Fire, radiant, then nothing but dull ashes.

"Jace?" I dropped beside him, my hands flapping indecisively. I could deal with parents passed out from drinking. I could deal with pumping a parent's stomach when they've swallowed too many pills. I could deal with lying to my neighbor when she asked me why my arm was broken, and how I could fall down stairs when I didn't even have any at my house.

I couldn't deal with somebody like Jace. Especially when they're passed out.

Maia shook her head. "I'm taking Izzy before she gets any...worse." She looked down at Jace. "Fuckin' drama queen. Just drag him. He'll come to eventually."

_She'd make a horrible doctor._

I slid my hands under his arms, and froze.

_OhmyGodohmyGodohmyGodohmyGod..._

He was so _warm. _Like fire. Like my velvet coat. At home, Mama and Daddy couldn't afford to pay the heating bills or whatever, and I was always so cold. I would wrap myself in blankets and hold my hand above a candle, sometimes burn myself on purpose, but I would stay cold. I could never find any warmth.

_He would be an amazing snuggling partner..._I blinked and shook my head. The only person I've ever snuggled with was Mr. Baron Hotschaft Von Hugenstein, and he wasn't exactly a living creature. Only a stuffed teddy.

I sighed, and began walking backwards, up the stairs. I had no idea where the boy's restroom was, so I'd just have to take him to the one he tortured and killed Raphael.

He was heavier than I thought he'd be. I poked his stomach; Whoa. It was definitely all the muscle. That's all I felt through the thin cotton of his shirt.

I am pleased to say I got Jace to the bathroom in a shorter amount of time than I'd expected, considering he was so much larger than I am.

The smell of death wasn't gone; But I didn't go check for Raphael's body. If it-_he-_was still there, he probably looked worse. And I didn't need to see that again.

I dragged Jace over to the baths, keeping my eyes away from the one where he and Izzy had "played" with Raphael, and and set him down in one.

_Now to clean him up._

I ran back down to the sinks, grabbing a washcloth that hung on a ring on the wall, and opening the cabinets under the sink where there was indeed, first aid kits.

I wet the cloth, grabbed the plastic red box with a white cross printed in the center, and rushed back over to Jace, who hadn't moved or woken up yet.

I clicked my tongue; Should I get in the tub with him or stay out?

_He's out. And it'll make it easier if I don't have to reach over the marble and make it an awkward angle..._

I climbed in, shivering in excitement at being so closed to Jace while he was so vulernable. I took a deep breath, and willed myself to remain calm.

I'd have to take his shirt off.

Here's a problem, though: I've never seen a boy, teen, or man without their shirt off. Or pants. I shuddered at that thought. Gross. Not something I wanted to dwell on...

_It's just Jace; He's unconscious, so it doesn't matter. At least I didn't shoot him in the hip. _

I tugged at the hem of his shirt, clenching my teeth. It felt violating. If our roles were reversed, I'd be _furious _if I'd found out he'd undressed me while I was unconscious, trying to help me get better or not.

I took it off anyway, and choked.

He had...ridges. He was all muscle, and his skin was a honey-color, kind of like Magnus's. I touched his chest, and gasped. He was warm everywhere, and so hard and strong-

"I feel better already."

I shrieked and fell back, clutching the hand that had been touching him to my chest, my eyes wide.

Jace's eyes opened, and he smirked at me. "Aw, come on. Don't be shy. You certainly weren't a few seconds ago...Or do you just get turned on when you're taking advantage of a poor, harmless soul?"

I didn't know what "turned on" meant, but I knew he wasn't a harmless soul. "I was checking your heartbeat!" I protested, lying, very badly.

"Mmm." Jace nodded. "Checking for heartbeat involves running your hands all over my body? In that case, let me just check to see if your heart is pumping just fine-"

I turned tomato red. This boy was shameless! "I'd rather have no heartbeat then have you touching me." _Liar. _"Why are you in such a good mood?" I grabbed the first aid kit, needing something to do with my hands or I might slap him, and he already got enough injuries from me.

Jace shrugged with his uninjured shoulder. "I...enjoy this pain," he admitted, his eyes darkening a little as he watched me rub the washcloth on his shoulder. "It makes me feel alive."

"Alive?" I raised my eyebrows, dropping the now-bloody washcloth on my lap and grabbing so salve, gauze, and bandages.

Jace smiled, his eyes distant. "When you're alive, you hurt."

_Believe me, I know. _I nodded. "I understand. But I hate pain. How can you stand it?"

I rubbed the ointment on his shoulder, hating myself when I felt the muscles subtly clench beneath my fingertips, and looked at him expectantly.

"I've felt worse. The pain I feel now, it's pathetic compared to what it could be."

The words came out before I could stop them; "I won't let you be hurt again."

Jace scoffed. "I don't need you, Clary. Unlike you, I don't need somebody's hand to hold onto throughout my whole fuckin' life."

I frowned at him, because I've never had a hand. Only Simon. "Everyone needs someone to hold onto."

Jace tried to jerk away from my touch, but for once, I was in control. I wrapped the gauze around his shoulder. On pure instinct, I bent down and pressed a swift kiss on his shoulder, before a rough hand shoved me back.

Surprised, I looked up to see Jace glaring at me, his eyes looking more yellow than ever. "Don't _ever," _he growled. "Ever do that again."

I swallowed, and watched as he heaved himself up, and climbed out the tub.

"Jace-wait. Where are you going? Those men, and women..They're still out there."

"I can take care of myself," he called back.

I slumped down into a ball in the marble; This was officially the worst day of my life.

And I think he said it just to taunt me, kick me while I was still down, but I heard his soft voice carry through the room.

"I don't need anybody."

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><p><strong>...<strong>

**...**

**...**

**Poor Clary. Poor Jace. :(**

**-I didn't leave you with a cliffhanger...I wanted to. :(**

**-I kept cutting out cu**, because some people find it incredibly offensive. I usually only get offended when it's an insult.**

**-Izzy's fine. Maia knows what she's doing.**

**-I got the "she'd make a horrible doctor" from my mom. I can't help it; If someone comes to me when they're in pain, I just say, "Suck it up and put a band-aid on it."**

**-Thoughts on Jonathon?**

**-The Clary/Jace tub-scene?**

**-Review**

**~KF**


	6. Chapter 6

**Long ass A/N(s): Sorrysorrysorrysorry. I have no excuse, other than I couldn't get in a writing mood, and if I were to force myself, this would turn out horrible. Seriously. It's happened. **

**Basically, I've spent the past week obsessing and stalking a rock band I've recently discovered. Framing Hanley. Check their shit out, _NAO._**

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><p><strong>...Question: If I wrote a SimonOC oneshot, would your read it? Everyone from MI's dead, because he lives forever and they don't...kind of a no-brainer. **

**I mean, even if you don't, I'll probably still publish it, but even for such a vain person, I have my insecurities. ;)**

**Rating: M for language and suggestive dialogue...Some people asked about lemons in this story. I dunno. I know I have some young people reading this...You know who you are...and I'm not even near eighteen. O_o And I think it'd be awkward, since Clary's mentally still slightly immature, as you'll find out in this chapter...But maybe. **

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><p><strong>WARNINGPLEASEREAD!: This chapter discusses...the menstrual cycle. I've just recently discovered that this is considered a taboo in some cultures-Seriously, I had no idea-and if that offends you, you can either skip the chapter or just skip over that part. I'll understand. <strong>

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><p><strong>Jonathon will not rape Clary. Take a deep breath and relax...Repeat that later in this chapter. You'll know when the time comes...;)<strong>

**Alec's disorder WILL be revealed. Patience is virtue, chickies...;) **

**Pairings: Magnus/Alec, Clary/Jace-Yes, it will happen. **

**Disclaimer: Cassie owns the characters. I just make 'em crazy. ;)**

**I just winked more than I should have. **

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><p><strong>Clary<strong>

**Bloody Passages and Inner Conflicts**

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><p>Magnus carried me out of the bathroom, quizzing me on Jace. I told him he was fine, stormed off doing God knows what. I also wanted to walk, but he told me I had loud footsteps, and according to Maia, an even louder mouth, and proceeded to tell me to shut my trap before I got him caught.<p>

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><p>"Maia?"<p>

She raised her head from Jordan's shoulder, and blinked at me sleepily. "What?"

"I'm hungry."

It was dinnertime, but even _more _cars and men with guns showed up, and were quite angry when they saw how many of their companions had been killed.

_Does it make me a terrible person for not feeling guilty?_

I rubbed at my growling tummy. "Can't we eat yet, Maia?" I whined.

She frowned at me. "Quit your complaining, Clary. We're all hungry. But we can't go anywhere until those douchebags are finished."

"And how long is that gonna take?"

She shrugged, laying her head back down on Jordan's shoulder. When she did so, he smiled and kissed her temple softly. I looked away, unsure of the jealousy burning in my chest. Why was it so easy for them to be together? To touch and kiss and talk, without getting angry or uncomfortable?

Why did Maia get that when all I had was nothing?

I immediately felt bad. She deserved to be happy, I was just being selfish.

Sighing, I rolled over on my stomach, squinting my eyes at the dust bunnies laying in front of me. I sneezed. Stupid dust bunnies.

"Hey!"

I blinked at one of the dust bunnies, the one who'd yelled out in indignantation. "Sorry?"

"You just got your snot on us, you bitch!"

"Oh." That must've felt revolting. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sneeze on you. It's just...I'm allergic, you see-"

"Oh? You're allergic to me? Well, don't I just feel so fucking special?"

"Sorry, sorry! I didn't mean it like that..." Dang it. Why were dust bunnies so darn sensitive?

"Clary? Who the fuck are you talking to?" Maia was looking at me with raised eyebrows.

I looked at her, feeling pathetic. "Dust bunnies. I hurt their feelings. What should I say to make them feel better?"

Maia just stared at me.

Jordan smiled at me. "Blow them away," he offered sweetly. Much nicer than his girlfriend.

The dust bunnies heard him. "Don't you dare," one of them shrieked. "Don't you blow us aw-AHH!" I giggled, watching them fly to the otherside of the room. Silly dust bunnies.

"Why don't you go to sleep, Clary?" Jordan said, nodding to Magnus and Alec, who were both curled up together in one of the corners of the room, fast asleep. "It'll make the day go faster. And you won't be bored and hungry anymore."

I nodded, curling into a ball where I lay. My stomach hurt, like someone had set a fire in my lower abdomen.

It flared, and after three minutes of intense pain, it would settle, than repeat. I squeezed my eyes shut, gritting my teeth. I knew I was bother Maia and Jordan with my talking, so I didn't complain.

But, God. It _hurt._

I finally forced myself to fall asleep, trying to ignore the hot pain in my belly.

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><p>...<p>

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I woke up to the sun shining on my face through the tiny window.

"Hello."

I yelped and jumped up, turning around to see Jace sitting in the wooden chair, smirking at me.

Looking around, I realized the little room was empty. No Maia, Jordan, Alec, or Magnus. Just Jace. With his cocky expression and smug lips...Why was I looking at his lips, again?

"What are you doing in here?" I demanded. "I thought you wanted me to leave you alone?"

Jace's smirk grew. "I do," he responded. Then was silent. Arrogantly waiting for me to snap.

I snapped.

"Well?" I crossed my arms, surprised with myself. Why was I so snappish? He'd never angered me this much before. "Why are you here then? You want to kill me? Taunt me? Then just _do it!" _I stomped over to him and bent down, leaning so that my face was right in front of his.

Jace raised an eyebrow. "Somebody's in a pissy mood today," he commented. "Who shat in your Cheerios?"

_What did he just say?_

"Because of you," I yelled at him. "Why. Are. You. Here?"

He shrugged. "The others went to get breakfast, and wanted me to baby-sit in case someone decided to come in and stab you in your sleep." One side of his mouth pulled up. "And you haven't even thanked me for being so considerate."

I crossed my arms and lifted my chin defiantly. "I owe you nothing," I said coldly, shocked at myself and my coldness. Why was I being so mean to Jace? It was like...Everything he was saying kept flicking a switch that set me off, and I would love nothing more than to rip his throat out.

"Why did you agree, if you don't want me around you?"

Jace steepled his hands, surveying me expressionlessly. "I said I didn't want you following me around or looking at me," he said, slowly. "I never said that _I'd _stop."

I rolled my eyes. "Wonderful." Actually, yesterday, I would've meant that. But he'd hurt my feelings. Repeatedly. Forgive me for being reluctant to let him back in.

Jace cocked his head, furrowing his brows. "Maia must be rubbing off on you." He didn't look happy. "Here. You smell bad." Jace held out a white dress.

I took it from him. "This isn't mine," I told him. I'd never owned a dress in my life, much less wore one. But I wasn't about to tell him that. He never told me anything about him, except accidently dropping hints that he was a loner. So why should I tell him anything about myself?

He shrugged. "It's Martha's."

I unfolded the lacy fabric, watching as the hem floated to the floor like feathers. It was going to be too big on me. I'd be tripping over it more than actually walking, that was for sure.

"Turn around," I instructed. "No peeking, please."

Jace gave me what was supposed to be an innocent smile, but it looked...threatening. His eyes were taunting, his teeth bared and his stance cat-like.

"Or leave the room." I scowled at him.

He turned and walked to a corner. "Happy?"

_No. My stomach hurts and you're very annoying this morning. _

I reluctantly shrugged off the green jacket, and tugged my shirt off after. The dress slid down my skin like spiderwebs; Thin and transparent.

I noticed that my chest was visible, and I did a double-take. My boobs weren't big...but they weren't flat, like they'd been last week. _Hopefully nobody notices._

I kicked off my jeans and frowned as discomfort settled in my stomach yet again.

As I picked up my jeans, I froze, staring at them. _What's that?_

_Is that...Blood?_

I gulped.

Jace shifted. "What?"

"N-nothing," I squeaked out, cringing at how timid I sounded. _It's just blood. Maybe I got some of Jace's blood on me from yesterday..._

Just to be sure, I bent down and lifted the dress a bit, and could feel my eyes widen.

Blood, yes, blood, was coating the insides of my thighs. I felt a little nauseas; Not because of the blood. But because I was bleeding. And I wasn't even hurt anywhere.

I began panicking. Was I dying? Was I about to bleed to death?

"Can I turn around?" Jace demanded, sounding irritated. "It doesn't take that long to put on a fuckin' dress, Clary."

_Jace! _I nearly exploded with relief when I remembered I wasn't alone. _He'll know what's wrong._

"I'm bleeding," I whispered. "Jace. Jace, my stomach hurts and now I'm bleeding...you know. Down _there." _

He turned, and raised an eyebrow. "Talk slowly," he said. "And chill out. Jesus."

I bit my tongue, wondering if he'd wish he'd been more polite to me after I bled to death and he was tormented with guilt.

"I am bleeding. Here." I pointed below my waist.

Jace's face whitened.

His reaction only scared me further. "Jace? Am I going to die?"

"Yeah. I'm seriously considering killing you." He ran his hand through his hair, tugging a little at the ends. "Um...So you _don't _know what's wrong with you?"

I shook my head.

Jace swore. "Fucking wonderful." He moved towards the door, and I gave a small shriek and threw myself at him, clutching his hand desperately. "Don't leave me," I pleaded. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I was mean, even though you aren't very nice. Don't leave me alone, though. I don't wanna die."

"Fuck. You aren't going to die, shut up." Jace tried to pull his hand back, but I refused to let go. Believe it or not, holding his hand brought me the most comfort I'd ever felt the whole time I'd been in this place.

"What's wrong with me?" I whispered, my eyes rounding. "Jace, do you know what's happening to me?"

He groaned. "Unfortunately." Jace looked down at me. "I'm going to get Maia," he said. "She can explain your...situation better than I can."

"Don't go," I whined. "Please, Jace."

He pried my fingers off him. "Fine," he said in a sharp voice. "Jesus. Are you _always _this clingy?"

I blinked at him. Why was he so mean to me? And when I was scared, too. "You don't have to be such a jerk," I muttered, crossing my arms. "I'm not mean to you. I haven't even done anything to you."

Jace pointed at his shoulder, silently reminding me that I had shot him.

I winced. "Well..." I stomped my foot. "You tried to kill me. I was only treating you the way you treated me."

He made a face. "If you weren't a girl, I would've killed you for that."

_That's stopped him before?_ "Haven't you killed girls before?" I pointed out.

"Details." Jace dismissed me with a wave of his hand. "Now that you're...calmed down, can I go get Maia, now?"

I opened my mouth to respond, before I processed what he'd just said. A smile stretched across my face, and Jace gave me a wary look. "What the fuck is your problem now?" He demanded.

"You asked." I was so giddy I was surprised I wasn't vibrating with excitement.

Jace looked stumped. "What crazy shit are you talking about now?" He asked.

I looked over my shoulder, grinning at the neon green zebra that was standing innocently in the corner, surveying us with interest through his violet eyes. "Did you hear that?" I stage-whispered, since I doubted he-I assumed it was a he, female animals usually weren't attractive-"He asked."

The zebra made a growl of approval.

_I didn't realize zebras **could **growl..._

"Damn, you're messed up in the head." Jace slid his hands into his dark jeans, and squinted at me. "Well?"

"You asked for my permission." I smiled like a fool at him. "You asked if you could get Maia."

Jace blinked, an expression of indignantation crossing his face. "I did n-" His mouth snapped shut.

"Yes, you did!" I giggled, surprising myself at how light and playful it sounded. It felt weird to giggle. It made me feel safer than I really was.

Jace shook his head, backing away. "Stop making that noise," he snapped. "Stop laughing."

I couldn't seem to stop. "But it's so funny," I whispered through my chuckles. "Big Bad Pyro asking for the Little Psycho's permission."

Jace scowled. "Goddammit," he snapped at me. "Shut _up. _I'm not doing anything for your retarded ass. You have your imaginary friends and Magnus for that shit."

I stopped laughing. I looked at him, feeling more than a little bit hurt. "Don't say mean things about mentally disabled people," I said. "I knew a boy who was like that. He was my best friend."

Jace snorted. "No surprise there. Nobody wanted to be friends with the clingy brat, huh?"

My lower lip started trembling. He was _so _mean. And my stomach was starting to hurt again. I was bleeding.

"Fine then." I crossed my arms. Charlie had been my best friend, even though she couldn't exactly speak, only mumble nonsense I couldn't understand. She'd had rocks thrown at her everyday when she sat out on her porch in her wheelchair, by the same mean kids that would throw rocks and spit on my face in our neighborhood.

Adding those horrible memories with the ones Jace was dumping on me now, I felt a little nauseas.

"Please leave." My voice was softer than I'd intended, and didn't have as much authority as I'd hoped for.

Jace raised an eyebrow. "Why?" His tone was mocking. "Did I hurt your feelings? Are you gonna kick me out and start crying-" He yelped and dropped his hands to his groin, where I'd just kicked him as hard as I could.

"Stop talking to me. Leave."

Jace looked surprised, but quickly wiped it away from his face. "Just as I thought." He straightened. "Can't handle anything. Needs to walk into life blindfolded and caged with lies." Jace smirked cruely. "Even if you survive long enough for a hug, what does it matter? I could cut your throat, and you could bleed to death in my arms, wishing you weren't so naive and stupid."

I didn't think I wanted his hug anymore. Not when he was such a...butthead.

Jace started towards the door. "Oh, and Clary?"

Dreading the onslaught of more insults and threats, I looked at him. "What?"

"That blood? Cramps? You're going to get that every month." He winked at me. "Congratulations. You're a woman now." The door shut loudly behind him.

...

...

...

* * *

><p>...<p>

...

...

The door opened seconds after Jace walked out, and Jonathon walked in, much to my surprise.

"Hello."

He smiled at me. "Hey, Clary." I must've had an odd expression on my face, because he was instantly by my side. "Are you alright?"

"Jonathon...I'm bleeding." I pointed at where the blood was coming from, and Jonathon chuckled.

"Oh, Clary." He wrapped an arm around my shoulders. "Don't worry. That's perfectly natural."

"Really?" I blinked up at him. "Jace said it would happen every month. But he said it in a mean way."

Jonathon frowned at me. "Clary, you should've listened to your friends when they told you to avoid that asshole." His hand, which was resting on my shoulder, slowly began running down my arm. "Hmm..." He smiled. "Your skin is soft. Like silk."

I smiled at him uncertainly. "Um, thank you." Jonathon was nice to me, I guess. Nicer than Jace. But I didn't like the way he was looking at me. It made me feel...uncomfortable.

His other hand fingered with the waistline of the dress. "And this dress fits you wonderfully." His tone was taking a breathier turn, now. "Did you know that it was see-through?"

I yelped and jerked away, glancing down at myself. Mortification flooded through me as I spotted my body through the lace, on display for everybody to see.

"Shh, relax." Jonathon wrapped an arm around my waist, and pulled me against the front of his body. I frowned, feeling something hard pressed against my butt. _What is that?_

"Um, can you please let me go?"

"Of course." Jonathon's hand brushed against my breast as he raised his hands away, causing me to jump in alarm, but I brushed it off as an accident.

"So..." I crossed my arms over my chest when I noticed Jonathon's eyes resting there. "Ah, you say this is natural? It happens every month?"

Jonathon's dark eyes lit with interest. "You really don't know?"

I shook my head. "Jace didn't tell me much...Just that I wasn't dying. Will I be alright, Jonathon?"

He shook his head, somberly. "I'm afraid not, Clary."

My heartbeat stuttered. "W-what do you mean?" I whispered, terrified of what his answer might be.

Jonathon stepped closer to me, his eyelids looking hooded. "I can help, though, Clary," he whispered. "The only way to make it better..."

"What is it?" Anything. I didn't want to die.

"You have to let me kiss it better," he breathed into my ear, and I shivered at the cool breath.

_Kiss _me? Down there? Was he insane? That was...disgusting. I peed from there.

I made a face. "Gross."

Jonathon shrugged. "It'll feel wonderful after and during. _I promise." _

Hmm...I sighed. "I don't think so, Jonathon. It's bloody down there, and Mommy told me I wasn't allowed to show anybody that part of my body."

Jonathon's face went red with anger. "Seriously?" He demanded. "Your mother didn't even care about you, Clary. Your Jace _hates _you, and your friends treat you like a deadweight."

I gasped. Did he just say that? Had he spoken to them? Did they tell him they hated me?

"Don't say that. Please."

Everybody was being so mean to me this morning. How come? What had I done?

"I'm sorry, Clary. I'm trying to be honest, here. Don't you want to finally hear the truths everyone's keeping from you, because they think you're too childish and stupid to understand?"

That _was _true.

"Why does everyone hate me, Jonathon? Why do they all want to kill me?"

Jonathon ran a hand through my hair. I closed my eyes, surprised by how good it felt. "They don't like you because they hate new people here. They won't stop hating you until you're dead," he murmured. "And then they'll forget all about you. You won't even be a memory."

I blinked back the tears welling up in my eyes. "Oh." I suddenly felt very small.

"I'll be your friend, Clary. I like you." He was pressed against me again, and that same hard thing was pressed against my abdomen. I frowned down. "What is that?"

Jonathon smirked, looking pleased. "Would you like to touch it and find out?"

"No thank you." I didn't want him touching me down there, no way was I touching him.

He looked angry again. "How old are you, Clary?"

"Fifteen. My birthday's in a week."

Jonathon smiled at me. "So pure." He sighed. "Have you met Sebastian Verlac?"

"Who?" I vaguely remembered the name 'Verlac' thrown around, somewhere...

"The guy who runs this place? Sebastian is his son."

I blinked. "Oh." I shook my head. "No, I haven't heard of him."

"He'll be a good friend. Better than the assholes you hang out with now." Sebastian wrapped his fingers around my wrist. "C'mon. I'll take you to him. Are you hungry?"

Instead of letting me answer, Sebastian tugged me gently out the tiny room, and down the hall and stairs. I couldn't keep up with where we were going. It was all so confusing, I didn't think I'd ever get it all memorized.

We reached the...dining room? I'll just call it the dining room. Cafataria just didn't fit it right.

"Clary! What are you doing?"

I turned at the sound of Maia's voice. She, Jordan, Magnus, Alec, and for the first time since I'd been here, Jace, were sitting in a tight knit circle away from the other residents, all of them looking at me worriedly.

"Where's Sebastian?" I whispered, tearing my gaze away from my so-called-"friends". Izzy was with them, laying on her stomach and nuzzling her nose into Maia's shoulder. I guess she was grateful for Maia's first aid skills...

It hurt to look away, especially when I caught their shocked faces out of the corner of my eye. But why should they care? They didn't even like me. Jonathon said so. And he was the only person so far to not lie to me.

"Right over here." He pulled me over to where a handsome boy with a huge ring of others surrounding him was telling a story, and said something that made everyone laugh, even some of the girls I'd seen eating human body parts with Izzy the other day, laughing so hard one of them coughed up...I didn't want to know what that was. A kidney? Was that even edible?

"Say hello."

I shook my head, suddenly feeling shy. There were so many people. And all of them wanted to kill me. "You do it. I'll only screw up."

"You have to." Jonathon gave me a little push. "C'mon, Clary. Grow up."

I began walking towards Sebastian, swallowing the nervous lump that was slowly rising up in my throat. "Um, hi. Sebastian?"

The boy who'd been animatedly telling a funny story to the rest of the people surrounding him, paused. Everyone turned to look at me. I glanced over at where Jonathon had been standing, hoping he'd back me up. But he was nowhere to be seen.

"Yes?" The story-teller asked politely.

I pinched at the skin on my wrist nervously. "I was wondering if I could sit down with you guys." He raised an eyebrow. I winced. Oh, this was bad. I should've just stayed in the little hideout.

"I mean-I don't _have _to sit here. I could always just go. I was just wondering-"

"Sit down, beautiful." Sebastian, I'm guessing, dropped a sly wink at me. "A pretty thing like you shouldn't be by herself. What's your name?"

I blushed, and sat down. "Clary."

Sebastian smiled at me. "I'm Sebastian. Sit over here." He waved me over, patting a spot on the floor right next to him.

I sat silently next to him, listening as he continued his story, which actually turned out to be funny.

In the middle of the story, I frowned, feeling the hairs on my arm rise.

My eyes flickered over to where Jace and the others were sitting. Jace was staring right at me, his lion eyes furious looking. Angry. Sebastian's arm slid around my shoulders casually, and he told me the punchline of a joke he'd just told.

I would've laughed, but the air seemed to have left me. Jace's eyes narrowed, and his mouth tightened. Like this morning, when he'd been yelling at me.

"Why does Wayland look so pissed?" Sebastian asked me.

I tore my eyes away from Jace, that odd fluttery feeling back in my stomach. "He always looks like that."

Sebastian shrugged. "Probably just jealous I have such a pretty girl wrapped up in me."

I smiled, a little forced one. "Doubt it. Jace doesn't like me."

Jace smirked, as if he heard me.

Sebastian tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear. "The prick doesn't know what he's missing out on," he murmured.

I thought about what Jonathon had said. That unless I got kissed-down there-I wasn't going to be alright. I brushed the idea of him doing it away immediately. I wouldn't be comfortable with him doing it. Something about him touching me just sent shivers down my back...I thought about Jace. He'd probably let me die, and say no.

But then I thought, what if he _did? _Images of him on his knees in front of me, pressing a soft kiss with those warm lips right there-I clapped a hand over my mouth. Was I really thinking that? Gross!

My face felt hot. In fact, I felt hot _everywhere. _And I couldn't get that image out of my head.

_Oh, my God, what is wrong with me? I'm **twisted.**_

I found myself drawn to Jace's mouth, now. I was ignoring Sebastian, unintentionally, watching as Jace snarked at Maia, how his lovely narrow pink mouth curled and pouted.

I scowled. _I shouldn't be thinking of him like this. He hates me, and he's dangerous. He doesn't want to have anything to do with me, he said as much in the bathroom yesterday._

Jace looked at me again. I waved.

He made the oddest hand gesture back. His fingers stayed in a fist, but his middle finger went up.

I cocked my head.

"What the fuck?" Sebastian looked over at what I'd been staring at. "WAYLAND." He stood up. "You dickhead. Leave the poor girl alone."

Everyone paused their eating and turned to see what Verlac's son was yelling about.

Jace stood up, his arms crossed. "She doesn't want me to."

I blinked, and looked down at my lap. I craved the warmth of my jacket, which I'd left in the room when I'd changed into this ridiculously revealing dress.

Sebastian scoffed. "What makes you so sure of that?"

Jace shrugged. "It's any girls's reaction to this." He indicated to his body. I closed my eyes, trying to block the thoughts of what he'd looked like with his shirt off. Oh, if he would kiss me right there with his shirt off-

Sebastian rolled his eyes. "If that were true, she'd be sitting over there instead of with me."

Jace raised an eyebrow. "Clary." He looked at me. "Come back over here."

Sebastian looked down at me. In fact, everyone was looking at me.

_I think I'm going to be sick._

Magnus was looking at me with a hurt expression. _Why are you ignoring us? _His eyes asked. _Why aren't you sitting with us? Your friends?_

I bit my lip, remembering all the hurtful things Jace had said earlier. What Jonathon had said.

"I think I'd rather sit with Sebastian, thanks."

Jace's eyes widened, then narrowed, his face expressionless. "You weren't worth it, anyway." He sat back down.

Sebastian sat back down, also. "God, what a dick!" He exclaimed.

I didn't respond, my eyes wide as I stared at Jace. He didn't look at me again.

_You weren't worth it._

_You weren't worth it._

_You weren't worth it._

I swallowed, looking down at the french toast on my plate. I suddenly didn't feel very hungry, anymore.

Jace didn't think I was worth fighting for.

I really am worthless.

"I'm not feeling very well, Sebastian," I whispered to him. "Excuse me. I'm going to go lay back down."

He nodded, not looking at me. I'm not even sure he heard me. Sighing, I stood up and made my way out of the dining room, stepping around the girls lying on their stomachs, and the boys jumping up and running around, throwing food and body parts at eachother.

I ducked as I saw one throw a sharp, small knife, which narrowly missed my head.

_My lord, it is dangerous in here._

I jogged out into the hall, and grumbled when I realized I had no idea where to go.

"Where are you going?"

Sighing again, I turned on my heel, crossing my arms. "What do you want, Jace?"

He looked so freaking relaxed and at ease, no sign of the angry boy I'd seen just minutes earlier, I wanted to slap him. Hug him. Scream at him.

Jace shrugged. "Who said I wanted anything?" He taunted. "I was just concerned about your wellbeing. I mean, it isn't as if you're able to take care of yourself."

I snapped. _"Excuse me?" _My voice rose up to a shriek. "I haven't done anything _but _take care of myself here. I can't trust any of you, obviously. Magnus wanted to kill me. You wanted to kill me-"

"Actually, Maggie wanted to kill you." Jace interrupted. "I wanted Aline to kill you. Get your facts right, Sparky."

_Sparky? A guy who lived across the street in my neighborhood had a dog named Sparky. _Until Sparky had gotten shot by another neighbor, because she wouldn't stop barking.

"Either way, I'm not welcome here. You said as much."

Jace wrinkled his nose. That should not have looked attractive, but it did, dang him. "You really need to grow some goddamn backbone, Christ," he complained. "If you let me push you around, God help me I'll cut your throat right now." Jace reached into the backpocket of his jeans, and raised a Swiss Army Knife at me.

I slowly started backing away. "O-okay."

"NO." Jace whirled, his fist crashing into the wall next to me. I jumped, startled. "_Not _okay," he snapped at me. "Stand up for yourself, dammit. You won't have somebody to help you back up all the fucking time, and no way in hell am I going to be that person for you."

I frowned at him. Was he like Magnus, also? Or were his mood swings normal?

"I don't know what you're talking about, Jace," I whispered. "I don't have someone to help me. Ever."

Jace scoffed. "Aw, poor Sparky doesn't have her Daddy to bail her out of the asylum? You're just a weak little brat, Clary. Have your personaly body guards here. Have them do your bidding-"

"Shut up. Shut UP. You know _nothing _about how I was raised, Jace Wayland." I crossed my arms. "My Daddy was never there for me, so you can't get that out of your head, _right now. _I do not have body guards; They're my friends," _despite what Jonathon said, _I added mentally, "even as heartless and friendless as you are, I'm sure you already knew that. And I don't have someone to pick me up. Only people like you to kick me down. Repeatedly."

I stopped my rant, breathing heavily and glaring at Jace, who'd remained expressionless through the whole thing.

"Well? Do you have anything to say _now, _Jace?" I winced at how shrill my voice sounded, but I was so angry. So very, very angry.

His crossed arms fell. "That dress looks lovely on you."

I hadn't expected that. That was probably why he'd said it.

"Jonathon thinks so, too." I lifted my chin. _Take that._

Jace raised his eyebrow, a common reaction from him, I was beginning to realize.

"Really?"

"Yeah. And he also told me the truth about my bleeding."

Jace's expression didn't change. "What did he tell you?"

"That I'm not alright, like you said." I felt unease stir in my belly. "That the only way for my...private to stop bleeding was if he kissed it better."

_"He said WHAT?"_

Jace lunged at me and grabbed my shoulders, scaring me and causing a yelp to jump out of my mouth. "Tell me exactly what he said, Sparky," he said, his eyes snapping furiously.

As dumb as it was, his hands on my shoulders made me instantly relax, and my body felt...fluid-like. "I told you," I murmured. "He said that if he kissed me there, it'd feel good and I would live."

Jace swore. "Did you let him?"

I shook my head. "No. I don't think it would've felt that good, actually," I explained.

He let go of me and stepped back, clearing his throat. "Uh, okay. Good."

"Am I going to die? Because I didn't let him do that?"

Jace closed his eyes. "No, you won't. Chill. That dude was just a douche who wanted to get in your pants."

"Actually, Jace..." He opened his eyes. "I'm wearing a dress."

He nodded. "I know."

_And he said it looked lovely on me. _I couldn't believe I'd almost forgotten that. Excited, I let out a high-pitched squeal.

Jace jumped. "What the hell?" He demanded.

I giggled. "You think I look lovely."

He blinked at me, slowly. "I did not."

_He did. He DID. HEDIDHEDIDHEDID! I heard him!_

"I have to go to the bathroom." I remembered I hadn't gone all morning, and realized I was about to pee myself out of excitement and a full bladder. "Bye, Jace! Tell the others I'm sorry I ignored them!"

He stood there, looking speechless. "What-?"

_He's just too cute, even if he **is **a killer._

* * *

><p>I ran up the stairs, praying that I could find my way to the bathroom.<p>

I did, thankfully. Running in immediately, I threw myself in the closest stall, and...

Well, you know.

I cringed at the blood. Jeez, I don't think I'll ever get used to the nasty stuff...

Flushing the toilet, I stiffened at the sound of footsteps. Stupid, I know it's a bathroom for all the girls, but...I dunno. My instincts were screaming at me to either stay in the stall, or hide. And my knife was still in my green coat, which I didn't have.

Oh, dear.

The steps approached my stall. Wasn't it Friday, now?

I held my breath, despite the fact they'd probably already seen my bare feet.

A light rap on the door. "Hello?" A soft, high voice sounded. Sweet and sugary like a young girls. But...oddly huskier. Rougher.

I relaxed. Just a little girl. "Hello," I said back. "I'll be out in a second, unless you want another stall."

She giggled. High and innocent sounding. "Oh, silly," she cooed. "I don't have to use the bathroom."

I frowned. Why was she in here, then? I unlatched the door, and pushed it open. "What do you mean-?" I froze.

"M-Magnus?"

He had a maniacal smile stretched across his face, his eyes glazed and starry looking. He held a crowbar in his hands, tossing it back-and-forth.

"You're so pretty," he crooned, his eyes bright and childlike. "You'll make the perfect dolly."

"D-dolly?" I stepped back, the backs of my knees hitting the toilet seat. "What do you mean?"

Magnus giggled. Off pitch. "I'll have to cut you open and stuff you with feathers, and pillow-stuffing, of course. But no worries. It'll be harmless..."

I whimpered, my Jace-touched-induced-high faded now. "Magnus?"

"NO!" Magnus stomped his foot, and screamed. "My. Name. Is. MARTHA."

_Martha?_

_..._

_Oh. Crap._

...

...

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><p><strong>...<strong>

**...**

**...**

**-Has your opinion on Jonathon changed?**

**-Framing. Hanley. NIXON!-Lead singer...**

**-No, fifteen is not too old to start PMSing. Read The Summoning if ya don't believe me.**

**-Thoughts on Martha?**

**-Should this story have lemons?**

**-Do you forgive me for the twelve day wait?**

**-Review**


	7. Chapter 7

**Rated M for: Language/Violence/Gore? I guess it could be called gore...If not, consider that a loose warning. AND there's a little...smut. **

**A/N: One of my oneshots, I'd Rather Die Young, won first place for Best Songfic in the 2011 Mortal Instruments Awards. :)...yaaayy.**

**And as for the wait, as I've been getting complaints about: School just started for me. And as I've mentioned before, I suck balls at math...Not literally, my math teacher's a woman. But my dumbass old teacher signed me up for all advanced, so now I'm learning math I was supposed to learn in two years. So I've been stressed and have little writing time. So sorry, but it's one of those things I just can't control. :/**

**But to make it up to you, I'll write a oneshot. Hopefully very soon. :)..And this time "very soon" doesn't mean over two weeks.**

**Disclaimer: Cassie owns the characters. I just make 'em crazy. ;)**

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><p><strong>Clary<strong>

**Martha's Doll**

**...**

**..**

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><p>I swallowed hard, looking at the crowbar Martha held in 'her' hands, terror clawing it's way up my spine, planting seeds of fear in my skull.<p>

"Come here, Dolly," Martha sang in that sugary-sweet voice. "Come out here and plaaay."

_Why did I have to leave my coat in that room? Why? _I bit my lower lip, wondering if Magnus/Martha/Maggie ever appeared in front of Alec. How could he be in a relationship with somebody with two other identities? It wasn't like Spiderman and Peter Parker. He was literally _three different people._

But I was crushing on a pyro who hated me. Yeah. No point in denying it. Especially since my chances of surviving Martha were slim. Even Jace had seem slightly nervous just _talking _about her.

Martha had seemed to have lost her patience, waiting for me to step out. Her long slender hand, the one not holding the weapon, shot out and grabbed me by chunks of hair. I grunted, wincing at the pain in my scalp as she yanked me over to her.

"Tut tut, Dolly dear," she tsk'ed, shaking her head in disappointment. "I'm disappointed in you. When I say come out..." She leaned her face forward, her violet green eyes flashing. _"You fucking come out," _she growled, her voice devoid of any childish sweetness it'd contained before.

I tried to nod, forgetting that she was still gripping my hair. "A-alright," I stammered, looking away from her. She looked so frightening. Demented, too-wide smile covering her face. Eyes round, managing to look innocent and hateful at the same time.

"Okey dokey," she sang cheerfully, her dark mood lifting. "Now, Dolly; Ready to see your dollhouse?"

I felt dread filling me. Even if there was a way to get away from Martha, it'd most likely end up being violent. And if I hurt Martha, I hurt Magnus.

"Of course."

Martha gave a happy, girlish squeal, and let go of my hair. I breathed a sigh of relief.

...Only to whimper as Martha wrapped some sort of cloth around my head, covering my mouth. She grabbed both of my hands and pulled them behind me, and did some sort of bending thing, causing me to scream into the gag and my bones squeak in protest.

"Bad Dolly," Martha snapped, the crowbar coming down and cracking against my ribcage.

I tried to swallow back my screams, knowing they'd only get me more...beatings from Martha.

The scream turned into bile, and I struggled to keep it in my stomach, not wanting to throw up into the gag.

"Good girl," she murmured, running a hand down my cheek. "You're learning." My arms, which were beginning to numb, thankfully, anything other than that pain again, were tied together behind my back, and she pushed me out of the bathroom, leading me through the Institute.

People walked by us, people rolled in wheelchairs by us, and Izzy was even swinging from beam to beam, making monkey noises and completely ignoring my dilemma. Of course. Martha was Magnus to her, she wouldn't know the difference.

I got saliva on my cheek and on my pretty dress, from where a group of mean boys spit on me as Martha shoved me ahead, causing me to stumble. I could feel my cheeks redden when the same boys pulled down their pants and made rather inappropriate movements, saying disturbing things to me, causing everyone around us to laugh.

Martha ignored them, pushing me up the stairs and into what I assumed was Magnus's room. Until I saw what was inside.

The walls were painted bubblegum pink, with a small white, four-poster bed with lacy white and pink pillows and comforter.

There was a tea-set sitting on a cream-colored coffee table with pink and white checkered table-cloth. Martha led me over to the coffee table, forcing me to sit down on the cute little chairs placed around the round table.

Martha hummed, picking up a china teapot, and pouring...blood into my teacup.

My eyes widened. Where did she get the blood from? ...Did I really just ask such an obvious question?

"Well, since you're already dressed up for a tea party," Martha commented happily. "I'll get ready while you introduce yourself to Mr. and Mrs. Wendy, Jokey the Clown, and Ralf."

She danced over to a closet on the other side of the room. As she opened it, my eyes slid shut, trying to block the away the memory of the sight I'd just seen.

Bodies. So many bodies. And loose body parts. A random arm, a detatched leg. I even saw a head. Some were still bloody, fresh-looking. Others looked rotten.

I choked on the nausea. _She was going to kill me._

Martha ignored the bodies, and quickly stripped-at that point I looked away-tugging a flowery pink dress over her head. "Ready!" She clapped excitedly. "Oh! Let me grab a couple more guests!"

I stared at the other members currently sitting at the table. Mr. and Mrs. Wendy, I was guessing, were the two dolls sitting on my left. Mr. Wendy was missing his right arm, and stuffing was trailing out of his doll-like belly, looking like a stab wound.

Mrs. Wendy was missing chunks of hair, which I assumed Martha had yanked out in the middle of a temper tantrum. She was missing an eye, and she had plenty of deep rips through her dainty-like body. Possibly from the same knife that had stabbed her husband.

Jokey the Clown was made of porcelain, a dirty, juigly hat and moth-eaten clothes covered his small, and badly cracked body, with half of his head broken off. He had a similar smile to Martha's plastered on his face, his remaining eye was beady and eerie-looking.

Gulping, I turned towards 'Ralf'. A sock puppet, thank God.

Until I realized the "sock puppet" was really a rotten foot.

I tried to hold my breath. It smelled horrible in here. Like the bathroom had, that morning. It reeked of death. Worse, there was more than one body. And they weren't exactly...new.

"Here they are!" Martha dropped two bodies-Dear Lord, I was about to have the same fate as those corpses-in two of the three remaining chairs. "That's Sally," she pointed to a girl, about twelve, with matted blonde curls hanging in her face, eye sockets with no eyeballs, and a gaping mouth full of teeth that were in a painful need of washing. Her clothes smelled like pee and blood. I retched. A child. Younger than me.

Martha really didn't have any mercy.

"And that's Eli." The boy...If I went into a description for him, I think I may vomit. But I had a gag on, so what was the harm?

Eli, I'm guessing, had been pale-skinned when he was alive. But his skin now, was black. Charred. As if he'd been burnt alive, like a crisp cookie.

_Jace._

Singed eyebrows. His face contorted into a rough surface of lumps and scars, of what I could tell through the black.

_Jace did this to him._

Eli was short. Slender. Young looking.

_Jace killed a boy. A boy who had to be ten._

Three fingers on his right hand were missing. His left thumb was in a permanent state of mid-melting, looking like it belonged on the hand of a wax doll. A melting wax doll.

_I can't believe I had a discussion with a man who'd done such a horrible thing._

I mean, sure, I'd heard the rumors. I'd seen Raphael.

But this...This was too much.

Martha appeared to have noticed my horror towards the victims. "Oh, don't pity Sally, Dolly," she soothed in that same sweet voice. Disgustingly, frightening sweet voice that I would have nightmares about, if I survived this. "She was a naughty girl. Very, very naughty. She tried to run away..." She began swaying back and forth, the blonde wig on her head bouncing with the sausage ringlets. "So I had to make her stay. My brother helped me. You won't run, will you, Dolly?"

I shook my head. _Maggie's Jace's girlfriend...Martha's Jace's little sister...Magnus and Jace don't like eachother. Why is Jace so involved?_

Martha beamed. "Lovely."

She sat down, and picked up the small white teapot. "Here's some tea for Mr. Wendy..." She tipped the pitcher-like dish, and I frowned as a scarlet liquid-thickly-poured out and into the waiting cup. "And some for the beautiful Mrs. Wendy..." She moved around the table, pouring some of the mysterious beverage into everyone's cup.

I looked down at mine. Was I supposed to drink that stuff? She leaned over the table, and slid the gag down to my neck, freeing my mouth.

"Drink." Martha clapped her hands.

_Guess so. _Picking up the cup, straining against the rope that binded me to the chair, I took a sip.

...And immediately fought the urge to spit the disgusting stuff out.

_Blood. _She'd given me blood to drink.

I forced it down; I don't think 'Martha' would appreciate it if I spit out the blood all over the powder-white cloth.

Martha tossed her cup back, and I gaped as blood spilled down her chin and onto her dress. She licked her lips. "My favorite," she purred contently.

_Of course it is._

I set my cup down, and cleared my throat. "Martha?"

She turned to smile at me, flashing pearly white teeth stained with the blood she'd slurped down. "Yes, Dolly?"

"Uh..." I held my breath. The stink of Sally, Ralf and Eli was beginning to burn my nostrils. "What-what's going to happen to me?" I mean, she _had _said she was going to skin me and stuff me, but she couldn't have been serious, right?

Martha shrugged. "You will find out."

_Oh, I can't wait._

...

...

...

* * *

><p>Martha tightened the knot of the rope she'd tied around me. "There." She stepped away, looking satisfied.<p>

I gulped, looking down at myself. I was perfectly helpless. No knife. No gun. No Jace. No Izzy. Nothing to save me, this time.

She clapped her hands. "Alrighty, then. Lets get started, shall we?"

I didn't answer.

Martha didn't seem to mind my silence; She turned and walked over to a small pink music box resting on her dresser. Opening it up, I squinted, and felt my stomach drop. There was a sharp, _extremely _sharp knife laying in the box.

"Ah." Martha smiled. "Perfect." She glided over to me, and slid cool, slim fingers under my chin, tilting my head up. "Do you know why you are here, Dolly?"

I shook my head.

"Because..." Martha slid the knife up, the coldness of the blade a relief against my overheated cheeks. "You tried to take my brother away from me."

_Jace? _I shook my head. "No, Jace doesn't even like me-"

"Shut up," she spat out violently, dropping her hand from beneath my chin, and slapping me coldly across the cheek. My head snapped back, and I blinked in surprise. Where she'd hit me was beginning to sting, but it didn't so much hurt as it surprised me. I'd taken my fair share of hits in the past, so I had grown used to it.

But while it was Martha who'd slapped me, it was also Magnus.

Bile rose in my throat at the thought of Magnus hitting me.

"As I was saying," she continued, the angry expression instantly smoothing out into her childlike wonder, her voice getting softer, "you tried to take Jacey away from me. And I can't have that, see." She leaned over, catching my eye. "Because if Jace leaves me, then I'll have nobody."

_Aw..._Is it wrong of me if I felt sympathetic for her? Sure, she was crazy. And she was totally wrong. But she loved Jace, and she didn't want anyone else to have him. It was cute.

Of course, I was still scared of her. Especially since she'd begun to press the dagger against my cheek.

I made a noise at the back of my throat as she abruptly dug the blade in deeper, and a flash of pain shot through my face.

She giggled, and slid her finger under the trickling blood, and licked it slowly off, her eyes never leaving mine. "Yummy. You taste like cherries," she murmured.

I refused to blink, my eyes never leaving hers.

"I want more," she declared. And licked my cheek.

She pulled away, licking her lips.

"You taste wonderful, Dolly," she said happily. "I think I'll keep you."

I let out a sigh of relief, but it quickly faded. I didn't want to know what she was going to do with me if it didn't involve murder...

"But first, I have to kill you." She pouted. "I can't have Jacey knowing you were here, see. Then he'll be mad at me."

_Then let me go, _I pleaded, silently.

Martha sighed. "Oh, Dolly. Don't give me that look." She smiled at me, sweetly. "It won't hurt me a bit."

...

...

...

* * *

><p>I screamed against the gag, slamming my head back against the wall, writhing against the rope Martha had wrapped me in.<p>

"Shut up!" She brought the golden, leather-like whip down across my ribs, and another flare of white-hot pain flashed through me, and I gave another shriek, struggling not to sob. My body was shaking from the lashes, and the leather had cut so deep blood was staining the white lace of my dress. Not very attractive, I'm sure.

I bit into the gag. Why couldn't she just hurry up and kill me already? The pain was too much. Too much. And just to think, Jace probably did this kind of stuff with her. Brother and sister bonding time, probably. Torturing people. Laughing while they cracked a rib against people like animals.

Martha paused, and took a deep breath. "Dolly, dear," she murmured in a sing-song voice, placing a slender hand on my back, on the slashes in my skin, causing me to hiss in a breath, "you have to understand: I don't like hurting you. But you've left me with no choice. Jacey's quite taken with you." She leaned forward, resting her chin on my bruised shoulder. "And if he likes you better than me, he'll get rid of me." Her breathing was becoming shallower, faster. "Replace me. And I just can't have that, Dolly."

I squeezed my eyes shut, knowing what was coming next.

_Smack._

"He was MINE _first!" _Her voice was shrill, but I could barely hear it over the ringing in my ears as her fist connected with the side of my head. "You can't just come in here and take my place, you plastic little slut!" Suddenly, her fingers were on the knots, untying them. I dropped to the floor immediately, and began crawling desperately towards the door.

Martha's dainty high-heels came down on my hand, and I whimpered, watching blood escape the wound she left.

"Uh-uh-uhh," she hummed. "Where do you think you're going, you bad little Dolly?" She leaned down, and squeezed my cheeks with her disturbingly cold hands.

Martha stared into my eyes with her Magnus-ones, and I felt a cool resolution wash over me. I was going to die. End of story. Killed by one of my friends' alter ego.

"I'm not done with you yet," she whispered, and brought the knife she'd held earlier up to my face. "If you aren't pretty, Jacey won't like you anymore."

I frowned, unsure of what she meant, until she pointed to the scar already on my cheek.

"Another won't cause any harm." She smiled charmingly, and cut a slit into my right eyebrow, blood trickling into my eye. "Now." She clapped her hands, and set the knife down. "I think you've learned your lesson for good, haven't you, Dolly?"

I nodded, my neck feeling loose.

She beamed. "Wonderful. Now I'll just toss you and the others into the closet. Jacey should be here soon for our tea time."

I let her drag me by the ankles to her closet, staring blankly ahead as she dropped Sally onto my lap, the force causing her poor head to tear off, and landing on my stomach. I felt like I could vomit; Especially when the rotting foot, Ralf, was thrown at me, narrowly missing my face.

The closet door shut softly with a click, and I was alone in the dark, with only dead people, a headless girl, and a foot that had some sort of..._thing _growing on it.

...

...

...

* * *

><p>...<p>

...

...

I heard the bedroom door open, and Jace's voice. The sad thing was, I was nearly unconscious from the lack of blood I was still currently losing, but I could still recognize the faint murmur of _his _voice from miles away.

_Murderer._

_Pyro._

_Liar. _

_Jerk._

"Clary?"

I nearly cried with relief; _Simon._

He was sitting cross-legged in front of me, a confused look on his face. "What the hell happened to you?" He cocked his head. "And why is The Headless Whore on you?"

I scowled at him; It wasn't very nice to talk about dead people that way.

Simon sighed. "You look like shit, Fray."

I nodded my head at the door, ignoring the pain at the back of neck as I did. Simon couldn't get me out of here. Heck, I doubt he'd be able to fight Martha. Or Jace.

I felt my stomach drop.

Jace.

I'd forgotten about him. What would he do if he found me? Would he help me? Help Martha kill me? Unless I died from blood loss in this death-smelling closet. Could you die from that?

Simon leaned forward, and lightly touched my cheek, which was sticky from the drying blood. "I'm sorry I can't help you," he said, his voice miserable. "I'm sorry I wasn't there when this happened. I would've stopped it."

I tried to smile at him through the gag, because really, I doubted there was anything he _could _do. Jace was right. I couldn't make it here. I was already going to die.

Simon narrowed his eyes. "Wait a minute..." He stood up, and glared down at me. "What the fuck are you doing?"

I blinked up at him.

"You're just...giving up?" Simon punched the wall, an angry expression on his face. "Fuck that. Get off your ass, Fray." I kept staring at him, uncomprehendingly.

"I said," Simon leaned down, pushed his nose against mine, "get off your lazy ass. You are not dying. I won't let you give that asshole the pleasure of winning."

Good point. Besides, when I died, I didn't want it to be in a closet.

Shifting so that Sally slowly rolled off my legs and her head thumped down after her, I lifted myself onto my knees. And looked up at Simon expectantly. My hands were still tied.

"Do it yourself," he said loftily. "You got yourself in this mess, Fray. First with that perv, than Magnus, and then with that bastard of a pyro. Untie yourself."

_Bossy. _

I gave him an unhappy look, and struggled to wriggled my fingers free, and digging my splintered-fingers into the rope, despite the fact I think my hand was broken from where Martha stomped on it.

My fingers scraped at the rope for a moment, before the knot finally became free, and the rope fell to the floor with a soft thump.

Simon grinned. "See?"

I rolled my eyes, tugging of my gag. "How am I going to get out of here without them seeing me?" I hissed, my voice slightly slurred. My eyelids felt heavy, and my body felt a little numb. I began swaying, but Simon grabbed my arm to hold me in place.

"Jesus." He shook his head. "Clary, calm down. I'm sure they'll leave, soon."

I heard Jace raise his voice, and I pressed my ear to the door to see what he was yelling about.

"...Martha," Jace was saying in a tight voice. "Answer me honestly. Have. You. Seen. Clary?"

I felt warmth wash over me-or maybe it was the hot flash of cramps in my belly-at the thought that he might be worried about me.

I could hear Martha sigh. "Jacey, darling," she said in a soothingy voice. "I haven't seen your little tool. Maybe you should keep better track of your toys, and the little brat wouldn't have disappeared."

I frowned, a little offended. In Jace's defense, she was the one who'd called me her "Dolly".

"I just don't understand where she could've gone," Jace was sounding angrier and angrier by the second. "And you're the only one who could've done something. Dammit, Martha."

"Jacey..." I could hear the quickly vanishing patience in Martha's voice. "Look on the bright side. You have me, now. Why would you need Dol-Clary?"

"I don't _need _anything," Jace snapped.

"Well, she certainly agreed to that," Martha said, matter-of-fact. "She thinks you hate her."

Simon snorted. "Wow. Dumbass."

I looked over my shoulder at him. "What do you mean?" That was what I'd said, afterall.

He stared at me. "She just totally sold herself out."

"What?...Oh..." I giggled. "Wow, what a moron."

Simon lifted an eyebrow. "Yeah. She's the moron."

"I knew it." Jace sighed. "Fuck. Martha, where is she?"

"She is not here, Jace." Martha's voice wasn't so sweet anymore. It was cooler. Flat. Kind of like Jace.

"What do you mean? You just said-" He stopped. "You didn't."

Martha giggled, an off-pitched sound. "Oh, Jacey, dear. Why would you doubt me?"

I'm not sure what happened next, but I heard a choking sound, and Jace swearing. Quite creatively, I must say.

"Tell me where you put her, Martha," he said, his voice low. "Or I swear to God I'll fucking kill you."

Simon scowled. "Who the hell does he think he is?"

I blinked. "What? Are you on her side now?"

"No." Simon crossed his arms petulantly. "I mean, why should he care? He treats you like crap, Clary. He hates you."

Ouch. "Gee, thanks." I cursed at how small my voice sounded.

He gave me a look. "That's not what I meant, and you know it." He sighed. "So, what are you going to do?"

I frowned at him. "What do you mean, what am I going to do?"

"Well, he sounded pretty serious, Clary." Simon folded his lips. "I think he's going to kill your little friend."

"What?" I demanded, my voice raised. "Are you crazy?" I hissed. "Magnus is...Well, he's sort of his friend."

Simon shrugged. "Does Jace really strike you as the type to give a shit who he kills?"

_Oh, my God._

I bit my lip. "I guess not." I sucked my teeth. "Dang it."

I threw open the door, and gasped. Jace had Martha up against the wall, one hand tight around her throat. It seemed like one was enough, because her face was looking a little purple. In his free hand, he held a coconut-shaped.._metallic _black thing.

"Jace?" I'm not sure if I said his name out loud, or if I even said it right, because my vision was suddenly very unfocused.

He looked over at me, and his eyes widened. "Sparky?"

Simon, behind me, snickered. "Ha. It sounds like he's naming you after a bitch."

"Shut up, Si."

Martha got free, and brought her foot up to Jace's...private area. And normally, I've seen boys fall to their knees when they were kicked there. But Jace didn't even flinch.

"What the hell?" He pushed Martha to the floor, and walked over to me. "Clary..." He looked at me. "You look like shit."

Simon guffawed. "That's what I said."

I swayed, but instead of one of the boys catching me, Jace just watched me fall.

"You can't even stand up." Jace shook his head. "Idiot. Why in the hell would you go with Martha? She's crazier than Maggie, dammit."

I looked up at him, and giggled. "Jace...you're so pretty, I could lick you."

Jace and Simon's eyebrows shot up at the same time, while I was mentally kicking myself. _Lick you? _Jeez. Did I sound like a dirty pervert.

"Did she give you something to smoke?" Jace wondered. "Or wait...Sparky, did Martha stick a needle in you?"

A needle? What, was a doctor another one of Magnus's personalities? I could just picture how violent that one would be. Probably had a saw on him, to.

Jace crouched down next to me, and laid a warm hand on my cheek. "You're going to have a nasty scar there," he muttered. I nuzzled my face into his hand, loving how his skin felt against mine. Ever since I'd admitted to myself that I liked him, in _that _way, I couldn't seem to stop thinking about him. Good things, and bad things about him. I guess I could live with the fact that he enjoyed killing and torturing people. And yeah, I could deal with him talking to me like I'm a female dog. Heck, I'd be fine with him being a jerk all the time.

"Jace," I sighed, looking up at him. "I love you."

He let go of my cheek, and my head thumped back on the floor, pain shooting to my skull. _"Ow!"_

Jace have me a disgusted look. "What the fuck, Clary?"

I guess I would have to convince him. "Oh, I do, Jace." I sat up, ignoring the fact that the room was spinning. "I love you. So much. And I don't care about how much you hate me. I'll love you forever, and no matter how many people you kill, I'll accept the fact you like doing it, even though I still think it's mean. And if you end up killing me, I'll love you then."

Simon laughed. "Shit, Clary, listen to yourself. You sound like you're doped up on drugs, or something."

Jace shook his head. "Damn. You're more fucked up than I thought."

I smiled up at him, and then passed out.

...

...

...

* * *

><p>...<p>

...

...

I woke up in a bed that wasn't my own.

Actually, I was pretty sure I was dead and had gone to...Where do you go when you died? Canada? That was up, right? Some old lady at the grocery store told me people went up when we died.

I hope I won't meet Justin Bieber here.

But as I looked around the plain, white room, I realized it had similar features to mine and Izzy's.

So I wasn't in Canada.

I sighed in disappointment. Dang it, I've always wanted to go there.

I looked down at myself; I had bandages, a lot like the ones I'd put on Jace yesterday, covering my shoulder, one on my neck, and some on my back, ribs, and my right hand. Which was throbbing.

I pulled aside the covers, and stood up. The room slanted forward, and I immediately fell, wincing as my swelling hand slapped the floor.

Well, that didn't work.

I heard some running water, like a shower. Oooh. This bedroom was next to the bathrooms. How convinient for whoever was staying in here.

_By the way, who is staying in here?_

Since I was still feeling a little dizzy, I decided to crawl towards the door, but saw my green jacket laying at the foot of the bed, and stopped. I smiled widely and grabbed it off, quickly sliding my arms through the sleeves.

_Ahh. _I closed my eyes, enjoying the feel of the only comfort I could seem to find in this madhouse. Except for Jace-Oh, God. Jace. I grimaced; I'd forgotten that I...said those things. I meant them, of course, but crap. I was screwed now.

I resumed my crawling, but I was still terribly embarassed. Oh, Jace must be laughing now. At the stupid, crazy girl with her stupid, crazy mouth.

Just as I pushed the door open, and was beginning to shuffle into the hallway, I saw a pair of glittery-purple and blue Converse shoes. And the leather pants that followed. And the super-tight Lady GaGa shirt that followed.

Magnus was smiling down at me.

"Hey, Clary!" He crouched down, and I instinctively flinched away, and immediately felt guilty at the hurt look on his face. But I couldn't help it. Looking at him...I could only see Martha, slicing my face with a knife. Playing with dead bodies. Beating me with a gold whip.

"Listen, Clary..." He sighed. "I'm really, really sorry. I just...I can't remember anything that happened. Did I do anything horrible to you?" He looked at my face, and my bandages.

I forced a smile; Because really, Magnus was the sweetest guy I knew. I couldn't hurt him. I couldn't tell him that the sight of him at the moment made me want to pee myself. Or cry. Or made my scars and hand throb from the memories.

"No, Magnus." I shook my head. "Don't worry about it. You didn't hurt me at all. This was done by...other people." _Like Martha._

He visibly relaxed. "Oh, thank God." He gave me a charming smile. "You should've seen Jace. He ran up here like Hell was after him." Magnus sighed. "Man, I haven't seen him that freaked out, before."

_It was probably my declaration of love for him that sent him running. _I nodded. "Great. I freak out Jace." I felt my face crumble, and wished it were possibly for the ground to swallow me whole. "Where is he? I need to thank him. And apologize."

Magnus shrugged. "Don't know. The jackass left you as soon as he got you in bed. Didn't even stay to see if you'd wake up."

"So..." I frowned. "Who bandaged me up?"

"Jace did. Said he didn't want your blood staining his sheets." Magnus grinned. "I'm surprised he didn't let you bleed out on his floor."

"Bleed out on his floor?" Oh my, I was beginning to feel a little faint. I'm surprised he didn't already do that, myself.

"Wouldn't be the first time it's happened." Magnus shrugged. "I think you might actually be growing on him."

_But if I start getting too attatched...well, he might just kill me._

"That's great, Magnus." I sighed. "I have to go to the bathroom, though. The bathroom's..." I looked around his legs. "Right across the hall. Cool."

Magnus cleared his throat. "Ah, that's the Boy's Room, Clary."

"So? The Girl's Bathroom is probably too far away, and I'll just end up getting lost. Plus, the only person in there is showering He'll never notice me."

He gave me a dubious look. "Jace said the last time you went to the bathroom alone, you were idiotically tricked into being kidnapped."

I scowled, and slapped my hand on the floor.

...And screamed on the inside because it was my injured hand, and it really freaking hurt.

"Yeah? Well, Jace is a jerk! He can't tell me what to do, and he doesn't like me anyway!" I gasped. "Oh my God, please don't tell him I said that. I'm so mean. I can't believe I just said that about him-"

Magnus gave me a funny look. "I don't think Jace will care."

_Of course he doesn't. Jace doesn't care about **anything.**_

"I don't think so either." I suddenly felt very depressed. These dang mood swings, I swear! If I get another personality, I might just jump out a window. "Oh, well. Later, Magnus."

He nodded and walked away, leaving me alone with my depressing thoughts. _And since when did I have depressing thoughts? I'm spending **way **too much time with killers._

I sighed and crawled across the hall and to the bathroom, elbowing the door open.

It wasn't that much different from the Girl's Bathroom, except for they had more sinks. And the extra sinks looked a little different from how I was used to seeing them.

I shrugged and made my way to one of the bathroom stalls. Thankfully, the showers were at the end of the room, near the bath tubs, so after I flushed I could make a run for it, and rinse my hands before getting the heck out of here before whoever's showering could catch me.

Weirdly enough, after I went, I heard a weird...moaning noise.

I froze. I swear to God, if there was a serial-killing ghost in here, I would go ballistic.

I slid out the stall and towards one of the weird sinks. Oddly enough, they didn't have any faucets. Or soap. I frowned. God, the boys here were filthy. So I stuck with the regular sinks.

And then I heard that same moaning noise. Again.

Aw, whatever. If I didn't go see what it was, it would bother me for the rest of the day.

Sighing, I limped down the rows of stalls and towards the showers.

All the shower curtains were open, except one. And that one had the water running. And the moaning.

I squinted my eyes. The curtain was a white color. Very thin. So thin, in fact, I could make out the person's profile. He was tall. Slender, and muscular. And what was that...? His hand was moving below his waist, back and forth. His breathing was heavy and loud, like his moaning, I could hear it over the running water.

I blinked, and clapped a hand over my mouth to cover my gasp. Was he...Oh, my God. He was _touching _himself. In that...area. Was that even normal?

His head went back, and I heard him groan again. "Oh, fuck yeah," I heard him hiss. In a very familiar voice, I must add.

I shifted, frowning. Was I bleeding again? I thought it would stop, after this morning. At least for another day. Weird. It didn't feel like blood. And my stomach was feeling funny, too. Not cramps...It was tense. Like it was clenching, the way it did when you were going up on a roller coaster, and you're about to reach the top of the first drop. That's what it felt like.

_"Yes," _the mystery man growled, sounding animalistic. The weird-thing-that-was-not-blood was coming out quicker at the sound. I felt suddenly very afraid. What the heck was going on? I just went to the bathroom. And I didn't feel the urge to go again...God, this was so aggravating!

"Fuck, CLARY."

I jumped and blinked, startled out of my thoughts. Was I busted? Did he see me?

Apparently not. The curtain was still closed, but...I narrowed my eyes. What was-was he peeing? In the shower? Oh, gross. And the bathroom stalls were right next to him, too!

His hand dropped to his side, and his other rested on the tile-wall, panting heavily.

I swallowed hard, and crossed my legs, hoping to stop my...whatever. Except that just made me feel...better? The pressure made me whimper, and I clapped a hand over my mouth, startled by my reaction. Since when did crossing my legs made me feel good?

The shower water went off. And a long, slender hand clutched at the curtain, which was soon pulled away, revealing-

...A very naked Jace.

...

...

...

* * *

><p><strong>...<strong>

**...**

**...**

**-I swear to all of you, I will _never_ make you wait that long. Ever again. I know how it feels. I've been waiting for one of my favorite stories to update for like four months, now.**

**-Magnus's personalities all have something with Jace. That will be revealed later on...**

**-Heehee. The majority of you voted for lemons, so I started with Naughty-Jace in the shower. ;)**

**-Martha's torture...That's actually what stumped me. Took me a while to come up with torture-ideas.**

**-No Jonathon and Sebastian in this chapter. Later, they shall appear...**

**-Sorry if I didn't answer everyone's reviews. I read every single one of them, and I love them. But if you're anonymous, just ask me to answer your question in my A/Ns, since I can't answer you any other way...**

**-Unless they're spoilers. I don't give away spoilers. BWAHAHAHA!**

**-Simon/OC oneshot is under construction. **

**-Review**


	8. Chapter 8

**Rating M for: Language and some smut. Not techincally a lemon, but yes. Some smut.**

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><p><em><strong>Tasha: Girl, it'd be pretty fuckin' awesome if you did. Go for it. ;) <strong>_

**_glassw: Jace is nineteen. Clary's around fifteen and sixteenish. :) I mentioned it in the 6th chapter, but I always miss little details like that, myself..._**

**_Ouchiness: What hairy legs? He'd just wear his pretty pink tights. ;)_**

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><p><strong>I was surprised at how many of y'all thought it was Jonathon in the shower. Heehee. If it was, this chapter would have gone <em>way <em>differently. **

**Disclaimer: Cassie owns the characters. I just make 'em horny and crazy. ;)**

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><p><strong>Clary<strong>

...

**Need **

...

"Jace?" I blinked at him, and I must confess, I wasn't blinking at him. I was blinking at his...well, you know. I couldn't think of a word for it, because when I thought of 'penis', I thought small. Like that little boy who lived next door and would always pee out his window. His was a penis, because it was small. And I only looked because I was making sure to duck out of the way so I didn't get sprayed.

And Jace was most certainly _not _small.

In fact, the more I stared at it, the more it looked like it was _growing._

"Clary?" Suddenly, a towel hid my view of his unmentionable. _"What the fuck are you doing in the guys bathroom?"_

I jumped, startled by how angry he sounded. I shook my head; For some reason, staring at him in that way was making my mind go all fuzzy and my stomach clench even more. And I think I was going to have to go to the bathroom again after this...

"I-I had to use the bathroom." I looked up from my bare feet: Jace didn't look happy. His face looked a little...strained? But furious at the same time. It was the most curious combination.

"Why the hell couldn't you have used the Girls Bathroom? Jesus..." He ran a hand through his wet hair, and I found myself staring as his stomach muscles clenched and unclenched, kind of like mine was just watching him.

"I'm sorry I walked in on you peeing," I said. "Though that is kind of disgusting. Why go in there while there's perfectly nice toilets over there?"

Jace made a choking noise. "You thought I was-Okay. Yeah. Fine. Now leave so I can get dressed."

"I can't."

"You can't?" Jace scowled. "Yeah, you can. And you will, unless you want me banging your head against the showerhead until your head resembles a donut."

I wrinkled my nose. _Ew. _Showering certainly put him in a bad mood.

"But I really can't." Jace raised an eyebrow, and I quickly through my arms protectively over my head. "Don't make my head a donut! I can't because I think my ankle's broken."

Jace frowned. "What makes you think that? You walked here, didn't you?"

"Well..." I shifted off my injured ankle, wincing as it made a cracking sound. "Crawled, mostly. But it really, really hurts."

He sighed. "Just crawl back."

"No, I will not crawl back!" I stomped my foot, and screamed when I put all that force into my broken ankle, and immediately fell.

Jace dropped down next to me. "God, you really are the stupidest person I've ever had the misfortune knowing." He wrapped his hands around my pulsing ankle, tenderly squeezing it.

I hissed in a breath through my clenched teeth, refusing to let him hear me scream again. But oh God, did that hurt.

Jace clicked his tongue. "Wonderful. Broken ankle, scarred everywhere, and an imaginary friend. You're a real keeper, Sparky."

I opened my mouth to tell him what a jerk he was, except for he was kneeling on one knee, which meant his towel was open. And embarassingly enough, I could see _everything._

My mouth dried, and I really didn't know what to say, since Jace already seemed frusterated enough.

But _it _was...Not beautiful. I didn't even think I'd seen anything with a similar resembalance to it.

Jace paused whatever he was saying, I wasn't even listening, and looked down to see what I was staring at."What are you-Oh, Christ." He tugged down his towel.

I frowned, surprised to find myself feeling disappointed when it disappeared from my sight. "What's wrong with it?" I finally asked, looking up to find him staring at me with an undescribable expression.

"What's wrong with what?"

I pointed at his groin. "It's so _big. _Is that even normal?"

Jace snickered, and I smiled at the sound. "Have you ever seen a dick before, Sparky?"

I shook my head, wondering what that was.

Jace sighed. "Can't say I'm surprised."

I was beginning to feel uncomfortable and a little stupid, having no idea what he was talking about, so I quickly changed the subject, raising my arms up like a child. "Will you carry me? Please."

Jace pulled his hands away from my ankle, and I pouted, immediately missing the touch. "Will you promise not to tell anybody what you just saw?" He asked, his face blank.

_Why was he making such a big deal out of peeing in the shower? I'm sure plenty of boys did it, too. _"Sure."

"Alright." He stood up. "Let me go brush my teeth..."

I blinked. "Brush your teeth? You mean it's time to go to bed?"

Jace began walking towards the sinks. "There is no "time" to go anywhere," he said, grabbing a toothbrush from a little rack. "I just prefer to get ready at ten, and then go to sleep at three."

I watched, transfixed, as his towel slowly began sliding down his hips, exposing the top of his butt. "What do you do before three?" _Please be something nonviolent. _

"Whatever I want." He turned to wink at me over his shoulder, making me curse at myself for my heart beating faster than considered normal.

I looked over at the shower he'd been in, curious to see what shampoo he used. Because there was no way he used normal conditioner and ended up with hair like that.

I wondered what his hair would feel like. It looked silky, but I imagine it'd be soft and warm...

There was a white-ish, clearish-looking liquid on the floor of the shower, and as I stuck my head further in the shower, I realized there was some on the wall, beneath the knob, also.

_What is that?_

Looking over my shoulder, I could see Jace brushing his teeth, not looking at me.

Feeling nervous, why, I didn't know, I reached a finger and scooped up some on my finger, and brought it up to my nose for a sniff.

It didn't really smell like anything. So it couldn't be a type of conditioner or shampoo, like I'd expected. I mean, that _was _the only explanation. Right?

I quickly darted my tongue out, licking up a little of the goo.

_Salty. Bitter._

It wasn't disgusting. But it wasn't tasteful, either.

Definitely wasn't shampoo.

I shrugged, and slid on my knees, out of the shower.

"What're you doing?" Jace came up from behind me, still in his towel.

I felt guilty, which confused me. I hadn't done anything wrong. "N-nothing." I cursed my stutter, which always immediately gave me away.

Jace gave me a disbelieving look. "I'll ask you again, and if you don't answer, I'll skin you into a rug."

I gulped; That didn't sound very inviting.

"What. Are. You. Doing. In. The. Shower?"

Well, I didn't want my skin to be the substitute for a bear rug. "I wanted to know what this was." I held up my finger, which still had some remaining white stuff on it.

Jace's face twisted. "That's conditioner."

I frowned at him. "Are you sure? 'Cause it sure doesn't taste like conditioner." And I would know that because when my mother when my mother went to this thing...AA, I think? She couldn't drink alcohol, but I caught her chugging down all sorts of weird stuff. Like cough syrup, and conditioner.

I tried it, but it tasted nasty and made me throw up.

Jace froze. "You tasted it?"

I nodded, and to prove it I took another lick. "It tastes kinda salty. Are you sure it's conditioner?"

Jace didn't answer, but the bulge under his towel moved. I watched, interested, as it grew until it stuck out, kind of like the gun in Jonathon's pants. Except Jace's was longer looking.

"Well..." He cleared his throat. "Alright. Stop putting that in your mouth." He reached down and adjusted the bulge. "Lets go."

I lifted my arms up like a child, and he rolled his eyes, but leaned over to lift me up. My legs wrapped tightly around his waist, my arms sliding around his neck, and settling myself on the hardness beneath the towel.

Jace made a weird noise that I'd never thought he'd ever make; Kind of like a groan. "Am I too heavy?" I asked, pulling my face away from where it was laying on his incredibly warm skin, which still had droplets from the shower.

He shook his head, and began walking towards the door, each step jostling me against the bulge, and the more I bounced, the more I realized how _wonderful _it felt. Which was weird, since I'd imagined having pressure against ya know, _there _would hurt. Once again, I felt that same, moisture. Not blood or pee. I frowned, resting my head on Jace's collarbone. Huh. Oh, well. I guess it was a side affect to the bleeding?

I began studying the scars that traced across Jace's bare chest and shoulders, trying to distract myself from the pleasure I felt from the light thrusts he gave me with every step he took.

"What happened to you?" I asked, tapping a finger on one particular scar that started from behind his ear, all the way down just past his shoulder.

Jace looked down at me. "Glass," he answered shortly.

I didn't relent though. Especially since his steps were getting faster, making the bumping even quicker and harder. Jace's hands swung at his sides, but they raised to pull my hand away from his shoulder.

"How'd you cut yourself on glass like that?" I asked. We were almost to his room, now.

Jace was starting to breathe heavier now, like he'd been in the shower earlier. Was I too heavy, or what? "I ah, oh fuck." He stopped outside of his bedroom door, clutching at the wall.

But I hadn't stopped bouncing. I hadn't realized I'd been doing it, but _oh my God it felt so good I didn't want to stop._

I felt a little confused at that thought. Since when had I thought like that? And since when did rubbing against somebody feel good? Oooh. Was this what a hug felt like? It didn't exactly count, since he wasn't hugging me back, but _wow. _I could see why people liked to hug so much.

"Sparky." His teeth were clenched. "You've gotta-_Shit_-stop moving."

My breathing was picking up, and the wetness was increasing. _What was that all about? _But I couldn't. I couldn't stop. "No," I growled at him, surprised by my anger at him for wanting me to stop. All I knew was that I was itching for something. Desperate, and I just _needed something..._

Jace's eyes were hooded. "No?" He asked.

I shook my head, and decided I needed to increase the pressure. I didn't know why, but I needed to. Tightening my legs around his waist, I pressed myself even further into him, like I was trying to mould myself into him, and _yes that feels amazing._

"Yes," I hissed. "So good."

I sounded like an animal, and I probably looked like one, my nails digging into the back of Jace's neck, my legs wrapped tightly around him like a vine around a tree, and I was moving in a way I never realized I could.

Jace's hands lifted up, and rested beneath my thighs. "Do you even know what the fuck you're doing, little girl?" He demanded in a husky voice, his face leaning dangerously to mine. "I bet you don't even know what this is called."

For an unknown reason, the sound of him cussing made the wetness even...wetter.

"I don't care," I whimpered. "Feels good."

"Fuck yeah it does," he agreed. Then I found myself pressed against his door, and _oh my God, _the pressure was even greater. Jace pulled away, and I moaned in resentment, reaching towards him, but he chuckled and batted my hands away. _Jerk. _Then he thrusted against me, causing my head to crack back against the wooden door, but I didn't feel it, hardly.

He continued to do that, and I found myself biting my lip, fighting the urge to just scream.

He grinded against me, throwing his head back. I gasped, my head feeling a bit hazy, but this was so good, _he _felt so good, I couldn't find it in me to care.

"Jace," I moaned. "Oh, God, _please..."_

"Please what?" He looked down at me, his golden eyes dark and hungry. "Tell me what you want, Clary." He lowered his head, and licked up my cheek, causing my eyes to roll back at how much he was giving in. Heck, I was giving in too. "I'll give you anything."

I felt myself inhale sharply at that, because he just sounded so dirty. This whole thing was dirty.

"I don't know," I wailed between pants. "Just.._Gah. _I need you."

Jace's expression softened. "Anything you need." Despite the pleasure-induced haze I was in, I don't think I'd ever forget his expression as he said that. No matter how badly he hurt me in the future, I would always remember that.

Then he clenched his teeth and thrust even harder, that hard bulge that felt so good pressed against me, slid between my legs, and he slowly lifted me even higher, then dropped me onto the fabric, causing my dress to go up around my hips and _crap. _I screamed, my body twitching and I swear I saw _stars. _

Jace grunted, and stiffened, and I felt the towel dampen.

I felt very sticky. Opening my eyes, I was suddenly aware of the soreness at the back of my head from where I'd banged it repeatedly against the door.

"What the hell?"

I blinked. Jace wasn't even looking at me, instead, he was staring at a very pissed Magnus, an amused Maia, and Jordan with his hands covering his groin area, his face pained-looking.

Jace let go of me, and I dropped unceremoniously to the floor, narrowly missing my hurt ankle.

Maia laughed. "And here we all thought you hated her." She rolled her eyes. "Guess that hate was just the blue balls talkin'."

He rolled his golden eyes, which were just earlier burning with an unknown emotion that made me feel that clench. Again. _Already? _I was feeling a little tender there, so I carefully crossed my legs Indian-style, careful not to apply any pressure in that area. "Maia, I haven't slept with anyone in two weeks," he drawled in a bored voice. "Excuse me for having needs."

Maia closed her eyes, and held up a hand in a **Stop** gesture. "Firstly, I have no interest whatsoever in hearing about your "needs"." She opened her eyes and glanced at me. "Secondly-Holy shit." She stopped, her amber-hazel eyes widened.

I blinked at her. "What?" I realized that Jordan and Magnus were beginning to stare, as well. Except for Jace. He wasn't even looking at me. Come to think of it, he hadn't so much as glanced at me the whole time they'd been there.

"Uh, Clary?" Maia cleared her throat. "What happened...To your face?"

I immediately felt self-conscious. "What?" I demanded, holding my hands up and touching at my face, rubbing my fingers along my skin. "What's wrong with my face?"

Jace's hands clutched at his towel. "Can I please go get dressed, now?" He asked, his tone still bored. Detatched. As if what had just happened meant little to him.

"No you can't, you horny prick," Maia snapped. "Tell her."

Jace sighed. Then looked at me. Or rather, looked at the wall beside my ear. "You have scars and shit on your face," he stated in a flat voice.

I stared at him. "S-scars?" I pressed harder against my face, finally feeling the shallow cuts ingraved into my face, the light, uneven bumps alerting me that my face wasn't covering in just freckles.

Jace rolled his eyes. "And now you're gonna go all diva on us and cry about how ugly you look now, aren't you?"

I swallowed the frusterated scream that was lodged halfway in my throat. He was so irritating sometimes. Too bad I loved him anyway.

_Oh. Right. I told him I love him, already._

How embarassing. And he didn't even say "I love you" back. Not that I'd expected him to. But that just made the situation even more embarassing.

"You have scars, too," I blurted out, pointing to the markings on his chest, and quickly jerked my eyes away because they were beginning to wander down his stomach towards that little trail of thin dusting of blonde hairs, leading towards-

"Yeah. Except _Magnus _didn't give them to me." Jace turned an accusing eye towards Magnus, who ducked his head shamefully.

"She said I didn't do it," he mumbled, pulling lightly at the fabric of his shirt.

"You didn't," I assured him, turning to shoot a glare at Jace, who glared back with more venom, and I flinched. "Martha did."

Magnus's face dropped. "Oh."

Jordan patted him on the shoulder. "Don't worry 'bout it, buddy," he said. "I'm sure torturing an innocent little girl isn't as bad as committing a sexual act without her realizing it."

"Hey!" I glared at Jordan. "I'm not little." And then I realized what he'd just said. "Wait, sexual act? And just what makes you think I wouldn't know when I'm having sex or not?" Sex wasn't a bad word, was it? People said it all the time.

Jace crossed his arms. "You didn't know what PMS was until you got it this morning," he pointed out.

I gave him a cross look.

Then looked over at Maia, suddenly seized with panic. "Wait. _Did_ I just have sex?" I asked, my voice dropping to a scared whisper.

Maia's mouth dropped open.

I whipped my head to look at Jace, who was smirking. _"Did we just have sex?"_

"Did you just have-" Maia broke off giggling, shaking her head. She looked at Jace. "Oh, man. You are so going to go to hell for this."

Jordan, whose mouth was twitching, answered, "No, Clary. You did not have sex. You just humped Jace like a dog in heat, is all." Jace walked over to him, and punched him in the shoulder, really hard if Jordan wincing and swearing was any indication. "Shut it, you conniving bastard," he sneered.

I looked over at Magnus, who was still staring at his feet. Since I hated seeing him so upset, because as long as he wasn't wearing a dress and calling me "Dolly" I could easily forget that he and Martha were the same person, and such a happy person like him shouldn't look so moody, I crawled over to him. "Hey, Magnus." I tapped his knee.

He looked at me.

I smiled and gave a little wave. "Hi. Where's Alec at?"

Magnus smiled back. "He's covering for you. After you disappeared, some guy, Sebastian? Anyway, he noticed you were gone and told his dad. Alexander's trying to convince him you went on a walk." His eyes ran over my face, and I willed myself to not look away. I wanted him to know I didn't care about the scars. Okay, maybe I did, a little. But he was probably already feeling guilty enough. "I guess we can say you got hit in the face with some heavy branches. Or was a victim of a random avalanche. Maybe some patients here tried to stone you."

I winced. _That bad? _"Oh. Well, that's nice of him."

Magnus nodded. "Very."

I felt a hand on my arm, and jumped; It was only Maia, but I saw Magnus cringe at my reaction. I couldn't help that I was jumpy. Being taken by a psycho "little girl" tended to do that, I'm sure.

"Lets get you cleaned up, Scar-Face," she said chipperly.

Magnus threw her a look, and she shrugged. "What?"

Jace clapped. "Scar-Face. I like it." He gave me a scornful glance. "Fits you perfectly."

_That hurt. _I crossed my arms. "You weren't saying "Scar Face"," I did those bunny-finger things that I've seen people do some many times. It had to mean something, hopefully something mean, "five minutes ago. In fact, I believe you were saying you would give me anything I wanted."

Maia snorted, and Jordan whistled, waggling his eyebrows at Jace, who's face was blank. Not one blush. "Got caught in the moment, huh, stud?" Maia teased. "Guess scars don't matter, as long as the legs are open-"

Jace threw up his hands. "I'm done socializing with you pathetic children," he stated. "I am going to go change. I would also like it if I wasn't disturbed for the rest of the night."

Maia rolled her eyes. "Translation: Piss off so I can jerk one off to erotic thoughts about Scar-Face."

I didn't know what "jerk off" meant, but it sounded odd. "Why would he need to do that in private?" I inquired.

Jace shook his head an marched into his room, slamming the door behind him. Maia was on the floor, laughing. "Why do you need to do it in private, Jace?" She howled, and clutched at her stomach, Jordan shaking his head and grinning down at her. "Why not just put on a show for all of us?"

There was a loud thump against the door. As though Jace had thrown something at it. "Shut up, fat ass," he muttered.

Jordan stiffened. "Watch it, Wayland," he growled, his eyes glittering with an anger I'd never seen before. He looked murderous. "Don't talk to her that way."

Maia immediately stopped laughing, and rubbed her face against Jordan's leg. "Shh, babe," she murmured. "Jace is just embarassed."

Magnus nodded. "However, that made my day," he commented. "No offense," he added, facing me.

I shrugged. "I'm not embarassed." I was. "Besides, it obviously meant nothing to Jace." Did something inside me just break? Couldn't possibly be my heart. No. Just my sanity.

Maia patted my foot. "Jace is an asshole," she agreed. "Best not dwell on it."

I silently agreed with her. "Is Izzy alright?" I suddenly felt a little worried. Who knew what trouble she could get into in just a few hours?

Jordan raised an eyebrow. "She's ah...Where you were."

_The bathroom?...Oh. _"Martha's room?"

Magnus nodded. "Apparently there's-uh..." he shot a nervous look at Maia and Jordan. "Dead bodies and parts in her closet. Izzy sniffed them out. And well..." a look of disgust crossed his face. "Lets just say it's her idea of Thanksgiving."

_Ew. _I could picture Izzy gnawing on the side of Sally's face, chewing through until she reached the skull, then she'd probably just scrape the flesh off from there, and-I should stop before I made myself sick.

"Well, that's nice..." I shifted uncomfortably. They'd just seen me..."humping?"...Jace, and somehow I felt very exposed. Especially now that I realized that it'd been a sexual act. I inwardly winced. How dreadful.

Maia sighed, and stood up. "I'll take you to see Michael," she offered.

I blinked. "Michael?"

"Michael Verlac," she corrected. "Your little friend Sebastian's father. Boss man. Runs this shit hole."

I nodded. "Why do I have to see him?"

Magnus gave me a little wince. "Because Alexander's a horrible liar, and Verlac's probably getting the poor thing to the point where he's about to piss himself. And you're the one he wanted to see in the first place, besides."

I bit my lip, feeling a little guilty about Alec. "Oh." I sighed. "Okay."

Maia led me away from the other two, and down the winding halls. "Hey, Maia?"

"Hm?"

"Why does Jace hate me so much?" It was something that had been bothering me the whole time I'd been here. I just couldn't understand the resentment he held for me.

Maia paused. "Boys." She gave me a weary look. "They have something, they don't know what to do with it because it's so complicated and difficult for their testosterone-driven brains to figure out, that they just throw it away or treat it like shit."

"So what are you saying?"

Maia resumed walking. "Jace is crazy about you. That's just his unique way of showing it."

"Oh." I hurried to catch up; Despite her height, Maia walked fast. "I told him I loved him."

She froze, and spun to face me, her eyes round and her mouth open. "You didn't."

I smiled shyly. "Yeah..."

Maia sniggered. "Poor bastard. What was his reaction?"

"I dunno," I blushed. "I kinda passed out after I said it."

Maia giggled. "Oh, fuck!" She crowed. "I wish I could've seen that." She slapped a hand on my shoulder. "You'll be good for him, Scar-Face. He has no idea what to do with you."

"Except try to kill me, or throw me up against the wall, apparently," I muttered.

She gaped at me. "Someone's got a lil' fire in her," she sang. "I can't believe you just said that."

"I can't, either," I said miserably. "Maia, there's just so much going on. The blood, the wet stuff-"

Maia held up a hand. "Whoa, whoa, whoa." She narrowed her eyes. "Girl. You got your period?"

I frowned. "I don't know...?"

She swore. "Why didn't you tell me? I would've helped you."

"Well, Jace was there."

"Girl, guys can't explain the _lovely _gift us ladies have," Maia drawled out. "Jesus. Here's what that's about..."

...

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><p>...<p>

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...

I was standing outside of what Maia had told me was Mr. Verlac's office, still a little in a daze after what she'd told me. She'd given me information about what Jace called my "PMS", a.k.a "Period", a.k.a "Tampon Week". But no. She didn't stop there. Maia even went as far as to talk about sex.

I didn't even know people _did _that sort of things to eachother.

I sighed, tapping my nails against the door. No answer. Things were so much more simpler when I believed it all happened with a stork...

The door opened, and Alec walked out, his face pale.

"Hi, Alec." He turned to look at me, relieved.

"Oh, thank God." He smiled. "Verlac was about to break me."

I bit back a chuckle. "Sorry 'bout that," I said. "Magnus is near Jace's room if you want to see him-"

"I'm going to go look in the attic," Alec said, cutting me off.

"But he's not-"

"He's in the attic, Clary," Alec snapped, his teeth clenched and his pale blue eyes burning. "Magnus is waiting for me in the attic. We're going to play chess."

"Oh...alright." I had no idea what he was talking about. "Have fun."

He smiled brightly. "Good luck with Verlac." Alec began trudging down the hall, heading to the attic, I assumed.

Taking a deep breath, I walked through the door.

...

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><p>...<p>

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...

I wasn't really sure why Alec had made such a big deal out of it.

The room, office, whatever, was circular, a large wooden desk in the center. With a tall man with a head full of thick dark hair sitting behind it. He was smiling, which from I'd gathered in this place, usually wasn't a good thing.

"Ah. Clarissa." He nodded at me. "How are you enjoying-Oh, dear." He'd just slipped on his glasses, and his smiled faded when he saw my face. _Well, don't I just feel wonderful about myself?_

"You poor thing." He smiled. "The bedbugs must've munched off half your face while you were asleep. " Shrugging, he pointed to a chair in front of his desk. I walked over and sat down, nervous.

"So, Clarissa..." He looked down at a stack of papers laying on the desk in front of him. "According to the detective, you show signs of bipolar symptoms, violent behavior, and...Schizophrenia." Mr. Verlac waved a hand airily. "Nothing I haven't seen before, so you won't have anything to worry about."

I stared at him, shocked. Bipolar? Violent? And what was skitzo-whatchamacallit? I wasn't a violent person. Well...Not always violent. And I wasn't bipolar, whatever that was.

Mr. Verlac must've noticed my confusion, because he chuckled. "Oh, Clarissa. Don't fret about meaningless things such a diagnoses." He still had that too-happy smile glued to his face. Like a clown.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Shouldn't I be worried? Doesn't diagnosed usually mean with cancer?"

Mr. Verlac stopped shuffling his papers. "No," he said, his voice no longer at cheerful. "Are you mocking me?" He asked.

"Uh, no." I wasn't the one throwing big words at him, accusing him of being mentally ill.

"Then don't bother yourself with such things, sweetheart." He waved me away. "Get ready for bed, now."

I stood up. "Don't you-don't you want to know what happened to my face?" I wondered.

Mr. Verlac's smiled tightened. "Bedbugs. Bedbugs, child. Nasty little buggers, those bedbugs."

"O-kay." I left the room, wondering what the heck that was all about.

To my surprise, before the door shut, I heard Mr. Verlac call out. "Clarissa."

I turned. "Yes?"

He squinted his eyes at me. "Sebastian is quite taken with you," he said finally, before looking back down at his desk, grabbing a pen and scribbling something down, with red ink.

I blushed, despite the fact I hardly knew Sebastian. "Thank you," I muttered, shutting the door softly behind me.

"Well, hello there, beautiful."

I jumped and squeaked. _"Jonathon?"_

He was leaning on one shoulder against the wall, smirking at me.

I slapped a hand over my chest, which was heaving sharply with surprised gasps. "Jeez. You scared the crap out of me." I scowled at him. "And you lied. I don't need you kissing my vagina you-" I thought of what Maia had called boys who pressured girls into having "S". Without the swearing. "Pervert. You dirty, dirty pervert."

Jonathon's expression was angry. "Hypocrital words, coming from the girl who humped that whore's leg like a bitch in heat," he sneered at me.

I blinked at him, hurt. "That's not fair-And wait. How'd you know about that?"

Jonathon was beginning to advance on me, and I carefully began stepping back.

"Oh, Clary." He sighed. "I know everything about you."

_Oh, sure, that isn't creepy at all. _I bit my lip. "Jonathon, you're scaring me."

"Oh, I'm scaring you?" His hard body shoved against mine, and I was slammed against the wall. Glancing out of the corner of my eyes, I could see that the halls were empty. So nobody would be able to help me. Not that they would, anyway.

"What if I did what that blonde slut did?" He demanded, and his hips thrusted against mine. But it didn't feel good. Actually, it hurt. A lot. Especially when he grabbed me by my hair and pulled. "Would you like me better than?"

"No," I whimpered, and brought my knee up into his groin. He threw his head back. "Oh, that felt good," he grunted.

I gaped at him. He liked getting hurt? What kind of sick person enjoyed that? I began thrashing more wildly, kicking against his legs and biting at his arms and wrists, any part of him that I could reach if I stretched my neck out far enough.

"Let me _go!" _I screamed through clenched teeth.

But my strikes were getting the opposite effects of what I wanted.

"Not until you give me what I want," he purred, and I squeezed my eyes and began kicking even harder when I felt his too-cold hands, different from Jace's warm ones, slide up the hem of my shirt.

"Stop!"

"Let. Her. Go."

Jonathon froze.

My mouth fell open. _"Izzy?"_

Izzy was standing. Not crouched. Not hanging upside down. Not clinging to the wall or ceiling. Standing. And her arms were crossed.

She actually looked sort of human.

Jonathon looked confused. "How can you-?"

Izzy leapt, cutting him off.

She flew through-through-his body, and rolled onto the floor, landing in a crouch. She spat and hissed through her teeth at him, her spine arching like a cat's.

I frowned; How'd she go through him?

Jonathon chuckled. "Interesting."

Then I noticed something; Her nose was twitching, her eyes a few inches away from where Jonathon's head was.

_She couldn't see him. _

_But she could **smell **him._

Izzy jumped again, her hands raking frantically at where Jonathon was. Her nails didn't touch him, of course, but he backed away, shocked.

"How the hell can she sense me?" He demanded.

Izzy didn't answer, only hopped over to where I was standing with my back pressed against the wall, staring at them. She was sitting in front of me protectively, growling warningly at Jonathon.

It worked, thank God. He began backing away, caught between glaring at me and giving Izzy a frightened look.

I sighed and dropped beside her as soon as he'd disappeared. "Thanks, Iz."

She twisted her head like an owl, her eyes perfectly round and unblinking. "Who," she said in a high voice.

"What?"

"Who?"

"Who what?"

"Who. Who."

_Oh. _She was an owl.

I looked at her. The human-look in her eyes was gone, replaced with the blankness and at the same time alertness of an animal. She was back to "normal".

I petted her hair, and she arched her head pleasureably into my palm, and began purring. I grinned, shaking my head.

_I could get used to this._

_...Not._

_..._

_..._

_..._

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><p><em>...<em>

_..._

_..._

Izzy curled at my feet, snoring with her eyes open.

I yawned, and laid my head back on the lumpy pillow, and sighed. What a draining day. Truly.

_I was so tired._

My eyelids, suddenly feeling very heavy, dropped shut.

My breathing evened-out, and I felt my body go lax...

So lax I didn't react when I heard a soft _thump._

Izzy didn't either. I was so tired, I would let whoever it was slit my throat, and I wouldn't have cared. Plus, I was wrapped securely in my green coat again, so everything was alright.

Soft, painfully light footsteps, similar to a cat's, approached my bed.

But I was hardly awake.

I felt a finger trail down my face, but a soft snore had already escaped my mouth.

I heard a soft voice murmur something, but I was too far gone to be able to make out what the person had said.

My eyelids barely slitted.

...Just in time to see a flash of gold to jump out the window.

But I'm sure I'm just seeing things. Per usual.

...

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><p><strong>So...<strong>

**-Did you liiiike it?**

**-Don't you love Izzy?**

**-Jace...?**

**-Mr. Verlac will be introduced over and over, because he plays a role in the story, as well.**

**-Alec's showing some of disorder already. Guesses, anyone?**

**-Aren't you glad it wasn't Jonathon in the shower? O_o**

**-Clary'll see her face in the next chapter. It ain't gonna be pretty...:/**

**-I wanted to update within three days from the last chapter, to make up from that super long wait, but it's been a stressful week...so it took a week to write. :)**

**-I've been juggling at least twelve oneshots at once. So... Next chapter might take a week. **

**-Review...**


	9. Chapter 9

**Rated M for: Language. Per usual. Ah...Sexual Harassment? Would that go under M...? :P **

**AN: Aw...Thanks for the reviews, lovelies. ;) **

**Sorry, this chapter doesn't have any Jace humping. :( Just some background stuff on him.**

**And GAH! Major writer's block with Simon/OC, Simon/Isabelle, Clary/Jace oneshots I'm working on. DX They won't be published for...a while. :/**

**And sorry this chapter is super-short compared to the others. But you'll see why it was short. ;)**

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><p><em><strong>Tasha: I LOVED IT! I made it the banner for this story. Hope you don't mind...Though I'm having trouble with the link. It says it's like, expired, or something? Do you know how to fix it? I'm technologically retarded, as my computer teacher says. :(<strong>_

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: Cassie owns the characters. I just make 'em crazy and sexually ignorant. ;)<strong>

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><p><strong>Clary<strong>

...

**Scar Face's Discoveries**

...

_Oh, God._

From over my shoulder, I could see Maia's gimace through the mirror. "C'mon, Scar-Clary," she cleared her throat awkwardly. "It isn't that bad..."

I raised my eyebrows dubiously. It wasn't bad.

It was revolting.

I had at least seven scars on my face. Not small ones, either.

Three parallel scars, about three inches long each, cut through my left cheek. One especially large scar went through my eyebrow, down over my eyelid, and ending narrowly at the corner of my mouth. Marking my jaw down to my shoulder. I had a scar on my lower lip, a discoloring against the pink. The last was a M. For Martha. Small. Carved on my hairline on my forhead. Marking me as a victim of hers.

I was hideous.

Maia rolled her eyes. "No offense, but Jace was sorta right." She wrinkled her nose. "You're being a diva about this."

I tore my gaze away from the mirror, and stared at her. "A diva? Maia, _look _at my face."

Her lips twitched. "Well, if it makes you feel any better, you look badass."

I jutted out my-scarred-lower lip. "Be honest. Am I ugly?" I'd never really bothered with my looks, before. I had no one in thought to impress.

_Now I have Jace. Who thought Scar-Face was an appropriate nickname for me._

Maia squinted. "No. I just think you look roughened up. Not ugly. Not pretty."

"Oh." I turned around, done with staring at myself. "I guess that's alright."

She clapped. "Atta girl. Now." She looked over her shoulder. "I'm gonna tell you something. Promise not to freak out?"

I nodded. "What?"

She smiled. "Me, Jordan, Magnus and Alec were thinking about breaking out of here."

_Break out? And go where?_

"With Izzy?"

Maia paused. "Maybe. We don't want her attacking anyone and attracting unwanted attention."

_Missing somebody important. _"Is Jace going?"

"Jace?" Maia giggled. "Hell, no."

I swallowed. "Do you not like him?"

Maia shook her head. "I find it hard to like someone who's always prepared to murder somebody for not particular reason."

"I like him."

"No. You like how he looks." Maia wrapped an arm around my shoulders, and began leading me out of the bathroom. "I know what you and he did yesterday...Might've made you "feel" great and everything, but any guy can do that. Jace just does it more than most."

Humping? "What do you mean?" I asked as we began walking down the hall, toward mine and Izzy's room.

"I mean, Jace has sex. A lot."

I choked. _"Jace has sex?"_

What the heck? Sex? Jace?

Maia snorted. "Yeah."

I stared at her, my lower lip trembling. "B-but, I thought that you said only two people did it when they loved eachother-"

"No, sweetheart. That's the bullshit your parents feed you when you're little so you don't go whore yourself around." Maia waved her hand. "And I'm sure Jace has done it with more than one person at a time. I'm sorry you like him, but that boy's just sex waiting to happen."

I leaned against the wall. "So what we did..." I looked at her, feeling a little light-headed. "Didn't mean anything to him?"

Maia looked sympathetic. "Girl, if I'd known you'd freak like this, I wouldn't have said anything."

I shook my head. "No, it's fine. I'm just surprised. Wow." I put my hand on my forehead. "I can't believe I love a sexoholic."

Maia bit her lip. "So...Break-out? We don't know for sure when we're going to do it, but do you want to come?"

I stared at her. Free of this madhouse. Free of Jace and his charms and humping skills. Free of Jace, period.

"I'm in."

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><p>...<p>

...

...

Maia left me alone, stating she needed to be free of my emo-company for a while.

I sat down on my bed, and looked down at my hands. Izzy was sitting on the floor, her leg thrown over her head in a hook-like angle, her head bent down to her open legs, and was licking herself.

"Izzy, do you think I should leave?" I whispered, looking at her.

She paused, and looked at me.

"I mean, I _want _to leave, but I'm scared I'll miss Jace." I laid on my belly, and rested my chin on my folded arms. "Would you miss me, if I left?"

Izzy meowed, and went back to licking.

I sighed. "Jace has sex, Izzy. Like, a lot of sex."

She kept licking.

My door opened, and I looked up.

"Oh, hey." It was Sebastian, resting his shoulder on my doorframe, smiling at me.

"Hi...Clary, right?"

I nodded. "Yeah. What're you doing here?" Not to sound rude, but I was perfectly content with sitting alone and practically talking to myself, since Izzy wasn't answering me.

"Just came to see how you're doing. Dad told me you got a little..." he trailed off, making a hand motion over his face.

"Just a little accident with some low branches," I lied, and plastered a fake smile on my face. "And sorry I approached you like that. I was lonely and a friend told me I should probably hang with you."

"Friend?" Sebastian raised an inky eyebrow, and began moving across the room towards me, ignoring Izzy when she hissed angrily at him. He sat on my bed, and I scooted further away, feeling a little claustraphobic. "Do I know them?"

"His name's Jonathon."

Sebastian frowned. "Never heard of him."

I looked at him, startled. "Really? Are you sure? Because he seemed to know you..."

"Clary." Sebastian laid a hand on my shoulder, and I shrugged him off, because I didn't like the way his touch felt. "I know about every person in this building. I'm positive there isn't a Jonathon."

I frowned. But...

_Oh. OH..._

"My bad." I looked over at him. "Well. I'm fine, as you can see. You can leave now."

Sebastian looked taken aback. "You don't want me in here?"

I sighed. "No. No offense. I just heard some rather disturbing news."

"You want to talk about it?"

_No. _"You said you knew everyone in this building..." I looked over at Sebastian. "Do you know Jace?"

His dark eyes tightened. "Wayland? The asshole in the dining room yesterday?"

"Yes."

Sebastian made a scoffing noise. "Yeah. Pyro. Anger issues."

I looked over at him. "He's in here for being a pyro?"

He shook his head. "Classified information."

_Dang it. _"...Come on. I won't tell." I tried to smile convincingly at him. Flirting, I never did. I wasn't sure if it worked, especially with a ripped up face like mine. But hey, didn't hurt to try, right?

Sebastian cleared his throat, looking down at me. "Well..." He cleared his throat again. "Wow. You have pretty eyes."

I blushed. "Really? Thanks." He was too sweet..._Focus Clary. _"You have pretty...hair." _Jace's hair is prettier._

Sebastian grinned. "Thanks. Never been told that before." He winked slyly. "And don't think I don't know what you're doing, pretty girl."

I blinked, hoping I look innocent. "Doing what?"

He shook his head. "Acting all cute to get me to give you Pyro's files." He leaned forward. "Though I can't say I'm not enjoying it..." his dark eyes drifted from my face and down my chest, down my stomach and legs...

I pushed away the violating thoughts, Maia's voice telling me boys were pigs. "Is it working?" I asked, making my voice all giggly and sugary. Like Martha.

Sebastian nodded, eyelids hooded like Jace's were, yesterday.

_"Do you even know what the fuck you're doing, little girl?"_

The memory came, quickly and lingering.

I bit down on my lower lip, and swallowed forcefully, remembering the way he'd felt last night, his hard muscles pressed against me, his rough voice growling in my ear-

_"Please what?"_

_"Tell me what you want, Clary." _

"Yeah, it's working."

I blinked. God, I needed to stop thinking about that! Especially since he didn't care. If he didn't care, then I wouldn't, either. "So..." I waited.

Sebastian chuckled. "Alright, alright. You win, Clary." He stood up. "C'mon, I'll take you to my dad's office."

I stared up at him, but didn't stand. "Your dad's office?" I really didn't want to go back in there. Mr. Verlac was creepy.

He rolled his eyes. "Where else do you think we keep the documents, silly?"

I shifted. "Oh...Okay." I stood up, and Izzy snarled. I shook a finger at her. "Hush. I'll be right back."

Sebastian walked out, me trailing after him.

For some reason, I felt excited. About finding out more about Jace. Things that he didn't want me knowing.

Heehee. I felt so naughty. I giggled, covering my hand over my mouth.

Sebastian wrapped an arm around my shoulders, and my smile faded, my shoulders stiffened. His arm felt to heavy, and I felt like my legs couldn't support the weight. He felt suffocating.

_Keep your act, Clary, _I told myself, taking a deep breath. _You need these files. So you know who to avoid and what their "problem" is._

I tried to look relaxed, but I'm not sure I did a great job at it.

Sebastian jerked his chin out. "We're here." Slipping his arm off me, he hurried over to the familiar closed door, grabbing a ring of keys out of his pocket.

I felt that sneaky, gnawing feeling in my stomach. The same I got whenever I was thinking or about to do something knew I wasn't supposed to do.

My gaze zeroed on the set of keys as he unlocked the door. Keys could mean anything. It could mean access to every room in this building. It could mean power over the people who wanted to kill me.

My fingers twitched with a yearning, but I ignored it. _Patience, Clary, _I thought. _Files first. Keys are too risky._

I followed Sebastian into the office, forcing to keep my steps even and not too eager.

The room was empty. The fireplace had a fire, but it held no heat. The bear-skin rug was eerie to look at, and I couldn't bare myself to step on it, because the _head _was still attatched.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" My head snapped up, finding Sebastian surveying me with dark eyes.

"Uh...I guess." _If you enjoy having a dead animal laying under your feet._

He smiled. "Killed it myself."

"Congratulations." _I don't care._

Apparently my disinterest was obvious, because Sebastian chuckled and shook his head. "Of course you wouldn't want to hear about it. You're a girl."

I really didn't understand what he was trying to imply. But I came here for the files, not pretend to be in love with him.

Though it was reassuring that he was being all touchy-in a creepy, unwanted way-even though my face was deformed.

He walked around the large desk, and opened a drawer, his fingers tapping against the many folders, humming to himself. "Who do you want?" He asked, looking up, curiously.

_So many options..._

_Alec._

_Izzy._

_Magnus._

_Maia._

_Jordan._

_Jace..._

_Myself._

"How many can I see?" I asked, pulling at my hair a little.

Sebastian raised an eyebrow. "Well..." He glanced back down. "These are the only copies of the information. And nobody's even allowed to look at them."

"So only one?"

He nodded. "Your pick."

I bit my lip. Why was I even thinking about it? I knew who I wanted to know about.

I whispered it, feeling like it was suddenly very quiet in the office. Other than the crackling from the fire. Like a warning.

Sebastian handed me the vanilla-folder, his fingers purposefully brushing against mine. Thankfully, I felt nothing when he did. No sparks.

Something didn't feel right.

I frowned at Sebastian. "Where _is _your father, anyway?"

He shrugged. "Dunno. I think he had to go take care of some..." His eyes shifted. "I'm not allowed to say, actually."

"Please?"

"Murder. Another one." Sebastian leaned forward, his dark eyes bright. "By that pyro-kid. I heard Father on the phone earlier, and if Wayland keeps killing people and attracting unwanted attention from the police, he's going to go to jail. Life sentence."

I stared at him. Jace killed another person?

_Killer..._Check.

_Sexoholic..._Check.

_Rude..._Check.

_Love him anyway..._Crap. Check again.

I looked at the fire. Jace loved fire. I knew that much about him.

It was probably the only thing he loved.

That thought made me stomach hurt, and my chest felt a little tugging ache.

_Wait. The fire's on?_

I looked at Sebastian, who was reclined in his father's spinning chair, shoes kicked up on the desk, lazily.

"Sebastian." I cleared my throat.

He blinked and turned to look at me. "Yes?"

I looked back at the taunting fire. "If your father left the fire on...He must've planned on coming back soon, right?"

Realization dawned on his face. "Yeah, but..." He shook his head. "I don't think he'd-"

_"Shh." _**Just shut up already! **I took a deep breath. "Listen," I hissed.

Footsteps.

A voice.

Sebastian's face paled. "Fuck."

I swallowed, and quickly glanced around the office. Nothing but shelves of books...It would be impossible to hide under the rug. I couldn't hide under the desk without Mr. Verlac surely seeing me.

"Got it!"

I let out a scream as Sebastian tackled me to the floor ontop of the bearskin, his mouth on mine.

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><p>...<p>

...

...

First kisses...

I've seen them on TV.

Romantic.

Soft.

Sweet.

Gentle.

Loving.

Not sour, rough, bruising, and suffocating.

I pushed my hands against Sebastian's shoulders, but the pervert-I'll say it. PERVERT.-seemed unwilling to quit eating my face.

I whimpered, wriggling beneath him and trying to escape, but Sebastian only groaned and-

He was ripped off me.

My eyes were clenched tight, my chest heaving unevenly.

_Why me? _I demanded inwardly. _Why do they keep forcing themselves on me like that? I didn't do anything remotely close to what girls typically do to get guys attention._

"Do that again," I heard a rough, furious voice. "And I'm shoving a stick of dynamite so far up your ass your eyes blow out."

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><p>...<p>

...

...

"But Father," Sebastian complained. "I'm telling you: We couldn't find another place to have any privacy, so we came in here."

Mr. Verlac rubbed his forehead wearily. "And how many times do I have to tell you, Sebastian, that my office is a restricted area and not made for secret rendezvous."

Jace was sitting on the black, polished leather couch, one long leg thrown down across the cushions, the other stretched out lazily in front of him. His posture appeared relaxed and casual, but his posture was stiff, and his eyes were tight and trained on Sebastian.

I was sitting cross-legged on the floor, silently refusing Mr. Verlac's offer to sit in a chair or next to Jace.

My hand was pressed against my lips. They felt puffy. And...I winced. My lower lip was bleeding from where Sebastian had _bitten _me.

Jace was refusing to look at me.

Sebastian was sullenly glaring down at his shoes.

Mr. Verlac was on his computer.

If I crawled out, I wondered if anybody would notice if I was missing.

Deciding to give it a try, I carefully turned, and began crawling spider-style to the door.

_Almost there._

"You aren't going anywhere, Ms. Fray."

_Dang it. He didn't even turn around._

Jace didn't awknowledge me getting called out, either.

I pouted and scooted back, crossing my arms.

Mr. Verlac sighed, and looked away from his screen. "Sebastian, you have a girlfriend."

Sebastian shrugged. "She's in Wisconsin. I have urges. I'm a man."

I snorted, and covered my mouth.

Jace cracked a smirk.

Mr. Verlac rolled his eyes. "Of course. But I _know _you don't like Ms. Fray." He didn't even glance at me. Meanie. "You never..fraternize physically with the residents here."

Sebastian shrugged again. "I had an urge. She was there."

I blinked at him. Was that why he came to my room in the first place? If I hadn't mentioned the files...Oh, God. What would he have done?

Jace raised an eyebrow. "It didn't look like she was having the urge herself, asswipe."

Sebastian shot him a scornful sneer. "Clary was enjoying it just fine. You should've seen her _move_..."

_I was trying to get out from under you, _I wanted to shout. _I was trying to get away from you because you were hurting me, you were scaring me, and I'm SICK OF GUYS AT THE MOMENT._

I was silent.

Mr. Verlac was his father.

Jace disliked me, highly.

Who would care? Or believe me, for that matter?

Jace stood up, and took a warning step towards Sebastian, who was already currently sporting a black eye and bleeding lip. Weird. I'd thought I'd heard a crack somewhere before Mr. Verlac wrestled them apart.

I looked at Jace.

Sebastian hadn't even landed a punch on him, of course.

Sebastian raised his hands up in warning. "Hey, man." He smiled. "If you knew what she felt like, you'd be saying the same thing."

I scowled at him. Who did he think he was, talking about me like I wasn't sitting right here?

Jace sat back down, and scoffed. "I did. Yesterday." He flicked me a disdainful look. "And I've had better."

My eyes immediately dropped to my lap.

_I will not cry._

_I will not cry._

_I will not cry._

I held my breath, because I was afraid if I released it I would let out a sob.

_I will not let him see that he hurt me._

_I will not let him see that he hurt me._

_I will not let him see that he hurt me._

I pinched the skin of my wrist, digging the nails deep enough to draw a bead of blood.

A light, shaky breath left me. Much better.

I still kept my gaze glued to my lap.

Not quite sure I could trust myself to look at any of the three men in this room without breaking down.

_Why does he keep hurting me like this?_

_Whatever I did to deserve it Jace, I'm sorry._

_I'm sorry you hate me._

_I'm sorry I love you anyway._

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><p>...<p>

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...

"Jace, I will have to talk to you alone about this situation." Mr. Verlac glanced down through his spectacles-Since when did he have glasses?-at a folder in his hands. He looked over at Sebastian and I. "Ms. Fray. Sebastian. You may leave, now. Consider this a warning."

I stood up, and dusted off my jacket.

Sebastian muttered under his breath and strode out, bumping his shoulder roughly against mine.

I stumbled a little, cursing my small height and physique.

Fighting the urge, I glanced at Jace through the corner of my eye. He wasn't looking at me.

_If he was, I'd know. _

_I'd be able to feel the weight of that sort of disgust and hatred._

I nodded at Mr. Verlac, struggling to force a smile. I failed. Miserably.

My voice was probably raspy from the lump in my throat, and Jace would know that once again, he'd been successful at breaking another little piece of whatever that was inside of me, and that would be another battle lost, for me.

I heard his soft voice hiss.

_"Whore. Two guys in one day. If I'd known you were that easy, I would've fucked you in the woods after you killed Aline."_

I kept my mouth shut until the door closed.

A soft sob escaped, and I clapped a hand over my mouth.

I ran down the hall, not caring if I ended up in my own room or not. I needed to be alone. I needed to be away from everybody in this place.

Surprising myself, I faintly recognized where I was, and hurried to my room.

Slamming the door, I threw myself on my tiny bed, and buried my face in my pillow.

And I let out a choked, muffled scream that simply could not be swallowed.

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><p>...<p>

...

...

I felt a tongue lick up my cheek, lapping up the salty wetness on my cheeks.

Rolling over onto my back, I squinted through my puffy eyes at where Izzy was sitting on the bed next to me, staring at me warily.

"You don't think I'm easy, do you?" I whispered.

Izzy meowed and rubbed her head under my chin.

I smiled, and hugged her. "It's so easy talking to somebody who can't answer you correctly," I murmured.

She purred as I scratched my nails thoughtfully into her scalp.

My hand ran down the length of my jacket, and over the dress I still hadn't changed out of. My fingers slipped into my pocket, and I pulled out Jace's envelope of secrets.

Earlier, I'd second-guessed whether or not I should open it.

Because I loved him. And I didn't want to do anything that might violate him personally.

_But he hurt me. _

_Now I want to hurt him back._

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><p>...<p>

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**Name: **Jason Wayland

**Gender: **Male

**Age: **19

**Height: **5"11

**Weight: **147lbs.

**Birthday: **October 31st, 1992

**Birthplace: **New York, New York

**Parents: **Stephen Herondale and Celine Wayland-deceased.

**Living Relatives: **None

**Behavior: **_Paranoid, refuses to obey any authority, anger issues, violent outbursts, rude, cynical_

**Relationships: **None

**Mental Illness: **Bipolar

**Reason Admitted: **Violence, fire starting, murder

**Additional Notes: **_Appears__ close to Lightwoods and Bane..._Fray

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><p><em>...<em>

_..._

_..._

I flipped it shut, deeply in thought. Apparently diagnosing someone with "bipolar" was very popular.

Nothing new. Except for the fact that he was an orphan. And his weight. And his height. I didn't know he was born in New York, either.

Meaningless information.

I needed something more personal. A weapon.

...Verbally speaking, of course.

The fight drained out of me. Who was I kidding? I might as well get over my little infatuation with him; he didn't think of me as anything but an obnoxious little W-H-O-R-E.

Something poked out of the folder, catching my eye.

I frowned, and tugged it gently out.

It was a picture. A small one.

A picture of a smiling, beautiful blonde woman, who looked very much like Jace. They had the same blonde curls and I was guessing gold eyes, since the picture was black and white, and face shape.

She was holding a mini-Jace in her arms.

He was smiling, dimples popping out of his round baby-face.

In the picture, he looked about three or three. His hair curled around his face like puffs of clouds, and his chubby arms were outstretched towards the camera.

I smiled. Jace was a precious toddler.

At the bottom of the photo, in black ink, was a tiny chicken scrawl:

_Celine and Jason. 1994._

I bit my lip. They didn't really need the picture, right?

Too late. I slid it into my pocket.

Curious to see if there were anymore pictures of Jace, I re-opened the folder, and pushed away sheets I'd already read.

_Oh. My. God._

There were three more pictures.

I gasped, setting the folder down on my lap and picking up the photos.

Jace looked five or six. Possibly seven, in the picture.

His blonde hair was dirty and tangled, his eyes, staring into the camera, were solemn and bloodshot, nothing at all like the giggling toddler I'd just seen in the other picture.

It was a mug shot. From either a doctor or officer.

He was holding his shirt up with his chubby-like arms.

Bruises and pink markings dotted and covered his belly and ribs. A scar...I inhaled sharply. The same scar that was sliced through his eyebrow, went through his little kid's eyebrow. It was fresh.

My palms began sweating. Who would scar a child's face like that?

The next picture was at a different angle. As was the next.

But each said the same thing.

He grew up the same way I did.

Little notes were scribbled: _Broken ribs...Bruised back...Serious internal bleeding..._The list went on and on.

I swallowed.

It was the perfect weapon. Just what I'd been looking for.

But I wasn't going to use it.

Because unlike Jace, I hadn't had the sensitivity and caring beaten all the way out of me.

...

...

...

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><p>...<p>

...

...

A knock on the door sent me scrambling around for a hiding place to stash Jace's notes.

"Scar-Face?"

Maia entered, her face wary. "You aren't still depressed, are you?"

I shook my head. _Kind of._

"Awwww..." She moaned when she saw my face. "Noo. You weren't just crying, were you?"

I nodded, and wiped my sleeve across my face. "Sorry."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm not the one with blotches and a Rudolf nose, so I'm not the one you should be apologizing to."

I sniffled. "Right. So what'd you want?" My voice was low, because Izzy was asleep, her head resting on my lap.

"I was wondering if you'd thought about. I know you said you were in, but...You know..." She shrugged. "You do seem a bit obsessed with Jace."

I nodded. Running away. From here and Jace.

"I want to. Really."

Maia looked relieved. "Cool." She smiled sweetly at me. "We were thinking...Maybe Monday? Last week didn't work so great."

"You tried to run away before?" And she was still here. Uh, oh.

She looked sheepish. "Well, Jordan and I were. Got caught right away."

I whistled. "Wow. How'd you get caught?"

Maia wrinkled her nose. "Damn locks," she said. "To the gateway, a few miles down. Nobody can get through without the right key, and if they're lucky, don't get caught by the patrol officers down there."

"Key? Where d'you think you'll get those?" _Like I don't know._

Maia sighed. "No idea. Sooner we figure that out, the sooner we can leave."

I nodded. "Alright."

She turned to walk out, and paused, spinning to face me again. "Are you sure you're alright? You look...Sad."

I smiled at her. "I just really hate this place," I whispered. _I just really hate this whole situation._

Maia laughed. "Everybody does, Scar-Face." She opened the door and slid out.

My thoughts wondered back to the kiss. I smiled. I'd hated it. I really doubted I'd want to kiss another guy after that, ever again. I mean, except maybe Jace. But with a mouth like his, I doubt he even kissed his mother, back when she was alive.

But at least that kiss had served a good cause.

I smiled proudly, and patted my pocket.

Keys jingled.

I frowned and sighed, the excitement at my accomplishment quickly wearing off.

Pulling the injured-Jace pictures and the toddler-Jace picture out, I sighed and stared at them. I wondered what he would've been like, if he hadn't been hurt like this.

But I couldn't picture Jace as a different person than he was now.

And I think that's how he liked it.

...

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...

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><p>...<p>

...

...

Again.

I heard the soft padding of feet in the room.

I'm awake, this time.

Waiting to see who it is.

My body is tense and alert.

The footsteps pause, and I feel eyes on me.

_"You're awake."_

I sat up straight in bed, my eyes wide open. Looking. Sure I'd caught them red-handed.

But of course, nobody was there.

...

...

...

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><p>...<p>

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...

**-Sorry there wasn't a whole ton of Jace in there.**

**-Mmm. Jordan/Alec are still a mystery...To you guys, anyhow. ;P**

**-Jace's history?**

**-Mystery visitor?**

**-Sebastian?**

**-Clary's first kiss?**

**-Michael Verlac?**

**-Review**


	10. Chapter 10

**Banner's link is on my profile. **

**Sorry if this wasn't incredibly fast. I've been real sick. :P**

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><p><strong>Rated M for: LanguageViolence/Brief Torture Scene/Mature Content. Jace isn't exactly a sweetheart in this chapter. ;)**

**AN: You know what's weird? I just realized which story of mine I can't stand. **Unexpected. **Weird, since it was such a big hit and everything, but I just don't...I don't like it. But I won't delete it. I just surprised myself when I found that out. :/**

**By the way, this chapter has some of Jace's POV. Short. Violent. Probably one of the only chapters by him. **

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><p><strong>I forgot who asked: But Sebastian isn't crazy. He's just living at the asylum because his father works and lives there, also.<strong>

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><p><em>Sapling: Thanks so much. :) I heard some kid in my class talk about it, but he never mentioned the name. :P Can you believe I got the idea for this story from the class geek who was talking about how his mother used to work at an asylum before she got bitten by a little boy with clinical lycanthropy? O_O <em>

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: Cassie owns the characters. I just make 'em crazy and psychotic pyros. ;)<strong>

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><p><strong>Jace<strong>

...

**Replacement**

...

I stared at her, watching her thrash against the wall, her screams like a bird's call; wild and terrifying.

Well...I smirked, bringing the match up to her scalp, and sighed contently as the top of her head caught on fire. The arousing scent of burning hair and skin filled the air, probably one of my favorite smells in the world.

Her hair was an orange-ish, kind of coppery color.

Her eyes were brown. Not green. So I had to tie a cloth around her face to cover her eyes. Pity. Seeing the fear and pain in the victim's eyes was always one of the best things about this.

I think her name was Madison. Mallory? No. It had to be Michelle. Or...Margaret?

I squinted, and brought my hand down on her head, slapping out the flames. Her red hair was gone, nothing but crisp, black skin now.

She sobbed. "Please," she moaned, thrashing against the binds that held her to the headboard of my bed. "Please let me go."

I tsk'ed under my breath, and brought a hand up to her right breast and gave it a tender squeeze.

Almost immediately, her scared whimper turned into a moan. "Oh," she gasped. "Jace-" I brought my hand over her mouth.

"You will not speak to me," I growled, my voice dangerously soft. This bitch had no right to call me by my "name". I'd sooner let Martha dress me in a white corset and pink skirt.

She nodded.

"Good." I set the used match on my bedsheet, and grabbed a small flask-Once filled with whiskey-that held a generous amount of gasoline. "Now, Madeline-"

"It's Claire."

_Claire._

I felt pleased with myself. I'd done much better than I'd thought...

"Claire." I bent down, and brushed my lips over her throat, and licked up to her ear. She hissed, straining against the binds as she tried to thrust her hips up, relief herself.

"Did you happen to slip some Clorox into the newbie's milk, yesterday?" I ran my hand down and across her abdomen, and traced lightly over her jean-clad pussy.

Claire groaned. "Mmm. Yeah, yeah," she panted, trying to put more pressure against my hand. "Yessss," she hissed when I slapped down. "I did. But the bitch didn't drink it."

I nodded. "Are you a naughty little girl? Tryin' to kill her?"

Claire was breathing heavily. "I'm a bad girl, Jace."

I drew my hand away, abruptly. "I don't like bad girls, Claire." I did my best to keep my voice sympathetic, disappointed, but I really couldn't have cared less. This would've ended the same way, whether I was attracted to her or not.

In fact...I squinted. She looked familiar. I think she was one of the chicks who had a problem with jealousy, maybe? Killed her five-month-old sister because she couldn't stand not having the spotlight all the time. And I knew this, because she bitched about it three weeks ago to me, as if she thought I cared about her boring-ass life. Brat.

I shut her up.

Amazing how sliding a cock down a spoiled girl's throat can get her to quiet down easily.

"You weren't saying that three Mondays ago," she sneered, as if she wasn't the one tied up with a cloth over her eyes. Fucking idiot.

I scoffed. "Claire, I wasn't saying a lot of things three Mondays ago." Yep. It'd been a lucky day for me, alright.

She hissed in a breath. "I cared about you, Jace," she whispered. "I thought you cared about me. You were the only one, and I was just, what? The thirty-eighth of seventy?"

"Bullshit," I said, conversationally, and began pouring the gasoline onto the sheets, around her body. "There is no way you were a virgin. Besides..." I leaned forward. "If it makes you feel any better, it's not you, it's me."

She screamed in anger, and tried to get free. Tough, bitch.

_If you didn't look like her, I wouldn't have to do this to you._

"And I told you..." I poured gasoline across her belly, chest, face. "Not to call me Jace." I struck a match.

Dropped it on her.

And unlike many other times, I didn't laugh at her screams to make it stop, help me, pleases.

I was thinking about a smaller girl tied to the bed, screaming and burning. Hair darker. Eyes green. Curves smaller.

To my disgust, I felt revulsion at that thought.

_I gotta get rid of her._

_She's screwing up my head._

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><p><strong>Clary<strong>

...

**Alec's Attack**

...

I didn't get out of bed.

I didn't get up. Not even for breakfast.

I didn't acknowledge Izzy, when she scratched puzzedly at my feet.

I stared at the pictures in my hand.

Amazing, how something that had happened years ago could screw up somebody so much, twelve years later.

I turned on my side, and rubbed my face in my pillow. Why was I still thinking about him? He'd called me a whore. He'd tried to kill me.

_When I get out of here, I'll forget all about him._

The door opened, and Alec-To my surprise-walked in.

"Clary." His face was calm, neutral. But there was something...Not right.

Unease curled in my stomach, and I sat up, laying my head against the iron-barred headboard. "Hey, Alec. What're you doing in here? Where's Magnus?"

Alec smiled tightly. "Maggie's with Jace, right now."

_Thank God it's just Maggie, not Martha._

"Oh. So what's up?" Alec was twitchy looking. Almost...Like he was restraining against something.

He took a deep breath. "Maia told us that you were coming."

I looked at him, curiously. "Yeah. I am."

"You can't come."

I froze. _I couldn't go? But..._"Why not?" I demanded, tossing aside my covers and standing up, though it didn't really make me feel any taller.

Alec swallowed. "Because you're unlucky. You're cursed."

I stared at him. "I'm-_cursed?"_

He nodded. "Yes. Your blood is stained with evil. Your presense will only bring death and chaos." His bright, husky-blue eyes were beginning to twitch, his face growing paler.

_What's going on with him?_

_What the heck's wrong with Alec?_

"Alec." I inhaled, slowly. "What are you saying?"

He stared at me, his expression somber. "Clary, you aren't welcome here. Already you've caused Martha to come out more than she ever has, you've made Maggie more possessive, and surely you've realized Jace has been murdering more people than he's ever killed before?"

I was silent.

Alec drew a plastic bag from behind his back. "I'm sorry, Clary," he said, sadly. "You're a sweet girl. I like you. But the bugs, they're wanting to break out of your skin-they need to be free-the blood is bad-" He broke off with a terrifying scream, and launched himself at me.

I cried, and jumped out of the way, crashing into the sharp corner of the short little table next to my bed.

Alec landed on my bed, and immediately rolled into a crouch, looking strikingly like his sister as he did so. The plastic bag was in his hands. _What did he plan to do with the bag?_

_"Alec." _I cursed my stupidity for leaping into the table as I clutched my throbbing ribs, and stared at him. "Alec, what the heck is going on?"

But from the lost, crazed look in his eyes, I doubted that he'd heard me.

_"Kill her-evil blood-bad luck-bugs clawing-AHHH!" _He was suddenly on top of me, and the bag was thrown over my head.

I screamed, and thrashed, banging my head into the dresser.

_"Die soon-blood-Love Magnus-"_

It was starting to get harder to breathe.

_He was trying to suffocate me._

"Clary. Why haven't I seen you?"

I heard Simon. I couldn't see him.

His voice echoed through my head, again. "Do you not need me anymore, Clary?" His voice, so full of confidence and flirtatiousness, was hurt. "Are you replacing me with your new friends? Why don't you love me, anymore?"

_I do need you, _I wanted to shout. But I couldn't breathe. My chest felt tight. _You're all that I need. You never called me a whore, you never tried to kill me. You were there when nobody else was._

Images of Simon holding me when I was four, crying softly with blood running from my nose from one of my father's drunken punches, crooning that I would be alright, letting me wipe my tears and blood on his shirt.

Simon hiding in my closet with me when I was six, promising he'd protect me from my mother's hateful words, as she was throwing furniture at the locked door, screaming at me to come out, come out and face my father, for I was the one he was angry at, not her.

Simon braiding my hair when I was seven, because my mother never touched me. Simon pushing me on the swings when I was eight, because I was the only one there without a parent or sibling, and I couldn't swing myself.

Simon tucking me in bed, despite the fact he thought it was stupid, because I wanted to feel cared for.

Simon scaring dogs when they would try to chase me, because for some reason, animals could "sense" him, as he said.

Simon, my only friend.

Simon, my brother.

I'd hardly spoken to him, for the majority of the time I'd been here.

_I'm sorry, Simon._

"You don't need me anymore," he whispered, his voice getting fainter. "You have _them _now."

_Please don't leave me Simon. I love you._

"You love Jace more."

_I don't want to._

"I'm not real, Clary. Your friends...They're real."

_I'm sorry you're not real. If you were, you'd be my brother._

"I am your brother, Clary."

_Then don't go away._

"Your boyfriend's here."

He was gone.

I could feel an emptiness, Simon's presense wasn't there, anymore.

The bag was pulled off my head, and I opened my eyes, inhaling deeply as I panted for breath.

"Scar-Face." Maia's concerned face hovered over mine. "Are you crying?"

I shook my head, putting a hand to my cheek, startled to feel the sticky wetness there.

"What happened?" I whispered, still taking gulps of breath. "Why did _Alec _try to kill me?"

Maia squinted at me. "Because the fucker's crazy," she said. "Duh. That's why he's in a fucking insane asylum."

Why was she so angry?

"Are you mad at me?"

"No." She sighed. "I'm mad at Alec. He said he liked you. He said he didn't see anything-_feel-_anything wrong with you. But he lied."

"Where is he?" The room was empty, other than Maia and I.

She shrugged. "Jordan and Jace hauled him off. Maggie's locked up in Jace's room, in case she decides to anything nutty. Otherwise, Magnus would be the only one to calm him down."

I stared at her. "Jace took him?" _Why would he? He doesn't care._

Maia grinned. "Yeah. I came here to check on you, since you didn't show up for breakfast. Jordan got Jace." She waved her hand. "But whatever. Are you alright?"

_Guilty. Angry. Hurt. Only a little bit betrayed._

"I'm alright."

Maia didn't look like she believed me. "If you say so." She stood up. "Are you hungry? Do you need anything?"

I stood. "I'm fine, thanks." I frowned at her. "What's wrong?" She wasn't normally the type to freak out, I'd thought.

She shook her head. "It's Jordan. Magnus. Jace. Alec. Izzy. You. It's so much to handle, sometimes." She gave me a tired smile. "Sorry. It's just stressful to have a friend who's always being attacked."

I smiled. She'd just called me her friend.

Then I felt a pang in my chest.

_Simon._

"Actually, I think I'm going to take a bath." I felt my hands begin to shake. What I really wanted to do was stay in bed, but I suppose that wasn't very safe either. Nor relaxing.

Maia nodded, but the muscles around her mouth were still tense.

"Go find Jordan." I wanted to pat her shoulder, show her some comfort, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I was horrible at comforting people. "Calm down. I'm fine."

She nodded again, and turned to walk out of the room.

I grabbed the folder, sliding it into one of my pockets, and cautiously stepped into the hallway.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

_Alec._

Frowning, I began walking toward the direction of the sobbing.

Kneeling on the floor, Alec was recieving punch after punch from Jace, who's angelic face was contorted with a rage I was beginning to become extremely familiar with.

"Sorry?" Jace sneered. "You aren't sorry. You didn't take your medication, Alec. _Do you remember what happened last time?"_

The apologeticness faded into a furious expression. "Hypocrite," Alec spat out. "You've killed plenty of people."

"I've never nailed a snake into a seven-year-old girl's skull, Alec." Jace's voice was flat. "I can control myself."

"She was a spawn of the devil!" Alec thrashed against Jace's grip. "Snake venom absorbs that!"

Jace rolled his eyes. "Take your damn pills, Alec." His voice was disgusted as he dropped a small container into Alec's hands. "Leave Clary alone. If she's going to die, it's going to be by me, not by your twisted, delusional fantasies."

I cleared my throat. "Fantasies?"

Jace turned to look at me. His yellow eyes were glowing. "I thought I smelled a whore." He smirked. "What do you want? Alec?"

I shook my head.

_I'm not a w-h-o-r-e._

"Because if you were, Alec likes cock."

I nodded. "I know. Stop punching him."

Jace let go of Alec's shoulders. "Oooh." A predatorial gleam rose in his eyes. "Dominating personality. Now that's even sexier than that innocent act you've got going on."

A memory of Starkfeather saying something similar to that flashed through my mind. I curled my hands into fists. _If that's how you want to play it. _

"I thought you would like it," I said, softly. "Seeing as you grew up with a dominant male."

Jace stiffened, and his eyes went blank. "I don't know what you're talking about, cutie."

"I'm pretty sure I do, _Jason."_

He stared at me.

I didn't feel bad about saying that. I probably should've. But I didn't.

"And you should know that it doesn't feel good to be pushed down and punched like you're doing to Alec. Am I right?"

Jace was silent.

I smirked. "I am right. And you were weak. You were a poor, defenseless little boy, beaten by his f-" Jace was suddenly in front of me.

Alec was sitting on the floor, a dazed look on his face. I guess he'd already taken his medicine.

His face bent down, and I saw a fire in Jace's eyes. Unlike any I'd seen in them before.

And that was when I realized I should _not _have said that.

Jace reached an arm around my waist, and pulled me flush against him.

His mouth moved to my ear.

"You think you're so clever, little girl," he murmured, his warm breath causing me to shiver. "So sneaky."

I swallowed, hard. To my horror, I felt myself begin to get wet. Again.

_Dang him._

He chuckled. It was rough, not amused. "You know, Clary..." He reached his hand down, grabbing my hip roughly. "I think I should've killed you instead of letting Aline getting to try."

I looked at him, my eyelids feeling heavy. I was lost in his scent. His eyes, hungry with _something._

"I think I will." Jace reached into his pocket, and pulled out a short, slightly curved, dagger. I stared at him, my breath coming out in heavy pants. I could feel his hardness, pressing against my stomach. _That same hardness that feels so good pressed against me._

"What do you think, sweetheart?" Jace hummed, pressing the cool blade against my jaw, the sharp edge gliding along my skin. "Should I cut your pretty little throat? Stab you repeatedly in the chest?" He brought the tip of the knife down, slowly cutting through my white dress and unbuttoning the jacket.

He inhaled at the sight of my bare chest.

I winced, abruptly embarassed, and brought my arms up to cover myself-

"Hide yourself and I won't hesitate to run this knife through your tight little stomach."

I dropped my arms.

Jace made a purring sound. "You're so pretty," he crooned huskily. "It'd be a shame to scar up your tight little body, wouldn't it, Clary?" Malice filled his eyes. "Just like your face."

Instead of feeling hurt, I raised my chin. "Not all pretty things are perfect. Like your mother. She let you get beaten, didn't she? Let you take the beating instead of having it done to herself-?" Well, that's what my mother did, at least.

Jace shoved me against the wall, his hand wrapping around my throat. "Don't talk about my mother," he snarled, his face pressed against mine, eyes glowing and furious.

I laughed, gleeful. Yet another sensitive subject for Jace. From now on, I wouldn't be the only one getting hurt.

"Stop laughing, you little bitch," he snapped.

I shook my head. "Oh, Jace. You aren't going to hurt me." Silly, since he's killed so many people. Girls included.

Jace raised an eyebrow. "No?" He ran a hand down my collarbone, and down to one of my small mounds. "Does this hurt?" His eyes never left mine as he gave one of my nipples a sharp pinch.

I hissed and threw my head back, my hips automatically thrusting forward against his. _"No. So good."_

He smirked, and pulled his hand away.

I made a whining noise, then froze. _Jerk. He did that on purpose._

"Does this hurt?" He brought the knife against my throat, and pressed down with the blade, causing a small bead of blood to break through the skin.

I was too nervous to nod or speak.

Jace chuckled. "See, Clary..." He ran his hands over both breasts roughly, the knife held carefully between two fingers.

I gasped at the contact, biting my lower lip.

"I have _so_ much control over you. Your body. Your mind." He leaned down, and caught one of the pointed-nipples between his mouth.

I squealed, and my hands shot down in his locks, torn between pulling him away and pushing him farther into my chest.

He hummed around me, the virbations shooting down into where I was already dripping.

I pulled at his hair, digging my nails into my scalp. "Jesus, _Jace." _He bit down lightly, and I felt my eyes roll back.

Pulling away, he smirked at me, his eyes triumphant. "You think about me all the time. Admit it."

I shook my head. "Never."

Jace tsked and ran his hands down below my hips, and gathered up my skirt, pushing it above my waist.

His eyes grew darker as he looked down. "Fuck, you're so wet." His hand went there, giving it a slap.

I tried to stifle the scream between clenched teeth. _"Oh." _

"Do. You. Think. About. Me?" His eyes bored into mine. "Lie to me again, and I'm going to walk away without finishing with you."

For some reason, the thought of him leaving me at a desperate time like this, made me feel scared. "Don't leave me." Simon had left, already. Maia left for Jordan. Magnus was never really Magnus. Alec was...I don't even know what he was. And Izzy wasn't reliable.

"I do," I whispered. "I think about you all the time."

"And that's why you took my files." Jace raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"Because I love you."

Jace let go of me, and stepped back. His expression was no longer hungry looking. The bulge in his pants was gone.

_I shouldn't have told him that again._

"Don't say that," he said. "Never say that again."

I swallowed the hurt. "Why not?" I stepped forward. "Jace, I do. I lo-"

"I told you _not to say it!" _

The knife was thrown at my head, and I dropped to a crouch, and stared at him. His eyes were wild-looking, angry.

"Jason-"

_"Don't call me Jason!" _

I gasped. "Why not? Why can't I love you?"

His face twisted as he looked at me. "Because I don't love you back," he spat out. "I never will, Clary. Who could love a face like that? Someone as weak as you? As _stupid and gullible?"_

I sniffled. And threw his papers at him. I didn't need them anymore. I already knew all I needed to know about this man. He was hateful. Childish. Unwilling to forget the past.

"Alright." I nodded. "Fine. I won't tell you again." I buttoned back up my jacket, embarassed that my breasts were still on a display.

Jace crossed his arms. "Next time you try to preach about abuse to me..." He sneered. "Try talking about something you're actually familiar with, little girl."

I stared at him. "I know more about it than you think," I said quietly, and turned, walking quickly away.

He didn't yell after me.

Didn't try to stop me.

Not that I expected him to.

...

...

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><p>...<p>

...

...

I stared at the glowing blue and white fish swimming around in the bathtub.

"Do you guys think I made a mistake?" I sighed. "I shouldn't have said that to him. How incredibly mean of me."

They opened their mouths, but only bubbles came up.

I sighed, and drew my legs up to my chest. "I still lo-" I stopped. Did I? Did I still love him, even after breaking me repeatedly like that? Touching me like that?

_I still do._

_DARN IT._

_I shouldn't still care about him._

I rested my head on my knees.

"Simon. Simon, I need you."

He didn't appear.

"Simon." My voice dropped to a whisper. "Please."

I felt a hand on my shoulder. "What's wrong?"

My eyes closed. "Not you."

Jonathon stepped into the tub, his eyes roaming my nakedness. "Mmm. Just how I like you."

"I asked for Simon. Not you."

"We don't always get what we want." Jonathon sighed, and looked at me. "Like your Simon. He's gone."

I stared at him. "No he isn't. He wouldn't leave me."

Jonathon shrugged. "You don't need him anymore."

I swallowed, scared. "What do you mean?" My hands were wrapped around my chest, my legs drawn tightly together, desperate to keep my body a blind eye to him.

"You've gotten along fine with him watching over you, guiding you, comforting you." Jonathon made a purring sound, similar to _him _when he'd been 'humping' me.

"But why would Simon leave?" I just couldn't understand it. He was everything. "I can't-I need him."

Jonathon looked bored. "Apparently your mind doesn't agree with you," he said.

I gasped. "You mean _I _got rid of him myself?" Why would I do that?

Jonathon nodded. "Yeah. Because you can survive without him."

_No. No. NoNoNoNoNoNO!_

"No, I can't," I murmured, my hands dropping from where they were protecting me from Jonathon's wandering eyes, and covered my face. "I _do _need Simon."

Jonathon sighed. "Whether you believe that or not, it's your problem." He looked at me. "You've grown out of him."

I shot out of the tub, grabbing a towel, though to my surprise, Jonathon didn't appear the least bit interested in looking at my exposed body.

"You mean he's really gone?" I simply couldn't wrap my head around the fact that he was really gone. "Like, forever?"

"Yep."

I shook my head, my chest beginning to tighten. Like I couldn't breathe, anymore. "No."

"Yes. Sorry. Time to grow up, unfortunately."

_But who's going to protect me from the jerks, like the ones who lived near me? _

_I couldn't read until he taught me to. I couldn't even ride a freaking bike without Simon holding on to my shoulder._

_Who's the only normal person I can always rely on if it isn't Simon?_

I sat on the floor, my legs suddenly very shaky.

"Simon," I whispered. "Please tell me he's lying."

Jonathon stepped in front of me, his pants soaked. "I'm not lying," he said, his tone annoyed. "Jesus. Women. You're all always in denial whenever something you don't like happens. Well, he's gone. Get over it."

_Simon, please._

_I don't want to be alone._

...

...

...

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><p>...<p>

...

...

Hands slid under my back and my legs, and I felt myself being lifted.

"Mm?"

"Falling asleep on the floor," Jace's voice sounded near my ear. "You dumbass. What part of everyone here hates you and wants you killed don't you understand?"

_I passed out on the floor?_

I felt my fingernails dig into the palm of my hand. _Because Simon's gone._

"Why didn't you leave me then?" I opened my eyes, realizing with a small blush that I was only in a towel. A small towel. "You hate me. And don't pretend you haven't tried to kill me, either."

Jace was holding me close to his chest as he walked out of the bathroom. His chest was so warm. Hard. _Stupid shirt._

"I wasn't planning on it." He rolled his eyes. "Why didn't you leave your clothes in the bathroom? Or are your also nudist."

"Nudist?"

He looked at me. "Enjoy being naked most of the time."

I gaped. "You can _do _that?"

He cracked a small smile. "Forget it."

I laid my head back down, and stiffened. I forgot I wasn't supposed to do that.

Jace didn't make any indication that he cared, so I relaxed.

"You have bruises."

I blinked. And looked at him. "Uh, yeah?" So what did he care? It was his fault some of those bruises were on me, anyway.

Jace's eyes were gazing straight ahead. "Old ones."

"Your point?"

A muscle in his jaw jumped. "They're too old for you to have gotten them from Martha. Or Aline. From when you've gotten here."

I nodded. I wasn't saying anything. Let him figure it out for himself.

"Did-were you-?" Jace looked confused.

I covered my mouth with my hand to hide my smile. He was too cute when he stuttered. Completey different from when he was an A-hole for the majority of the time.

"How did you get them?"

I sighed. "My daddy. Sometimes my mother would, but not usually."

Jace's thumbs were beginning to rub my hips in slow circles. I wondered if he realized he was even doing it. "Why not?"

I shrugged. I wondered that often myself. "She mostly ignored me."

He nodded, and let go of me with one hand to open the door-To somewhere that was not my room.

"Jace?"

He didn't look at me.

"Jace, where are you taking me?"

"My room."

He flicked on the light, and I gasped; there was a blackened corpse on his bed.

A girl.

She looked about my age. Maybe older. Her hair, which was reddish, was singed and the ends were burnt to a crisp. Her skin was red and black, scabbed from burns and ashes.

Her hands were tied to the head board. Her ankles were tied to the lower bed-posts.

I looked at Jace. "Who is she?"

He set me on my feet, and walked to his dresser. "She _was _you," he said, glancing at me over his shoulder.

"Me?" I looked at her. Red hair. "Why me?"

Jace pulled out a shirt. "Keep talking and I'll tie _you _to the bed with her." He tossed me the shirt. "Put this on."

I held it in clenched fists. "Jace...Why are you doing this if you hate me so much?"

"I don't know!" Jace snapped furiously, turning to glare at me. "Just shut the fuck up. Jesus."

I frowned at him. "You don't have to yell." I pulled the shirt over my head, and dropped my towel. The shirt was black, with no words or graphics. It came down to my thighs, barely covering where it needed to be covered. "I don't have anything...under this."

Jace raised an eyebrow. "I know. I saw."

I turned red. "But-" I had dropped the towel _after _I'd put on the shirt.

"You were laying with your legs opened, cutie." Jace rolled his eyes. "No surprise there."

I pulled at the shirt, wishing for my jacket. "I'm not a W-H-O-R-E," I informed him. "I've never had sex in my life, thankyouverymuch."

Jace walked over to his bed, pulling the body off, and dragging her to his closet?

"You stick your victims in your closet?"

Jace kicked her in there, chips of ash-which used to be skin from her leg-flying. "Where did you think I kept them? Under my bed?"

I opened my mouth, but didn't say anything. Because I _didn't _think much of where he hid the bodies.'

"If you killed me, where would you put my body?" _Why did I ask that?_

Jace grinned, dimples popping out. Looking very much like the smiling little boy with his mother in the picture. "Feed you to Isabelle. That's where most of these go." He jerked his head to his closet. "She prefers them raw, but what's the fun in that?"

I stared at him. "You aren't a very nice person."

Jace shrugged, and sat on the edge of his bed. "You're the one who's in love with me."

"Not anymore."

Jace raised an eyebrow. "No?"

My shoulders slumped. "Yes."

He smirked. "The girl was in love with me, too."

I looked up. "And you killed her anyway?" How cruel. How heartless of him.

Jace pulled off his shirt, and I quickly averted my eyes, though I don't know why. All I knew was that my stomach was beginning to clench again, and I felt the most curious urge to lick his flat, scarred stomach.

"Well, yeah. I didn't care about her, so I didn't see any reason to keep her alive." Jace looked at me. "Are you sleeping on the floor, or do you want to sleep where your doppelganger was tortured and torched?"

_Was it so revolting that I still cared for this hateful creature?_

"You mean you aren't going to sleep on the floor?" I'd seen movies where the guy always claimed the floor despite the girl's insistence he slept on the bed. I had always thought that was romantic.

Jace scoffed. "Hell, no." He raised his nose loftily. "I will not have rats crawling all over my body and in my hair. You're welcome to it, if you want."

I swallowed. "No, I-I'm good with the bed-Wait." I narrowed my eyes at him. "Why am I even in here? Why didn't you just take me to my room?"

Jace laid down on his back, folding his arms behind his head. "Verlac's kid."

"Sebastian?"

"Yeah." Jace looked at me. "He's taken a liking to you. Why, I have no idea-"

"Stop being a donkey and just tell me." I crossed my arms. I was sick of him hurting my feelings all the time.

Jace sighed. "I dunno. I just have a bad feeling about him."

"Izzy would protect me." I thought of how she'd defended me from Raphael and Jonathon. "Wouldn't she?"

Jace shook his head. "You rely on her too much. Izzy's not mentally stable enough to "take care" of you all the time. You do realize every time she does that she risks her life?"

I guess I hadn't thought of that.

"Were you crying?" Jace squinted at me, interrupting my thoughts.

I pressed a hand to my cheek, surprised, and shook my head. I had, but I wasn't about to tell him that. "No. Of course not."

I walked hesitantly across the room and around the bed, sitting as far on the edge as possible.

"If you sleep like that, you'll fall off the bed."

I scooted an inch and laid down, my legs squeezed together and my hands pulling the shirt down. How did he expect to share a bed with me when it was twin-sized? He was huge and despite the fact I'd let him..._touch _me, I was feeling a little nervous after hearing that he'd killed a girl that looked sort of like me, just because he didn't care about her.

Jace reached over and flicked off the light.

I stiffened, suddenly scared. _Is he going to hurt me? Oh, my God, what if he decides to blow me up, or stab me as soon as I fall asleep..._

I have been in this place _way _too long.

"Relax." Jace's voice, warm and soft for once, echoed through the room.

I closed my eyes, surprised that I felt safe, despite the fact I was laying next to a murderer.

His body heat warmed me, and I felt myself loosen, my legs no longer pressing tightly together, and my fingers released their tight grip on the hem of the shirt.

I fell asleep, forgetting about my fear and my aching for Simon.

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I woke up a few hours later, to the sound of Jace getting back in bed.

"Where did you go?" I whispered, straining my eyes through the dark, trying to see him.

"Shut up and go back to sleep." Jace laid back down and pulled up the comforter.

I swallowed, and closed my eyes.

He smelled like smoke and copper.

Fire and blood.

"Don't go again," I murmured. "Please."

Jace didn't reply. "Go back to sleep, Clary."

I closed my eyes, but didn't fall asleep.

"Sleep. I won't leave."

He was most likely lying, but it was sweet that he said it to make me feel better, anyway.

I fell back asleep.

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"I'm sorry."

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**-Izzy's disorder is Clinical Lycanthropy. Thank you, Sapling.**

**-The banner is fuckin' gorgeous. Go check it out if you haven't already.**

**-Nobody got Alec's disorder right, even though you've used it as an insult at least once in your life.**

**-Delusional Disorder.**

**-But that sounds mouthy so I just called it delusional.**

**-Jonathon wasn't interested in Clary this chapter. I know why and you don't...;P**

**-Magnus and Jace's connection will be revealed later...It isn't that extreme.**

**-Simon is gone.**

**-Smut in next chapter. **

**-I'm running out of things to say. So...**

**-Review**


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: Sorry. My creativity battery took forever to charge. :( **

**I was surprised at how many of you were worried that the smut wasn't going to be between Clary and Jace. Have I really given the impression Isabelle/Maia/Jace were going to have a threesome...? ;P Just kiddin'. Nobody asked about _that._**

**O_O But they should have.**

**Rating M for: Language/SmutSmuttySmut/Cutting**

**Disclaimer: Cassie owns the characters. I just make 'em crazy assholes. )**

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><p><strong>Clary<strong>

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**Hurting Her**

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I woke up, my eyes staying shut.

Something wasn't right.

I was cramped. I could feel a heat next to me, like I was laying next to a fireplace.

_I wasn't in my bed._

Fear began to choke me, before my memory washed over me, and I relaxed. And then stiffened.

_I was in **Jace's** bed._

My eyes snapped open, and rolled to the side, my body remaining still.

His eyes were shut, and his body was deathly still. He was tense, even in his sleep. Cautious. Prepared to jump up and get out of the way if needed.

I felt sadness wash over me. Even when he was asleep, the one time you could ever relax-Unless it's a nightmare-he was still thinking strategy.

I sighed, and sat up very slowly. I didn't want to wake him up. He needed to sleep. My fingers hovered above his face, itching to trace over the purple half-moons under his eyes, but unwilling to touch him.

I dropped my hand to my side, frowning at him, remembering Maia's words, his words about what he'd done. How could somebody so beautiful be so cruel?

_And what really stinks about this situation, is that I'm able to look past all those girls he's...had sex with and murdered._

Jace let out a light, uneven breath, incongruent to the slow, deep breaths he'd been taking.

I looked down worriedly, because really, I'd forgotten to look at the health part in his files. What if he had a heart disease? An asthma problem?

He let out that same noise, and shifted, his expression tight as his Adam's apple bobbed.

I lifted myself up with my elbow, and touched his arm lightly. "Jace," I whispered. _Was he having a nightmare? What was his deal? _

Jace's head turned a little to the side, and he lifted his hips a little, a low growl escaping his throat.

Reaching my hand over to shake him awake, my arm brushed against something hard.

I glanced down.

_What-?_

_Oh._

_OH._

Maia had, ehm, explained that a guy, when he was...What was the word?

Aroused.

Yeah. That was it.

Apparently when that happened, he got _hard._

I couldn't imagine turning hard, right _there. _I'd asked Maia if she knew if it hurt or not.

She'd laughed gleefully, and nodded. "Oh, yes," she said. "It causes them to be in constant pain and frusteration. It's hilarious."

_I didn't want him to be in pain. He's had enough of that._

Glancing up, I recognized the strain on his face as though he was experiencing a horrible torture.

_Poor Jace._

Slowly, carefully, I pulled the sheets away from him, and glanced down. The bulge in his pants was more visible, without the blanket covering him.

Looking up to make sure he was still asleep, because I wasn't sure how he'd feel about me touching him intimately while he was sleeping, I unbuttoned his jeans, and slowly undid his zipper.

He wasn't wearing boxers, or whatever else it was the guys wore.

So it like, popped out.

Right in front of my face.

It was angry looking, long with veins running along the skin. I noticed an oddish, clear bead on the tip. Like it was...crying.

Instinctively, I wrapped one hand at the bottom, my small hand barely going all the way around.

At the contact, Jace's hips went up, hissing as he did, and his hardness slid even further down my hand.

His skin was warm.

I rubbed my thumb along the tip, and I watched in fascination as he threw his head back, and his hands grabbed at the sheets.

_He seems to like it when I touch him there. Hmm..._

I bent my head down, and flicked my tongue across the purple head.

The liquid tasted salty, and oddly familiar. Kind of like that conditioner I'd had in the shower.

_Holy crap! Guys have conditioner in their penis?_

I began moving my hand up and down, slowly, looking up every so often to make sure Jace was enjoying himself. He did seem better. He was making those growly and moaning sounds, like he did when he was in the shower, or when he had me against the wall...The same sounds that made me squirm and squeeze my thighs together.

Jace's chest was heaving up and down, his curls sticking with sweat to his forehead.

I used the liqiud that was beading from the slit to slicken the rest of him, making it easier to move my hand up and down.

My tongue ran up his veins, scratching against his zipper as I pressed my lips to the base of his length, my nose rubbing against his abs, sprinkled with fair hairs.

"Ah. _Fuck."_

I tore my face away, and glanced up to look at him.

Jace was sitting up, his golden eyes wide and a light brown, darkened by something, something that made me feel anticipation and at the same time fear.

"What're you doing?" He growled, still panting as he stared at me, hand still gripping him tightly, my bottom lip hovering over his tip.

"I'm trying to make you feel good, Jace," I told him, beginning to stroke him again, and his head fell back, his tendons sticking out slightly as he gasped.

"You don't even know what you're doing," he said, teeth clenched. "Jesus. Clary, stop."

I could tell that he was still hurting, the muscles around his mouth still tense.

My lips closed around him, and Jace swore. "Fuck, fuck...Damn, Clary." His hips raised off the mattress, and he went even farther into my mouth.

I gagged, startled and unprepared by the sudden intrusion, and my eyes began to water.

Jace's fingers wove themselves in my hair, and pulled me away, and up towards him.

I coughed, covering my mouth as I looked at him sheepishly.

My legs were on either side of him, trying to settle on his hardness, which was still sticking straight up.

...But he pulled me up so that I was laying on my stomach, on his chest.

He raised an eyebrow at me. "You've never given head before." It wasn't a question.

I looked down. "Did you not like that?" Embarassment flooded me. He was right. I had no idea what I'd been doing, what I'd been thinking, putting my mouth on him like that. It probably wasn't even how it was supposed to be done, head or whatever he'd called it.

"It was fine," he said. "It would've been better, if it wasn't as if it was a toddler that was doing it."

I wrinkled my nose. "Ew. So it was fine, but gross?"

Jace smirked. "It's impossible for a guy to find handjobs disgusting, cutie."

I sighed, and looked over at where his poor length stood there, waiting impatiently. As if it were being ignored.

"I wanted to make you feel better, Jace," I whispered, looking back over at him, pouting like I'd seen little girls do to their father when they wanted some candy or a necklace. "Could you...Could you show me how to give head?" Wasn't that what he'd called it?

Jace shook his head. "No, you aren't making me feel any better..." _Liar. _I saw his reaction to be stroked, licked like that.

I frowned at him. "Stop lying, Jace. Please."

He sighed. "Sparky, most girls can't blow guys the first time they do it. It'll choke you. I knew a guy who nearly killed his girlfriend, nearly suffocated her."

I swallowed, suddenly unsure if I still wanted to suck him. Jace himself wasn't above killing me in that way. "He must've felt so guilty."

Jace shook his head. "Nah, I don't think it was an accident. Otherwise he would've pulled out after she stopped breathing."

I looked over at him. "Would you kill me on purpose?"

He gave me a "duh" look.

"I mean by, you know, _choking_ me." I blushed.

Jace smirked. "I can't deny that thought hasn't crossed my mind."

I looked at him in surprise. "You've thought about me like _that?" _Oh, Lord. I bit my lip as I felt myself begin to dampen down there. This boy was going to kill me. Literally.

Jace rolled his eyes at me. "Yes, I have. Some of them I picture you with a gun held to your head..." He sat forward, and slid his arm around my waist, pulling me closer so that his mouth hovered above my ear. "Fucking you slowly. Sometimes faster."

I swallowed. Hard. "Really?" My voice was small.

He nodded, and his hand slid onto my leg, and up my thigh, past the fabric of the too-long shirt. "You're under me," he murmured, his voice gravelly. "You're begging, moaning." I took in a shuddering breath, unable to say anything. "_Screaming _for me to give it to you harder."

"It's already hard," I blurted out, remembering how hard he'd felt in my hand, how soft and warm the skin felt. Like velvet over a metallic rod.

"Fuck yeah, it is." Jace pressed his nose against my cheek, his eyes staring straight at me. "I forget why I stopped you," he said, suddenly. "I need release, and I need it fucking now."

I pulled away, surprised at his words, though I probably shouldn't have been. "But-how do I know if you won't try to kill me while I'm...you know."

He shook his head. "Don't care," he growled. "Get the fuck out, you aren't helping."

I froze and stared at him. "I _want _to help," I pleaded. "Please. I don't like it when you're in pain."

Jace glared at me. "Pull down the damn shirt," he snapped. "Christ. You're killing me here, Sparky."

I looked down, realizing that while I'd been sitting on his lap, his shirt had come up around my hips. "Oh. Crap."

He tried to push me off him, but I, for once, refused to budge.

"Clary." His teeth were gritted. "You don't know what you're trying to get yourself into."

He was always so angry.

So unhappy.

I wanted to do something to make him happy.

"Jace." I widened my eyes. "If I have to ask you, I will. Can I suck your..." I looked down. I couldn't think of a word for his "friend". Penis definitely didn't sound right for that.

Jace groaned. "No. You can't. Go. Get. Out."

"Fine." I rolled off his bed, tugging the shirt down as it came up again. Embarassed that I'd even asked, that I'd been caught touching him while I thought he was unconscious_-again-_I marched towards his door, prepared to go back to mine and Izzy's room, despite whether Sebastian got on Jace's nerves or not, when I heard it.

Jace growled.

I don't know _what _it was and his growling, but it just made my stomach clench in a delicious way.

Pausing, I looked over my shoulder.

His fist was wrapped around his length, and he was slowly pumping himself, squeezing roughly.

My mouth went dry, and I felt myself turn so I could watch him fully.

He looked so..._beautiful. _It probably should've disgusted me-I was terrified that it didn't gross me out to watch somebody touch themselves like this-to watch _him _of all people touch himself inappropriately.

His head was thrown back, his eyes shut, his jaw clenched as he grunted and moaned lowly, his hand working himself faster and harder.

It looked painful, but he seemed to be enjoying himself. Enjoying himself in a way that made me want to throw myself ontop of him and just rub my whole lower-half of my body against him.

My feet began moving back towards the bed, as if against their own will.

I crawled between his legs, and looked up at him.

His eyes slid open, and he stared at me through heavy-lidded eyes, panting.

"You're big," I told him, wrapping my fingers around him, beneath his fast-working hand. Jace hissed as soon as my hand touched him, and encouraged by the sound, I leaned forward and gave him a long lick, like I would with a lollipop that the five-year-old in the apartment three doors from mine would give me everytime he would come back from the doctor's office.

Jace gasped. "Oh, holy shit," he breathed. _"Yes."_

I ran my tongue down, unsure of what I was doing, but delighted that whatever it was, it was making Jace happy.

His hands left his hardness, and raked through my hair, his nails running through the curls, urging me faster. His touch was urgent, but gentle...

_I was in heaven._

"Take it," he growled. "Fuck, Clary. Take it all in your mouth, little girl."

_...Take it in my mouth?_

I'd nearly choked myself earlier.

I pressed a kiss to the weeping head, a bit uncertain if I'd be able to fit it all into my mouth or not. I mean, it was like a freaking _monster._

I took him little by little back into my mouth, sucking in my cheeks to inhale more air.

Jace hummed, his hips thrusting into my mouth. "Fuck. Yeah. Just like that, Clary. Just." His eyes rolled back, and he pulled my hair. "Like that."

His words, and the force that he was pulling at my hair with, the fact that I was _touching him _in general, was making me squeeze my legs together, and moaning softly.

Jace sighed. "Christ. So good."

I was holding my breathing, fighting the strong urge to vomit. He was sliding down my tongue, nearly to my throat, and my vision was blurry from the tears.

I pulled away, gasping for air.

Jace opened his eyes, and touched my cheek with one of his hands. "So fucking perfect," he sighed, his eyes sliding back shut. "God_damn."_

Hearing him call me perfect made me want to cry.

_Nobody had ever called me perfect before._

_Nobody has ever touched my cheek like him, without slapping me._

I circled my tongue around his tip, and Jace bucked his hips, crying out throatily.

I giggled, looking at him. It was like I had total control of him, when he was like this.

He pulled his hands away from my hair, raking down my back. _"Clary-"_

As soon as I opened my lips back around him, something cool and sticky...salty...gushed into my mouth.

Startled, I pulled away, and the rest landed on my mouth.

Jace stared at me.

I blinked, and forced myself to swallow. How embarassing would it have been if I'd just spit it all out, all over him?

My tongue flicked over my mouth, and frowned. "Did you just _pee _in my mouth?" I demanded, suddenly grossed out.

Jace shook his head, still watching me.

I sighed, tired. "Why don't you tell me anything?"

He zipped up his pants. "Because you're just a kid," he said, his voice expressionless. Again.

Eyes blank. Again.

Posture tense and cautious. Again.

Expression guarded. Again.

"If I'm a kid, why did you let me do _that?" _I stood up, and crossed my arms, angry. Jesus, this boy was so complicated. Hurt my feelings, than make me feel happy in a way nobody's ever made me feel happy before. Touch me, then push me away.

Jace walked over to his dresser and pulled out a black shirt. "I've let plenty of people do that," he said.

_I KNOW that. Why do you keep throwing that back into my face?_

I blinked, and swallowed the lump in my throat. "So...You _don't _care about anything I just did?"

Jace looked over at me as he pulled out a stick of deodorant. "It was great. In fact, why don't you come up here at a round two-thirty and we can do it again?"

_He didn't just say that to me._

_After _that.

"You-you-" I couldn't think of a mean enough word. "Why do you do that? Why are you so mean to me?"

Jace chuckled, and turned around, his eyes full of malice. "Aw, did I hurt your feelings? I thought I was being nice. I saved your stupid ass repeatedly, I let you sleep in my bed, I let you blow me. Whores like those kind of favors, don't they?"

"Jace...Stop..." My voice was whiny and wobbly, and I quickly brushed my arm over my eyes.

He snapped his fingers. "Shit. I forgot." He spun around, and dug around in his top drawer, pulling out a wad of cash, throwing it at me. "Here ya go, cutie." He winked at me. "You earned it."

I didn't pick up the cash, letting it hit me square in the chest and fall to the floor.

Stared at him.

He stared defiantly back, obviously uncaring about whether or not I was hurting.

"I _hate _you."

Jace's eyes widened. "I thought you said you loved me," he pouted. "Bummer. Guess it doesn't take much to turn you off and to move on to someone else, huh?"

I felt something crawl across my foot.

A blood-covered rat, gnashing it's flesh-covered teeth at me.

I screamed and kicked it off, waving my hands frantically. It flew across the room, and splatted against the wall.

"Jace. You're hurting me," I whispered.

He raised an eyebrow. "I thought you said you were used to it. Ya know, 'cause your dad used to hit you?"

I blinked at him. "I didn't care about what he said to me," I told him quietly. "I care about you, even though you're making me hate you right now."

Jace shrugged. "Unrequited love is a pain in the ass."

"What did I do to you? To make you hate me so much?"

He smiled tightly at me. A fake, unJace-like smile. _"Sed iniquum te esse secundum quid acciderit laeti, et non sum." _His voice was quiet. Empty.

"I don't speak Spanish," I informed him.

Jace shook his head. "Latin."

"I don't speak Latin, either."

He walked over to me, and looked down at me. "I'm not sorry," he said. "About what I said. I meant every word."

I crossed my arms, squeezing tightly. I felt like I was about to be torn in two, I needed to hold myself together.

"Who are you trying to convince?" I demanded, clearing my throat, because really, all I wanted to do was curl up in a corner and cry. "You or me?"

Jace sighed. "Clary, you hallucinate. How do you know you didn't just imagine everything you think I feel about you?"

I wasn't quick enough to catch the tear that escaped down my cheek. "Wh-what do you mean?" I whispered.

His hand wrapped around my arm, and he began leading me to his door. "You've thought that I care about you. No?"

I nodded; more than once.

"What makes you think you didn't just think it all up in your head?"

I stared at him. "Think all of that?"

Jace nodded, opening the door. "Yeah. I know I don't like you, but you seem positive there's something going on between us. Think about it."

The door was shut, and I was suddenly aware that he'd dismissed me out of his room.

_I hate him._

_I love him._

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Maia was sitting on my bed, braiding Izzy's hair as she licked her arms.

I sighed, and walked over to them, sitting down next to Maia.

"Where've you been, Scar-Face?" Maia's eyes didn't leave her task, but her expression changed as soon as I'd entered the room. From relaxed to guarded.

Izzy turned to look at me, her eyes rounded and curious.

"Jace."

Maia glanced at me. "Ah. That explains why you've been crying."

I dropped my head on her shoulder. "Maia, I have a confession to make." My voice was small, and I felt horrible for lying to her. But Jace had just made me realize I couldn't stay here; I was too crazy to survive in this place.

"You had sex with him?"

I blushed. "N-no."

Maia spun to glare at me. "Clary!"

"I didn't!" I remembered what he'd said, and felt my face crumple. "I touched him...there. He said it didn't mean anything to him."

Her arm wrapped around my waist. "Sorry, girl. Guys are assholes."

I sighed. "How'd you end up with Jordan?"

She paused her braiding. "I've known him forever," she said. "He's been my best friend since we were kids. When my parents dropped me off here, he followed." She gave a short laugh. "Not a tough decision; it was either this or jail, for him."

I frowned. "Jordan's nice."

"Jordan's killed people."

_Why was I not surprised? _"For fun?" _Like Jace?_

"No." Maia's face closed. "Drugs. He gets...violent."

"I'm sorry." I paused. "Maia. Are we hugging?"

She shook her head. "Half-hug."

"Oh." I guess it didn't matter anymore. Jace wasn't going to give me one. "That wasn't my confession, though."

Maia resumed her braiding. "Confess."

"I...I have the keys to the gate."

She dropped Izzy's hair. _"You have what?"_

"The keys." I swallowed. "I took them from Sebastian."

Maia stared at me. "You're serious? You aren't just seeing things?"

I picked up my green coat from where it laid rolled up at the bottom of my bed. Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out the keychain and jiggled the keys in front of her.

Maia grinned. "Girl, you stole 'em?"

"I..." I sighed. "Yes."

She laughed, and snatched them from me. "Fuck, this is cool!" She looked at me. "You know what this means?"

"We can leave?"

"YES." Maia grabbed me by my shoulders and began shaking me. "We can _get out of here, _Clary! Live for real, not trapped in some sort of mouse-cage, no privacy or freedom whatsoever."

I frowned. "But there's nobody here. Except Mr. Verlac."

Maia rolled her eyes, momentarily annoyed out of her excitement. "Are you daft? You think they trust crazies enough without supervision?" She snorted. "Cameras, Scar-Face. The fuckers are everywhere. They probably got you and your "activities" with Jace on repeat, using it as amateur porno."

I didn't understand any of that last bit.

"We're being watched?...So they probably know we have the keys."

Maia giggled. "Aren't you schizophrenic? They probably think you're hallucinating."

I nodded. _Am I imagining this whole conversation? _"Probably."

She sighed happily. "You're amazing. Damn. I was worried I would have to go through _hell _to get the keys." She jiggled them thoughtfully. "You're a good kid, Scar-Face."

I smiled weakly. "You're a good friend, Maia." _Something I need since mine is gone._

She smiled back. "Yeah. Now lets tell Magnus and Alec and Jordan the good news!" She clapped, looking totally unlike herself. I guess I'd just never seen her excited about anything.

Izzy crawled after us, panting with her tongue rolled out. As we went down the stairs, I suspected she'd tried to nip at my ankles, but every time I looked back, her eyes were their usual blank, innocent selves.

"You hungry?" Maia asked, glancing at me. "I think they're in the dining room, for breakfast."

I nodded. "What are we having to eat?" I asked carefully.

She shrugged. "No idea. Just hope Alec doesn't accidently give you Izzy's food." Maia wrinkled her nose. "He did that to me once, before I knew him. I think the nose still had snot in it."

Izzy licked her lips as Maia and I shuddered in unison.

Maia led the way, oozing confidence. _How does she do that? _I wondered. _How is she not scared of anybody here? _

_I wish I wasn't scared._

Jace was sitting by himself, not eating.

He had a girl in his lap, her hair brushed over a shoulder and his cheek resting on the other, whispering into her ear.

Her hair was red.

_You're going to end up dead in his closet._

Should I go warn her?

No.

She was _sitting on his lap_. _Touching _him.

Let her die.

I swallowed, and forced myself to look away, reminding myself the horrible things he'd said to me this morning.

_I loved you, Jace._

_Why did you hurt me?_

_Why do you keep hurting me?_

I sat down next to Maia. I looked around, noticing that is was only Alec and Jordan.

"Where's Magnus?" I asked, as Alec wordlessly handed me a plate full of white grainy stuff.

I shovelled it into my mouth, suddenly aware of how ravenous I was.

Alec shrugged, his blue eyes disturbed. "I haven't seen him all morning," he said. "Clary...I'm sorry."

I nodded. "It's alright. You didn't take your meds. You didn't mean it."

He didn't look convinced, but nodded anyway.

Maia leaned forward. "Guess what?" She breathed, her hazel eyes bright.

Jordan leaned forward, kissing her cheek. I shoved away the flare of envy, instead trying to focus on her words.

"Scar-Face got the keys. We're getting the fuck outta here."

Alec's mouth fell open. "Are you serious?"

Jordan whooped. "Hell, yeah!" He looked at me. "You are a genius!" He leaned forward, and pressed his lips to my cheek. "How'd you do it?" He asked, pulling back and staring at me intently.

"I-I ah..." What's with boys _kissing _me? I mean, he had nice lips, very soft and warm, but I had a bad feeling-I felt a white-hot stare, burning on the back of my neck.

Turning, I saw Jace out of the corner of my eye, glaring fiercly at Jordan.

_Uh oh. What's he going to do?_

_And what does he care?_

Jace stood up, pulling the tall redhead up with him, leading her out of the cafataria.

I closed my eyes. _He's going to have sex with her, and then he's going to kill her._

Why was I in love with him again?

"I got them from Sebastian," I whispered. "When he was on top of me."

Maia snorted. "On top of you? First Jace and now Verlac..."

"Shut up," I snapped, suddenly angry. "It wasn't like that. I didn't say he could. He just _did._"

Maia scowled. "I'll kick his lily white ass," she growled. It sounded cool, but Jace's was...nicer.

Alec waved his arms, catching our attention. "Guys, that's cool, and all," he said, sounded irritated. "But where the hell are we going?"

We stared at him. "Huh?" I asked.

He rolled his eyes. "We can leave, sure. But where will we go? How can we take Izzy anywhere without having to worry about her attacking somebody? What if I run out of medicine? What if Martha or Maggie go on a fucking killing rampage? What if Clary-" He looked at me. "Nevermind. You've probably never done anything."

Maia scoffed. "She's shot somebody. A lot of somebodies."

Alec shrugged. "Whatever. But you see what I'm saying?"

I nodded. "We have no money, either," I said quietly.

Maia's face crumbled, and I was startled; Maia was strong. Maia fought. Maia did not _crumble._

"I. Don't. _Care," _she snarled. "I'm getting out of this shithole, whether any of you fuck-ups come with me or not!" She jumped up, and ran out of the room.

"Maia!" Jordan began to stand up, looking worried.

I patted his leg. "I'll talk to her." I grabbed my plate of mush-it was surprisingly delicious, and spoon, and ran after her, Izzy starting to follow me but Alec tossed her a body part, and she pounced on top of it, immediately forgetting about me.

...

...

...

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><p>...<p>

...

...

I found her, finally, in the Girl's Bathroom.

She was in a stall, the door locked.

I heard sobs coming from inside, and began knocking. "Maia?"

"What?" Her voice was muffled.

"Maia, don't cry. Come out."

"No."

"But-Why not?"

"You can't see me."

"Why?"

"Because I'm fucking _broken, _dammit!"

"No...You're so strong, Maia. You're the strongest person I know."

Another sob. "I'm not."

"Maia..."

"I'm messed up."

"My face is messed up."

"Girl, your sanity is messed up."

"Can I come in?" I knocked once more. "Please, Maia?"

Silence.

Then she opened the door.

I gasped. Her eyes were swollen and red, and her arms...Were bleeding. Dripping to the floor in scarlet droplets.

"Maia." My voice sounded wobbly. "Why are you bleeding?"

She held a razor in her right hand, fingers clenched so tight she was nicking her palm and finger tips.

"I'm messed up," she whispered, her voice sounding dazed. "Messed up. My parents didn't love me because I'm messed up."

I was crying. How did that happen?

Wiping my eyes, I smiled shakily at her. "My parents didn't love me either," I murmured.

Maia dug the razor back into her skin, and hissed.

_"Stop it!" _I screamed at her, and threw myself at her, knocking the razor out of her hands and pushed her against the wall. "Stop hurting yourself!" I began slapping her. "Stop it! Stop it!"

Her head dropped on my shoulder and she began shaking and crying again. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she moaned.

I took a shuddering breath. "Please don't hurt yourself anymore."

She nodded, wet eyes staining my jacket. "I'm sorry."

"Me too."

We stood there, quiet except for the occasional "I'm sorry" from Maia.

...

...

...

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><p>...<p>

...

...

Maia fell asleep on my bed, face blotchy.

My hands ran through her braids, and I sat there pondering about different places we could go when we got out of here. How I could get money for us.

I heard footsteps in the hallway. I frowned, finding it weird that nobody ever came in our hall unless it was to, you know, try to kill me.

_So that means this person probably has not-so-innocent intentions._

I tensed, my hand sliding into my pocket, wrapping my fingers around my knife.

"Clary."

I blinked. "J-Jonathon?" I felt unease prickle through my veins.

He'd touched me inappropriately. He'd lied to me. Threatened me.

_Except last night he didn't give me a second glance._

He smiled at me. It wasn't a nice smile.

I guess this was going to be one of _those _visits.

"Jonathon...What are you doing in here?" I demanded cautiously.

He began walking towards me, white-blonde hair flopping in his face. "I came to see my favorite redhead, of course." Black eyes wide. Innocent-looking.

My grip tightened on the dagger.

"I don't trust you."

Jonathon pouted. "Aw...Did Jason ruin your faith in anybody?" He winked. "Don't worry. I'm not going to hurt you."

"You aren't?" _Still don't believe you._

"Of course not. Believe me when I say you'll enjoy _everything _I do to you." His black eyes darkened even further as he reached me, and knelt down in front of me.

"Don't touch me."

Jonathon scowled. "You let Jace touch you? Jace, who hates you. He called you a _whore, _Clary." His hands rested on my legs. "I would never hurt you like that."

"You've tried."

His face, a pale color, flooded red.

In fact, his whole head turned red, and his eyes glowed orange.

_"You belong with me," _he growled. _"Nobody else but me."_

I crossed my arms. "I don't belong to anybody," I informed him.

He let out a scream of outrage, his hands-which had grown extended claws-clawed towards me. I whipped out my knife, and stabbed it through his chest, without even hesitating to think about it.

He fell back, and looked down at the knife sticking out of his chest.

He pulled it out.

Tossed it down on my lap.

"Bitch," he snarled. "Trying to kill me?" He chuckled, sounding maniacal. "I don't _die, _Clary. I can't die."

I swallowed. _Crap._

_Calm down, Clary, _I told myself. _Calm down. He won't kill you. He isn't real. He CAN'T hurt me._

_None of this is real._

_He's not real._

_This is all in my head._

I opened my eyes.

Jonathon was gone.

I took in a deep breath, and let out a small laugh of relief.

I glanced down at Maia. Her cuts weren't bleeding, anymore. Thank God. She was still hurting, though. I could tell.

My fingers traced over the scars she'd given herself. _I wonder if Jordan realizes that she's doing this to herself._

I sighed, and stood up, walking to the door. Maybe I'd get Jordan. See if he could comfort her, since he knew her much better than anybody else. He probably knew what was wrong, more than she'd told me.

I opened the door, and took the first step-

_Squish._

_Crack._

I felt something soft and something crack beneath my feet.

A face.

The redhead.

Lifeless eyes, staring up at me.

Blood covered her.

Ash, scars and burns marked her skin.

A piece of paper laid on her chest.

Swallowing the dread I felt rise in me, I bent down and picked it up.

...

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><p><em>Thinking about leaving, cutie?<em>

_..._

_Not if I kill you first._

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><p><em>...<em>

_..._

_..._

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><p><strong>-Those who are confused about Jonathon, still-Izzy can sense things sane humans can't. Like animals are aware of bad things that are about to happen.<strong>

**-Jonathon's mood swings...He's a hallucination. Basically, he becomes part of whatever Clary's feeling or thinking, or going through...*hinthint***

**-I'm sorry if I drove you near suicide...I was focusing on a Malec oneshot I'm working on. And numerous others. And then CAMB. I'm a busy lady with no life. ;)**

**-Maia's breakdown?...I needed angst in here...**

**-Dead body & note?**

**-Smut?**

**-Chapter in general?**

**-Review**


	12. Chapter 12

**I was going to say thank you for being so patient, but only a few of you-you know who you are-didn't beg for me to hurry up. PMs and reviews asking when I was going to update, when I've already said, everywhere, that my account was messing up. That I was unable to write. And then I was going through some emotional crises, which also unables me to write.**

**PMs asking for updates doesn't help. **

***sighs* I spoil y'all.**

**Rated M for: Language/Disturbing themes/Smut/Kinda kinky...I've just recently discovered how friggin' _kinky _****I am...O_o**

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><p><strong>Ryan: YOU ROCK MY FUCKING SOCKS OFF! Thanks for suggesting Chrome. That's what fixed this fucked up situation...:D<strong>

**Sorry I had to use your real name. :P It kept deleting your penname every time I saved it.**

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><p><strong><em>0: Haha, thank you. :) It's funny, I love TonyEffy, I've watched so many fan-made videos about them, I've wikipedia'd the show, and it pretty much explained everything that's happened in the 6 seasons, but I've never seen an episode._**

**_But I've seen parts of the US version on YouTube also, and I have to say I'm embarrassed for my country. :/ UK version's 100% better._**

**_Who knows? I might. :)_**

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><p><strong><em>brittanybaby98: :) Thank you.<em>**

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><p><strong><em>Rae-Rae: You are my new favorite person. ;) Haha, thanks so much! Loveherloveher. :D<em>**

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><p><strong><em>Jace's heart: I updated.<em>**

**_...See?_**

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><p><em><strong>No Name: I updated just to spite you, dear asshole. *cheesy grin* Now get the fuck outta here. <strong>_

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><p><em><strong>lovebug: Jonathon isn't real. His behavior reflects Clary's thoughts and emotions. If she's horny, he's horny and wants to touch her inappropriately. If she's angry, he's angry and violent. Hope that helps. :)<strong>_

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><p><em><strong>Sapling: Thank you. Thankyouthankyouthankyou. I'm gonna dedicate this chapter to you because you're such a sweetheart, and your review made me so happy and smile so much my cheeks hurt and my sister thought I'd finally snapped. <strong>_

**My Crazies! Bow down to the lovely Sapling! *gets down on knees* **

**;) You know the thought of that turns you on...Heehee. ;P**

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: Cassie owns the characters. I just make 'em crazy. ;)<strong>

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><p><strong>Clary<strong>

...

**Hidden Away**

...

I stared at myself in the mirror, one hand laid on my cheek, the other clutching tightly at my knife with a shaky hand.

_He isn't really going to kill you, _I told myself. _He's bluffing. He's just trying to scare, like usual._

Good for him. It was working.

The Girl's Bathroom was pretty much empty, but I'd been deceived before, so I wouldn't be surprised if their was some crazed lunatic in one of the stalls or hiding in the shower this second.

_Not if I kill you first._

I sighed. Maybe I was just over-thinking it. Maybe Alec left the body and note. Stole her out of Jace's closet, or something like that...but Jace was the only person who'd ever called me 'cutie', so...

_Maybe when I get out of this place, I won't get so many death threats like I've gotten at this charming place._

I ran my hands under the faucet, and ran my wet hands through my hair, closing my eyes. Everything was backwards today. Other than Jace being a jerk, of course.

Maia was cutting herself.

She'd thrown up the other day, and she looked like she was perfectly healthy. _So why would she be sick?_

Alec tried to kill me.

Magnus tried to kill me, dressed as a little girl.

Jace has repeatedly tried to kill me.

Raphael had attempted to kill me.

As did Aline.

Simon was gone.

Jonathon was here.

I keep getting unwanted attention from the men at this place.

Clenching my teeth to keep them from chattering, I sank to the floor, drawing my knees to my chest, a defensive posture. _Why didn't I give her the keys as soon as I got them? _I closed my eyes. I was going insane. I was going to end up like the rest of the others. Crazed and homicidal.

_I didn't want to be here anymore._

I reached up and gripped the edge of the cool marble sink, forcing myself to pull my body up, legs shaking a little. I didn't want to leave the sanctuary of the bathroom, where there were cameras watching my every move, psychos who wanted to kill me, and a pyro who wanted to blow me up, possibly.

But this bathroom wasn't safe, either.

I ducked my head and walked out, my eyes darting side-to-side. I didn't see anybody.

That should've made me feel slightly better, but it only made me feel even more nervous. Somebody could jump me, and nobody would be close enough to help me, if needed.

The hand that held the knife was pressed against my leg, not put away, but not blatantly visible. _I wanted to be ready for whoever was going to try to kill me, today._

I didn't want to go back to the dining room, because Jace was in there. I didn't want to go back to my room, because Maia was asleep in there, and I needed to figure her out a little more, before I trusted her completely.

Of course, I probably should've stayed on the familiar halls, which weren't even that familiar.

But I didn't.

And that was my first mistake.

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><p>...<p>

...

...

I got that feeling.

The feeling you get when you just _know _something was going to happen. Something _bad._

_What bad could happen** here**? _I thought, sarcastically. _If this place was any safer, there'd be Teletubbies running around._

Then I heard it; sharp and loud, like glass being thrown into a metallic wall.

Screaming.

I froze, my head snapping to the left.

_Who is it?_

_What's happening _now?

I should've turned around, probably run away. Grab Maia and tell her something bad, something worse, was happening.

But I didn't.

And that was my second mistake.

I began walking to the door, which was three doors to the right across from Mr. Verlac's office. It was average looking. It didn't even feel foreboding looking at it or being near it.

I pressed my ear to the door, unsure if I was just hearing things or what-

There was a sudden scream, and I flinched away. It sounded like a child screaming.

My stomach turned. _Oh, my God._

_Children were getting hurt..._

I gripped the doorknob, my fingers tightening around the hilt of my knife.

_Please be unlocked._

I shouldered open the door, revealing...

_Nothing?_

It was a cold white hallway; completely different from the rest of the building.

_Now _I felt nervous.

As I began walking, lightly on my feet, I began noticing there were only two doors; one on each side of the hallway.

My left hand began scratching my right arm nervously, a prickly feeling starting to tickle beneath my skin. The door on the right side was cracked slightly, as if somebody had wanted it closed, but didn't care enough to make sure it had shut all the way.

I frowned and held the door in place by gripping the doorknob firmly, and pressed my face against the door, catching a glimpse inside of the room.

From what I could see, it looked like a hospital. More of what I'd pictured for a building for crazy people.

White rooms. There were beds, with little children, teenagers, and three old people. Nurses and doctors were walking around, talking quietly and I spotted a few of them jot something down on their clipboards. Nobody looked like they were in pain, here. Most of them were getting shots, or spoon-fed, their eyes glazed over and mouths open.

_It was like they were zombies._

I began to bite on my fingernails. Why on Earth would they let a bunch of murderers run around, unsupervised, but had everyone who worked here in this small part of the asylum to take care of zombie-like innocents?

_What was it about these people?_

I stepped away, disturbed by what I'd just seen.

These poor people...locked away in an isolated wing in the asylum, being controlled by the doctors and nurses, having God knows what done to them-

"Hey!" The door was pushed open, and a doctor who looked like he was in his forties. "Who are you?" He had dark eyes and pale hair, his jaw square. In his hand was a sharp, large knife.

_...Did doctors normally carry daggers around?_

The door closed behind him, and he squinted at me suspiciously. "You shouldn't be here," he said, his voice soft. "Ms. Fray."

I froze. "How d'you know my name?" I asked him.

He chuckled. "I know everyone who lives here. And dies." He fixed me with a cold stare. "Like I'm sure you also know, _Sparky."_

I felt my chest tighten. _Dang cameras._

"I don't know what you're talking about," I told him, confidently. I didn't like him. I didn't want to tell him to truth. I felt uneasy, the way he was looking at me, like I was some sort of...what was that word? Specimen. A specimen for him to take apart and experiment with. He felt dangerous.

He raised an eyebrow. "Clarissa, there really is no need for you to be scared." He smiled softly, and reached out a hand, placing it on my arm. "I only want to help you."

That only creeped me out.

"I don't need any help, thanks." I tried to pull my arm away, but his hand had tightened, not allowing me to break out of his grip. I stared down at his hand.

"Let me go." I was freaking out; why would there be a secret compartment in the asylum? Why were there screaming? _And why wouldn't he let go of me?_

"Clarissa, please calm down." His smile tightened a little. "I don't want to have to hurt you."

I swallowed. "What are you doing in here?" I asked in a whisper. "Why are there people in there?"

He shook his head. "You cannot understand...the dangers you children cause. The damages." His eyes narrowed. "The deaths."

"People get killed here all the time," I pointed out. "And you never do anything about it."

He sighed. "Behavioral studies, Clarissa," he explained. "It's impossible for us to "cure" you. So we're trying to understand you."

I still didn't trust him. He was making everyone who lived here sound like lab-rats. "And what does locking them up in here have to do with any of it?" I demanded, surprised at my behavior towards him. I usually didn't like picking fights with adults...especially ones with weapons.

_That was more like something Simon would've done._

Huh.

"You aren't ready, Clarissa," he said. "You haven't experienced enough to know that, yet."

I thought of the patients that had been laying in their beds, eyes glazed over, as if the fight to live had left them.

Something buzzed near my ear, and I glared at the dark orange bumblebee with grey stripes as it giggled and flew around my head in circles, whistling the tune of "Round the Mulberry Bush".

"Stop it," I hissed, forcing to keep my eyes on the man's concerned face, the brightness of the once-white walls-were now beginning to drip with blood; scarlet until it reached the floor, where it darkened to a thick inky color.

Black blood pooled around my ankles, and I screamed as it came in contact with my foot.

The liquid burned. Like acid.

_"Omigodomigodmakeitstop!"_

I couldn't stop the screams from escaping. It burned.

Like it was eating away my flesh.

"Clarissa?" I looked up, noticing his face was an odd, gray color. "Clarissa, that is not funny. Throwing a fit won't get anything out of me."

The bee's whistling grew faster and louder, and it was spinning faster around my head, nothing but a blur of orange and gray, making me feel dizzy and nausea.

I looked down at my feet, my vision blurred with tears.

The skin above my feet was gone, sizzling with burning, ink-colored blood.

_Somebody make the pain stop._

_Please._

_It hurts._

"Make it stop," I wailed, collapsing to the floor and into the pool of rapidly rising blood, unable to stand with crippled feet. "Please." I looked up at the man, but he looked at a loss for words.

My whole body was being eaten away, and I spotted a stark white tentacle shoot out of the darkness, and wrapped around my waist-my legs had disappeared with my feet-and yanked me under, pulling me down the floor.

I opened my mouth to scream for help, but only choked on acid.

It filled my lungs, throat and mouth, suffocating me with its fire and bitterness.

I felt hands grab at me, but I was ripped savagely from their grip by the white tentacle, which was drawing me closer and closer to something bad.

Another tentacle wrapped around my torso, squeezing tighter and tighter. Two others snagged around my wrists, and two more latched onto my ankles, holding me down-

I felt a sharp pinch in my arm, and somebody slapped me lightly across the face.

I blinked rapidly against the darkness, and winced as a painfully bright line was shone in my eyes.

"She's back."

I looked around me through slitted eyes. The man from the hallway was there, a needle in one hand, my arm in the other. _I guess the pinch was really just a shot..._

"Waz goin'on?" I asked in a croak, straining to look down at my feet, which were still hurting with an intense pain.

"You had yet another meltdown. No surprise there."

I blinked against the brightness, and squinted at the tall figure who stood beside me. "Jace? What are you doing here?"

He was standing next to the bed, his arms folded as he raised an eyebrow at me. "I told you, you aren't leaving," he said with a careless shrug. "Izzy heard you screaming."

"And you decided to come rescue me," I finished, glaring at him.

_Nearly drowning in acid puts me in a bad mood. I think I'm allowed to be mad._

_Plus, he's not nice to me._

"Actually...no." Jace rolled his eyes. "I work in here, sometimes. Izzy was walking with me on the way here, and heard you. Took me forever to convince her it wasn't you."

"Why not?" My breathing was getting shallower. "Are you going to kill me?"

The man sighed. "Jason, I told you she isn't stable-"

Jace spun around, his fist suddenly appearing out of nowhere and connecting with the man's jaw and sending him stumbling back.

_"Don't. Call. Me. _Jason."

I tried to sit up, before realizing my abdomen, wrists and ankles were strapped down to the table.

"Why am I tied up?" I demanded, shakily. "Jace?"

He looked at me. "So you don't try to get away," he said in a "duh" voice. "You're quite the worm, aren't you, cutie?"

I closed my eyes, convincing myself even pretty people could be evil. "You're killing me because I want to get out of here?"

"Don't take it personally." I opened my eyes to see Jace pull a small black gun out of his back pocket, and he winked at me. "Red heads are always my favorite to kill."

"I've noticed," I said, dryly, my face hopefully expressionless. _Don't let him see that he's scaring you. Don't let him see that he's scaring you._

Jace began to unstrap me, and I tried to focus on the fact that he was about to kill me, not that his fingers felt so good when they brushed against me as he undid the fastenings. Or the fact that his smell was making me feel light and feathery.

He finished and stood back, holding the gun out carefully, pointed directly at my forehead. "Get out of the bed," he commanded, jerking his head.

I shook my head, petrified. "I can't walk," I whispered. "My feet hurt really bad."

Jace gave me a sardonic look. "Do I look like I give a rat's ass?" He snapped, and gave me a rough prod in the side of my head. "Up."

Wincing, I swung my legs cautiously over the bed and tried to stand up, but immediately fell, my feet screaming in protest at having my weight on them after being burned and eaten away.

I looked up at Jace. "See?"

He scowled.

The man wiped away blood that was beginning to trickle out of his mouth, and cleared his throat. "Jason-Jace," he quickly corrected himself. "Is it really necessary to kill her? Even Michael says he hasn't had a resident like her before. She could be useful."

Jace shot the man a nasty look. "My job is to kill the people here that are of no use," he said in a clipped tone. "She's worthless. I see no reason for her to be alive."

My head and heart were both beginning to hurt at the exchange; why did he keep hurting me like this?

"Jace," I whispered. "Stop talking about me like that. You're hurting my feelings."

He turned to me. "Grow up, Clary," he growled, his face twisted into an ugly sneer. "Jesus. Nobody's going to baby you."

I looked down at the floor, and began scratching my nails on them, wanting to see if my tips were sharp enough to cut through the tiles, and possibly make me drop through the floor and into another world.

"Crawl." Jace pointed the gun at me. "Now."

I looked over at the man. "What is he going to do to me?"

The man sighed. "I'm sorry, Clarissa. But you're too inexperienced with...everything. You are useless to what we're looking for, despite your naivety."

My lower-lip wobbled. "Why is everybody calling me worthless?" I asked quietly, remembering my father with a pang. He always called me worthless. Pathetic. Ugly. Waste of space and time.

_Click._

Jace's finger pulled the trigger, and a loud bang sounded, and the man stared at him in shock, his mouth falling open as blood began to trickle out.

"You made her cry," Jace said, his voice flat and his expression blank. Then he shot the man again, this time square in the forehead.

I couldn't tear my eyes away from the man as he fell to the floor; instead of blood coming out of his bullet-wounds, roaches and black beetles were crawling out of his forehead and tearing through the hole in his chest, ripping through his skin and pushing out his eyeballs as they crawled and skittered around, making little tapping noises with their thin feet.

I whimpered as they began to head towards me, their eyes glowing an angry red.

Jace didn't look at me. "What?"

"The bugs," I uttered, and began pushing away from them with my hands, ignoring the pain that shot through my feet as they rubbed against the ground. "They're coming."

He looked at me, then. "Where are they?" He asked, and I was surprised that his face was no longer angry, a little sad.

I pointed at the floor in front of me, and Jace brought his foot down on them, over and over, he stomped around the room like a madman.

I watched as they crunched and squished under his feet, bubble-gum pink guts oozing out of their roachy-bodies.

He looked at me.

I nodded. "You killed them," I murmured.

Jace walked over to the door, and locked it.

My heart dropped and began to thump faster as I watched him, though I really shouldn't have been surprised; he did say he was going to kill me, finally.

_Because I'm worthless._

Jace strode over, and grabbed me by my forearms, his touch causing a heat to erupt through me, and hauled me up against his chest.

I instinctively wrapped my arms around his neck as he carried me to the other side of the room, stepping over the man's body, which was turning green and shriveling up like a raisin, but very slowly.

We didn't say a word as he pulled aside a curtain in one of the curtains, revealing a young boy, who was probably somewhere in his early teens, his eyes rolling in the back of his head as his back arched into the air, gurgling and choking on his saliva.

I gasped. "What's wrong with him?"

Jace set me down on a plastic chair, and crossed his arms. "He damn near got scared to death," he said. "We dunno what really happened-it was off in the woods. We think he was tortured and just intimidated." Jace fixed me with a steady golden stare. "He's in shock."

I swallowed, remembering a bird that had gotten stuck in my room one day when I'd left my window open. It'd gone into shock after banging around in my closet, and died after hours of shrieking pitifully.

"Is he going to be alright?"

Jace shook his head. "Nah. If he doesn't croak by tonight, I'm going to have to get rid of him."

I looked at him, watching as he studied the boy expressionlessly. "Why do you work for them?" I asked. He'd killed plenty of people here, from what I'd heard. And he didn't even get along with Sebastian.

Jace smirked. "Because apparently I make good bait."

The way he said it, all husky and low and stuff, made me shiver and my core throb; even when he was talking about luring people back here and killing them, it _still _made me wet.

How cruel was that?

"But it doesn't give me a pass out of Thursdays," he added. "I still have to worried about getting put down myself."

I nodded. "Why did you kill him, though?" I pointed at the man's corpse. "Do you not like him?"

Jace didn't blink. "He talked too much."

I swallowed. "Is that the only reason you did it?" _You didn't do it because he was about to make me cry? _

Jace raised an eyebrow at me. "Why else would I have done that?"

_Maybe I imagined it._

"No reason." _You don't need a reason, do you, Jace?_

I looked at the boy. "Can't you like, bring him out of shock?" I asked. He was beginning to twitch his fingers upwards, his eyeballs literally shaking as he mumbled incoherently, his words flying out of his mouth quickly. It was disturbing to watch.

Jace shook his head. "I doubt it."

I watched him as he tapped his thumb thoughtfully on the barrel of the gun. "Are you not going to do it?" I asked him.

He raised an eyebrow. "Do what?"

_"Kill me," _I said, loudly. "Good God, Jace. You are so full of crap."

He didn't flinch. "How so?"

_Why the heck is he so calm about this? He's supposed to be the one spazzing out, not me. _"You go on and on about how you're going to kill me," I glared at him. "And you still haven't. I think you're full of crap and are a liar."

Jace stared at me. "Do you want me to kill you, or something?"

I blinked. "What? No! I'm just saying that I'm not scared of you anymore." I grinned at that thought. I wasn't..."I'm not scared of your lying butt anymore. So there." I crossed my arms at him, expression smug.

Jace's hand shot out fast-so fast I didn't notice it until his fingers were gripping my arm, and I was hauled off the plastic chair and to where he was standing. The gun was under my jaw, aimed straight at my throat.

He leaned down. "Scared now?"

I swallowed thickly. "No." _Yes._

Jace's finger tightened on the trigger. "You want to try me, cutie?" He demanded harshly under his breath. "Because I'm not fucking around. I'm not a pussy like Jordan."

I frowned. What did Jordan have to do with anything? "Jordan isn't a p-" I stopped. I'd seen that word in a bathroom in a gas station before, along with some other dirty words..."Jordan's sweet. Nothing's wrong with being nice. You should try it."

Jace gave a short laugh. "Sweet. Yeah. Having guys touch you is sweet, huh?"

I blinked at him, puzzled. The gun was pressing harder against my throat, making it a little bit difficult to swallow. "What're you talking about?"

He sneered. "He kissed you."

I narrowed my eyes at him. His expression looked very familiar. Like a kid I've seen before. A kid who's watching his little brother get a PlayStation, while he gets the comic book.

_Jealousy._

I gaped at him. "Are you _jealous _of Jordan, Jace?" Absurd, I know, but that's what it sounded like.

Jace gave me a disbelieving look. "You think I'm jealous?"

I looked down at my feet. "Yeah. Kinda." My voice was low.

I snuck a peek at him. He was shaking his head. "Cutie, listen. You're fuckable, it's true." He narrowed his eyes at me. "But you're annoying as fuck. And usually, inexperienced girls are terrible in bed."

I threw up my hands. "Is _everything _about either death or sex, with you?" I demanded. "Because I swear that's how all our conversations end up being about."

Jace shrugged. "Fucking's how some of the girls leave this part of the building," he told me.

I stared. "You let them go if they sleep with you?"

He nodded. "But sometimes I just kill them anyway, after." He grinned crookedly. "One moment your bending them over the table, fucking the shit outta them, the next thing you know, it's a stick of dynamite up her ass instead of your dick." Jace's eyes ran over me. "That can happen, if you want."

I swallowed, the mental images he'd just gave me sickening.

Sickening because I was picturing _myself _being bent over this table and...yeah.

"No, thank you," I responded in a weak voice. "I'm sure you do enough of that already."

Jace nodded. "Yeah, all the time-" He paused, and looked at the table. "Well, damn."

I followed his gaze, and immediately closed my eyes.

The boy had choked on his tongue, his eyes milky and staring lifelessly up at me, his hands crooked and deformed, cut off in mid-twitch.

"Is he dead?" My question sounded frightfully loud, echoing and bouncing off the walls.

Jace scratched his cheek. "Yeah." He sighed. "Bummer."

I turned to look at him. "You feel bad?" I asked, disbelieving.

He rolled his eyes. "Duh. Who the fuck do you think is supposed to get rid of the stiff?"

I was quiet, watching as he slid the gun into his pocket, and shoved the boy off the table with one push. "What are you doing?" I asked, not even bothering to protest that he'd just pushed a dead boy to the floor.

Jace looked over at me. "You're next."

I blinked. "Next?" I glanced at the table. "You mean you're going to strap me up, again?"

He nodded. "This time you're getting some pills."

"Pills?"

He'd stood up and was walking over to a row of cabinets that ran along the wall, and opened one, pulling out a small bottle of pills.

"Are those going to kill me?" I asked, fearfully.

Jace raised his eyebrows at my question. "No. They're for hallucinations. Supposed to block them from your mind."

I bit my lip. "Why do I need to be tied down for pills?"

His hands planted themselves on my hips, and he lifted me up on to the table, as if I were a little kid. But I didn't say anything, simply because I loved having physical contact with him.

"Because I'm supposed to." He pushed me down on to my back, and quickly did the straps. "Comfortable?"

I nodded.

"Tough shit." He grabbed the straps, and tightened them around my chest so that it hurt to breathe. I glared at him.

"That wasn't very nice," I wheezed.

"Shame I'm not sorry, isn't it?" Jace gave me a sardonic look, and opened the bottle, tapping a few pills into his open-palm. "Open," he instructed.

I opened my mouth obediently, my eyes never leaving his as his fingers brushed against my lips as he placed three pills on my tongue. His eyelids were heavy-lidded, as he watched me swallow the pills, and he slowly pulled his fingers out.

I stared at him, and sighed. "Why do you care if I leave or not?" I asked him as he turned around.

"I don't." He looked over at me, as he bent over the man's body. "I just care if your dead or not." He straightened, holding the sharp, foot-long knife the man had been holding while talking with me.

_Oh, dear._

"Did you kill that girl because she looked like me?" I inquired, as he reached the table.

He raised an eyebrow. "Yes."

"Did you-did you have sex with her because she looked like me?" I asked, my voice dropping to a whisper.

Jace lowered the tip of the blade on my cheek, setting down his gun on the stand holding the bottle of pills. "What kind of question is that?"

"I want to know." My heart began beating faster, yearning and dreading for his answer; the fact that there was a knife held to my face didn't help.

He shrugged. "Yeah. Plus, she was a good lay."

I swallowed the bitterness in my mouth. "Do you sleep with everyone before you kill them?" I asked, not even bothering to hide the disgust from my voice.

"Not the males." Jace smirked, pressing the blade deeper, breaking through my skin.

I blinked at him. "Then why didn't you do it with me?" I asked, a little hurt. I didn't think I was, you know, ready or anything. But it was a little insulting when the guy you loved had sex with a ton of people, but never with you.

Jace rolled his eyes. "You aren't ready for that. I mean, fuck, Sparky, you have the mental capacity of a child."

I bit my lip, and turned my head, causing the tip of the knife to drag lightly down my cheek.

"Shit. Are you seriously going to start crying again?"

I didn't answer him as the tear tracked down my cheek, causing my scars to burn as the salty liquid ran over it. My eyes snapped around the room, searching for anything out of the ordinary-ordinary to me, though-anything that might cheer me up. Heck, I would take Jonathon right now. Anything to distract me from the boy standing over me.

But nobody was there.

Nothing was there.

_They really **have** left me._

I took in a gaspy-breath, my chest beginning to hurt from swallowing the sobs that wanted to escape. I wanted my own world back. I didn't _want _to get better.

"Give them back," I hissed, turning to glare at Jace through the blur in my eyes.

He pulled the knife away, looking confused. "Who back?"

_"You know who!" _My torso arched off the table, and I scowled at him, hatefully, all the love I had shadowed by my fear and anger. _This wasn't right. It's too empty. It's too bland. It's too...exposed._

"Give them back to me, Jace!" I screamed at him, thrashing against the straps that held me down. "I don't want this. Please."

"Fuck. Calm down." His hands pressed onto my shoulders, pushing me down. "Jesus. What the hell's the matter with you?"

I sobbed. "They're all gone. Nobody's here." I tried to curl into a ball, but I couldn't.

I can't do anything.

I really _was _worthless.

My eyes closed. There wasn't anything for me to see, anyway.

Fingers stroked through my hair softly, hesitantly.

They snapped open, looking at Jace.

"What are you doing?" I asked hoarsely, my throat scratchy from screaming.

"Trying to mellow you down," he said. "You're a fucking spaz."

I took a deep breath, trying to focus on how warm and soothing his hands were, running through my hair.

"Please don't give me those pills, anymore."

Jace gave a dry laugh. "I don't think I will."

He bent his head down, and his tongue flicked out, running along my cheek.

I stiffened. "Wh-what are you doing?" My stomach tightened in a delicious way. _Not this again..._

"You have blood on your cheek," he murmured, his eyes smothering as he looked at me. Not tearing his gaze away, he pressed his tongue against the underside of my jaw, and slowly, so freaking slowly, licked up my cheek.

I was breathing a little heavily. "Is it still there?" I asked, my voice uneven.

He shook his head. "No..but some got on your neck."

"Get if off," I commanded in a shaky voice, my cheeks beginning to flush in excitement.

"With pleasure." He smirked, and I nearly moaned at how _good _he looked, before his mouth was on my neck, suckling, licking and biting.

I let out a low moan, and my hips went up, straining against the bindings. _Dang straps._

He chuckled against my skin, before biting down.

I hissed as he began to suckle, and his hands left my hair and stroked down my face and neck, and ran over my boobs, squeezing them lightly.

_"Jace. _God." My head rose and dropped, along with my bucking hips. "So good."

His hands pulled at the fabric of the T-shirt, pulling it down so that his mouth could move over my-"Jace!" I gasped. Was he really going to put his mouth on _them? _

He kissed the left, giving it a little nip. I groaned. "I can't believe you don't wear a bra," he panted, looking at me with those smoldering eyes. "So fucking sexy."

Then he bent his head back down, catching a nipple in his mouth.

I screamed through gritted teeth, my fingernails clawing at his scalp, frustrated that I couldn't move my legs, which I desperately wanted to wrap around his waist. _"Good God..._ohh..._Jace."_

He suckled me, and bit down lightly, causing me to pull roughly at his hair, and he groaned around me.

His other hand kneaded my other mound, and gave my other nipple a sharp pinch, causing me to bang my head back and forth, biting down on my lip hard enough to make it start bleeding.

My vision went white as I let out another scream, and I felt my inner thighs get all sticky, but I was too blissed out to care.

My eyes opened; Jace was still sucking on my boob, like his life depended on it.

I giggled, and I ran my hand through his curls. "Mmm. I love you."

He pulled away, and glared at me. "Would you shut up with that? Jesus."

I shook my head. "So pretty. I love you, Jace."

He sighed, and pulled back up my shirt. "Whatever."

"You make me feel so safe." Partially true, for the most part. "When you aren't trying to kill me."

Jace opened his mouth, and paused. "Your lip is bleeding," he noted.

I nodded. "Yeah, I think I bit down too hard..."

He lowered his head, and gently caught my lower lip between his teeth, before pressing his mouth to mine.

My eyes stayed open, and I stared at him as he kissed me.

His eyes opened, catching mine. His lips were soft and warm, just like the rest of him. His taste, I noticed, as his hand laid on my cheek and his tongue flicked in my mouth in a delicious way, was like lemons and apples. Sour and sweet.

He pulled away a little, biting down on my lip and suckling.

I stared at him as he stepped away. That was the best kiss _ever._

_I wasn't even going to count Sebastian's kiss as the first.** This** was how a first kiss should've gone._

"I shouldn't have done that." Jace sighed, and rubbed at his face tiredly. "I should not have done that..."

I wanted to comfort him, but I was still tied down. And I think I needed to be comforted a little, myself. _He regrets everything he does with me. Why do I keep doing it, then?_

"Are you going to kill me?"

He shook his head. "No. I want you to get the fuck outta here, with your little friends." He pressed his hands against his eyes, looking distressed. "I don't care anymore. Just fucking leave."

He dropped his hands, and grabbed the knife, cutting away the straps.

"Jace..."

"Go, Clary."

"I still love you, you know."

I began walking to the door, not expecting a response.

"I still don't love you."

I closed the door.

Dying a little on the inside as I did so.

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><p>...<p>

...

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I walked down the hallway, my eyes darting over to the first door, the one with all the mental patients.

They were lucky. Their lives may be in danger, but they weren't going to die a gruesome death. They didn't have to worry about anything. They were hidden away, in a little sanctuary.

_Just like I've been, before I came here._

I opened the door, back to the Institute.

My feet still hurt, but I kept walking.

Without even thinking about where I was going, I ended up in my room, where Jordan and Maia were sitting together on the bed, Maia sitting in Jordan's lap, arms wrapped around his neck.

They were murmuring to eachother, completely unaware of anything around them. Locked into eachother's emotions.

I felt jealousy burn through me. They were so in love, I bet they never had to go through any of the crap I had to go through, and the guy I liked still didn't give a rat's butt about me.

Maia needed Jordan, I knew. He kept her in check, emotionally and mentally.

I was too far gone for anybody to help me stay sane.

I quietly left the room, feeling like I was intruding on a private moment.

Sliding to the floor, I felt anger build back up, battling against my loneliness, the aching for the hallucinations that had always kept me sane in my childhood.

But they weren't there.

_It's funny._

_Somehow, I always end up being the one alone_

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><p><strong><em>-"Sed iniquum te esse secundum quid acciderit laeti, et non sum.": "But according to what has befallen him unjust that you are cheerful, and I am not."<em>**** Basically he's jealous that while they went through the same thing, he's resentful of the fact that she came out of it happy and unbroken, and he's unable to overcome the memory of abuse like she did.**

**_-_I've noticed people are doing recommendations, so I decided to do song recommendations, because music fucking rocks. :) **

**-"Blind" Placebo.**

**-Smut?**

**-Jace's "job"?**

**-The pills are like any other pills: They're temporary. **

**-Clary's "breakdown"?**

**-The real Institute?...Because real Institutes have nurses and doctors and supervision, and they don't let patients run around and kill eachother. ;)**

**-Review**


	13. Chapter 13

**I have a beta now: dancing amongst daisies.**

**So, hopefully my writing looks prettier. ;) Thanks, sweetheart! *blows kiss***

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><p><strong>Yay...I have a FictionPress account, now...With nothing written. : Maybe when I have time.**

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><p><strong>Rated M for: LanguageViolence/Cutting.**

**...I think that "rated M for" stuff is kinda like a spoiler. :P**

**Thank you for y'all's reviews. :)**

**WARNING: I suppose. Um, you know how Clary's hallucinations were usually all cheerful, colorful, whatever?...Except last chapter, that wasn't very cheerful...Not all people who hallucinate see things like that. Some of them are, like, violent and crap...Kinda like she's gonna be in this chapter. Just a heads up, since the whole things kinda "WTF?" already. ;)**

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><p><em><strong>No name: Fuck. Well, it worked. ;) Smartass...;)<strong>_

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><p><strong><em>0: I don't really have a schedule...I update as soon as I finish a chapter...If I were you, I'd just check every two-three weeks. Something like that.<em>**

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><p><strong><em>lskfnolwg: Y U NO PATIENT? <em>**

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: Cassie owns the characters. I just make 'em crazy. ;)<strong>

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><p><strong>Clary<strong>

...

**Cutting Open, Set Them Free**

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I glanced up as Jordan walked out, his arm wrapped around Maia's waist.

He glanced down at me, gray eyes surprised. "Clary? What're you doing out here?"

I looked at Maia; she still looked a little tired, and her arms were covered by sleeves, hiding the scars I knew were beneath them. I wondered if Jordan saw them. If he knew that she was hurting.

I shrugged. "Jace scared me again. You know, the same old thing." It was easier than I'd thought it'd be, pretending Jace's words hadn't hurt me, at all. Though really, I think I was wilting away, on the inside.

Maia rolled her eyes. "Well, you won't have to put up with that son of a bitch for much longer," she promised. "We'll be leaving, soon."

I swallowed and pulled at the fabric of the too-big shirt I was wearing, before remembering that it was _his _shirt. I immediately released it, as if it were on fire.

"Soon? He wants me to leave _now__**.**_"I folded my arms tightly to my chest, my heart - why was my heart hurting? - feeling as though it were threatening to jump into a blender and become a heart smoothie. "I don't want to stay here."

Maia sighed, and looked over at Jordan, before standing on her tip-toes, and murmuring something in his ear.

He raised an eyebrow at her, and she kissed his cheek sweetly in reassurance. "I'll be fine," she promised. "Go talk to Alec, or something."

Jordan sighed. "I know. I just don't want to leave you by yourself..." His eyes looked uncertain.

I watched them interact, and felt my belly clench with jealousy.

_What__'__s __it __like,_ I wondered, _to __have __someone __care __about __you __that __much?_

His fingers brushed aside some loose curls that were hanging in front of her eyes, and bent down to press his lips to hers, slowly.

Feeling embarrassed by watching them kiss, I looked down at my feet, and scratched my arm, noticing a shadow that was casting over my big toe.

I glanced up; the walls had a sharp edge on the top, and a large space before the ceiling, never quite brushing against each other. While I couldn't _see _anybody, that didn't mean they couldn't have hidden by now.

My hand slid into my pocket, wrapping around the knife.

Maia looked down at me, eyebrows furrowed. "Why so tense, Scar-Face?" She asked. "What are you looking at?" Her eyes followed where mine were staring.

"Shh." I pressed a finger to my mouth, and carefully stood up, pulling my knife out. "I saw something..." I squinted.

_Where did it go?_

Jordan frowned at me. "Are you _sure _you saw something?" He asked, dubiously.

I scowled; so what if I didn't _always _see things the way they really were? That didn't mean I didn't know when somebody was watching me. Usually.

"Yes, I am sure," I grumbled. "I saw somebody. On the wall." I jerked my chin up. "They're watching me."

Maia raised her eyebrows. "Right..." She gave Jordan a little push. "Go on. I'll be alright. Really." She smiled.

Jordan smiled back, and walked away, looking a little dazed.

My stomach clenched, and my fingers tightened on the handle of the knife. "Maia...there really is somebody there," I swore. "You have to believe me."

Maia sighed. "We could always look..." She didn't look very enthusiastic about it. "But if I get killed, I'm murdering your crazy ass."

That didn't really make sense...How could she kill me if she was already dead?

I began to walk lightly on my feet towards the corner, where I'd be able to see up the ceiling better, when I heard somebody hiss my name.

"Clarissa."

I froze, and looked up; Jonathon was sitting on the edge of the roof that was high on top of the ceiling, his long legs dangling off.

The sight of him probably shouldn't have caused excitement to shoot through me, but it did.

_Geez. What was with me and hanging around jerks and actually _enjoying _it?_

He didn't like Jace, though. Neither did anyone else, but Jonathon was like the friendlier, and at the same time creepier version of Jace, in my opinion. Plus, he was nice to me the last time I saw him. I needed somebody nice, right now. To talk to, at least.

"Jonathon!" I clasped my hands and squealed, a huge smile spreading across my face. "Jonathon, _thank God! _You wouldn't believe what happened-"

He nodded, a rather large, at the same time, slightly odd smile overtaking his face. "I know. I saw what he did to you..." His smile quickly faded, and he shook his head. "Clarissa, you're in danger."

I paused, and blinked at him. "What do you mean? Jace said he wasn't going to bother me anymore-"

"Clary," Maia interrupted me, her tone tense. "Clary, who are you talking to?" Why was she calling me by my name? And why did she sound like that?

I looked at her. "Jonathon. He's a nice jerk." I glanced back up at him. "Who wants to kill me now?"

He shook his head again, sadly. "Your friend does, Clarissa." His dark eyes shifted to Maia. "See those bugs?" I didn't. "Those bugs...they've possessed her, and she's filled with a determination to kill you."

I swallowed jerkily. Not Maia. Anybody but Maia. Maia was my friend. She was a rock. She was my rock.

"Why?" I whispered, not looking at her. "I thought-" My voice caught. "I thought she was my friend."

"Clary, what the fuck is going on?" Maia demanded. "Why do you look like that?"

I shook my head. "She wouldn't. She would never..."

Jonathon sighed. "Look at her. Listen."

My hands curled into fists, I looked at Maia, filled with dread.

At first, she looked normal. Like Maia.

Then I saw them.

Beneath her skin, little lumps, like gas bubbles, were appearing on her wrists and arms, along her neck and collarbone. In shapes of _bugs_. Like beetles, flies, crickets, and whatnot.

I swallowed; it was a revolting sight.

Her eyes were cautious and curious...then they began to bubble with bug-shapes.

_Oh my God._

The whispers came next.

_"Kill her, Maia..." _Their voices were silky, persuasive to the ears, filling the room with their murmurs in unison. _"Cut her throat...unravel her intestines and strangle her with them...carve your initials into her skull-" _The voices rose, becoming louder and louder.

I broke into a sweat, believe it or not, hearing bugs that are inside of your friend _speak _was actually very scary, and I licked my lips. "How can I stop them?" I demanded hoarsely, not looking away from Maia. "How do I get rid of them?"

"You have to cut them out," he said, his voice soft. "I don't know how you'll do it, without hurting her, though..."

"I'll be careful," I answered, my voice shaking, slightly. "They're possessing her, Jonathon..."

_"Kill her, kill her, kill her..." _They were chanting, eagerly. _"Kill her. Do it. Do it now."_

"Maia..." I bit my lower lip, slowly starting to walk towards her.

Her eyes widened, and she stumbled back. "Clary," she said, trying to keep her voice steady. "Tell me what the fuck is going on."

"Maia, I'm so sorry." I gave her a regretful smile.

My hand shot out, and grabbed her by her elbow, yanking her forcefully towards me.

"Clary!" She slapped me across my face, hard.

My head whipped to the side with the force of the hit, and my cheek stung red. But it wasn't my friend hurting me, I knew. It was those damn bugs. The same bugs that had been inside of that man, that Jace had shot.

_That man had had a knife. _I gasped. _What if he'd planned on using it on me? What if Maia wanted to kill me, just like that man had?_

I raised the dagger in my hand, shakily.

Maia gulped, and struggled against me. "Clary, stop," she pleaded. "I don't know what's wrong with you, but _stop. _You don't know what you're doing..."

"Clarissa, don't listen to her. The bugs just don't want you to kill them," Jonathon spat out. "See? They've reached her brain."

I stared, aghast, at her forehead, where I now could see those stupid bugs, moving and skittering against her dark skin.

"Maia, please understand, I'm trying to help you," I told her, and pressed the edge of the blade against her veins, where the beetles were strongest, and cut a slit into her skin.

The bugs screeched as they bled out, and Maia hissed sharply.

"This was why you were cutting yourself," I told her. "Because you wanted to get the bugs out?"

She shook her head, tears beginning to run down her cheeks. "No," she whispered. "I was trying to get rid of the memories. They won't go away."

I kissed her cheek, and sliced her other arm, and more beetles poured out. "I'll get them out," I promised. "The bugs are reminding you. I'll get them all out of you."

She still resisted. "You're going to kill me," she cried, and pulled away from me, collapsing to the floor as she tried to cover the cuts, holding in the beetles. _"Stop it!"_

She wanted to keep the bugs.

_Why did she want to keep the bugs?_

I jumped on top of her, straddling her waist, and raised the blade to where the evil was crawling around her throat and chest.

"Clary-" I cut her off, literally.

Blood bubbled and gushed from the small slit in her neck, and the beetles crawled out, the flies flew out, and _worms _wiggled their way out, blood trickling and pooling around us.

"I'm almost done," I told her, and brought the tip up to her forehead, preparing to stab through her skin, when arms wrapped around my waist, and I was hauled off of her.

"Wait! Put me down, I wasn't finished!" I began kicking and biting whoever it was, who wanted Maia to suffer from the memories that caused her to hurt herself. I was preparing to stab down with my knife when somebody clapped their hand over my mouth, squeezing so hard that I think my jaw cracked, just a little.

It was Jordan, his gray-green eyes boring hatefully into mine.

"What the _fuck _are you doing to my girlfriend?" He demanded, and shoved me to the floor, kicking me hard enough that I rolled and hit the wall. "Stupid cunt."

I sat up; Jonathon was standing in front of me, his expression sad. "Your friend is hurting, Clarissa," he told me. "And it's all your fault."

"What?" I stared at him. "You _told _me-"

"You hurt your friend," he interrupted me. "And now she will die."

I put my hand over my mouth, because I didn't feel like breathing the same air as Jonathon anymore. The air he breathed was the same one that was now stained with his lies. Jerk.

My eyes drifted to Maia.

_Oh, no._

She was bleeding too much.

There was so much of her blood, everywhere.

Her eyes were wide open, staring up at nothing. Her chest was rising fast, and she was gasping more than she was actually breathing.

Bugs were pouring out of her, whispering and screaming.

Some of them had voices like Maia.

Maia, crying.

Maia, screaming.

Maia and a boy, arguing. The boy was saying horrible things to her.

I swallowed, and stared at the bugs, then at her.

"I'm sorry, Maia," I whispered, knowing she couldn't hear me. "I was only trying to help you." I wiped at my face, smearing her blood over my eyes.

I was a horrible friend.

"What-what the fuck happened?"

I looked up, guiltily, at Magnus and Alec, Izzy curled around Alec's neck like a boa constrictor. She hissed and stuck her tongue out at me.

Jordan looked up from where he was tying strips of his shirt-which he'd torn off himself-on Maia's wrists and neck, and scowled at them. "That crazy-ass bitch tried to kill Maia," he spat, his eyes glowing with hate as he looked at me. "If she dies, I swear to God, I'll kill you."

"Someone threatening to kill Clary? You aren't very popular here, are you?"

Jace came up from behind Alec, smirking.

_Oh, look. He doesn't have a shirt on. _I scolded myself for turning red at the sight of his bare torso.

I didn't forgive him, even if he looked great without a shirt on

"Why don't you have a shirt on?" I asked, averting my eyes. "Aren't there rules for partial nudity?"

"No, actually," Alec said. "Magnus and I forgot to bring clothes when we, ah-" he blushed.

"Fucked like animals in the laundry room," Jace offered. "Which doesn't make any sense, because there were perfectly nice clothes in there, I'm sure."

Magnus shrugged. "Rock out with your cock out, I always say." He looked at me. "Why did you..." he looked at Maia. "Why did you try to kill her? Aren't you two BFFs, or something?"

Jordan glared. "I'm her boyfriend," he growled. "She doesn't need some schizophrenic cunt to talk to."

Jace raised an eyebrow, and scratched thoughtfully at his muscled stomach. "Schizophrenic cunt, Kyle?" His eyes brightened, and he sneered at me. "I think it fits perfectly."

I crossed my arms, feeling upset. "You guys are mean," I whined. "She was going to kill me. The bugs were-"

_"Bugs?" _Jordan stared at me. "You tried to cut her open because of _bugs?"_

"Well..." I couldn't explain it, without sounding like an idiot. "Jonathon-"

Jace snickered. "Isn't Jonathon the dude who wanted to eat you out while you're on your period?"

I wrinkled my nose. "Eat me?" I frowned. "Ew. That's something Izzy would do."

Alec coughed. "I don't think that's quite what he meant, Clary..."

Jace raised an eyebrow. "What? We don't know that. I'm sure Izzy will be willing to test that statement..."

Jordan slapped his hand on the floor, making me jump. "Enough with the innuendos, already," he hissed. "Someone help me."

Magnus blinked. "Help? You might want to consider taking her to the bathroom, and stitch her up," he suggested. "Those cuts look pretty deep."

Jordan stood up, gently lifting Maia off the floor, his hands caressing her trembling form in a comforting way. "That was incredibly helpful. Dick." He shoved past Magnus and Jace, stepping on my hand.

_Ow. Not my hand..._

Holding my throbbing hand to my chest, I looked at Jace. "We're leaving, soon," I told him. "I think. Maybe when Maia's better..."

Jace ignored me, crossing his arms and scowling at Magnus. "Was there any need to drag me into this?" He demanded, harshly. Even I flinched, and he wasn't even talking to me.

"No. No." Alec shook his head. "There was no need. You can go in the kitchen and make apple pies, Jace."

Magnus wrapped an arm around Alec's shoulders, and kissed his cheek. "Love, hush," he murmured, before looking at Jace with the most serious expression I'd ever seen him have. "Apologize to Clary."

Jace raised an eyebrow. "What for?"

I swallowed, and stood up, in case I'd need to run. "What for?" I echoed.

Magnus lifted his chin. "You've made her cry too many times," he said, his eyes glowing angrily. "You can't hurt my friends and get away with it, Wayland."

I turned red. As flattering as it was for him to stand up for me like that, I didn't like having Jace know that he had the power to hurt me.

Jace sneered. "Aw," he said. "Did you run crying to Magnus? Since your mother doesn't care about you enough to listen."

My stomach shriveled, and I swallowed again, bitterness staining my throat.

That wasn't very nice of him. Throwing my mother's indifference back into my face.

It wasn't as if his childhood was sunshine, lollipops, and purple unicorns.

At least mine had purple unicorns.

Magnus blinked. "What do you mean?" He asked, sounding lost.

Jace shrugged. "Your BFF isn't as pure as you'd hoped for." He turned, and winked at me, his expression smug. "Guess who else was a victim of abuse, buddy?"

Magnus still looked confused, but I bristled.

_Jerk! Butthead! Freaking A-hole!_

"_Don't_ talk about me like I'm not here," I snapped, and walked up to him, stabbing him in the chest with my finger. Ow. Too hard. "Jack-donkey. You were beaten, too. So stop saying it like it's a bad thing."

Jace blinked, innocently. "You think it's good for a kid to be hit, Sparky?" He looked over my head, at Magnus. "Hear that, Maggie?"

I didn't look over my shoulder, already knowing Magnus would be on my side with this. He and Jace didn't get along well. He would always pick my side...

"I think it's fine if it involves blonde boys," I shouted back, hands curling into fists. "Jerk."

Jace snickered. "Oh, cutie." He shook his head. "You've done it now."

I stared at him. "What're you talking about?"

Alec tapped my shoulder. "Clary, I think you should leave," he murmured. "Like, now."

I frowned. "What is going on? Why are you two-?" I looked at Magnus, and I knew. "Oh."

Magnus wasn't there, anymore.

It wasn't even Maggie.

"Martha, sweetheart," Jace said. "Did you hear what Clary said?"

She nodded, eyes narrowing.

I began to back up, feeling a little squeamish. I lifted my right hand almost involuntarily and pressed it against my scarred cheeks, remembering what she'd done to me.

"She thinks it's alright for abuse to happen, especially if it involves blonde boys." Jace grimaced. "Remember what that blonde boy did to your Magnus?"

Martha's hand shot out, fingers curling around my throat.

I didn't resist; my daddy had done something similar, before. I'd tried to pull free, but it'd resulted to him squeezing harder, and I'd ended up choking and passing out from being unable to breathe.

"You enjoyed being hit by your parents, you filthy little bitch?" She breathed, pressing her face against mine.

"Martha-" Jace started. "I don't think it's necessary to-"

"Shut up!" She spat out. "Stay out of this, Jace." Her hand, the one that wasn't choking me, reached up, and ran the tips of her fingers along the engravings in my skin.

"So pretty," she murmured. "I carved quite the masterpiece, didn't I, Jace?"

He was silent.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Alec. Moving closer and closer, an unfamiliar look in his eyes.

Conflicted. Angry. Jealous. Sad. Hesitant. Loving.

"Do you think I'm pretty?" She asked me, head cocked to the side.

I nodded, gasping for breath.

She smiled, a little. "He would..." her eyes grew distant. "He would dress me-Magnus-up in pretty dresses. We would look so pretty."

I had no idea who or what she was talking about.

Jace seemed to. He was rubbing at his face, looking stressed out.

_Don't be stressed out, Jace, _I wanted to comfort him. _You're a butthead, and I'm angry at you, but I don't like it when you're tense._

"We would be like little girls." She giggled, looking like she was in another place. "Our daddy would put us in the prettiest clothes..."

_Magnus's dad dressed them up in girls' clothes? _

What the heck?

I blinked through my blurring eyes, at Martha. She looked...off. More than she had the last time I'd seen her.

Her chest was rising and falling rapidly.

And her eyes darkened.

Her smile faded.

_Uh-oh._

"And do you know what our daddy did to us, after he dressed us up in those pretty dresses?" She demanded, her voice breathy, her grip tightening.

"Martha-" Jace was beginning to look a bit concerned. Or maybe I was just imagining things.

"Stay out of this," she snarled, not tearing her eyes away from mine. "Do you know what he'd do? Do you?" She asked desperately, staring at me with wide, furious eyes.

I made a gurgling noise.

"He'd _touch _us." Martha threw back her head, laughing maniacally. "Did you know that? Magnus, poor Magnus, he cried for his mommy. But she never came to help him." She pressed her nose against mine, eyes widening. "Nobody came."

I think I was crying.

_Touched him._

Did that mean what I think it meant?

"I protected Magnus," Martha went on. "He never knew that it'd happen. I could handle our father. Magnus was too young. He couldn't deal..." her panting got heavier, and it'd been far too long since she'd blinked, in my opinion. An uneasy feeling settled over me.

"Daddy was blonde," she murmured. "I loved him, so much. He only touched me because he loved me, too, you know." Her eyes weren't looking at me, anymore. They were looking at my ear, as if there was somebody standing behind me. "Maggie could handle him hitting her, because he hated Maggie. He loved me, though. I never got hit, not once." She smiled, softly.

"You probably don't care though," she said, suddenly.

Black dots and sharks swam into my vision. I couldn't breathe.

She was really going to kill me.

And Jace was going to let her.

"You don't care that Magnus was hurt." I was shoved roughly to the ground, for the second time that day.

She stood over me, as I inhaled frantically, my fingers scrabbling at the floor helplessly as I scooted back.

"I am going to _rip _you apart, limb by limb -" Her lips pulled back from her teeth, which were bared in a feral snarl. A manic light danced in her eyes as Martha reached for me, and my heart thudded painfully against my ribcage, making it agonizing to draw a single breath. Just when she grasped a lock of my hair, and was preparing to yank it from my scalp, her eyes rolled back, and she crumpled to the floor.

Alec stood behind her, his arms raised above his head, a tortured look contorting his handsome face.

Jace hadn't moved.

It'd been Alec, this time, to save me. Not Jace.

_He really **doesn't** care._

I pressed my trembling lips together in an attempt to smile at Alec. "Thank you," I rasped out. "I'm sorry." _I'm sorry that you had to hurt your boyfriend to stop him from hurting me._

Alec's responding smile was thin. "It's not your fault," he said. "It's Jace's." He threw a scowl at the golden boy, and knelt beside Magnus, rubbing his fingertips gently over Magnus's head, where I suppose he'd hit him.

My eyes snapped over at Jace.

He wasn't looking at me.

_Why won't he look at me?_

I mean, it wasn't as if I was expecting him to say sorry; he'd done _much_ worse. But he'd hurt Magnus _and _now Alec probably felt horrible. He should at least have the decency to look even the least bit guilty about what he'd done.

Guess what?

He didn't.

He was smirking, arms crossed as he leaned against the wall.

"Why did you do that?" I demanded, getting to my feet, feeling a little unsteady. But I refused to sit back down. I marched over to where Jace was standing, not looking the least bit intimidated. "Don't you care about anything?"

He looked at me, then. Instantly, though, I wish he hadn't. It hurt me, a lot, when he stared at me with those gorgeous eyes, with nothing but scorn written all in them.

"I care about plenty of things, Sparky," he said, smoothly and flatly. "Just not about you."

_Stop it. Stop it. You're hurting me. _

I jutted out my chin, and shoved at his chest, but he barely moved.

"Don't care about me? You sure do care enough to keep touching me, all the freaking time," I hissed and spat at him like a cat. "This isn't about me. Don't you see that you're hurting Magnus and Alec?"

Izzy, who hadn't made a sound or movement since she'd hissed at me, blinked slowly at Jace, eyes glazed. Her movements, as she climbed down from Alec's shoulders at a snail's pace, were sluggish and lazy.

Her arms looped around Alec's neck, and she dropped into his arms, looking like a sloth.

She wrinkled her nose at Jace. "No hurting brother," she slurred. "Kill you."

Jace's fingers snaked around my wrists, cutting off my weak shoves. "You don't care about them, Sparky," he murmured, catching my eyes with his, mockingly. "You just care that I'm paying them more attention than you."

_What-?_ That didn't even - that wasn't true at all! Right? I loved Magnus and Alec, and sometimes Izzy. I didn't want them getting hurt _because _I cared about them.

_Isn't that why?_

I shook my head. He was just trying to screw around with my head, as usual.

"Don't tell me how to feel," I snapped at him. "I love all of you, okay? I love you, I love Maia, I love Magnus, I love Izzy, I love Alec, and I even love Jordan, even though he probably hates me right now."

Alec blinked. "Thank you, Clary," he said. "That's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me."

Izzy yawned, and scratched her butt, at that same slow speed she'd been moving with.

Jace's expression didn't change, other than the brief twitch in his jaw when I said I loved him. "You love protection," he said. "Understandable. But stop using me." He began to turn, but I reached out and snagged a handful of his shirt, trying to stop him.

"I'm not using you, Jace," I whispered. "Loving somebody isn't using them. I'm sorry you feel that way, but I'm not going to hurt you."

Jace scoffed, and slapped my hand off him. "I know you can't hurt me," he sneered. "If you tried, I'd snap your bony little neck in a fuckin' heartbeat."

I swallowed. "I won't hurt you like your parents did," I said, my voice shaking a little. "I could never hurt you, Jace."

He crossed his arms, and rolled his eyes. "Because you love me," he stated, flatly.

"No." I scratched my arm. "Because I don't hurt people I care about."

Jace widened his eyes, and bent forward. "Really?" He asked, his tone suddenly brighter, and his eyes lighting up.

I flinched. I hadn't expected that. It was unlike Jace to say something like that, and in that tone of voice. I don't think I'd ever heard him sound even remotely happy or excited, come to think of it...

"Um, yeah?"

He smiled, widely. "You sure about that?"

My hope dropped like a rock into a puddle of dread.

_This was going to backfire. _

"Because, last I recall, _you're _the one who shot me, the man you _love_," Jace spat out the word. "And you're the one who keeps putting Magnus through hell. And you're the first person Alec attacked when he wasn't on his medication, something he does when he has a bad feeling about somebody. You keep using Izzy as a shield, when she isn't in her right mind. You cut open your own friend, and if she dies, Jordan will most likely kill himself."

My mouth fell open.

Oh...he was right.

_I just hurt them. I don't love them. If I did, they wouldn't have to be going through all of that._

_Sure, I got them the keys...but what if they get caught? What if they get put in the wing full of all those lifeless, doped people?_

My arms dropped and I sighed.

"Jace..." I shook my head. "You're like my parents." That was the only insult bad enough that I could think of.

He shrugged. "Shame."

"I love you. I try to show you that I love you," I went on, as if I hadn't heard him speak. "But you keep insisting on hurting me and treating me like crap. You've turned out just the way your father probably had hoped you would."

Jace opened his mouth, but I was finished. I didn't need to hear his mean words anymore.

"Now if you'll excuse me." I walked around him. "I'm going to go to the bathroom and take a bath."

I felt his eyes follow me, like bullets firing through my spine.

...

...

...

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><p>...<p>

...

...

I cried, while I sat in the tub, sticking my head under the water as I did so, so that my sobs wouldn't be heard.

A neon green fish swam in circles around my tucked-legs, singing sweetly, bubbles bursting from his lips as he did so.

"Not now," I murmured as I raised my head out from underwater, and gave the fish a little kick. "I'm not in the mood, Fishy."

He poked his little green head out, his yellow eyes sad. "Why not?"

"I'm too sad. Maybe later, though." I patted his head, trying to grimace at how slimy he felt.

"What's wrong, Clary?" A pretty doe walked out from one of the showers, soft brown eyes curious. "Why are you sad?"

I smiled at her. I loved deer. They always knew how to comfort me, whether it be because my arm was broken from being violently pushed down the stairs, and needed to be distracted from the pain, or because my feelings were hurt because of mean names I'd been called by my mother that made me hide under my bed and cry. And fishes were always nice company while in the bathtub.

"I'm a bad person," I told her. "I keep hurting all of my friends."

She nosed my ear. "They needed to be hurt, Clary," she said. "Everybody has to hurt, sometimes. It helps them stay sane."

I blinked. "Really?" That sounded strikingly similar to something else I'd heard, once...

"You need to stay sane, so you hurt people. And if it keeps you alive..." she gave a delicate shrug. "Why not?"

The fish slapped my knee with one of its fins. "You're a good friend, Clary," he reassured me. "Good, good, good."

"Thank you, guys." I petted the doe's head, and blew a kiss to the green fish. "That makes me feel so much better."

"You're welcome," the fish said cheerfully, before diving back under water, and continued his singing.

The doe rested her small head on my shoulder.

_Hurt keeps you sane._

That sounded like something Jace would say.

"You remind me of that boy I love," I told her. "Except you're nicer."

She smiled. "The boy you love is nice," she told me. "He's probably just scared to show it."

"I doubt it." I sighed, and dipped my finger in the clear water, drawing circles lazily. "He's tried to kill me, several times. He's called me a w-h-o-r-e more than once."

The doe giggled. "He's crazy about you," she told me.

I smiled back, though I knew better.

The door to the bathroom opened, and I froze.

The doe vanished, as did the fish.

_No...don't leave me...I need you both..._

Jace stood in front of my tub, staring at me.

I scrambled to block his view of my body with my hands, and scowled at him. "What do you want?" I demanded. "Jerk."

He sat down next to the tub, and traced words in the surface of the water, thoughtfully.

I stared at him. "What. Are. You. Doing?" I was angry with him, for more than one reason.

Jace looked at me. "The only time my dad never touched me," he said, quietly, "was on my birthday." His eyes were distant, kind of like Martha's had been when she'd been talking about Magnus's childhood. "That was the only day my mother and I ever felt safe."

I pulled my knees to my chin, just to make sure Jace couldn't see my private parts. Or my ugly bruises and scars.

Jace was silent, for a couple of minutes, other than the soft noise of his finger dipping into the clear water.

"I got you something."

He pulled his hand out, and groped around in his pocket.

Seconds later, he held out a thin brown string necklace, with a small gray rock hanging from it. Engraved into the stone, was a few squiggly lines.

It was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.

I gasped, and took it from him. "Jace! This is gorgeous." I pulled it over my head, and giggled. I officially owned something that I loved more than my green jacket, now.

He smiled. "I made it when I was six."

I held the rock in my hands. Than I looked up at him. "Wait." I frowned. "Why are you being so nice to me? Just a while ago you were being mean to me-"

"I know about everyone in this building," he said. "And I know about you."

I still didn't understand, but since he was being nice, so I wasn't about to push it.

"I still want you gone," he said. "But I won't bring it up today."

I cocked my head at him. "Why not?"

He shook his head. "You know why."

I didn't.

"Jace..." I looked at him. "I'm going to miss you, when we leave."

He didn't look at me. "I'm sure you will."

I swallowed, and looked down. "Do you think you'd maybe-would you like to come with-"

_"No."_

My nails dug into my palms, and bit my lower lip, hard. "Okay."

Jace sighed, and stood up, about to leave me.

"Hey, Jace?"

He looked at me.

"Is Maia-is she going to be okay?"

His eyebrows went up. "Do you think she's alright?"

I was silent, not knowing how to answer.

He nodded. "She's probably fine. Jordan isn't, though."

Guilt choked me.

"Not about that..." he shook his head. "He saw her scars. The old ones."

_Oh. _"He didn't know she cut herself?"

Jace shrugged. "Guess not." He opened the door, about to leave.

"Happy birthday, cutie."

...

...

...

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><p><strong>Whew!<strong>

**-Don't worry about setting-change affecting the story. I've got an idea for that...;)**

**-Favorite scene?**

**-Song Rec: "Street Spirit" By: Radiohead.**

**-I'm beta-ing a fucking awesome story. "Gone but not Forgotten". By the fabulous Taste The Rainbow-Or Else. Go read it. :)**

**-Clary/Maia scene?**

**-And for anyone who's trick-or-treating this year, beware of pedophiles, waiting to drag you into their house! **

**-They don't drag me in. Not 'cause I'm badass, but because I follow willingly...;P**

**-And for the love of God, thank dancing amongst daisies for putting up with my crap and making this readable, because if _I_ was my beta I woulda dropped my ass like a hot potato. ;) **

**-Review**


	14. Chapter 14

**Yes, it was Clary's birthday. She mentioned it in one of the earlier chapters, that her birthday was soon, so I made it that day. *sticks out tongue* And it was in her records, so Jace knew it was her birthday.**

**My math homework looks so neglected, right now...;( I kid. Math sucks monkey tit**s.

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><p><strong>AN: A lot of y'all are asking for Jace to tell Clary he loves her.<strong>

**...O_O WTF? What in the hell made any of you think he loves her? I mean, balls, people, it isn't as if he's tried to _kill _her, or anything. 'Cause that just says "I love you" like nothing else.**

**;) I kid. But, really: If you're looking for that kind of story, look somewhere else. I personally believe in sexual tension, beating around the bush, and suspense. Not that straightforward shit. Then the story would be dreadfully boring. Besides, do any of you actually believe in love at first sight?**

**And sorry for the late update...again. Inspiration's coming rare for this story. DX And I have a new agenda...My parents are taking my computer away from me every night at 9:30, no exceptions. And the only time I have an active muse is in the middle of the night. :( So this took me a long while to write, I'm sorry. **

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><p><strong>Rated M: Because it's fuckin' Crazy.<strong>

**...And for: Language/Little bit of violence/Explicit smut**

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><p><em><strong>rthb: Love you too. ;)<strong>_

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><p><em><strong>Auzzie chick: Because he's one complicated mothafucka. And I personally don't believe in having the hot guy saving the girl, all the time. Have the cute gay boy do it every once in a while. ;)<strong>_

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><p><em><strong>Oh Yea: Yes, this shit must suck. Waiting for the chapters come out, then waiting again, then the author abandons the story, and then-ew. That sounds like a lot of shit I've seen on this site. XP I'm tryin'.<strong>_

_**And Clary THOUGHT she was HELPING Maia. It wasn't like she was purposefully hurting her.**_

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><p><em><strong>glassw: Crap, I'm so sorry! :( I wish I could've gotten this out sooner for you. I hope the surgery went alright and that you feel better soon! :)<strong>_

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><p><em><strong>Dee: *shout out* Heehee, that's so odd...I've never had somebody ask for a shout out before..;)<strong>_

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><p><strong><em>0: Simon isn't real, and unfortunately not coming back. :_**

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><p><strong><em>0: Thanks...I've never had a review saying that they bet I'm hot...I don't know whether to be flattered or creeped out. ;)<em>**

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: Cassie owns the characters. I just make 'em crazy. ;)<strong>

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><p><strong>Clary<strong>

...

**Forgiveness **

...

...

It wasn't right.

Maia was laying in Jordan's bed, her arms wrapped snugly in gauze, along with a strip that ran across her throat, where I'd slashed her with my knife.

The way she looked...all weak and broken..._it wasn't_ _right._

Her eyes were looking everywhere but at me. Like she was scared of me.

_I'm not going to hurt you, Maia._

I was standing in the doorway to Jordan's room, unsure of whether or not I should walk in. The way Jordan was looking at me told me I probably shouldn't, but I just felt so horrible. I wanted to make sure my friend was alright.

"Hey." My voice sounded wrong. Rough, low. Shaky. "How're you feeling?"

Jordan's eyes narrowed. "How the hell do you think she feels?" He demanded harshly, standing up from where he had been sitting on the edge of the mattress, holding Maia's hand. "She had her freaking arms and throat cut open by a fucking crazed lunatic -"

Maia's mouth opened and closed, and she reached helplessly for his hand, but he had already begun to walk towards me, posture tense.

"Listen to me, you little bitch," he hissed, bending down and leaning his face so that his nose barely brushed the tip of mine. "You hurt my Maia again, and I will fucking _kill _you-"

"Jordan, baby, calm down." Maia's voice was scratchy and dry, and her face contorted as she spoke, as though it hurt her to speak. "It wasn't her fault."

"Wasn't her fault? She was the one who did it, Maia." He looked over his shoulder at her. "And how do I know if you're just trying to protect her or not? It's not like I can trust _you."_

She flinched as if he'd just slapped her. "How-how can you say that?" She whispered so softly I could barely hear her. "I didn't want to make you angry -"

Jordan's mouth tightened. "Oh, so now you're scared of me, huh?" He demanded. "'Fraid I'm gonna hit you, May?"

I let my gaze flicker back and forth from Maia to Jordan, the tension that was rolling off of them both was stifling. But I had to talk to Maia, and I couldn't do that with Jordan there. Not to mention I was curious to see what such a loving couple looked like while they were in an argument.

"Jordan, you wouldn't have understood -" Maia's eyes looked so sad.

_I bet there were still some bugs inside of her._

"Well, you never told me. So we won't ever know, now, will we?" He looked back over at me. "Why are you still here?" He demanded, his features contorting into one of disgust.

"I wanted to talk to Maia," I told him. "Um...I was wondering if we could do that alone?"

"No." Jordan crossed his arms.

Maia shifted a little, uncomfortably. "No offense, Clary..." She said.

_She said Clary._

_She didn't call me Scar-Face._

_And why was she staring at me like that?_

Maia looked like one of those characters I'd seen in a television show, before. The shows where the best friend betrays her friend, and then they just stand there, looking at each other.

Maia looked like she'd just had a knife stuck into her back. By me.

And actually, that made me quite angry.

I was only trying to help.

It's not my fault that I can't do anything right.

"Why are _you _in here?" I demanded, glaring at Jordan.

He raised his eyebrows, not looking the least bit intimidated. _Was that a boy thing, to never be scared? _

"And why would I not be?" He inquired, not sounding at all curious.

"Uh, because you're being a jerk to Maia." I scowled at him. "And you aren't very nice. And you're stupid. And you have anger problems. And I'm surprised Jace hasn't stuck dynamite up your butt. And I think you need a fish to talk to. Therapy's good for you." _That's what they say on Tyra, anyway._

Maia cleared her throat. "I agree with her."

Jordan's eyes widened, and he looked at her, looking genuinely hurt.

"You need to calm down, Jordan." Maia's eyes fixed themselves on the wall behind him, rather than _at _him. "Maybe you should take a walk. Get some fresh air and clear your head."

Jordan's fingers curled into his palms, forming tight fists. His mouth twisted into a sneer.

I backed away, my back pressed against the wall. _He has worst mood swings than Alec, Magnus, Jonathon and Jace. _

"_I _need to calm down?" He demanded, and began walking towards her, his eyes narrowed and his stance predatory. Maia shrunk back against her pillows, sadness replacing fear in her eyes. Like something like this had happened before.

He reached her side, and leaned forward, both hands pressing into her pillow on either side of her head. He lowered his face so that it hovered above hers, eyes boring into her hazel ones.

"I'm not the one having all the fucking breakdowns, babe," he told her, his voice low and taunting. "That was all you."

Maia blinked at him, a single tear finally escaping and making it's way down her cheek.

My chest hurt; like somebody had wrapped a rope around my torso and was trying to strangle me. Choke me. Because Maia shouldn't cry. She was too strong to cry. She was Maia.

"Please get out of here," she whispered, her eyes tearing away from his and looking over his shoulder, as if it physically hurt her to look at him. She lifted a shaky finger and pointed to the door. "Please."

Jordan didn't move, his nails digging deeper into her pillow, his muscles visibly clenching and unclenching beneath his shirt. I heard a loud _rip, _and Maia flinched at the noise.

I swallowed roughly, and pushed myself off the wall, marching towards Jordan with false bravado. Like Simon would have done.

Standing on my tiptoes - he was a whole lot taller than me - I grabbed him by his shoulders, my nails burying themselves into the fabric, and I pulled him off of her with all my might. Of course, I didn't think I could actually move him by force, so I was taken by surprise when I was successful, and I stumbled back under his weight and into a bureau near Maia's bed.

"What the fuck?" He demanded, pulling out of my grasp and glaring at me.

I straightened, and crossed my arms. "She wants you to leave. Get out." I set my jaw, and gave him my best "Jace-Look". Hopefully it made him shake in his sneakers like I always felt like doing.

Jordan sneered. "Like she wants to be left alone with you. You attacked her -"

I stomped my foot, huffing. Bratty, maybe. Not technically childish, since I'd never done anything noisy as a little girl. If I threw a tantrum, Mommy would most likely have thrown a frying pan at my head. "And I want to apologize!" I wrinkled my nose at him. "Besides, I bet you've hit her before, haven't you?"

Jordan's face whitened, and his face contorted into a furious glare. "You shut the fuck up, you little bitch," he snarled, raising a hand.

I didn't flinch. I really wanted to, but I wasn't about to show him that I was scared. I was too busy thinking about Jace. I wondered if he would hit me. Probably. He _was_ a violent person, afterall.

But Jordan and Maia were happy, for the most part.

I don't think I would be happy if Jace hit me, though.

_I'd rather him protect me than hurt me._

If these two couldn't have a perfect relationship, I realized, glancing back and forth between Jordan and Maia, than maybe it wasn't possible to have a happy, painless relationship.

What a depressing realization.

"It's more likely that you'll hurt her right now than me doing it," I informed him, trying to hide the disappointment and sadness I was being consumed by. "You're angry. I'm not."

Jordan blinked, before looking over at Maia, and stared at her, as if seeing her fearful expression for the first time.

"I -I.." he began to back away, slowly. Confusion twisted his features, as if he was waking up in an unknown bed, in a house he'd never been in before. Completely lost, with the barest of desperation and panic.

"I'm sorry. Please forgive me." He spun around suddenly, and quickly strode out of the room. But not before I saw the most tortured expression overshadowing his face.

Maia's fingers twitched in his direction, as if she wanted to grab a hold of him, make him stay next to her. Make sure he would never leave her.

I wrapped my arms around my chest; my heart was beating very fast, and I was frightened that it might jump out of my ribs.

"Clarissa, what's wrong?" Jonathon appeared in the doorway out of thin air, his eyebrows drawn together in concern.

Startled by his presence and voice, which had cut through the heavy silence with a sharp abruptness, I jumped and scowled at him. "I'm trying to have a conversation with my friend," I hissed at him, feeling uncomfortable by the way Maia was frowning at me as I spoke to him. Maybe she didn't consider me her friend anymore. That very thought had my stomach hurting.

_Don't hate me, _I wanted to plead. _You're my best friend, I love you. You're my sister, please forgive me..._

Jonathon looked hurt. "I thought I was your friend," he whispered, his voice sad.

I glared at him even more. "You were," I spat out. "Until you tricked me into almost killing Maia."

He looked down at his feet. "I - I was only trying to help," he said softly.

Part of me almost wanted to take pity on him; he looked so sad and lost, scared, even. Just like Jordan had.

But Maia had been hurt for most of her life, I knew that. And I'd put her through more pain. Because of what Jonathon had told me.

"You did a horrible job," I snapped, immediately regretting my words. I was a terrible person. It was my fault, technically. I was the one who'd pulled the knife on her, I didn't need to listen to Jonathon.

_But it's so much easier to blame him instead of blaming myself._

Jonathon lifted his head, mournful eyes boring into mine. "I'm sorry," he murmured. "I didn't mean for anyone to get hurt. She was going to kill you, Clarissa."

I looked at Maia, who was staring at me, her face expressionless.

"Were you going to kill me?" I asked her, digging my nails into my palms, dreading her answer.

She shook her head, unblinking.

Jonathon's face turned green.

And I know how people say "green with jealousy" or "green-faced from seasickness" or whatever.

But Jonathon's face was literally green.

"Jonathon- " I paused, because he didn't look like he was paying attention to what I was saying. His eyes, which had faded from their usual dark color and into a flashing red. _Was it even humanly possible to do that?_

"I said I was sorry," he growled, his voice sounding husky and dangerous. Kind of like Jace's voice, except I found Jace's more endearing.

"Jonathon, calm down -" Unlike Jordan, who had actually reacted to Maia, Jonathon's hands shot out and wrapped around my throat, lifting me up off my feet. The pressure of his grip made it impossible for me to finish my sentence, and breathe in general.

"Clary?"

Out of the corner of my watering eyes, I saw Maia throw aside her sheets, and stand up.

"Clary, what the fuck is wrong with you?"

"I told you I didn't mean for anyone to get hurt." Jonathon pressed his forehead against mine, hot breath washing over my face. "Why won't you forgive me?" He tightened his grip, and I let out a whimpering noise. Other than the pains in my chest from not being able to breathe, it freaking _hurt _to have someone try to strangle me.

"Clary. Clary, snap out of it." Maia's hand was on my shoulder, and she was shaking me, her once blank expression now concerned. "Breathe, Clary."

I wanted to tell her that I couldn't - _didn't she see that someone had me by the throat? - _but I wasn't able to speak.

Jonathon shook me. "I've _tried _to be there for you, Clarissa," he said, sighing. "I showed you guidance, when nobody else would. I gave you affection, because you're too undesirable for anyone else to bother with you. I protected you. I even helped you with your fat ass friend over there." He jerked his head at Maia.

_Don't call her fat, you jerk! _I wanted to scream at him.

"I've even tried to find you a new friend. Sebastian."

Images of Sebastian molding himself into me, kissing me against my will, shot through my mind.

_What a great friend. Thanks a lot._

"And how do you repay me?" He gave me another shake, and I felt a pop in my neck. "Bitch about it. Never 'thank you, Jonathon'. 'You're such a good friend, Jonathon'. Just that it's all my fault that people get hurt."

My vision was going white so I was unable to see his expression, but I had a feeling he wasn't smiling at me fondly.

"Clary. Clary? Clary!"

Jonathon let out an angry sob of panic and desperation. "Why won't you forgive me?" He asked, pitifully. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

White clouded my eyes, and my lungs burst into flames.

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"Clary?"

I felt soft, small hands stroke at my face.

"Clary, please wake up."

My eyes flew open, and I inhaled deeply, my hands grasping at my aching chest as I began to gasp for breath.

Maia closed her eyes, and sagged in relief. "Thank the Lord," she murmured. Then opened her eyes and slapped my arm.

"Ow." I frowned at her. "What was that for?"

"For scaring the shit outta me!" She rubbed her forehead. "I mean, Christ, Clary. It was like you were having fucking seizure. You weren't breathing, just standing there and twitching."

I blinked at her. "Standing there?" I shook my head. "No. Jonathon was strangling me."

Maia stiffened. "Who?"

"Jonathon." I sat up, and cocked my head at her. "You know. He was the guy who told me to cut you open and get rid of all the bugs that were inside of you."

Maia opened her mouth, and crinkled her brow. "Clary..." she looked at me. "Nobody was there but you."

"But - but -" I felt like I was falling again, even though I was sitting on the floor. I needed to hold onto something, so I dug my fingers into the hardwood floor. "He's real," I told her, my voice hushed. "Jonathon _was _there. He was."

Maia shook her head. "Clary, there's no Jonathon here." She gave me a sympathetic look. "I'm sorry."

My stomach felt heavy, as though it were weighed down with stones.

_That doesn't make any sense._

_I thought he was real._

_He felt real._

_He sounded real._

_He looked real._

I reached over and touched Maia's arm, a panicky feeling washing over me. As if any second she was going to disappear.

Maia raised a questioning eyebrow at me, and I dropped my hand. "Are you real?" I asked her, looking down at my lap.

"Yeah, I'm here." She elbowed me playfully. "I'm not gonna poof on you, kid."

I smiled at her. "Is Jace real?" I asked, suddenly terrified. If Jace wasn't real...I felt my chest squeeze and my throat close, like it had when Jonathon's hands were wrapped around it.

"Unfortunately." Maia rolled her eyes.

I let out a long breath. "And everyone else?"

She nodded. "You think you imagined Maggie and Alec's batshit crazy moments?"

I shrugged. "If I imagined all of those things that Jonathon did and said..." I swallowed. "If he isn't real, how come he was choking me?"

Maia poked my arm. "Sounds like a personal issue, Scar-Face." She stood up, and looked down at me.

_She called me Scar-Face!_

_Did that mean I was forgiven? _

I looked up at her, hopeful.

"Are we..." I bit my lip. "Are we good?"

She grinned at me. "Yeah," she nodded. "We're good."

Her grin faded. "Though, your little act of violence attracted some attention..." she narrowed her eyes at me. "Mr. Verlac wants to talk to you. He already spoke to me, and the prick creeps me out, to be honest." Maia held out a hand to help me up. "Don't spill anything. If he finds out we're running away, he'll either have us skinned alive" - in this place, probably literally, I knew - "or lock us up somewhere else."

_Like in the little wing on the other side of the asylum._

I chewed on my bottom lip, and nodded. "He seems alright," I lied. "What's the worse he could do? Kill me?"

Maia's face darkened. "Believe me, Scar-Face," she muttered. "There's much worse that he could do to you. Dying's the least of your worries when it comes to those government weirdos."

I swallowed, Jace's face flashing through my mind. I frowned. He'd killed and tortured plenty of teenagers and Thursday - Doctors, that was obvious. Did he ever get punished?

_Oh no. What if they'd hurt him?_

He was a jerk, it was true.

But the thought of Jace getting hurt made me feel sick.

"Um..." she glanced down. "I should probably go talk to Jordan." She gave me a weak smile. "Knowing him, he's most likely being really hard on himself right now."

I thought about the argument they'd had minutes before, and couldn't help but feel worried. "Are you sure you can calm him down...?" I trailed off, not wanting to tell her that I didn't think it'd be safe for her to approach Jordan, especially with his violent history.

Maia nodded. "He's just pissed that I've been...you know." She gestured to the bandages on her wrists. "He doesn't like it when I get hurt." Her smile turned soft, and I felt guilty for doubting him. Jordan wouldn't hurt her. _Maia wouldn't let him._

"Does this mean we won't be leaving?" I asked her, panic suddenly curling in my belly.

Maia winced. "I don't know if we can," she said, her voice miserable. "I have to get these stitches out in a couple of days." Seeing my horrified expression, she touched my shoulder. "Hey. You'll be fine. We'll leave as soon as I get better, 'kay?"

I tried to smile at her, but my cheeks felt stiff. "Okay." I crossed my arms, feeling cold all of a sudden. Like my green jacket wasn't enough to keep me warm.

"I'll see you at dinner." She hurried out of the bedroom, calling Jordan's name.

I frowned; she probably wasn't supposed to leave her bed, because don't people get really tired or something when they've lost a lot of blood?

I yawned, an abrupt drowsiness washing over me. God, it'd been a long day. A horrible day.

_God, I just wanted to go to sleep. And then wake up and realize the past week had been one long and terrifying nightmare._

Wrapping my jacket tighter around my chest, I shuffled over to the bed that Maia had vacated, and crawled under the wrinkled sheets.

My heavy eyelids began to drift shut, and I snuggled into the pillows, and sighed happily.

_I wish I had my teddy bear..._

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I felt fluff rub against my face, and I yawned a mouthful of stuffed animal hair.

Eyes snapping open, I woke up to see Baron's cute lil' face laying next to mine.

_How'd he get here? _

I gave a happy squeal, and snatched him up to my chest, hugging him with all my might. "Baron!"

While we had our mini reunion, I felt goosebumps rise up on the back of my neck, and heard the steady breathing of somebody. I froze mid-squeeze, and slowly turned around; Jace was leaning his shoulder against the door frame, his lion eyes watching me curiously, like I was some sort of experiment he was testing.

I stiffened, remembering that I was going to have to break the news of me leaving later than he'd wanted.

_If I was lying to myself, I'd say that I was bummed that I'd get to see more of Jace instead of leaving. _But, of course, Jace wouldn't feel the same way about the delay, so I'd have to worry about his reaction. Would it be violent? Or would it be that scary-calm? Maybe he wouldn't react at all. Maybe he'd be relieved that I didn't have to leave him...

_Yeah. Right._

"What are you doing in here?" I asked, my voice squeakier than I'd planned on it being. _Dang it._ Now he'd know that I was nervous.

He raised an eyebrow. "I figured you'd be lonely."

I frowned, not sure what he meant by that. Surely he wasn't being nice?

Jace rolled his eyes, and pointed at my teddy bear. "You looked fucking weird," he told me, "without having something to hold on to." A loose curl fell over his eye. "And I figured you'd want something to hide behind, like you always do."

I dug my nails roughly into the Baron's fluffy belly, though what I really wanted to do was dig my nails into Jace's pretty face.

_And then kiss the cuts and lick away the blood. _

The image of me licking and kissing his face made me shiver and press my weight deeper into mattress to stop myself from launching myself at him and doing just that.

"That's not very nice." I hugged the Baron to me. "But thanks, anyway."

Jace nodded, eyes still hidden by his golden strands.

I swallowed, and cleared my throat. "Maia's going to be alright," I told him, uncertainly. I hadn't expected him to still be there; it would've been simpler for him to have just left the Baron, and then leave, wouldn't it?

"I don't care about that bitch," Jace snapped, suddenly cross.

I flinched, startled by his sudden anger. "Then what do you want - ?"

He pushed off the door frame, and slammed the door behind him. I jumped at the loud noise, and shrunk back against the pillows as his stance and expression both turned predatory, much like Jordan's had been, and he began to stalk towards the bed.

"Jace? What's wrong?"

He crawled on the bed, and on top of my body, his longer frame covering mine. His hands shackled my wrists and raised them above my head, and he made a low growling noise in the back of his throat as he looked down at my still chest, where I was holding my breath.

"You shouldn't be here," he muttered, squeezing my wrists painfully. I cried out when I felt something pop and crack, but Jace paid no attention. "Why are you still here? Why haven't you gone yet?"

"B-because Maia's stitches aren't -" His sneer made me trail off.

"It's not right," he kept rambling under his breath, pressing me further into the bed, causing the springs to creak in protest. "You aren't supposed to stay."

"Jace, I _am _leaving," I interrupted him.

_"Shut the fuck up!" _He snarled, his expression feral. "You already left."

"Jace, you aren't making any sense."

He swore loudly, and ground his hips down into mine, allowing me to feel his hardness. I couldn't help the impulsive moan that followed; it felt so _good _when he did that.

"Selfish bitch," he growled, and pressed his lips roughly against mine before I could protest that I was _not _a female dog, nor was I selfish.

Wait. _Was I selfish?_

Instead of being like the last kiss, this one was rougher, more animalistic. More like Jace.

He didn't let go of his hold on my wrists, but instead used his knee to knock open my legs carelessly, and settled himself between my legs so that his length - which was just about to break out of his zipper - rested perfectly against my core.

I groaned against his mouth, and thrust my hips up into him, desperate for the friction.

He chuckled, and nipped roughly at my lower lip. "Eager, cutie?" His eyes looked heavy-lidded as he began to raise and drop his hips against me, and _ohgodohgodohgod that felt so freaking good._

I growled in frustration, wanting my hands freed so that I could freely touch him.

_I wanted to make sure he was real._

"You aren't imaginary," I chanted, closing my eyes as I panted the words.

"Fuck no I'm not." Jace paused his movements. "If I wasn't real, could I do this?" He pulled one hand away from where it held my wrists in an iron lock, and slipped it under my skirt.

I screamed, and immediately crossed my legs.

He paused his hand, resting it on my bare thigh. "Cutie," he murmured, dropping his face into my neck and pressing a surprisingly soft kiss against my sweaty skin, "relax. It'll feel fucking awesome, believe me." He smirked against my neck. "I've done this enough to know what I'm doing."

I swallowed, and slowly uncrossed my legs.

Jace began whispering in my ear as his hand traveled up and up and - Oh.

It felt...weird.

Then his finger ran down my whole slit, slowly.

My head flew back, and I bit my bottom lip hard enough to draw blood as I tried to stifle my screams.

Jace chuckled lowly, and nibbled on my ear. "Does that feel good, cutie?" He asked, his voice husky as he pressed his whole palm against me and gave a little flick with his fingers, causing me to writhe and moan beneath him, begging incoherently.

"Jace," I whimpered. _"God."_

He hummed, and slid a finger inside - _"OhmyfreakinggodJACE!"_

"Who would've thought you were a screamer?" He shook his head, and began to thrust his finger faster and harder, his thumb pressing against me, and God, the pressure felt _amazing._

He added another finger, and I had to throw my head up and sink my teeth into his neck, biting and sucking to muffle my shrieking at the intensity of having two fingers inside of me.

"You're a fucking wildcat in bed, cutie."

I released his neck, and dropped my head back onto my pillow, gasping for breath.

Jace pulled his fingers out, and I let out a cry of protest.

"Don't worry." He winked at me. "I'm not through with you yet."

He ducked under the covers.

I frowned, still panting. _What was he doing?_

Then his head went up my dress.

"Oh no." I closed my eyes. "Jace, that's gross. I pee out of there..."

He pushed my skirt up, and looked at me. "You sucked my cock," he pointed out. "It's only fair that I return the favor..." Before I could protest, his mouth was suddenly _there,_ and he was nibbling, his tongue lapping at me like a kitten.

Everything went kind of blurry after that. There was the smugness of his eyes as he looked up at me as he pressed his tongue roughly against me, fast and slow. There was the silkiness of his hair as I braided my fingers through his curls and ground his face into me, demanding that he finished me off.

I know I was screaming. Really loudly.

Then there was that wave of _heaven,_ and liquid gushed out and onto Jace's face. He buried his face back into me, still licking.

I sighed blissfully. Then froze.

"Oh, no!" I tried to sit up, but Jace wouldn't let me. "Did I pee on you?"

His eyes widened.

"Fuck, Wayland. You just ate out a seven-year-old," Maia's disgusted voice reached my ears.

I screamed, this time not in pleasure.

I shoved Jace's head away, and yanked my dress down and the covers up: Maia, Sebastian, Mr. Verlac, Jordan, and Alec stood in the doorway staring at us.

Jordan's arm was wrapped around Maia's waist, and he was looking down at her instead of Jace and I. _At least they're back to being the perfect couple._

"Why is it you're always walking in on Jace doing something sexy and inappropriate to me?" I demanded, crossing my arms and turning red.

Maia snickered.

Sebastian looked angry. "We heard screaming," he said. "Clary, it sounded like you were being murdered."

Maia choked. "Her virginity was the only thing about to get murdered, Verlac," she giggled. "Stabbed to death."

I scowled. "That's disgusting! Jace would never stick a dagger in there." I paused. "Would you?"

Alec was looking green. "I can't believe he had his face in there," he said, disgusted.

Mr. Verlac cleared his throat. "Mr. Wayland?"

Jace raised his head, face glistening with...if that was pee, I was going to die. "Yeah?"

"Care to explain what it was, exactly, that you were doing?"

Jace grinned, looking mischievous when he did so. "Having my desert before dinner," he said casually, shrugging.

Maia made a gagging sound. "Speaking of dinner, you two just killed my appetite."

Jace looked at her, innocently. "What appetite?"

Maia stiffened, and Jordan's face darkened with rage. "You son of a motherfucker," he growled.

Jace smiled sweetly. "At least my parents didn't abandon me."

Jordan gave a shout, and threw himself at Jace, gray eyes glowing with hatred.

"Enough!" Mr. Verlac clapped his hands. "Mr. Wayland..." he gave Jace a warning look.

Sebastian rolled his eyes. "Wayland, your fucking mother abandoned you, so stop acting like a jackass," he sneered.

Jace froze.

I blinked. "Sebastian? Are you an idiot?" I demanded, just before Jace became a blur, and then all of a sudden was on top of Sebastian, and was punching him, over and over.

Mr. Verlac was yelling and ordering Jace to get off of his son, but Jace's anger was never ending, and his punches didn't stop.

It took Jordan and Alec both to pull Jace off Sebastian, and slammed him against the wall on the other side of the room.

Maia sat next to me, and shuddered. "Damn, he's angry," she whispered.

I nodded, unable to tear my eyes away from Jace; his back was against the wall, two pairs of hands pressed against his chest. His face was contorted into a furious snarl, and he was breathing heavily, his eyes glowing.

He looked beautiful and terrifying.

Sebastian's face was covered in blood, and his nose was bent the wrong way, and both eyes were swollen shut.

I looked away.

Mr. Verlac toed his son. "Get up and go to the infirmary," he said. "Be a man, Sebastian."

Sebastian whimpered and crawled out of the room, his face twisting into a pained expression as he did so.

Mr. Verlac took a deep breath, and looked at Jace. "You're in deep trouble, Mr. Wayland," he said, his voice dangerous. "I've warned you several times that you needed to get control over your emotions, and yet you refuse to listen." He looked at me. "And you, go to my office."

I swallowed, remembering what Maia had said about him wanting to speak to me about my...incident. "O-okay."

"Mr. Wayland, you go too."

I grabbed my teddy bear and slowly walked out of the room, and paused, waiting for Jace.

He slammed the door behind him, and shoved his hands inside his pockets. "Lets go."

I nodded, and began to follow him as he led me down the stairs.

"Jace?"

He didn't look at me. "What?"

"Will you miss me when I'm gone?"

"No."

"Oh." That kinda hurt my feelings. "I'll miss you."

He was quiet again.

"Jace?"

His shoulders tensed. "What?"

"How many girls have you had sex with?"

"Why do you want to know?"

"I was just wondering. In case you were wondering, I haven't had sex with anyone."

"Obviously."

"So?"

"So what?"

He opened Mr. Verlac's door, and I followed him in.

"How many girls have you had sex with?"

He threw himself down onto an armchair. "Enough so that you don't mean anything."

I pressed the Baron against my face, hiding behind him, just like Jace said I would.

And I began to cry, silently.

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"Are you crying?" Jace looked surprised.

I nodded, burying my face into the Baron.

"Why?"

I sniffled, and looked up at him. "Because you're mean to me," I told him in a wobbly voice. "And if I didn't love you, I think I would've cut your throat in your sleep, you SOB."

Jace sighed. "Stop crying."

I glared at him through my blurred vision. "Stop telling me what to do."

He rolled his eyes. "Stop being stubborn."

"Stop having sex."

Jace looked at me. "Did you really just say that?"

I looked away.

"Cutie, stop crying." Jace picked at something on his shirt. "I'll do something that'll make you really happy."

I wiped at my eyes. "You'll come with us?" I asked hopefully.

"Hell no." Jace shook his head.

"What is it?" I asked, suddenly cautious.

He smirked slyly. "You'll find out."

I rubbed at my eyes. "You're supposed to be nice to me," I pointed out. "It's my birthday."

Jace blinked. "I was nice," he said. "I ate you out, didn't I?"

"You made me cry," I told him.

"You made me horny," he retorted. "And I haven't gotten ass in days. I have a right to be pissy."

"I'm sorry. If it makes you feel any better, I haven't gotten any butt in sixteen years."

Jace closed his eyes. "Don't tempt me, cutie."

I looked at his lap. "Seriously?" He was hard again?

He scowled. "I need to get laid," he muttered.

I opened my mouth to tell him he didn't need to get laid, he just needed to take anger management classes, when Mr. Verlac walked in.

He crossed his arms and looked down his nose at us. "Ms. Fray. Mr. Wayland." He nodded. "You two are very lucky that I have an important meeting to go to." He narrowed his eyes at us. "But I'm keeping an eye on you both. If there's anything, _anything _at all that happens in this Institute that involves murder or torture...I'll have you both put into the Mental Health Care."

Jace closed his eyes and I frowned, confused. "The what?"

"Where you went, yesterday." Jace opened his eyes. "That was the Mental Health Care. You're constantly being drugged with something so that you don't act up. Most of the time the drugs put you through the most painful hell you'll experience."

My stomach dropped; it sounded like he'd been in there before.

"It's where the kids who aren't crazy go." Jace shrugged. "But you're better off living in here than just barely existing in there."

Mr. Verlac nodded. "And that's where you two will be going if you don't get your acts together. Got it?"

We both nodded.

"Get out of here."

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"Can you at least give me a hint?" I pleaded as I neared to dining room.

Jace rolled his eyes. "It involves Sebastian," he said.

I gaped at him. "What're you going to do?" I breathed.

He shook his head. "It's a surprise."

I stomped my foot and he smirked. "Meanie!"

He shrugged and walked up the stairs, leaving me in front of the dining room door, wondering what the heck he was going to do.

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><p><strong>-Song rec: "The Ballad of Mona Lisa" Panic! At The Disco<strong>

**-Favorite scene?**

**-What do you think Jace is going to do to Sebastian?**

**-Smut?**

**-Who's your favorite character so far in this FanFic?**

**-I was so fucking sad that I didn't have enough time to write a Halloween oneshot! :( I'd started and it was super scary and gory and smutty, but I didn't finish in time...Maybe next year. :/**

**-Review**


	15. Chapter 15

**I am very sorry. **:(

**I am alive. **(Wtf lol)

**I forgot to thank my beta in the last chapter, but thanks babe you're the best!:***

**(This chapter wasn't beta'd because I wanted to update as soon as possible, so I apologize for any errors)**

**Someone asked if I do research for my characters and their disorders...I actually didn't. But I probably should :x Also, someone asked why I don't have a schizophrenic character, since they're pretty common. I didn't because everyone knows about them, and I wanted to expose and explore writing a different variety of disorders, that aren't usually touched up on as much as others, if that makes sense. **

**And lastly, if you're still reading this story even though I neglected it for like ever, you are awesome and I love you very much:) In a totally creepy way.**

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><p><strong>Rated M for: ViolenceGore/FUCKING LANGUAGE...no smut this chapter, sorry:/**

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><p><strong>Also...this story is, obviously, very explicit. So it's in danger of being taken down by the Self-Righteous Nazi Prudes of FanFiction. It'd be awesome if y'all helped kick those bastards's asses 'cause a lot of awesome shit on FanFiction is explicit, and it'd be unfair and a damn shame for them to be taken down:**

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: Cassie owns the characters. I just make 'em crazy;<strong>**)**

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><p><strong>Clary<strong>

...

**Bugs and Presents**

...

...

"We need to talk."

I narrowed my eyes and scrunched up my face in what I hope was an intimidating expression. I moved my hands so that they were placed awkwardly on my hips, and I straightened my back in an effort to make myself taller.

Which is hard to do when you're only 5".

Izzy made a grunting noise, chewing on her elbow - how the heck was she able to _do _that? - and completely ignoring me.

"Izzy, come _on._" I dug my nails into the palms of my hands in exasperation. "Please just listen."

She rolled over on to her back, legs up in the air as she sniffed her hair in curiosity.

_Why doesn't anybody ever just _listen _to me?_

"If you can't act like a stable _human _being..." I trailed off, staring at Izzy as she pawed aimlessly up at the ceiling, tongue hanging out of her mouth. "Then you can't run away with us."_  
><em>

Her head tilted a little to the side as she finally acknowledged me, eyes glazed and her nostrils flaring.

"Izzy?"

She scrambled up into a crouch, and crawled over to where I was perched on the bottom of the staircase. Pressing her face into my stomach, she let out a soft purr, rubbing her nose against me.

I swallowed noisily, and ran my hand over her head. Who was I kidding? There was no way I'd be able to leave her behind, no matter how risky it would be.

_And she didn't have any bugs._

I shuddered. Poor Maia...It must've felt terrible to have a bunch of nasty little beetles crawling around inside of your flesh.

"Do you think I have bugs inside of me too?" I glanced down at Izzy, suddenly feeling a little panicky. "Do you think that's why I'm crazy?"

Izzy licked my cheek.

I pushed her off of me and stood up. "Oh my God..." I could _feel _them, crawling and scampering beneath my skin, beneath my eyelids and creating hallucinations.

_They're inside of me._

_Oh my God I have bugs in my body._

I let out a whimper, raking my nails down my arms and my face, clawing at my skin in desperate attempts to get rid of the bugs. I could hear Izzy snarl as she worriedly scratched and nipped at my ankles.

Flinching away from her, I blindly raced up the stairs, still scratching at my face, neck and eyes.

Maggots were poking and squirming around in my mouth, ants were crawling down my throat and spiders were dancing along the flesh of my torso.

_"JACE." _Why was it always his name I called? "Somebody...help me. _Please._"

I found myself retching by the time I pushed open the bathroom door, and collapsing on to a sink. A slug fell out of my mouth.

Still gagging, I looked up at the mirror hanging above the sink; while I had been clawing away at my face, I had torn open the scar wounds, and now blood was tracking down my face in scarlet ribbons.

Maggots were beginning to gnaw through my cheeks, and I nearly vomited at the sight.

I could hear the faint sound of a stall door slamming open, and a girl's voice. "What the _hell_? Are you okay?"

Tremors racked through my body, and I clutched the edges of the sink as I threw up beetles, ants and more maggots. Sweat dampened my forehead, causing the opened cuts to sting, I could feet ants scampering in between my teeth, and there was no way Jace was ever going to hug me _or _kiss me after this. I gave a hiccuping sob, and another slug fell out.

"Oh shit, oh shit, oh _shit." _The girl sounded like she was close to hyperventilating. "Are you dying?"

I turned the faucets and splashed cold water on my face. "I hope so."

She didn't answer.

Twisting around to see if she was still there, I saw a pale blonde girl sitting cross-legged on the floor with her arms wrapped tightly around herself as she trembled and gasped, eyes wide and terrified.

I opened my mouth to ask her what was wrong, but I ended up choking on a particularly large cockroach that had found it's way in my mouth.

She buried her face in her arms, and I watched as she inhaled deeply, trying to calm down.

"Freak."

I started, before whipping around to find Jonathon leaning against a sink across from me, eyeing the girl with scorn.

"What?" I managed to croak out, wiping blood out of my eyes so I could get a better look at him. My stomach tightened; absolutely nothing. No sign that he was a figment of my imagination. He looked _real. _

"Her. Has a fucking panic attack over the littlest things." He shook his head in disgust. "You're just as emotional as she is, now that I think about it." His eyes slid away from her and on me, openly leering. "But you're still prettier."

"You're not real."

I squeezed my eyes closed. _Disappear. _I opened them, and felt disappointment wash over me at the sight of him still standing there.

Jonathon chuckled. "I am to you, though." His mouth curled in a sneer. "So it doesn't matter what anybody else sees."

Crap. He had a point there.

"I have these..._things _inside of me, Jonathon." I gestured helplessly at the insects. "They're making me sick. They make me see things."

The girl looked at me. "You're not going to kill me, are you?" She looked absolutely horrified.

Jonathon let out a snort. "I will if you don't calm the fuck down," he muttered, aiming a kick at her head.

I shot him a glare. "Stop being a bully," I scolded him. I looked down at the girl. "No, why?"

She tucked her knees beneath her chin. "'Cause everyone here seems to do that. And you talk with Jace a lot." A quick look of longing passed across her face. "And Maia. She's scary."

I frowned. "No, she's my scary best friend. You're just a freaky, weak pansy." As soon as the words left my mouth, I quickly clapped hand over my lips, shocked.

Jonathon clapped enthusiastically. "You tell her, Clarissa," he cheered.

She gaped at me, but quickly recovered. "Fuck you," she sneered. "At least Jace likes _me _more than _you._" She smirked, looking smug.

My fingers curled into fists, and I could feel myself stiffen. "No, he doesn't." _He didn't call her cutie or Sparky, did he? He didn't sic cannibalistic Asian girls on her, did he? He didn't leave presents for her, did he?_

"He sure fucked me like he did."

The next thing I knew, I was on top of her and punching her and scratching her and biting her like I'd been possessed by Izzy.

_"Ow!" _She shrieked as I tried to tear her ear off her head with my teeth. "What the fuck is wrong with you? _Get off of me!"_

"I love him," I growled at her, my hands encircling around her neck as I began to squeeze. "Why you? Why can _you_ have him but _I _can't?"

"Um, Clarissa..." Jonathon raised an eyebrow. "Nobody likes the Green Monster. It's kind of turning me off, and I haven't seen girl-on-girl action in forever." He pointed at his groin.

She was beginning to gasp for breath, round blue eyes staring up at me in terror. I felt a rush of delight run through me at the sight. _Good. _She was scared of me.

"You stay the hell away from him," I spat out, glaring down at her.

A worm made it's way out of my nostril, and I flicked it away irritably. "I changed my mind," I announced. "I am going to kill you." I glanced up at Jonathon. "Do you think I should?"

He grinned. "Hell yeah."

.

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><p>.<p>

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.

I think I should've felt more guilty.

...I didn't though.

Staring down at the blonde girl's body from where I'd stashed it into one of the stalls, I felt nothing but satisfaction.

"I think this place is screwing with me," I told Jonathon, glancing over my shoulder at him. "I just killed her. Because she had sex with the guy I'm in love with."

Jonathon shrugged. "Well, if you think you're being screwed, why not have the full experience?" He wiggled his eyebrows at me, and I rolled my eyes.

"What should I do with her?" I looked back at the corpse. "Leave her on the toilet?"

He bumped his shoulder against mine. "I have a better idea."

.

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I dragged her body down the stairs and to Jace's bedroom, Jonathon following me.

"Do you think he loved her?" I looked down at her, biting my lip. "I mean, he had sex with her, so he must've liked her a little, right?"

Jonathon sighed heavily. "I don't fucking know, and I couldn't give a shit either way."

"-I bet he ate her out all the time...what if she tasted better than me? Do you think he got her lots of presents?" Jealousy shriveled in my stomach, and I could taste bile in my mouth. "That slut."

"Jace or her?"

I gave her arm a twist, relishing in the cracking sound as I broke it. I pouted a little when I remembered she wouldn't be able to feel it.

"M'lady." Jonathon opened the door to Jace's room with a bow.

"What a gentlemen," I praised him, patting his arm and leaving a bloody-handprint. "Help me put her on his bed."

We dumped her unceremoniously on the bed, and I broke one of her fingers when I remembered that Jace probably had sex with her on his bed, and probably had put more care into dropping her on it than I had.

I stared at her for a moment. "She was pretty."

Jonathon gave her a considering look. "I'd hit that," he decided.

Instantly recoiling away from him, I gave him a horrified look. "You'd hit a girl?" Well, he'd tried to strangle me, but that was beside the point.

He gave me an exasperated look. "That's not what that means," he huffed. "And don't look at me like that. _You _killed her."

I spluttered. "That is completely irrelevant!" I gave him a shove. "Girls are like butterflies. Fragile and pretty." I crossed my cut up arms and gave him an indignant glare.

"Butterflies, huh?"

I jerked away from Jonathon in surprise at the sound of the husky voice coming from the doorway.

"That might explain why I enjoy ripping their wings off so much." A smirk covered his face, golden eyes leering at me.

Until they fell on the body on his bed.

"What the fuck?" He straightened away from the door frame, which he'd been leaning on. "You wanna explain why there's a dead bitch on my bed, cutie?"

I turned around to give Jonathon a pleading look, but he'd disappeared. I groaned inwardly. That unreliable jerk face.

"Not really."

He crossed his arms and scowled at me. "Tough shit. Explain." Seeing the hesitation on my face, he snapped out, _"Now."_

"I-I," _darn nerves. _I gave up and let my gaze drop to the floor. "You had sex with her." I winced at the blatant hurt and jealousy in my voice.

His voice was flat. "You killed her." It wasn't a question.

_"Let...go..." she managed to choke out, hands grabbing at me, trying to get me to let her go. _

_My voice was cold when I answered. "No." _

_I lifted her head up, before knocking it back down and cracking it against the marble tiles. "What do you have," I asked her curiously, as I ripped the rest of her ear off, where it was already half-torn from where I'd tried to chew it off, "that I don't?"_

_She let out a scream, thrashing beneath me. _

_"Not an ear," Jonathon threw in helpfully. "Maybe you should try her eyes?"_

_"Shut up," I snapped at him as I pulled out my knife. "Don't tell me what to do." God. I was so _sick _of people telling me what to do. I quickly forgot all about that though, when I looked back down at her terrified expression._

_"You'll never touch him again," I promised, before grabbing her right hand and slowly sliced every single finger off._

_She sobbed and yelled, her back arching off the floor as blood spurted out and all over my clothes and face. _

_I pulled up her shirt, and dug the knife into her abdomen, carving the words "why her" into her skin. _

_"I just want him to love me," I explained to her, slashing at her ribs angrily. "And he never will. Because he hates me and he wants to have sex with everyone but me." _

_Jonathon yawned. "Oh, the angst." He rolled his eyes. "Are you almost done? I'm down with the kinky lesbian porn, but this is too bloody for me to even get a wiggle." He looked down at his...non-wiggler. _

_"I don't know what to do now." I paused, staring down at her. _

_A puddle of blood had formed beneath her, and she had stopped her thrashing by now. _

_"I think she's in shock," Jonathon remarked, glancing down at her. _

_"Should I just...stab her?" I turned over my bloody dagger in my hands, considering._

_"Oh, for the love of..." Jonathon brought his foot down on her neck, and a snapping noise filled the bathroom. "Done."_

I blinked away the memory, and shook my head. "Jonathon did."

Jace raised an eyebrow, his face stony. "Jonathon killed Celine."

Wringing my hands nervously, I looked away from him. "Yes."

He sighed, and made his way over to the bed, sitting down next to the corpse. "Why did he kill her?"

I shrugged. "He wasn't wiggling."

Jace gave me an incredulous look, and I blushed. "Why did you sleep with her?" I blurted the question before I could stop myself, and I inwardly kicked myself. _Nobody likes the Green Monster, Clarissa._

He looked over at Celine. "I was horny, she was there and desperate..." He gave a shrug. "Why does it even matter? You already knew before you met her that I like to fuck."

"I know, but..." I stopped myself. He didn't care. And what could I say? _But I don't want you to have sex with anybody but me._

Wishful thinking like that would have to be kept in the little treasure chest with unicorns and mothers that loved me and daddies that didn't try to hurt me.

"Unless that's what you wanted, of course." Something glinted in his eyes, something dangerous, and his expression turned predatory. "Is that what you wanted, cutie?"

He stood up and moved so that his chest was pressed against mine, and his head bent down so it would be impossible for me to look away.

"You want me to fuck you?" He pushed his hips forward, grinding against me. "Right here. I bet you'd love for me to fuck you into the floor, wouldn't you, Sparky?"

It was ridiculous. I _should _have wanted it. Usually, when he pulled crap like this, I did want it.

But I didn't feel wanting, I felt scared.

I didn't like how he was looking at me.

He was _angry. _Always so angry. And as much as I cared about him...I didn't want him touching me like that when he was angry and flaunting my jealousy in my face like this.

"No, actually." I tried to move away from him, but his hands shot out and wrapped tightly around my arms.

"Where do you think you're going?" He demanded in a low, harsh voice. "Isn't this what you wanted? To fuck you instead of those girls?"

"Jace..." I cursed myself as I felt myself starting to tremble. "You're hurting me."

"Oh, I'm sorry." He tightened his grip. "But you'll still love me, won't you? So fucking _stupid,_" he spat out. "Loving things that are going to kill you."

"Let go of me."

"You have blood on you." Jace narrowed his eyes. "I don't think anybody would notice the difference if I made you bleed a little bit more, do you?"

I swallowed roughly, not taking my eyes away from him. _Don't be scared, _I told myself, taking a deep breath. _Don't be scared._

"I'm not scared of you," I told him, my voice confident. My shaking kinda killed the act of fearlessness though.

He smiled meanly. "Sure you aren't." His nails dug into the skin of my arms, and I bit my lip to keep from crying out.

"You aren't going to hurt me," I told him. "You don't want to be like your father-"

"Shut _up!" _He gave me a shake, and his eyes lit with an amber fire. "You don't know _shit _about my dad, little girl," he bit out. "Compare me to him again, I swear to God I'll break your spine in half."

I choked back a sob when his nails dug into the cuts I'd already inflicted on myself. "Did you love her?" I asked, desperately trying to distract myself from the pain. "Celine?"

His expression didn't change. "No."

It was selfish, but I couldn't stop the relief I felt that followed. "Are you going to miss her?"

He sighed. "Really, cutie, jealousy is such a pointless emotion. Give it up."

I inwardly did a happy dance. _He's sounding like Jace again. _"How would you know?" I demanded. "It's not like _you_ have feelings."

Jace smirked, and ground his hard on against my thigh. "You don't need feelings for sex, Sparky."

"Well, _I_ do," I told him. "I'm not going to have sex with you." I paused. "You aren't going to..._force_ me, are you?"

He looked disgusted. "Are you kidding?" He let go of me, and I hurriedly backed away to his bedroom door, rubbing the feeling back into my bruised arms. "Don't come into my room unless you have a legitimate reason."

"Jace?"

He wasn't looking at me, and I could see his muscles flex and tense beneath his shirt. "What?"

"I...can't find your present." I cringed at the way my voice cracked and broke. _Pathetic._

He ran a hand through his curls. "Tough shit. Get the fuck outta my room." His voice was quiet, but it cracked through the room like a whip.

I nodded. "O-okay. Sorry for the bloodstains on your bed," _he's probably used to those, _"bye."

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><p>.<p>

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"You killed _Celine?" _Maia stared at me with wide hazel eyes. "Damn, girl. Kudos." She held up a fist. I scissored her rock, and she just chuckled and shook her head. "As bad as it is to speak ill of the dead..." she shook her head again. "That bitch annoyed the hell outta me. I can understand her having an anxiety problem, shit, I've had plenty of panic attacks myself." She looked at me, lips pursed. "But that girl was just a pussy. Disorder or no."

I bit into my apple, staring up at the stars as she continued about her dislike for Celine.

"...And it was a fucking _mouse. _I was like, 'Oh, shit, a mouse', but that hoe just passed out after this whole porno-breathing thing . So I had to kill the mouse my own damn self-"

"I killed her because she slept with Jace."

Maia trailed off, and looked over at me. "For real?"

I nodded, resting my head against the oak tree we were sitting under, eating our dinners. "She walked in on me trying to get the bugs out of my body and it just came up."

She looked down at her bandaged arms. "Bugs?"

I drew my legs up to my chest. "I could feel them, Maia," I whispered. "They were trying to eat my insides. I had to get them out."

Her eyes were sympathetic as she stroked a comforting hand over my injured arms. "I'm sorry, Scar-Face. You don't deserve this shit."

My head fell on her shoulder, and she petted my hair. "We're gonna get out of here, soon," she promised. "This place is driving us all crazy."

"Yeah." I nuzzled my face against her collarbone. "Has Jordan ever hurt you, Maia?"

Her hand stilled. "Yes."

"But he loves you."

"Of course." She resumed her strokes.

"Why do you let him hurt you?"

Maia sighed. "I'm not making excuses for Mr. Kyle," she murmured. "And he knows the shit he's done is beyond wrong. But we can't help who we love, Scar-Face."

I swallowed. "Does he do it a lot?"

"No. Most of the time, he'll punch the wall. Really, he's probably hit me like, twice in all the time we've been together. And he's never hit me so hard that it leaves a mark. Jordan just..." she shrugged. "He's here for his psychotic rage, I guess you could say. Drugs calm him down, but we don't got none of that here."

"Oh." I soaked that information in. "Do you think Jace hates me?"

Maia groaned. "Are you still hung up on that freak?" I didn't answer, and she released a long breath. "I think he's confused."

I looked up at her. "Why?"

She grinned. "Because you love him. And nobody's loved that boy in a long while. I'm not saying you should try to get with Blondie, but don't let what he says get to you."

"Okay. Thanks Maia." I crunched on the apple. "You're a good friend."

She dimpled. "I know. Now be a doll and throw away my trash, would you?"

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><p>.<p>

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Jordan walked with Maia and I up the stairs and to my room, both of his arms slung over our shoulders.

I found myself surprisingly comfortable; he was warm and smelled nice, like Old Spice. Not as warm and nice as Jace, but then again, I don't think anybody was.

"You guys don't have to..." I started, but Jordan cut me off with a light squeeze of my shoulders.

"It's kind of mandatory," he told me, grinning crookedly, "once you've caught the attention of one of the biggest sociopaths in this place."

I found myself smiling back. "You don't think I can take care of myself?"

Maia snorted. "When it comes to Pretty Boy? _Hell _no."

Jordan kissed her temple. "It's not her fault. Hormones make us all do crazy shit, May."

I poked his ribs. "I like you. You're nice when you aren't acting like an angry psycho."

Compared to how he'd been earlier...I watched how he treated Maia more carefully than usual, constantly touching her and kissing her bandages to make sure she was alright.

He nodded. "And you're cool when you aren't butchering my girl."

"You think I'm _cool?_" I gawked at him, and Maia giggled.

"Sure." Jordan came to a halt when we reached Izzy and I's bedroom. "Which is lucky for you, 'cause we're gonna be living together when we leave."

"Good night, Scar-Face." Maia blew me a kiss, and dragged Jordan back down the stairs.

I sighed, happier than I'd been in what seemed like _forever_.

Pushing open the door, Izzy immediately started croaking and frog-jumped over to where I stood in the doorway.

"Sorry for ditching you," I told her, handing her the snickers bar Alec had assured me was her second-favorite food...next to human flesh, apparently. "I had something to deal with."

_"Ribbit."_

"Right. Sorry." I snapped the chocolate bar in half, before dropping it to the floor.

Her tongue flew out, catching the chocolate before it hit the ground, and swallowed it whole. _"Ribbit."_

I dropped the second half for her, and walked around her as she again caught the bar before it could touch the ground.

Eyes half-opened, I made my way to my bed and was about to just throw myself on to it, but froze at the body already laying there.

His eyes were still wide open and terrified. For once. The people in this asylum and their eyes, I swear...

The mouth, it looked like, had been twisted in a pained grimace, as though to keep from screaming. Before someone had taken a knife and had carved from the corners of his mouth and into a smile that reached up above his cheekbones, looking eerie and maniacal.

I looked down; a large red ribbon had been tied around his torso, with a little envelope resting on the bow.

Picking up the envelope, I quickly tugged off the ribbon, which as a result, exposed his naked chest.

Engraved into his skin, covered with dried blood, were the words: _Property of Sparky.__  
><em>

I couldn't help the smile that I felt tugging at my lips.

Opening the envelope, a small scrap of notebook paper, a small jar, a box of matches, and a lighter fell out.

_More presents...I'm beginning to spoil you, cutie. _

_I took the liberty of pouring lighter fluid over the little shit. Light him up when you want._

_P.S. Since you have a dumbass death wish and continue to hurt yourself, the jar has ointment for your arms and face._

I let out a loud squeal, clutching the letter to my chest.

Izzy let out a curious croak.

"Izzy, he killed Sebastian!" I pointed at the corpse. "And he gave me these!" I waved the ointment and fire starters enthusiastically.

She stuck out her tongue.

I turned back to Sebastian. "Should I set him on fire now?" I bit my lip. "He's beginning to stink up the room..."

Izzy hopped over to the bed, and flicked her tongue in his ear.

"Eww, Izzy." I shooed her away. "He's mine to play with. Find another dead body to lick."

She let out an indignant ribbit, and just to show how she felt about my not sharing, grabbed his ear by her teeth and ripped it off his head. Then she proceeded to hop over to the opposite side of the room and began to eat the ear.

I shook my head, and grabbed Sebastian by his feet and dragging him off of my bed and out of the bedroom.

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><p>.<p>

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I stood in the open field behind the Institute, just outside of the woods.

Sebastian laid on the ground like he was about to make a snow angel. Or a blood angel. I giggled to myself, before striking a match and dropping it on his bellybutton.

The flames licked up along his skin, slowly burning away the carved flesh.

It was possibly one of the most beautiful things I'd ever seen.

I stared as if in a trance, as the corpse of the boy who'd tried to force himself on me, slowly burned to ash.

Reaching into the pocket of my green jacket, I fingered the bumpy stone Jace had given me for my birthday, silently wishing that he could've been there with me, watching as one of his victims get swallowed by the flames he loved so dearly.

The scent of burnt flesh filled the air, but I couldn't find it in me to feel repulsed. Smoke caused my eyes to tear, but I refused to blink them away, transfixed by the sight before me.

I pulled out the jar of ointment, dipping my fingers in the blackish glob of what seemed to be salve.

Shrugging to myself, I rolled up my sleeves and rubbed the ointment over where I'd scratched at myself, and at the bruises Jace had left when he'd grabbed me.

Wincing at the harsh sting, I gingerly applied the salve to the scars that marred my face.

I sighed, sliding the jar back into my pocket and returning my gaze to the fire.

So warm.

Yawning, I found myself slowly settling down onto the grass, dangerously close to the fire so that I could relish in the heat that washed over me.

Curling into an Izzy-roly-poly ball, I pressed my face into my arms, the sound of sparks flying from the flames slowly lulling me to sleep.

I heard a twig snap from inside of the woods, but I was too tired to panic. Too tired to do anything, really, other than tiredly lift my head and squint in the direction the snap had came from.

It was too dark to make out a face, but I thought I saw a flash of gold, and then nothing but darkness again.

I yawned again, and laid back down.

_Probably just my imagination._

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><p>.<p>

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I felt strong, warm arms lift me up of the ground, startling me awake.

"Shh, go back to sleep," a low voice ordered gruffly.

"I'm not tired," I protested. "Put me down before I stab you."

"I'd break your arm before you could reach for your knife."

"...Thank you for the presents."

"Don't mention it."

"No, really thank-"

"When I say don't mention it, I mean if you do I'll cut your tongue and feed it to Isabelle."

"Will you sleep with me?" I asked through a yawn as we entered the Institute and began walking up the stairs.

"What? No. You snore."

"No, I don't-how would you know?" I looked at him suspiciously through heavy-lidded eyes.

"Everyone can hear you," he told me. "You're fucking loud."

I was too tired to argue, and too content in his arms to want to upset him.

His arms sway back and forth, like a cradle, with each step he took.

He set me down on my mattress and was about to leave when I grabbed his hand.

"Jace?"

He pulled his hand away. "What?"

"I love you."

"Go to sleep, Clary."

I pulled the covers up to my chin. "I think you're going to miss me when I'm gone."

"I don't think so."

"It's okay if you're confused, Jace." I hummed sleepily, burrowing myself into my pillow. "I was confused about sex. But now I love the sex things."

"Maia was right." Jace shook his head. "I ate out a kid."

"Mmmh." My eyes closed. "I like kids. They smell clean and powdery."

"You're fucking weird."

"Okay."

"Okay."

"Jace-"

"_Holy fuck, _go to sleep." The door closed as he retreated out of my room.

I smiled in my sleep.

.

.

.

* * *

><p><strong>.<strong>

**.**

**.**

**-Favorite part?**

**-Any recs on disorders? (I already got some, which is fucking cool :))**

**-Song rec "Only Girl In the World" Ellie Goulding's cover.**

**-Yes, Clary and Jace's relationship is _very _unhealthy. But I mean, they're in a freaking asylum, it's not like they're going to be healthy about anything.**

**-Thoughts on gore?**

**-How do you feel about Clary's development? (I'm getting mixed reviews about her lol)**

**-Review**


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